Ghosts that We Knew
by Xxxiiiooo
Summary: Tara was always in Jax's heart... Dribbles about their love story.
1. Chapter 1

Hello!

So, I was sleeping a few days ago and when I woke up, this story was on my mind. I actually dreamt the idea of this story! I tried to dismiss it but it chased me for two days so I had to bring it to life. And I did. I literally wrote for two hours straight and this is what came about. I love it so much that I might continue. Not necessarily this exact thread but short stories of Jax and Tara and their ill-fated love.

The overall product will be titled _Ghosts that We Knew_ , which is a Mumford and Sons song. For those who do not know who Marcus Mumford is, please go ahead and listen to this incredible musician. He is so great that he inspired the music of Adele's _21_ ,which I consider to be one of the greatest albums of all time. Even Adele worships Marcus Mumford and his beautiful voice.

Now, this chapter is called _Tears Dry on Their Own_ , which is a song by the late Amy Winehouse. There is a lot of parallelism between Amy and Wendy so I appropriately titled this short story. I consider both to be very tragic although Wendy is a figment of Kurt Sutter's imagination. Amy was dark and so is the song and so is this short story.

Lastly, for those fans of Boots of Spanish Leather, I finished the story (shocker, I know). I'm in the process of editing the last chapter and then I will post the last chapters to that wonderful story.

So, please read and review. Love you all!

XOXO

 _Tears Dry on Their Own_

There were three instances where the hate she felt for her was so intense that it consumed her. Every fiber in her body burned by the intense hate.

She tried not to hate her. At first, she reasoned that she couldn't succumb to her feelings given that she saved Abel from her own, almost deadly mistake. But the truth remained that Tara had everything Wendy desperately wanted and the hatred just spread like wild fire.

The first time she felt the hatred was the night of Donna's funeral. Wendy knew that Jax was an emotional man. Although he hid his emotions from everyone, she seen how upset he was when he arrived home the night of Donna's death. She saw the pain lingering in his eyes. When they slept together, she thought that they had put everything behind them and that he was willing to give them another try, Donna's death serving as a major wake-up call for him. She doubted he slept that night but she was comforted by his heartbeat while she lay in his chest. Of course, she drifted off to sleep and when she awoke in the middle of the night to feed a crying Abel, she was disappointed to find him long gone, his side of the bed cold, the smell of him and sex lingering in the air.

She tried to talk to him about it the morning afterwards but Jax just brushed it aside much to her disappointed. Of course, Gemma pushed for her to fight for Jax even though deep down in her gut, she knew that she was in a losing war with Tara. Yet, she pushed reason aside and sat next to Gemma in Donna's funeral, like a proud Old Lady. She felt the simmer of her anger awaken when Tara showed up and sat in the opposite end of one of the two aisles. When Jax showed up, lips full of dried blood, Wendy wanted to stand and attend to him but the good old doctor beat her to it. Their kiss was brief but the deeper meaning was clear to anyone who knew the history of Jax Teller and Tara Knowles. Wendy felt the tears stinging in her eyes and the urge to use was greater than ever but she prides herself in not breaking down in front of Samcro and their guests.

Gemma held the after funeral gathering in the clubhouse, where drones of men in kuttes and ladies wearing black spoke in hushed tones so not to upset Opie or Opie's kids or the fussy Abel. Wendy helped as much as possible but her eyes always drifted to the clubhouse door, waiting for Jax's arrival. But he never showed up and as the afternoon turned into night, Wendy became so antsy that Gemma demanded that Wendy take her SUV and fight for her man. Wendy took the keys with shaky hands and she was tempted to take three shots of tequila to calm her nerves but she held her head high and walked out of the clubhouse and rode to hers and Jax's house, her goal to claim her husband even if she had to fight dirty for him.

When she arrived she turned off the ignition and sat for ten minutes in the darken SUV. His bike was in the driveway and all the lights were off. She remembers taking a lot of deep breaths and when she finally got the courage, she got off Gemma's Escalade and walked quietly up to the front door. She knew Jax had the bad habit of not locking his doors and she didn't want to frighten him in case he was asleep so she quietly opened the front door.

Given the old carpeting, her footsteps couldn't be heard and she quietly shut the door. She saw he was laying on the carpeted floor, an old duvet that Gemma stored in their linen closet under him, a white sheet covering the lower end of his body. His back was facing her, the Reaper tattoo she found so sexy staring jauntily at her. She was about to open her mouth to waken him but she heard the soft sighs. It was then that she realized that he wasn't alone and that he wasn't lying still. Quite the opposite actually, as her eyes adjusted to the dark and she noted the dark haired beauty that lay side by side her husband.

She knew how his hips moved when sex was involved and she realized that his hair looked sweaty and his back had a shiny glean to it, the Reaper mocking her. The longer she stood there, rooted to the floor, shocked, the louder the noises became, her moaning and his grunts becoming more passionate as the minutes trickled by. There was a difference though about the way he fucked her. With Wendy, it was all about physical feelings and pleasures. He was determined and borderline rough at times, his eyes always closed, a fact that bothered her at first but she got over it. Wendy use to brag to the croweaters how amazing her sex life was with Jax when they first got together. As time went on, the sex because sporadic at best completely gone by the time she got pregnant with Abel. It was like she and her desperation and evident love disgusted Jax; he could barely look at her or her expanding belly. It was what drove her to do crank while pregnant with his child.

With Tara, he was gentle and soft. She heard him panting her name, like if it was a prayer, the devotion evident in his voice. She felt the knife slide deeper in her gut and soul.

It was when she heard him whisper those three words that she unfroze from her spot by the door. All throughout her relationship with Jax, she dreamed of hearing those words come out of his lips. They never did. Yet with Tara it came out naturally. Tara didn't hesitant to say them back. Jax stopped moving for a minute and Wendy backed out into the shadows to remain hidden from them.

They shifted and Tara was soon on top of her husband, her hips slowly moving to the rhythm of his. They interlocked their hands on top of his chest and Wendy noted how both their eyes remained on one another. Tara's body was beautiful, her breast big and perky enough to make men want to peak at them. Women paid for breasts like hers. Her body was free from stretch marks and her ass looked to be in great, firm shape. There were no scars or evidence of any sort of abuse much less drug abuse. Tara was everything Jax loved in a woman and everything Wendy was not given she just had a baby and still had scars of former track marks.

She felt the tears burning her eyes but if she cried she would sob and her presence would be known so she held them back. She didn't want Jax to be mad at her.

So she watched, as Jax fucked, no made love to another woman. They kept declaring their love for one another and when Tara leaned down to kiss him, their tongues battling for control, Wendy knew they were closed. Jax gracefully flipped them over and one of her legs was thrown over his shoulder. Wendy wanted to close her eyes when Tara started screaming as Jax started chasing both their pleasures. But Wendy was known to make foolish mistakes and watching as her husband and his high school sweetheart reached an orgasm together was once of them.

With Wendy, Jax always rolled off and disposed of the condom as soon as they disconnected. Abel was the exception, since the condom broke and Wendy swore she was on the pill once he realized. Of course she lied and she prayed she ended up pregnant and she did. She remembers crying of happiness once the stick she peed on confirmed she was pregnant. She told Gemma who told Jax who got very pissed at the prospect of being a Dad. Gemma was able to calm him down and by the time he came home after the news, he was cold and dismissive. He packed his bags and walked out the same front door she was standing by.

When Jax got off Tara, she saw he wasn't wearing a condom his penis glistening from Tara's juices. He sat on his hunches and the sheet that once covered them was beside them. She watched has he took that same sheet and started cleaning Tara of the mess he made inside of her the tenderness and love in his eyes making a few of Wendy's tears roll down her cheeks. Tara sat up once he was done and started kissing him passionately and Wendy was surprised to see her husband started to react with the same fervor. Wendy knew this was her opportunity to escape her waking, living hell and she opened the door slowly as she watched her husband rise to the occasion once again. She slipped out the door just as Jax slipped inside Tara again their gasp of pleasure the last thing Wendy heard before shutting the front door quietly.

She as quietly got into Gemma's SUV as she arrived. She drove around for a bit, her tears sometimes blurring her vision. By the time she arrived at the clubhouse, a big party was raging. She thought of Donna and her hatred for Samcro but soon Tara riding her husband eclipsed the memory of the slayed mother. Gemma didn't stick around for Samcro parties and it was late and Abel needed to sleep, so Wendy pulled away from the clubhouse and rode to the Teller-Morrow residence. When she knocked on the door, Gemma opened the door and looked at Wendy with disappointment. It was like Gemma knew that Wendy lost the battle.

She motioned for Wendy to come inside and she made a remark about Tara calling. The good doctor asked if Gemma could watch Abel for the night and Wendy felt the hatred for Tara boil over to the surface. Wendy knew that Jax and Tara wanted to spend the night reconnecting. She bitterly thought about how they would probably spend the whole night fucking and laughing and just being in love and a few more tears slipped out.

Gemma smirked and actually said, "you thought you had a chance against her, didn't you?" Gemma, then shook her head and walked away to return a few minutes later. She gave Wendy a wad of cash. Gemma then told her to wait outside while the prospect came to take her to a motel. Wendy protested and said her son was in the Teller-Morrow residence and she had the right to be with him. Gemma scoffed and glared at Wendy until Wendy lowered her eyes to the floor. Wendy knew she lost the right to call Abel her son in front of Gemma the same say she jammed a needle in her arm. Wendy then mumbled that she was Jax's Old Lady and that she couldn't ride in another man's bike. Gemma walked to the door and opened it. "You are not his Old Lady. Never been, never will; that title has always belonged to Tara. Sorry sweetheart." Wendy, then looked at Gemma. Gemma looked annoyed and she motioned with her head for Wendy to get out. When Wendy stepped outside, Gemma gave her one last look. "Tears are for the weak," and she slammed the door in Wendy's face.

But she never wiped them off her face, even when the prospect arrived to pick her up. She vowed not to hide behind a mask and the prospect gave her a small smile and a look of pity.

The second time her hatred for Tara Knowles boiled to the surface was a few days later.

Even though her mind and heart told her to run as far away from Charming as possible, Wendy couldn't do it. She loved her kid too much. She tried to see him a couple of times but Jax wasn't around much to allow her. For the most part, Gemma always had him and she didn't want to get into it with her. Plus Gemma always scared her. With the cash Gemma gave her, she rented out a car and drove to her former house hoping to catch Jax in there. When she arrived, instead of Jax's bike, she saw Tara's Cutlass and she felt her anger bubbling within her.

She stomped to her front door and tried to open it. The doctor didn't trust the residents of Charming like Jax did since the front door was locked. So Wendy knocked loudly and a few minutes later Tara opened the door. She looked surprised to see Wendy but she quickly stepped aside and allowed for Wendy to come in. Wendy walked right into the living room and her body grew hot when memories of Jax and Tara in the living room came to mind. She turned and saw that Tara had crossed her arms in front of her a look of serenity on her face. Wendy hated her more then.

The doctor was naturally beautiful not a trace of makeup on her face, her hair pulled in a high ponytail. She wore a simple black tank top and jeans. Wendy noted the dark hickey on Tara's neck and beard burns on her collarbone and she was about to tell the good doctor off when Abel started to cry. Tara excused herself and told Wendy to have a seat that Jax should be arriving soon.

Wendy wanted to tell her to fuck off that Abel was her son but Tara had already turned away and was walking towards the nursery. The fact that Tara was familiar with her house made her sad and confused. Abel's cries quieted down and Wendy stood rooted on the spot when she heard the keys turn in the lock. Jax came in, carrying two suitcases in each hand and a duffel bag over his shoulder. He must have taken his truck since she didn't hear the roar of his motorcycle. He looked surprised to see her and he even gave her one of his rare smiles while he greeted her.

He told her he would be back and he walked towards the back taking the bags with him. Part of her still held hope but she knew they were over.

He same back a few minutes later and told her to sit. He sat next to her and faced her a sad smile on his face. He even held her hand as he told her that their marriage was over and that he would always be grateful towards her for Abel. He promised that Abel would be safe with them and Wendy jumped a bit when Jax said them. Jax noticed and he looked embarrassed for a moment. He whispered an apology and mumbled something about Tara being great with Abel.

Wendy got on her feet and was about to scream her frustrations when that woman walked in with her son in her arms. Tara was bouncing him on her chest, her chin on top his small head, a content smile on Abel's face. Wendy's felt the tears rolling down her cheeks and Tara asked her if she wanted to hold him. Wendy nodded her head and Tara gracefully handed over Abel. Abel looked at Wendy with those beautiful blue eyes and Wendy fell in love with her son even more. She knew she had to fight for him, even if her marriage was over.

She was about to tell both Jax and Tara that she wasn't going to go anywhere when Abel started whimpering. Those whimpers soon became desperate cries and Jax held his arms out for his son. Wendy ignored Jax and tried to bounce Abel up and down in her chest, just like Tara was doing moments before. But Abel's cries just became louder and never had Wendy felt like such a failure. Jax took his son in his arms and did the same bouncing thing but Abel couldn't be comforted. He turned towards Tara and she gently took the crying baby in her arms and like magic, Abel's crying became whimpers and then he was silent, a small fist clutching her tank top his eyes daring Jax and Wendy to rip him from Tara's arms once again.

Tara said she was going to make him a bottle and she walked to the kitchen, her soft voice singing some old rock song to Abel.

Jax cleared his throat and Wendy looked at her soon to be ex-husband. Jax, who was Gemma's son, reached into his pocket and gave Wendy a wad of cash. He told her to move to her sober living that all will be fine in Charming. She asked what would happen once she was done with sober living and Jax just shook his head. "We'll cross that bridge once we come to it."

She hated him but she loved him.

She walked out of that house with a heavy heart and she looked through the kitchen window one last time. Tara was there making silly faces at her giggling son. She saw Jax walk in and he placed a kiss on his son's head and then on Tara's lips. Their kiss lingered and Abel squealed making Jax pull away. He said something that had Tara laughing and all three of them looked so happy in the same kitchen were she almost OD'd to death.

As Wendy walked to her rental, the tears were still rolling and she fucking swore she never hated anyone as much as she hated Tara Knowles. Not even her prostitute of a mother and Charlie, her mother's lover who molested Wendy all throughout her teenage years.

The third time her hatred for Tara boiled over was a few months later. She had been away from Charming for over a year and Wendy was proud she had gotten her shit together. She was going to classes at a community college and she was clean and sober. She even started dating women, Jax Teller scarring her for life.

She heard that Jax was in jail for a felony. She still had a few friends who were croweaters that called her once in a while to give her an update on Abel. As soon as she heard he went in, she went to see a lawyer. The lawyer asked the appropriate questions but when Wendy told her that Abel almost died due to her drug abuse the lawyer gave Wendy a sad smile. But Wendy insisted that Abel should be with her and the lawyer politely asked who was taking care of Abel. Wendy admitted that it was more likely Tara, the successful surgeon who saved Abel's life.

The lawyer then was brusquely honest and told Wendy that she would never win a battle against the brilliant doctor, if Wendy decides to take her to court. Wendy had just gotten sober after an extensive history of drug abuse and was barely standing on her own two feet. Tara was a successful surgeon who had save not only her son but probably countless others. A judge would favor the doctor not a recovering junkie.

Wendy arrived to her small, dark apartment in tears but she swore she'll do better for her son. About two months later, she opened her mailbox and saw a massive manila envelop. She opened it as soon as she walked into her apartment and the legal papers were a slap to her face.

They wanted her to give up her rights as a parent. She felt furious and outraged and she was about to rip the papers to shreds when a smaller manila envelope fell on the floor. She placed the legal papers on the coffee table and opened the other manila envelope.

There was a hand written letter and a picture of Abel. He was laughing in the picture, his two small lower teeth fully on display. Wendy was astounded to see that Abel looked just like Jax, no traces of her anywhere in the baby's face. Her heart grew heavy as she opened the letter, the neat handwriting being an indicator that it was Tara who wrote the letter not Jax.

In it she admitted to being pregnant with Jax's second son and Wendy wasn't shocked given what she witnessed the night of Donna's funeral. Tara wrote that Abel was growing beautifully and stronger with each passing day. Tara wrote that he was safe and was growing up in a loving home. She asked Wendy to do the right thing by signing over her rights. She and Jax loved the little boy and would only provide stability that Wendy couldn't due to her history of drug abuse and neglect. She even pointed out that Abel had the right to grow up with his little brother. Tara said that if there were a day Wendy wanted to come by and see the boy to let her know and that she would talk to Jax. Tara promised to never fully shut the door on a Wendy and Abel relationship unlike Jax who didn't want Wendy anywhere near his son.

Wendy ripped Tara's letter to shreds, not finishing it growing angrier by the minute.

Tara Knowles had everything she ever wanted including her son and the only man she has ever loved.

She was so blinded by her anger that she walked to the nearest liquor store and bought the biggest bottle of whiskey she could find.

She walked back to her apartment and was about to take a swing of the liquor when she saw Abel's picture. Instead of drinking, she put the bottle down and stared at the picture of her son. He looked happy and healthy and the guilty of almost killing him was eating her alive.

So before she lost her courage, she picked up a pen and signed the damn papers and walked them to the nearest post office.

When she arrived back to her apartment she emptied the bottle of booze in the sink and called her sponsor. She still wasn't right and she needed the help.

But she swore she'll be better for kid and that one day she'll return for him, Jax Teller and Tara Knowles be damn.

She promised herself that over and over again until part of her started believing it. But the other part knew that she would never measure up to the great Tara Knowles. Not to Jax and most of all not to Abel, who clearly loved the woman who saved his life.

And in the pit of her stomach, Wendy knew she would always be second best to the good old doctor—and for that she will always hate Tara Knowles.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note:

Whatever happened to Abel Teller once he left Charming?

 _Demons_

It took him a long time to get to where he is now but he is glad he took the journey.

He stood looking at their graves and felt the familiar pang in his heart he always felt when he thought of his slayed mother.

When he was a kid, his mother always said that he was an exceptionally bright child. She used to smile whenever she said he could do whatever he wanted and that he would succeed. Unbeknownst to her, his intelligence got him far just like she predicted. But he didn't use his intelligence to go to school and nurture a flourish career like his fellow peers. With his intelligence, he sought the truth until there wasn't any left. Those truths allow for him to make certain choices in life. Some choices he was proud of, others not so such.

He closed his eyes and thought of his beautiful Momma. She was taken from him when he was five and for the past eighteen years he did his best to hold her memory close to his heart.

Since he was so young when she died, people around him always thought he couldn't have much recollection of her. But they were incredibly wrong. He trained his brain to think of her every single day and right before he went to bed, he made sure to look at the pictures he has collected over the years. Once Nero commented that his recollections were eerily sharp. Yet again, since he was so young when she died people seemed to forget he was in the room whenever they recalled something about Tara Knowles or maybe they hoped he wasn't listening but he was. He quietly absorbed every word and held them close.

Wendy tried her hardest to be a mom to him but he recoiled from affections much to her disappointment and Nero's frustrations. Although his Dad told him to call Wendy mommy before he died, Abel never muttered those words. He only had one Mommy and she died one fateful summer day in the hands of his own grandmother.

Once Nero told Abel he should not feel guilty if he ever called Wendy mom because Tara would still be proud of the young man he was becoming. Abel looked at Nero straight in the eyes and told him that he didn't consider Wendy his mother and him uttering the word wouldn't be a betrayal to Tara. He simply didn't consider Wendy his Mom and he wouldn't say the word just to make Wendy feel better. He was straight to the point that way and since that day, Nero never tried to convince him to call Wendy, Mom.

He saw the pain in Wendy's eyes every Mother's Day when Abel came empty handed, no cards or roses or acknowledgements. He refused to make the cards in school when he was younger and refused to buy them when he was older. Thomas, on the other hand, showered Wendy with love and affection and Abel resented him for it. The brothers didn't grow up close but Abel still protected his younger brother when he was teased or bullied simply because Tara had made him promise to take care of him that day in the motel room.

The schism between the brothers was due to Wendy; at least that's what Abel thought to himself. Wendy tried to replace Tara and Thomas accepted it and to Abel that was the ultimate betrayal to his mother's memory.

As he grew older, Abel's resentment grew tenfold and he got into too many fights at school, around the neighborhood and at home. Wendy took the verbal abuse because of her great guilt and begged Nero not to kick him out on the street when Abel's words brought her to tears. Luscious and Thomas were disgusted by his behavior but at that point he didn't give two fucks and was counting the days until he turned eighteen.

If he resented Wendy, he hated his father, for choosing to die rather than take care of two young kids. He didn't understand how Jax Teller could be such a coward although Abel remembered him wearing a kutte and carrying a knife. Chibs came to visit often and barely muttered a word of Jax to Abel and Thomas. Thomas was always disappointed when Chibs didn't talk about Jax but Abel was relived. He has enough recollections to know it was Jax's fault that Tara died.

He remembers his mother's constant fears and Jax's absences. There were two memories that haunted Abel whenever he thought of his father. One was seeing Tara holding a gun, waiting for her husband to come and kill her, her voice shaky as she tried to sing happy songs for the boys. He remembers holding onto his Mommy tight, wishing he could make her feel better and not understanding at the time what was happening. He told her he loved her and Tara kissed his forehead and told him that she loved him and Thomas more than anyone in the world.

The second memory happened around the same time as the memory with the gun. Jax picked him and Thomas up from daycare, which was weird since his Mommy always picked them up. Abel remembers his father's face, usually so calm and collected, looked sad and scared. Jax made dinner for them that night, burnt spaghetti that Abel couldn't finish and he also put them to bed. Abel was sad Tara wasn't there to tuck him in and he was also scared that she would be gone for a long time like she was before. But a few hours later, he heard Tara yelling, her voice sounded harsh and angry. He opened his door a little bit and he heard words like "whore" and "piece of shit." Jax tried to calm Tara down, his voice low but he got angry too at one point and he started yelling too. He remembers Jax asking Tara where she was and Tara's answer just made Jax angrier. Abel walked slowly to the living room and he saw his father pick up one of the kitchen chairs and throw it against one of the walls. Abel screamed and ran towards his Mommy and hugged her legs. He wanted to protect Tara from Jax. All the yelling stopped as soon as Abel ran into the kitchen and Tara came down to be at eye level with Abel. He saw her black tears and he wiped them with his tiny hands. Tara gave him a shaky smile and he noticed how she smelled different. She hugged him close and picked him from the floor and started walking towards his room when Jax's voice interrupted them. Abel turned to look at his father and told him clearly to stop hurting Mommy making his father look ashamed. Jax whispered Abel's name but Abel just turned his face and hugged Tara tighter.

Tara put him to bed and promised to come back. Abel laid in the dark for a few minutes and Tara did come back, smelling clean. She lay down next to him and tried to sing him a happy song but her voice was too sad and she fell asleep before him, her cheeks wet from all her tears. Abel remained awake for a long time and at one point Jax came in. He closed his eyes tightly pretending to be asleep and heard his father sitting in the rocking chair. Abel just cuddle tighter with Tara holding onto her scared that Jax was going to make her go away again. At one point Abel opened one of his eyes and saw his father staring at Tara, his cheeks also wet with tears. Abel felt sad for his dad at that point but he still loved his Mommy more. That night Abel drew his lines in the sand and knew whom he was loyal to. Tara might have not birth him but she was his whole world and he didn't like that Jax was causing her so much sadness.

He was five when all of that happened so he didn't fully understand what was going on. As he started to grow older, he started to put two and two together. One night, he couldn't stand not knowing any longer so he got up from bed and went downstairs where Nero was reading the Bible. Abel point blank asked Nero if Jax ever cheated on Tara. Nero took off his glasses and started off by saying Jax was a complicated man and that was all Abel needed to hear to confirm his suspicions.

Nero told him that Jax felt disconnected and distant from Tara. That Tara was like air for Jax and he was suffocating in his own hatred. So he made a mistake and slept with a madam named Colette Jane and Tara caught him. Abel felt proud of Tara when Nero told him that she beat the shit out of Colette and then slapped some sense into Jax. Jax didn't know what to do afterwards since shit with Samcro was falling apart and so was his marriage. But he held onto his family as much as he could but it was a little bit too late. Gemma's well was filled with venom and one misunderstanding led to the death of Tara. Nero did stress that Jax and Tara had reconciled prior to her dying. Nero even shared that Jax had told him that he and Tara had spent the afternoon making love the same day she died. Jax had hoped he had gotten her pregnant that afternoon but he arrived home to find his wife dead.

But it didn't matter to Abel that his parents had made up. Jax still betrayed his mother and that night he snuck out of the farm and walked miles and miles until he reached some unknown land. He sat under a huge tree and smoked some pot he had gotten at school and wished he had some booze to make the pain go away. He stayed there for a whole day, not eating or drinking, just smoking and thinking. When he ran out of pot, he walked back to the farm and he was mildly surprised to see a cop car in front of his house. He walked in and Wendy was in tears and the police officers gave him a stern lecture about not disappearing without telling his mother and Abel just rolled his eyes and walked up to his room.

Thomas came a few minutes later and told Abel he was the biggest scum on Earth for putting their mother through half the shit he did. Abel got up from his bed and slammed Thomas against a wall and told him the only scum in their family was buried six feet under ground and that Wendy wasn't their mother that Tara was. Thomas pushed Abel off and told him he wasn't going to worship a dead woman and for the first time in his life, Abel punched the kid he had promised Tara he would protect. Thomas sat on the floor, his nose bloody and Abel felt the regret instantaneously. Wendy was already in the room when Thomas went down and she looked at Abel with tears in her eyes. He took his book bag from the floor and went downstairs and told Nero he needed a break from all of them. Nero just nodded his head and gave him some cash and Abel walked out of the house and hitchhiked to Charming.

When he arrived a few hours later to the clubhouse, Chibs wasn't surprised to see him. Nero had called a few hours before and had told him what had happened. Chibs gave him his father's old room in the clubhouse and told him to behave because he didn't want the ghost of Tara to kick his ass. Abel smiled and asked Chibs to tell him more about her, which he gladly did.

Wendy never spoke of Tara, the bitterness evident each time Abel mentioned her name. Nero didn't know her long enough to tell him any stories but he did say that Tara was one of the kindest souls he ever met.

With Chibs, Abel had an open book and he took advantage of that. Chibs talked about teenage Tara, who was pretty much left to fend for her own since her father was a raging alcoholic and her mother had died when she was nine. He also recollected how Jax was drawn to the nerdy girl who spent more time with books than with actual people. Chibs told Abel that his father fell hard for Tara, loving her so much that he almost left Samcro for her when they were nineteen. But the pull of the club was too great so he stayed behind to the glee of Gemma and Clay. Chibs looked around the room and gave Abel a smirk before telling Abel that his parents spent so much time in that same room that it was nicknamed Jax's and Tara's playroom. Abel blush a bit when Chibs admitted to catching Jax and Tara having wild sex there once but that the young lovers were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice his brief intrusion.

Chibs also grew solemn when he recounted the years of massive loneliness Jax experienced once Tara left. Ironically, Chibs used the same metaphor Nero did a few nights back and said that Tara was like air for Jax and when she wasn't around, he could barely function. He acted only on impulse, his emotions being completely cut off.

Jax married Wendy out of desperation. He was desperate to feel anything remotely like what he felt for Tara. However, within weeks, Jax knew his marriage was a bust and he went on to being Samcro's biggest playboy. The failed marriage devastated Wendy, crushing the small self-esteem she had and she constantly relapsed. One time, she got sober enough to beg for another chance and Jax agreed because he had nothing better to do. Wendy got pregnant and started using again and shit hit the fan once Tara returned. Jax came alive again once he heard of Tara's return and he sought her out often just to see her. Jax always claimed he ran into her but no one believed him. There were times were Jax disappeared for hours and he came back happier whenever he saw her or sullen, when he didn't.

Tara returned just in time to be one of the surgeons in his case and according to Chibs, Jax's love and respect increased tenfold after Tara saved Abel's life.

Chibs didn't know how exactly they reconnected but they did and within days of Abel being discharged from the hospital, Tara had moved into Jax's house. It didn't matter that legally he was still married to Wendy. Their love was too intense and Chibs again smirked when he told Abel he wasn't surprised Tara got pregnant so soon after arriving. Apparently, his parents had a high sex drive.

Chibs also retold the nightmare that was Ireland and how Jax found out about Tara's pregnancy. How they were broken up and the guilt of leaving her behind while pregnant with his kid drove Jax to rescue his firstborn. Abel flinched when Chibs told him about Tara's kidnapping and how Jax went in to save her, not caring if he came out dead.

He also shared how much he loved Tara, who became a dear friend when Jax went inside for 14 months. How he, Opie and Gemma were in the room when Thomas was born and how Gemma was the one who cut the umbilical cord. Ironic, how Gemma was the one Tara shared such an intimate moment with considering that less than a year later, Gemma brutally murdered her.

A few hours into their conversation, Tig joined in and it was apparently how much Tara was loved. Tiggie found comfort in Tara, always seeking her out whenever his demons became too much. Tig used to sit in their kitchen table and drink tea with Tara and converse about life and about where he fucked it all up. Abel remembers seeing Tig with his mother often both talking in hushed tones. Once or twice he recalled seeing Tig cry which Tig confirmed that he use to do a lot once his daughter died. Tara was always there to offer a hug or kind words.

By the time they got to the weeks before Tara's dead, Tig had brought a bottle of Jack and they drank. They described the falling out of their parents' marriage, Tara's desire to move away from the chaos and Jax's massive mistake when he started a brief affair with a prostitute. Abel felt the rage but Chibs explained that Jax was hurt and lost in those weeks. Jax regretted deeply the affair and he never again touched Colette after being caught. He barely even spoke to her, feeling disgusted that Tara had to witness his weakness.

He apologized profusely afterwards and according to both men, they were in a much better place right before Tara died. Jax returned to Samcro's headquarters with a lighter heart the afternoon Tara died, at peace with his choice to turn his freedom in for hers. Jax had made Chibs promise that his wife and kids would be safe while he was locked up. He even hoped for a beautiful daughter to be born a few months after his lock up. But when he returned home, his wife was dead and that was the day Jax's spirit died as well.

The weeks after Tara's death, Jax had a thirst for blood and he destroyed anyone and anything that got in the way of him seeking revenge. In the end, his mother was his biggest enemy and although no one could confirm it, Chibs suspected that it was Jax who put the bullet in Gemma's head. Abel took a sharp breath when Chibs told him that. And for the first time, he understood the depth of his father's love for Tara. He murdered his own mother for his wife. Abel felt a few tears slip down his cheeks.

Tig pointed out that the only way out for Jax was to end his own life. He couldn't live without Tara refused to even consider it, so, he took his bike and went out just like John Teller did.

Jax had made prior arrangements and was buried besides his wife. He also made it clear he did not want a Samcro funeral. Essentially, his devotion to the club cost him his wife and Jax owed it to Tara not to have the club around for his funeral. Only Chibs and Tig were in attendance and both opted not to wear their kuttes.

They left the room soon afterwards and Abel felt sadder and more confused than ever. He lay down and thought of his parents, who lost their lives in such tragic ways.

He slept for a few hours and when he woke up, he showered and headed out. He asked Chibs to show him to the cemetery and Chibs agreed to take him. They rode in an old van, Chibs taking the long route to show Abel some important landmarks. They drove by the sweets shop, the hospital and even his old house.

Chibs asked Abel if he was interested in learning how to ride a motorcycle and he readily agreed, wanting to feel more connected to his past. He remembers his father riding around the lot and he even remembered a few times were Tara was riding with him, her head thrown back in laughter and Jax's smile bigger than ever.

He got choked up when he first saw their graves. Chibs clasped him on his shoulder and utter that he would wait in the van. Abel kneeled by her grave first and cried. He read the words, _devoted wife and mother_ and she was. He glanced at his father's grave and he was shocked to read the old Shakespearean quote.

 _Doubt thou the stars are fire;_

 _Doubt that the sun doth move;_

 _Doubt truth to be a liar;_

 _But never doubt I love._

Abel chose to believe that those words were meant to his mother, even though some might interpret it differently. Things were put in perspective that afternoon.

So, Chibs drove him back to the farm and he stayed the night to hang out with Thomas and Luscious. Abel was more pensive than ever and he excused himself from the table after a few bites of dinner.

When he woke up the next morning, Chibs was already gone and Wendy tried to talk to him but Abel just wanted to go to school. He saw the hurt in her eyes but he had too many questions lingering in his head.

As time went on, Luscious got sicker, the choices of his parents affecting his health. According to Nero, his ex-wife did a lot of heroin when she was pregnant and Luscious didn't have a lot of time left. He asked his father to make it official with Wendy and they planned a quick wedding. The night before the wedding, Wendy asked Abel if he was willing to walk her down the aisle and Abel politely declined. He told her to ask Thomas who would happily agree but Wendy shook her head and said she wanted both her boys to do her the honor, not one.

So the morning afterwards, he watched from his seat as Wendy walked down the aisle by herself, Thomas servicing as her man of honor and Luscious Nero's. There weren't many people who attended but it was sweet and he had a nice time.

Three weeks later, Luscious was hospitalized with a severe infection. Abel sat by his bedside and Luscious gave him a sad smile and told Abel he was lucky to be in great health to which Abel answer that no, he wasn't luckily. He told Luscious he had a guardian angel watching over him, named Tara. Luscious expressed hope that he had one too once he died and Abel reaffirmed that Tara would also watch over him because that's the type of person she was. So beautifully selfless and giving.

Three days later, Luscious died peacefully in his sleep. Nero was heartbroken and so was everyone else in the farm. Abel took to waking up early and feeding Luscious's animals right before he went to school. It made him feel more connected to the poor damaged soul who was born with so many defects that in the end his body couldn't take it anymore.

The days after the burial, he noticed Wendy hanging around more constantly trying to make conversation with him. Trying to get closer to her only biological son. Abel tried to be patient with her and was even nice in some occasions but her guilt was suffocating him. One night he blew up and told her to leave him alone. Nothing in the world could change the fact that she nearly killed him once due to her own weakness. Abel yelled, Nero yelled back, Thomas slammed doors and Wendy cried.

By the end of that week, Wendy relapsed. Thomas blamed him, Nero shipped her off to rehab and Abel packed his bags and moved to Charming.

Chibs mumbled something about breaking a promise to Jax but still opened the clubhouse doors for him. Venus wanted Abel to move into her house with Tig but Abel declined. He wanted to feel closer to his parents and the clubhouse is where he needed to be. He enrolled in Charming High and when some teachers read his name out loud he noticed their pause. Some looked at him with fear others with interest but most with sadness.

He finished his sophomore year of high school in Charming and spent the summer learning how to ride a Harley. He also learned how to put a bike and car together and for the first time ever, felt like he belonged. On nights were he was alone with his thoughts, he would open the photo album he had. There were a few pictures of Tara, none of Jax. He also would stare at the ring Gemma gave him before she died and wonder if Samcro was also his destiny.

But the questions were too many and when he started his junior year, he started reading about the people that mattered the most.

He started off in the library. Tig teased him that he was probably the first man in the clubhouse to own a library card but Chibs secretly told him that his father had one too. Jax loved to read and write and he would spend countless afternoons reading the greatest novels ever written, Tara by his side. The first time he googled his mother's name, he was surprised to see all her academic accolades. He learned that she went to school in San Diego and then in Chicago. She had released some academic papers and he purchased them online, reading every single page available even though he didn't understand all the medical jargon.

The hardest day was the day he decided to read the articles on her death. He read and read and read until he couldn't find any more articles. He ran to the library bathroom and threw up him school lunch; dry heaving until he barely had any energy. He printed all the articles out and took them back to the clubhouse with him. It was a Friday and he was sixteen. That night he got drunk and lost his virginity. Sex soon became a coping mechanism for him and Chibs once remarked that he was like his father that way.

He visited Charming Police and tried to get Tara's file and autopsy report but he was underage and he needed parental consent and he would be damned before he asked Wendy for any help. So he did the next best thing and found some young intern that worked in records and used the Teller charm to get her to steal the report.

Yea, he had to sleep with her for a couple of weeks but it was all worth it once he opened it and saw everything the police had gathered from the house. He drank a fifth of vodka as he flipped through the pictures of the crime scene, his mother's usually pristine kitchen covered in her blood. He read the report and saw that Tara's skull was basically crushed with a carving fork and that she was drowned. The autopsy report also revealed a long-standing injury in her hand and three pregnancies in her history, two of which didn't end in births. He was curious to know what happened to the other two but he knew that more likely than not, he would never find out. He also read that she had trances of semen in her cervix and that the DNA matched that of Jackson Teller.

The intern was nice enough to include Jax's file, which thinner and straight to the point. Jax had died in a motor vehicle accident, blunt trauma to the head being the cause of head. Jax also had many crushed bones and was dragged a few hundred feet before the truck was able to stop.

Both their deaths were bloody and pointless and Abel drank the whole bottle of vodka by himself. He passed out surrounded by his parents' death and when he woke up the next morning, he had the biggest hangover known to man.

Nero called him every other week to see how he was doing. Abel said that Charming agreed with him and that he had no plans of ever returning back to the farm to live long term. Nero kept him updated of Wendy's condition and Abel was glad to know she was trying to stay clean. Thomas was doing well in school, which was not surprising and overall everything was peaceful in the farm.

A few days before Thanksgiving, Chibs called Abel over and handed him the office phone. The lady who introduced herself claimed to be a good friend of his mother and she hoped to reconnect with him. Abel asked her what was her name and she said Margaret and he instantly remembered the redhead who was a dear friend to Tara. Margaret moved away from Charming shortly after he left it. The remaining members of the club didn't disclose the location of where Tara's kids were due to their safety so she didn't have any reason to stay in Charming. She moved out East with her small family and lived in a sleeper town in Connecticut that was by the beach. She invited Abel over, even promising to pay for his flight and Thomas's. She was retired and her kids lived all over the country and she had more than enough space for both the Teller boys.

Abel knew Thomas wouldn't be interested in going but he was. He made plans with Margaret, not even thinking of getting permission from Chibs or Wendy or Nero. She agreed to fly him to New York's JFK for the Christmas holidays where he would explore the city with her for two days and then they would take the train up to her house in Connecticut.

When he hung up, he felt happier than he did in months and he told Chibs the good news. Chibs pointed out that Abel needed at least an ID to fly out to the East and he needed to get his papers from Wendy if he wanted to apply for one. So, that weekend, they drove down to the farm and he asked Wendy for his birth certificate and medical records. She wordlessly handed them over her ever-present sadness putting a damper in his mood. He also packed his room and took the remaining things of value he had left behind.

He didn't tell Nero or Wendy of his planned trip but he did say goodbye to each one of them, even giving Wendy a small hug much to Nero and Thomas's delight. Before leaving, he pulled his brother aside and apologized for hitting him. Thomas, who was the perfect mixture of Jax and Tara immediately accepted the apology, his green eyes forgiving Abel even before Abel had the guts to open his mouth. He was like Tara that way, forgiving and gentle.

When he pulled away from the farm, he hoped that one day he would be able to repair the relationship with his brother. Or at least hoped that they would get closer.

The same day school let out for winter recess, Abel got on a plane and flew 3,000 miles to New York. When he saw Margaret at the airport, she burst into tears and hugged him tight, her husband watching a few steps behind them. Margaret's hair was no longer red and she was shorter than what he remembered. They took a cab into the city and the fast paced environment and the beautiful lights enchanted Abel. All three of them had a quiet dinner and Abel was dying to find out more about his mother but Margaret shook her head and begged him to wait until they got to Connecticut. She pointed out that New York was too beautiful during Christmas time to let it go to waste. Sad memories would only break the spell.

So, he enjoyed his visit and fell in love with the city even more. Margaret noted his old clothes and insisted in buying him new ones. She said she at least owned Tara that.

As hectic as New York City was, the town where Margaret lived was peacefully quiet. She had set him up in the guest room and she made a roast for dinner. Wendy wasn't much of a cook and no one in the clubhouse cooked so it was mostly take out and leftovers for him. He ate until he couldn't anymore and that night, Margaret brought out an old box and sat with him by the fireplace. The box contained pictures of Tara and even her college diplomas. Margaret admitted to stealing all of Tara's valuables once she heard Tara died. She wanted to hold them safe just in case one of her boys once came looking for them. Abel cried when he saw all the pictures of him she had in her office, his favorite being the one where Jax was looking lovingly at him as a baby. Margaret told him he was free to keep everything in the box, even an old scrub top and a hairclip with a few strands still attached.

He and Margaret spent the night talking about Tara and she even told him a few stories about Jax. By the time they went to bed, the sun was coming up and he felt at ease.

He spent Christmas in Connecticut with Margaret and her family and he loved it. It even snowed on Christmas Eve and Margaret was kind enough to give him a small gift. It was a custom made journal and he immediately put it to use.

He left Connecticut with a heavy heart but he promised to write and Margaret gave him a big hug and told him Tara would be proud.

There were still things he wanted to know, so when he arrived in Charming, he busted his ass in school, trying to get good grades. He focused so much in school that he did a complete turn around. He had meetings with his teachers and the principal and he agreed to stay a year behind in order to increase his GPA. Chibs was shocked by Abel's decision and Tig called him a studious dumbass but Abel wanted to prove something not only to himself but also to others around him.

That same summer, Nero had his first heart attack and Abel drove down like a madman to see his surrogate father. He spent a couple of weeks down in the farm taking care of the animals and Thomas while Wendy spent countless hours with her husband. That summer, he made peace with Wendy and her presence. She wasn't perfect but at least she was trying. He wasn't rude and was actually very nice to her. He tried once to ask about her relationship with Jax but she quickly shut down and told him not to ask again. Jax was a sore spot for her and she didn't want to relive old memories.

Thomas and he grew closer. Abel taught him how to ride his Harley and gave him advice on girls. Thomas admitted he wanted to be a doctor, like Tara and Abel cried once his brother told him that. That night, Abel drove into Charming with Thomas and showed him his precious box filled with memories. It was the first time anyone talked to Thomas about Tara and the young Teller cried when he heard how brutally she died. Thomas wished he had memories like Abel and Abel wished he had Tara's DNA running through his veins. Both brothers wanted something the other one had. Thomas even read the autopsy reports and Abel sat next to him after Thomas puked his guts out.

Abel admitted to Thomas that Jax was a complicated man but that Tara loved him as he was. He confessed his prompt trip to Connecticut and Thomas also wanted to meet Margaret. Abel also shared his hopes and dreams and his reason for staying behind one more year in school. Both brothers visited their parents graves the following morning and Thomas cried again making Abel cry too.

Both of them drove back a few days later and Nero took a turn for the worse. Two days before school started, Abel buried Nero next to Luscious near the farm.

Wendy was weak put held it together. Abel sat with her and expressed his concerns and she begged him to return. He refused saying he was happier in Charming and that he had dreams to fulfill. He asked Wendy to hold it together not only for Thomas but for herself as well. He also pointed out that Luscious and Nero loved the farm and the animals and that someone had to take care of them.

He left the next day and started his first senior year in Charming High. The parties at the clubhouse lost their appeal and he focused in keeping his grades high. He spent countless hours in the library and the old librarian recognized who he was. She spoke of Tara and Jax and even gave Abel a part time job stocking books.

Tig gave in his kutte that October and Venus's son was diagnosed with HIV. Wendy offered to help prompting Venus and Tig to move down to the farm. He and Thomas agreed to visit Margaret that Christmas, a fact that made Margaret incredibly happy and Wendy tremendously sad. But Wendy understood and gave her blessing not that it would had stopped the Teller boys from going out East.

Thomas fell in love with the East and with one of Margaret's granddaughters. Abel laughed and Thomas flipped him off. Thomas also became thirsty for knowledge of his biological mother. Margaret answered all of Thomas's questions and for Christmas, Margaret gave Abel the best gift he could ever ask for.

It was an old video, of Tara in Northwestern University, defending her Medical Thesis. Margaret called in favors and was able to track the video down. An old professor of Tara's had it and when Margaret explained whom it was for, the professor gladly gave it up.

Abel and Thomas stayed up late watching it over and over it again. Thomas said she sounded beautiful and Abel sang him an old song Tara use to sing to them before bed.

That March, Abel got the good news he was accepted for a summer internship in San Diego, where he would work for a local newspaper.

The office of the newspaper was near where Tara went to college. He spent the summer in San Diego tracking down old friends of hers, not that she had many, and was able to track down many of her professors, who were still alive. Most of them had recollections of her and a few had old photos that they gifted to Abel. That was the summer he started writing short stories.

Wendy decided to turn the farm into some sort of sober living facility and Thomas started looking into colleges in the East. He took became obsessed with his biological mother's legacy and wanted to be successful surgeon like her. That August, Thomas moved in with Abel for a few weeks, before going back to the farm and starting his junior year of high school. Abel started his second senior year and applied to colleges in Chicago and San Diego.

Chibs never bother asking Abel if he wanted to join the club. He knew that the Teller boys were destined for greater things. And the club life wasn't what it was before. Most of the guys were married and lived in relative peace.

That September, the club was invited to the _quinceañera_ of Marcus Alvarez's youngest daughter. Abel went because he had nothing better to do and it was there that he met Zoe Alvarez.

It was love at first sight for him and they slept together that same night. Chibs worried a bit because he didn't want to piss off Alvarez but Abel and Zoe reminded him of Jax and Tara so he let them be.

Time went on and Abel got into Northwestern and he made his plans to graduate with honors from Charming High. He invited Margaret and her husband to the ceremony and even Wendy. All of them showed up to his graduation, proud of his accomplishments.

He was nineteen and in love but Zoe didn't want to leave Oakland and Abel wasn't going to stop working for his dreams so they broke up the night of his graduation. Instead of wallowing in his grief, like Jax did when Tara left, Abel asked Happy to tattoo him. Happy told him to pick a picture and Abel sat for hours as Happy did a beautiful portrait in his left bicep. Margaret held his hand as Happy tattooed on and cried when she saw the final result.

Abel had chosen his favorite picture of Tara. It was beautifully detailed, Tara holding a baby Abel, while pregnant with Thomas. Tara's cheek was on top of his small head and Abel was sucking his thumb. In the bottom of the portrait, Happy wrote in cursive, _One Day We Shall Meet Again, Mommy._

Afterwards, Abel felt a pang of guilt and asked Happy if he was willing to start outlining a sleeve for him. Happy didn't mind and a few days later, Abel sat for hours and Happy drew Abel's story in his whole arm. By the time the whole arm was finished, it was nearly the end of summer and the sleeved looked beautiful. Besides Tara's portrait, there was an ode to Jax and the words, _Slave to his own Destiny_ , written under the picture of his Dad, his father chained to a grave with the Reaper standing over him. A representation of Nero's guidance was included and even a bird with broken wings to depict Wendy. One of his favorite parts of the arm sleeve was picture of two little boys being watched over by a brunette guardian angel. Happy admitted that it was his best work and Chibs studied the tattoo for about twenty minutes.

Early that August, Margaret flew into California and rent out a car. Abel packed his most valuable possessions and waved good-bye to the members of the club he was leaving behind. Margaret made a pit stop at the farm and she stayed in the car as he said goodbye to Wendy. Thomas put his bag in the car and kissed Wendy goodbye and promised to be back before school started.

It took them four days to arrive to Chicago but the trip was worth it. Margaret's husband was waiting for them in a new apartment complex and Abel was astounded by the gesture. Margaret had paid for a whole year worth of rent and some furniture and even an old car that Abel could use to go to college, which was 45 minutes away. Abel didn't know how to thank her and Margaret just made him promise to keep Tara's memory alive and to do well in school.

She made Thomas promise too even though he wasn't set to start college for another year.

That night she left the brothers in Chicago to go back home. The Teller boys promised to spend another Christmas with her and she left with a big smile on her face.

The first year was rough but he made it out alive. Northwestern was full of rich kids and there were times Abel didn't have enough to eat but he made it through.

Wendy met someone and was set to marry sometime that summer. Thomas had gotten into Columbia and Yale but took Yale over Columbia just so he could be closer to Margaret.

Chibs was diagnosed with throat cancer that January and given his age chemo practically killed him. Abel handed in his final exams on a raining May afternoon and drove to Charming for the Scots funeral. His daughter decided to take his remains to Ireland, where she lived, just so she could be closer to his grave.

The day after the funeral, he packed the rest of his stuff he left at the clubhouse into his old car and drove away from Charming visiting the cemetery before leaving.

Wendy asked him to stay over the summer but he refused. He was shadowing one of his English professors that summer plus he had no interest in being in the farm or in California for that matter. Thomas asked Abel if he could move in with him for the summer, the farm becoming too suffocation for Thomas' free spirit. Abel happily agreed and Wendy almost had a nervous breakdown once Thomas told her he was leaving too. Venus promised to take care of her and the Teller brothers drove off into the night, enjoying fast food and music on their way back to Chicago.

That summer Thomas met Michael and Abel wasn't surprised that his little brother came out of the closet. Margaret's granddaughter was a distant memory for the younger Teller boy. Abel just made Thomas promise to be safe and Thomas rolled his eyes and told Abel to fuck off. Thomas told him he wasn't stupid and he knew to wrap his dick before having sex with anyone.

Abel was sad to see Thomas go at the beginning of August but he knew his brother was meant to be a great surgeon like his mother.

Abel wrote and wrote and wrote, filling up notebooks with his ideas and that December, one of his short stories was published in _The New Yorker_. Margaret framed the story much to his embarrassment.

As much time as he spent writing, he also used his spare time to search for things that allowed him to remain connected to his mother. He tracked down one of her old professors who was a hoarder. He had saved every single paper written by every single student throughout his years of teaching. The professor was old and was moving to Maine with his daughter so he handed over all of Tara's papers and exams to Abel. He was also able to get a few pictures of her and that made him incredibly happy.

The fall of this junior year, he had the brilliant idea of visiting Chicago Presbyterian to see if they had any mementos of his mother. They had a few but the highlight of his trip to the hospital archives was meeting Sade, a medical student who was attending the University of Chicago.

They fell in love that year and moved in together that May. Thomas loved Sade and her dreads and nose ring. Abel loved Sade because she brought out the best in him.

He knew she was the one and wanted to propose. But before he did that, he knew he had to tell her his story.

Which brings us to the beginning. He kissed his mother's grave and placed a beautiful bouquet on top of it. He did the same for his father's. He started walking back towards the car where Sade waited but he decided to make a small detour. He arrived at Gemma's grave and crotch down to it. He dug a small hole and placed the ring she once gave him in it, burying it back up. Before leaving he spat at her grave.

Not looking back, Abel got into the car and drove off. It was after they left the Charming city limits that he started talking.

"My mother's name was Tara and she is my greatest love…" he began as the sun started setting in the horizon.


	3. Chapter 3

_Set the Fire to the Third Bar_

How did they get there?

Tara stared at her husband with such immense sadness.

She hated that her face was covered in tears, creating dark rivers down her cheeks. The alcohol in her system was making her mind run 100 miles per hour and for moment she wished she could just wrap her arms around Jax and forgive everything. But she couldn't. Maybe he couldn't either.

Earlier that night

Tara pushed the door open and felt the cool air hit her face. She took a couple of steps and luckily, Stockton had adopted a few laws of bigger cities and had cabs waiting outside for possible drunks.

Tara caught the eyes of one of the drivers and quickly got into his car and directed him towards Charming, her own personal hell.

The cab driver turned and told her it would be quite the fair and she quickly agreed to pay whatever price the trip would cost, just as long as he got her home. She was many things but a killer was not one of them; she wasn't about to kill anyone due to drunk driving. She briefly thought of Luisa and how she sliced her throat in order to save herself but quickly pushed the thought of way. She wasn't a murderer. Luisa's death was an act of self-defense.

The cab driver took off and she opened her purse taking out her cell. She ignored the time and saw all the missed calls of Jax and over 40 text messages—from Jax, Chibs, Bobby, Tig and even Happy. She shut off her phone and placed it back in her purse, not bothering to respond to anyone of them.

She stared out the window for the forty-five minute drive, her emotions slowly festering in her gut.

When the driver got to her house, she quickly paid and stumbled out of the car. The bikes were in her driveway and she kicked the one closest to her, not knowing whom it belonged to.

She opened her purse and dug around for her keys but everything was hazy at best and she couldn't find them in a purse filled with stuff. She cussed loudly and she was about raised her hand to knock on the door when it opened.

"Hey."

Tara pushed past Chibs and walked into her living room where Jax stood and the half of the club.

They both stood facing one another, not uttering a word, the space between them growing deeper by the minute.

"Where were you?" he asked, his voice low and concerned. Last time she looked at the time on her phone, it was around 11pm and that was a few hours ago.

She threw her purse on the coffee table.

Tara felt the eyes of his brothers staring at them back and forth, the pity radiating out of them in waves.

She shrugged her jacket off and threw it on the couch. "Why do you care where I was?"

He briefly looked at where Chibs, Bobby, Tig, and Happy stood and then looked back at her.

"We were worried. You have been missing since…"

"Since I caught that whore riding your dick?" Tara finished off nonchalantly.

Jax flinched and Bobby cleared his throat. "We are going to leave," he said.

"No, no, stay," said Tara. "Come hear how I went to a bar, got a bit drunk and let another man fuck me in the bar bathroom."

Tara watched with satisfaction as Jax's eyes widen briefly before a thunderous look cross his face.

"Get out," he demanded to the members of his precious club.

Tara walked to the small little bar they had in the house and poured herself a hefty glass of Jack Daniels.

She was gulping down the contents of the glass when she heard the door close.

Tara was tilting the bottle to pour herself another, the brown liquid landing beautifully into the glass, when Jax snatched the bottle.

"Where the fuck were you?"

He whispered the words near her ear; his hot breathe causing her to shiver briefly.

She turned around and looked him straight in the eye.

"I already told you honey—I was getting fucked nice and hard inside a bar's bathroom. Want to smell me?"

Jax slammed the bottle against the bar-top. "You want me to kill someone tonight?" his words came out dangerous low.

Tara scoffed. "You fucking hypocrite," she grabbed the bottle and pushed past him.

She was planning to go to her room, when she felt his arm pulled her roughly towards him, turning her around in the process.

She saw the anger on his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes looking at her with so much disdain. "Where do you think you are going?"

Tara dropped the bottle, the whiskey spilling in between their feet and she tried to push him away from her. "I don't owe you a fucking explanation as to where I am going any longer." She pushed harder and he held tighter. "Why don't you go sleep in that fucking whore's house, you stupid piece of shit."

Jax put one arm around her waist pulling her closer to him, their bodies firmly press. With his other hand, he grabbed her by the hair and pulled their faces until they were inches apart, she smelling the cigarettes in his breath.

"I'm not going to ask you again, Tara Grace. Where were you?"

She stopped pushing against him and looked him straight in the eyes not blinking or moving an inch. Her mind felt incredibly sharp, the haziness of the alcohol slowly drifting away.

"And I told you, Jackson Nathaniel… I was fucking another man. Thinking of it as a little pay back for your little whore."

Jax's hold on her went surprisingly slack and she stepped away from him, never breaking away from his stare.

Jax suddenly bent down and picked up the bottle of Jack Daniels and hurdled it with so much force to the nearest wall, the thick bottle broke into a million pieces.

Tara didn't even flinch and she felt the joy inside her spread rapidly.

Jackson turned to look at her, his face beet red and he was about to say something when she held up her damaged hand.

"Really don't say anything, Jackson. I'll tell you what you want to know. I mean, its only fair that I give you details given that I saw every fucking inch of that washed up whore."

Tara smiled before continuing. "He looked completely different than you do. I think he was maybe a couple of years younger with beautiful eyes and brown hair trimmed nicely. Had one of those silly haircuts the college kids are wearing these days. But, baby, it made me so fucking wet seeing him shoot pool with his buddies. Haven't felt this attracted to a man in such a long time. God, just thinking about what he did to me is making me wet again."

Jax was standing in front of her in a blink of an eye. "Oh really?" he said before grabbing one of the sleeves of her tank top. He pulled it so hard it ripped. "You are just saying that to fucking hurt me. You didn't fuck anyone. You wouldn't fucking dare."

She grabbed onto his white t-shirt and pulled him closer. "Wanna bet, honey? Want to smell my cunt?"

Tara went as far as taking unbuckling her belt. "Wanna see how swore he left me?"

Jax pushed her away, his breath coming out in fast spurts. "If I find out this is true, I will fucking hunt this asshole and put a fucking bullet in between his fucking legs."

That statement made Tara's anger boil over. "Oh, so it's okay for you to fuck your whore but I can't have a little fun too? I am guessing that wasn't the first time you paid her a visit by the way Juice gloated to me about you being in that house."

Jax's mouth dropped open for a Nano-second and Tara's suspicions were confirmed. She felt the tears spill over. "You are a fucking piece of shit. YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT." She yelled again the tears coming down faster, the mascara running down her cheeks. She started slapping him and punching his chest. "DIDN'T THE PAST FIVE YEARS MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? DIDN'T OUR FUCKING MARRIAGE MEAN ANYTHING?" She screamed not caring who could hear her, the pain being so utterly overwhelming.

Jax grabbed her hands and said her name over and over again trying to calm her down but she just screamed obscenities and pushed him away from her even though he tried to get his arms around her.

"TARA STOP," he yelled and they stumbled against the coffee table as he tried to control Tara's fury.

She pushed away from him and grabbed the first thing in her reach and it was her open purse and she threw at him with all her might, the contents falling all over the place. Toys, keys, pills, receipts all spilled out and Jax froze when he saw a bunch of condoms flying out too.

Tara froze as well and watched as Jax as a hundred emotions crossed his face.

They locked eyes and Tara thought of Gemma's warning. Tara knew the extent of Jax's love, having felt it for half of her life. Simultaneously, she also knew how deep his hatred ran once betrayed. But she didn't have anything to be ashamed off and she stood taller, the tears still streaming down her face.

"Tara, for your own good…"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!," she yelled. She pointed one of her index fingers at him. "YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME ANY LONGER. I COULD DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT WHENEVER I WANT. YOU LOST THE RIGHT TO HAVE ANY INFLUENCE ON ME THE DAY YOU DECIDED TO STICK YOUR DICK INSIDE THAT FUCKING WHORE."

"IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO LET SOME MAN FUCK MY WIFE YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING, TARA. I WILL KILL ANY MAN WHO COMES NEAR YOU. YOU ARE MINE!"

"YOU HYPOCRITE," she cried, her tears coming out of anger. "YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE. YOUR WORDS DON'T MEAN ANYTHING. OUR MARRIAGE DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. SO TAKE THE SAME BAG YOU PACKED THIS MORNING AND GET THE FUCK OUT. I HATE YOU," she sobbed the anger quickly being replaced by a pain so intense she thought she was going to fall to her knees. "GET OUT!" She screamed again and Jax walked to the kitchen and grabbed one of the chairs and threw it against the wall, his face red.

He then started punching the wall in front of him and Tara was going to yelled something else when a little blur came running to her. "Mommy!" Abel grabbed onto her knees and both Jax and she stopped.

They looked at each other in horror and Tara bit her lip to stop a sob from escaping. She counted to ten and then crotched down so to be at eyelevel with her son; she gave him a watery smile.

"Hey Abel. What are you doing out of bed, baby?"

Abel looked at her with those beautiful blue eyes he had inherited from his father. She saw the fear behind them and at the moment she hated herself for not protecting her boy from the horrors of her marriage. Abel placed his small hands on her face and wiped away the tears that were drying in her cheek.

"Are you ok, Mommy?" he whispered and her eyes filled with tears and the knot on her throat got bigger. She nodded her head and he wrapped his little arms around her neck and she held him. She closed her eyes and felt a few tears slip down her cheeks, her lips trembling.

She waited a few moments before opening her eyes. Jax was standing in front of them, his fist bloody and his eyes filled with tears.

"Let's get you to bed, my cookie monster, ok?" Tara stood on shaky legs and Abel wrapped his legs around her waist.

"Abel," Jax said.

The son turned to look at his father and in a clear voice said, "Daddy, stop hurting Mommy."

Abel's words were much powerful than any of the slaps Tara delivered, the devastation clear on Jax's face.

"Abel," Jax whispered again, his voice breaking but the damage was already done. Abel just turned his head and placed his head on Tara's shoulder. Tara held tightly onto her son and walked past her husband, leaving him alone in the chaos that had become the living room.

It took a few minutes to get Abel settled down and she promised she would return but first she had to take care of a few things. She walked quickly to her bathroom and brushed her teeth and took a shower in record time, washing away all the filth of the day.

She put on old pajama pants and a tank top and went to lay down with her son, who was still wide-awake and waiting for her.

"How about a sing you a song?" she whispered.

"Why were you and Daddy fighting, Mommy?" Abel asked as he cuddled closer to his mother. "I don't like it when you and Daddy fight."

And that statement was the straw that broke the camels back. She couldn't hold the pain any longer and she sobbed into her son's sheets as he wiped her tears with his small hands.

Tara didn't know when she fell asleep but she did, her arms wrapped securely around the small boy.

When she woke up, it was still dark outside and she had to wait until her eyes adjusted to the dark but she knew he was there. He was staring at her, while he sat on the rocking chair and she stared back. They didn't speak a word to one another and when she heard her youngest son cries of hunger, she watched as he stood and exited the room.

A minute later, her son's desperate cries arose her from the bed and she went into Thomas's room. He looked at her with his big eyes and she picked him up and gave him a kiss on his forehead, his cries turning into whimpers just as Jax came in with a warm bottle. She snatched the bottle from his hand and sat on the futon with her baby son.

She was trying to wean Thomas from breast-feeding and Jax stood by the door as Tara struggled with Thomas for a few minutes. He refused the bottle and after inspecting it she saw why.

"You put too much cereal," she muttered as she took out one of her breasts and watched as her son latched on.

"Sorry, I didn't know how much to put in it," Jax mumbled.

Tara looked up and looked at Jax. "Of course, you wouldn't know—you are never around." The statement itself causing Jax take a shaky breathe, the tears threatening to spill.

Tara looked back down at Thomas and watched as he suckled hungrily until he fell asleep again.

She fixed her tank top and stood. She gave her son a kiss on the forehead and placed him in his crib.

"Tara, we should talk," Jax stepped into the room and stood next to her.

Tara remained silent and just looked at Thomas.

"Tara," he whispered and placed one of his hands on her lower back, right where his tattoo lay.

"Don't touch me," she whispered and recoiled from him. She turned to look at him. "I was serious, Jackson. Get out."

Jax shook his head. "No, I am not abandoning my family."

Tara crossed her arms in front of her. "Every time you walk out that door to be with your club, you abandon us so you not being here permanently, won't make much of a difference to me or my sons. So pack your shit and get out. It's perfectly clear that this relationship or this family doesn't mean much to you."

Tara felt her heartbreak and she turn to look at the son she create with the man standing next to her.

"I love you, Tara," he whispered.

She remained silent refusing to even look at him.

Jax kissed her on the side of the head and strolled towards the door.

"I forgive you," he said.

Tara turned and looked at him. "I didn't do anything that requires your forgiveness. When I married you, I took my vows seriously."

Tara saw the relief spread across his face. "She didn't mean anything. I didn't mean to hurt you. Tara, I…"

"Jackson, save it. You never mean to do what you do yet you still do it, so save your explanations for someone else because I don't believe you anymore. I deserve better and so do my sons. The club and the whores mean so much to you then go to them because you are no longer welcomed in this home. Get out of the house I share with my boys."

Tara walked towards the futon in the room and laid down, her back facing the door where Jax was still standing. She waited until she heard the roar of his motorcycle before bursting into tears. Her marriage was really over.


	4. Chapter 4

_Millions Years Ago_

The nurse gently pushed him out of the room and he felt the tears burning his eyes. His usually strong Queen lay in a hospital bed, looking frail and broken.

The nurse closed the door and Jax saw the doctor leaning over Tara, her eyes wet with unshed tears.

Jax stared at the door long after it had closed. It was Margaret, who saw him standing in front of his wife's room who encouraged him to have a seat in the waiting area while the doctors examined Tara.

When he walked into the waiting room, he saw Roosevelt and his brothers there waiting to hear how was the new Queen of Samcro. Jax wasn't in the mood to talk so he quickly dismissed all of them after confirming with Roosevelt that Tara would be pressing charges against Gemma for attacking her and their unborn child.

In the past weeks, he noticed the rapid deterioration of Tara and Gemma's relationship especially since Tara embraced her new Queen status for his benefit, leaving Gemma in limbo. But he never thought his mother would attack the one person he loved above all. He didn't want to believe it, however, he knew his mother was capable of causing Tara a miscarriage and much more.

Jax sat and thought of how his life has evolved tremendously over the past twenty years.

All his choices have had severe consequences and it seems like he keeps repeating the same stupid mistakes.

He briefly thought about Colette and tried to quickly push those thoughts away. She was a mistake Tara could never know about. He mentally kicked himself for his obvious weakness but he felt so disconnected from the love of his life when he slept with the madam. He craved Tara, desperately wanted her love, and affection and she shut him out quicker than a freight train crossing a bridge. Colette was just there and he fell into his old habits. The night after, he swore never to touch Colette again but the distance between he and Tara just kept growing and he was at lost as to what to do. Colette flirted and he loved the attention so he went with the flow. He saw the judgment in Nero's eyes the first time he caught on to it but Jax was too deep in the rabbit hole and didn't know how to climb out. Instead of focusing on his pregnant wife and his two boys, he was too busy fixing club fuck-ups and flirting with a woman old enough to be his mother.

He hung his head in shame.

The imagine of Tara sitting in a pool of her own blood kept creeping into his thoughts and he hated himself even more for his indiscretions. Not only did he fail his marriage, he also failed his unborn child by not protecting Tara from Gemma's viciousness.

He thought back to the time when they were eighteen and so madly in love that they felt untouchable. He briefly smiled as he thought of those happy moments before the first misfortune fell upon them.

At eighteen, he was flying high. Not only was he part of his father's club but also he had the girl of his dreams by his side. He became reckless—they both were given they were so wrapped up in their undeniable passion. At first both were very careful, however, at eighteen and with two years under their belts, certain precautions weren't followed to the letter. Jax remembers the exact day Tara waited for him at his dorm room in the clubhouse, pregnancies test waiting for his arrival. Ten pregnancy tests later, both their fears were confirmed. Tara was pregnant.

They quietly visited an OBGYN and the pregnancy was officially confirmed. Tara was petrified and so was Jax at first. But as the days went by, he felt a calmness and happiness that spread. Their love created a child and he couldn't think of another way to be connected to Tara for the rest of his life. They decided to keep the pregnancy quiet for the first couple of months, although, they both suspected that Gemma knew.

Tara had terrible morning sickness and was an emotional mess. He tried to be there as much as possible but he failed. The club was at war with the Mayans and he was away a lot of the times for long periods of time. One night, while he was in Tacoma he received a call from Donna. She demanded that he return to Charming, that Tara was in the hospital, having suffered a miscarriage. Jax and Opie raced to Charming and by the time he got to St. Thomas, Tara had been discharged.

He thought she would stay at Opie and Donna's house until his return. He was surprised when Donna told him that Tara just wanted to be alone so Donna dropped her off at her father's house. So, he took his bike and drove it to Derek Knowles house. He found her in her shower stall, knees drawn to her knees, sobbing quietly. He took his clothes off and hugged her to his body, her tears causing him to shed a few of his own. In hindsight, he was also weeping for their lost child but at the time, he just wanted to sooth her pain. That night was the first night Tara didn't sleep wrapped up in his arms. He had to spoon her. Jax remembers thinking that she was just upset and that in a few days she would go back to being the girl he loved.

But that was the night things changed between them and Tara became more withdrawn. She hit the books harder than ever and her appearance at the clubhouse drastically dropped. He would notice the faraway look in her eyes and feel disconnected from her like he had never felt before. He desperately held onto her but it was a little bit too late. Ironically, nine months later, she left for San Diego, not caring that she was ripping his heart along the way. He resented her for years for it, however, not long after she had moved into his home, she confessed that at eighteen, never had she felt so alone as she felt the night she lost their first child.

She described how she was cleaning up tables at the diner when she felt the sharp pain in her uterus. How she ran to the bathroom to see her underwear stained with blood. She called Tacoma first but he wasn't at the clubhouse. Her father was second and he was drunk at the Hairy Dog. Gemma was out of the question, so she called Donna to meet her at the hospital. Tara had to drive herself to the hospital as she felt her baby leaking out of her, the pain in her uterus almost unbearable.

It was Donna who held her hand while the doctors checked her out. When she was discharged, Donna wheeled her out to the Cutlass and Tara had to watch as Donna cleaned out the blood from the driver's seat with baby wipes.

Tara told Donna she just wanted to be alone and Donna being the most compassionate woman they ever knew gave Tara the space she craved. That night, Tara vowed never to be that helpless and her resolve to leave Charming was cemented.

Jax apologized to Tara and she gave him a sad smile. That night, they opened up to one another in a way that neither had before.

That same night, Tara confessed that she had had an abortion about a year prior to Abel being born, the father being Joshua Kohn. Jax felt the bile rising and he stood from his chair and started pacing the halls.

The fact that another man's seed had been inside his wife made his blood boil. He knew the circumstances of that pregnancy and part of him was glad Tara had gotten rid of it, his selfishness bleeding over. However, he knew that if Tara would had had a child with another man, he would had loved that child with that same intensity Tara loved Abel, not caring who was the father of the child, even if it would had been a psychopath like Kohn.

Tara explained that Kohn was just a distraction that she never loved him just like he never loved Wendy. She met him in the coffee shop near where she worked and asked her out on a date. Tara politely declined but he showed up there every morning for a month until she finally agreed. Kohn wove his tangled web and trapped Tara in it before she even had time to wrap her head around the ATF agent. She was stressed over her first year as a resident, she was distraught because Donna had informed her that Jax had gotten married and Tara was just lonely. So, Kohn was there and she just let go not really thinking about the consequences of her actions. A few months into the relationship, Tara wanted out and Kohn refused to acknowledge the end of the relationship. One beating later, Tara had a restraining order and an unplanned pregnancy.

She quickly had the procedure and hoped to put the Kohn chapter behind her. That clearly didn't work and Tara found herself in the last place she thought she would land in. Charming was the same but she was different.

Jax remembers the first time he ran into Tara after her returned. How her beauty seemed to grow with time. He was riding past her father's house, a bad habit he had never been able to shake off when he noted that the garage door was open, stacks of newspapers piled in the curb. Derek had been dead for weeks and curiosity made him pull over a few houses over and he walked to the house he use to sneak into when he was a teen. The first thing he saw was her ass in tight jeans—he recognized that ass anywhere. She was messing with the engine of the Cutlass, a dirty rag in one of her hands, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. He was silent for a few minutes as he watched her concentrate on the task at hand, failing miserably while doing so. He cleared his throat and she nearly banged her head on the lid as she turned to face him. She instantly smiled and he felt his world shift back into place. They spent the afternoon trying to get the Cutlass to start, catching up. She told him about her schooling and her career. Jax felt like the same nineteen year old she left behind. Here she was an accomplished doctor and the farthest he had gotten was being the vice-president of a motorcycle club in an old town in California.

That night, he drank himself to oblivion, thinking where he failed. He fucked some faceless croweater, Tara's face being the only one he saw.

He confessed all of that to her and promised that all his fucking around was done now that she was back in the picture.

But he failed her yet again, fucking not only one woman since her return but three.

He and Tara were yet to be official when he slept with Wendy on the eve of Donna's death so he often didn't think that as cheating. Actually, after Wendy fell asleep, he snuck out of the house and rode to where he and Tara use to spend so many of their private moments as teens. The mellow was always the place he went when he was feeling out of sorts and that night he swore to end things with Wendy permanently. He wanted Tara. He needed Tara more than ever and he swore he would fight for her…for them.

That sentiment drove him to declare his love for her in St. Thomas. When Tara admitted she was returning to Chicago, he lost it. It was like his heart was being ripped from his chest again. For ten years, he tried to fill the void Tara left behind, however, no one could compare to the woman who stole his heart when he was merely sixteen years old. So that day, he yelled at her in order to make her understand, how much she truly meant to him. When she decided to stay, to give them a chance, he felt relieved and for the first time in a long time, he was truly happy. That night, they made love over and over again in his living room. Tara questioned why he didn't want them sleeping in his bed but he was quickly to blame dirty, old sheets, not wanting her to realize that another woman slept on those sheets the prior night. The morning after, he threw away the sheets and the matching set that came with it not wanting to ever remember the last night he spent with his ex-wife while he was with the only woman who mattered.

Then shit went sour with the Irish and Abel got kidnapped. He saw how Luann's death destroyed Otto and he couldn't bare the thought of ever losing Tara permanently so he pushed her away. He pushed her away so much but she remained loyal and stuck by his side, regardless of how shitty he treated her. He knew that breaking up with her wouldn't be enough to make her go away so he cheated with Ima. Ima was a desperation ploy to push Tara away and it fucking worked. Tara's face when she walked into the dorm room had his insides turning cold. The pure devastation and heartbreak on her face wanted to make him jump up from the bed and beg for her forgiveness. Then he thought of Luann and how she had her head smashed in. And then Donna, who had her brains blown in. Then, lastly, his mother, whose inside were ripped apart when Zobelle's men raped her over and over again. So, he stayed in that bed, with Ima standing in one end of the dorm room in his shirt while Tara stood in the other.

With the slam of the door, he knew he had pushed Tara to the brink. If it weren't for his desire to find Abel, Jax would have gotten drunk and high and fucked around until he couldn't with himself anymore. At the time he had lost the two most important people in his life and he despised himself for it.

So he travelled to Ireland, with a frozen heart and filled with self-loathing. He gave Abel up after realizing how destructive the MC life truly was. It was Gemma who slapped some common sense into him after revealing that the love of his life was pregnant with his second child. It was then that he realized he had to fight for his family, no matter the cost.

The worst was the fourteen months he spent in Stockton. Watching Tara's belly grow every week was the most beautiful and most heartbreaking experience of his life. He knew that they had created Thomas out of pure love, which was, juxtapose with Abel's conception. However, as their son grew in her uterus, he was locked behind bars. He struggled to watch her struggle with bills, with the pregnancy, with a toddler and with a bubbling career. He hated himself and the choices he made that led him to be enclosed in a cell and he swore he would give his family a beautiful life.

And when he was released on parole, it was great at first. He was living happily with his family but like always the club and his mistakes got in the way.

He sat down and thought of that fateful day when Tara's dreams almost came to an end. They were almost out of the chaos when Clay's sadistic plan to have Tara killed backfired tremendously. Jax was able to save Tara but her hand, her livelihood, was forever damaged. The weeks after the accident were heartbreaking. Tara tried so hard not to breakdown but there were times when he caught her looking at her hand, tears dwelling behind her eyes.

He tried to make her forget his broken promises by being home as much as possible but given that he was the president of the MC, he often left her alone with two small children and an injured hand. He hated himself for it but she reassured him that she had things handled.

Jax scoffed as he thought of the nightmare that was the Otto situation. He should have stopped Tara but he saw how eager she was to help the club and he turned a blind eye to it all because he wanted her to feel included. He also wanted to prove to her that he could carry on his father's legacy without failing miserably so he started lying so not to make her runaway. Shit with the club was bad and he thought that if she didn't know half the shit storm that was Damon Pope things would run smoother. But like all things them, his planning failed and he had to watch as Roosevelt led his wife from their home in handcuffs.

That week she was in jail he didn't know what to do so he leaned on Gemma, letting her back in when Tara had always told him to keep his mother at arms length. When Tara admitted she was pregnant with another child, he thought that perhaps they could all bury the hatchet. However, instead of the pregnancy bringing them closer, the distance between he and Tara just kept growing. She wouldn't even admit to him that she loved him something that broke his heart each time she refused to say those words back to him.

"Mr. Teller."

Jax looked up and saw Margaret standing near the nurses' station.

Jax stood and walked over to Margaret.

"How is she doing?" he whispered as soon as he stood near her.

Margaret gave him a measured look. "How do you think she is doing? Her own mother-in-law attacked her causing Tara to have a miscarriage." Margaret paused. "When is it going to be enough?"

"What?"

"Tara loves you. She loves your sons above all yet you put everyone but her and the boys first. How can you live with yourself? How can you go home to her every night and stand idle as your club and your mother continuously destroys her…" Margaret shook her head. "You disgust me, Mr. Teller. I hope that one day you do right by her and let her go live the life she deserves."

Jax felt the anger rise.

"You know nothing about us."

Margaret stepped closer to him. "I know enough. Tara is miserable here. She has been miserable for a long time. She might go to prison and yet you parade around town like nothing is wrong. What type of man are you to let your wife take the blame for something a club member did? What type of father are you to let he mother of his kids rotten in prison for men in kuttes?"

Jax recoiled at her words. She gave him a look of pure disgust.

"Tara could have visitors now. Go ahead and go fill her head with empty promises. It seems that's what you are good at."

Margaret walked away without letting him mutter a word.

He tried to shake Margaret's words as he walked to Tara's room.

Once he opened her door and saw her lying in that hospital bed, he vowed to make it better for her.

For once, he would put his family first.


	5. Chapter 5

Happy Thanksgiving!

You asked and I deliver...lol. Please review and respond. Let's see if I could get 10 reviews!

What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving than having a chapter on Mrs. Teller-Morrow a.k.a the Black Widow?

xoxo

 ** _Girl from the North Country_**

It felt so good. She felt immense relief as she plunged it deeper.

 _Fucking Tara Knowles._

Gemma pulled back as her daughter-in-law fell to the floor.

 _Fucking Tara Knowles._

She betrayed her son and the club. And for that Tara Knowles had to pay.

 ** _Jax at age 15_**

She smoked as she watched her only surviving son as he hung around Bobby and Chibs in the lot, eagerly asking questions about a bike Bobby and Chibs were restoring.

Jax was so much like John but so much like her too.

She noted his steel resolve, something John lacked especially over the past couple of years. Gemma knew that John had some Irish gash keeping his bed warm. She knew their marriage was over but she had to keep appearances at least until Clay handled John. It wouldn't be long until John was completely out of the picture and Clay would rule over Samcro. And she ruled over Clay so she would have more power than ever. And she would make sure to groom Jax to be the best president Samcro ever had.

She had her own plans and she wouldn't let anyone get in the way of them. Least of all her idealist, fool of a husband—John Teller had to go.

 ** _Jax at age 15, part 2_**

Her son was devastated. He was angry and sullen. John was gone and her son was mourning. Gemma watched from her office as Jax sat on top of the roof of the clubhouse smoking a cigarette.

Jax idolized John but in reality, John was a weak man. A very weak man; he always got lost in his own head. But Jax wouldn't be like that. She would make sure of it. She had plans and it all began with Clay and ended with her son sitting at the head of the table.

Yes, it was bad that she had her own husband killed but it had to be done. For herself and for her son; everything she did was for her son.

 ** _Jax at age 16, part 1_**

She thought that once John was gone for good she would have complete control of her son. But something happened. Or she should say, someone happened.

Gemma watched as Jax introduced the doe-eyed brunette to the club. She lit a cigarette and watched as the girl stood shyly next to Jax, his arm around her waist. Her son looked happy. She has never seen him with that stupid grin on his face.

It wasn't love. It couldn't be love. The girl was just his new conquest. She wasn't like all the croweaters or sweet butts or other high school sluts he brought around once in a while. She was composed and innocent and obviously wasn't putting out. Jax never had to work for pussy, so the girl was putting him to work. But she would be gone soon enough. Girls like her never last in the MC world.

Jax pulled the girl towards the office. Gemma put out the cigarette and waited for them by the door.

Gemma looked right at the girl, not pretending to like her or her presence. The girl shifted on her feet, the unease painted clearly on her face.

Jax cleared his throat. "Mom, this is Tara Knowles, my girlfriend."

 _Fucking Tara Knowles._

Gemma stretched out her hand and shook the small delicate hands of the little twig. "Pleasure to meet you, Tara," she said her voice cold and judgmental.

This little gash wouldn't have her son. Not if she could help it.

 ** _Jax at age 16, part 2_**

She was walking towards the florist when she noted her son's bike in front of the diner. She took off her sunglasses and watched as her son stole a French fry from Tara's plate. Tara said something that had her son laughing. He leaned over the booth and kissed Tara, tenderly in the lips.

Her son might be in love. Gemma felt her heart start beating uncontrollably as she watched them.

Her son might be in love.

She turned and started walking towards the florist. She had a wedding to continue planning.

As soon as she married Clay, she would handle Tara fucking Knowles.

 ** _Jax at age 16, part 3_**

She was finally married to Clay and she was Queen again. Instead of wearing the traditionally white like she did when she married John, she opted for black. She made it very clear that no one but her could wear black, the only exception being the kuttes that guys had to wear.

She was happy until she saw Tara sitting among the guests. Her son was walking her down the aisle when she saw little miss perfect sitting next Opie. Instead of having his eyes on his mother, Jax looked at his girlfriend and her own damn son forgot Gemma on her special day.

Tara obeyed the rules and didn't wear black but she did wear white looking more innocent than ever. Gemma hated Tara at the moment more than she had before. Tara looked more beautiful than the bride on her day and that was unforgivable.

After the ceremony, Gemma sought out her son but he had disappeared with Tara. After excusing herself from her guests, she went to her home using the excuse that she wanted to change her dress. She arrived to her house and saw her son's bike parked in front. She entered quietly, taking off her stilettos in the process. She walked to her son's room and from afar saw the door was slightly open. She walked in the shadows and saw her son balls deep inside Tara Knowles both panting in passion. She stepped away and walked towards her room. She found a sexy black number and dressed to the nine. By the time she left, her son was still holed up in his room with that girl.

It was just sex, Gemma reasoned. He would lose interest as soon as the sex became predictable. Love didn't survive in the MC world. Young love didn't survive in the MC world. She was the prime example of it.

 ** _Jax at age 16, part 4_**

She knew she was beginning to lose him when he stopped talking to her. When he was a kid, he would always express his feelings to her. He was like John that way—expressive and emotional. But he didn't share his feelings anymore. He barely even spent time home anymore.

Gemma sat next to Clay at their dinner table and attempted to share some moments with her son but he was not interested. He wanted to eat and go. Had plans with Tara he said, his impatience shining thru. She had made his favorite but he was simply not interested. Apparently, the pussy was that good that not even his favorite meal could distract him from Tara fucking Knowles.

It was time she talked to Clay about patching her son in earlier than what they had planned. Tara was too much of a distraction. She had to reign in Jackson before it was too late.

 ** _Jax at age 17, part 1_**

Jax loved the girl but he loved the club too. He loved that kutte he was wearing; he loved the power that came with it.

Convincing Clay to have Jax prospect so young took time but he came around, eventually. Now her son was flourishing in the club his father built. Gemma took a sip of coffee as she watched the club pull in from another three-day ride from Nevada.

Being Queen of Samcro came with its perks. One of them being that croweaters and other Old Ladies across charters reported to her, giving her insight of what was going on with her son when she wasn't around. She knew he was being faithful to Tara. Wouldn't even allow for his dick to get suck from sweet butts in other charters. But it wouldn't be long before temptation became too much. Jax would stray. All men did in the MC world. It would be a matter of time. And Tara will find out. She would make sure of it.

 ** _Jax at age 17, part 2_**

Gemma watched in shock as Tara beat the crap out of a blonde croweater in the middle of the clubhouse. Everyone was frozen in place. The usually calm Tara Knowles was beating the shit of some poor croweater who got too close to Jackson during one of the clubhouse parties. The crowd was silent the only sound coming out of the blaring speakers was some old Rolling Stones song.

Opie was the first one to snap out of the trance. He tried to grab Tara from her waist but she was too wild. Jax soon join and Gemma swore that Jackson's involvement just made Tara angrier. Gemma saw the brunette weave one of her hands into the blonde croweaters hair and when Jackson and Opie pulled Tara, the croweater was dragged a few feet with them. Bobby had to pry Tara's fingers away from the crying croweater's hair one by one. Right before they finally got Tara off, she landed one last blow and Gemma swore that the poor croweater's jaw was dislocated. There goes her dick sucking skills, thought Gemma briefly.

 _Holy shit._

Jax carried a furious Tara out of the clubhouse, her fists banging repeatedly against her son's back.

She watched as the other croweaters tended to the bloodied one. As Queen she should step in but she was too shocked to even go to the injured whore.

She walked out of the clubhouse into the lot and saw her son and Tara arguing in the Teller-Morrow office. She watched as the brunette slapped Jax and stormed out, quickly getting into her Old Man's Cutlass.

Gemma had to step out of the way or Tara would have run over her feet. Gemma turned and watched as her son stood quietly staring at the wall in front of him. A few moments later, he grabbed her chair and flung it through the window, shattering the glass. He started punching the wall nearest to him until he stopped, his knuckles bloodied. She walked with purpose to attend to her hurting baby but he brushed past her and got on his bike.

Gemma stood alone in the lot and watched as her son rode out of Teller-Morrow.

For the first time in her life, she questioned her choices. Maybe she shouldn't have had that croweater call the Knowles residence asking to speak to Tara. Maybe she shouldn't have had the croweater lie and say that Jackson was cheating on Tara. Just maybe she made the wrong move.

The look of absolute heartbreak on her son's face when he walked past her made her doubt her choices.

Tara Knowles was more dangerous than what she originally thought.

 ** _Jax at age 17, part 3_**

It wasn't easy to calm Clay down but she did what she did best—she handled the situation. Since Tara's outburst, Jax had gone missing for two weeks forgoing his club responsibilities. And that had a livid Clay ready to kill Jackson.

The first couple of days, she brushed it off. At times, Jax needed time to cool off. But after the fourth day she got worried. She nagged Clay and Unser to find out where Jax was until she got the answer she was seeking from the least expected source…Mary. She had overheard Opie talking on the phone with Jax. Apparently, he skipped town and was in Nevada with the _Devil's Tribe_. At first she was relieved but Mary gleefully informed her that Tara was also down there.

Gemma was at lost as to what to do. The future president of Samcro had to be strong and pussy just weakened a man. Jax was in too deep with Tara and that was a weakness. A weakness that could easily be exploited if their enemies found out about the brunette; her son couldn't be vulnerable to any weaknesses. She refused for Jax to become John…No, her son had to be strong and solely focused on Samcro and their future. Gemma made plans during those two weeks; plans that were to be executed to perfection if she wanted Jax to be the future of Samcro.

So she planted the bug in Clay and as soon as the couple arrived, Clay made it his business to involve Jax more than ever in Samcro business. Yes, they were risks but it was worth it in the long term. Jax spent more time with the club and less in school and with Tara. So consumed he was in club business that she sensed the frustration coming out of Tara whenever the brunette hung around the club.

By the end of the spring, Jax dropped out much to her delight and Tara's devastation. She heard the couple arguing about it during Samcro's spring picnic. Tara stormed away and this time her son didn't follow. In fact, Jax stayed away from Tara for a few weeks, partying with the club and handling business like real men do.

Gemma was happy to see her son embracing the life but was a little disappointed that he still wouldn't stray even though the brunette had not been around for weeks.

But Gemma should have known that you shouldn't but all your eggs in one basket. Three weeks after the argument, Jax stormed out of the clubhouse, the fury clearly painted on his face. He got on his bike and Opie ran after him, trying to stop Jax from roaring out of the clubhouse but Jax was a man on a mission. Jax rode out at full speed from the lot, Opie jumping into his bike and chasing after Jax.

One hour later, she got a call from Unser. Jax had been arrested for beating the shit out of some poor kid and the parents were thinking of pressing charges. Apparently, Jax got word that the kid had taken out Tara to the movies. Gemma rushed to the precinct and demanded that her son be released. Unser explained that they had to keep Jax overnight due to the assault and battery charges and Gemma just looked at Clay who understood what his role would be. Clay walked out of the precinct with Tig at his heels.

Gemma went home because Unser was being an ass and wouldn't let her see her son. So she sat at her dining table and drank and smoked pot. She even tended to her garden to keep her mind busy. Clay came in a few hours later and told her he had handled business.

Early the next morning, Unser called to inform her that the parents of the kid weren't going to press charges. Gemma made sure to show Clay her appreciation and showered before leaving her house to pick up her son. By the time she got to the precinct, Unser told her that Jax had left much to her astonishment.

Gemma rode to the clubhouse and asked around for Jax. She quickly found out he wasn't around which pissed her off. The whole day, she didn't hear a word from Jax and she was quickly dreading that Tara was involved again.

Her suspicions were confirmed that night around 11pm when she got another call from Unser. Gemma rode out to the precinct and demanded to know what happened. Unser told her Jax and Tara were arrested for indecent exposure, apparently getting caught having sex in the middle of Charming Gardens.

Gemma rolled her eyes and bailed her son out. When Jax came out from the back, he demanded that she pay for Tara's bail too that her father couldn't find out of the arrest. Unser informed him that it was a little bit too late for that and Jax jogged back to be with her while they waited for Derek Knowles's arrival much to Gemma's frustration.

The drunken arrived 30 minutes later much to Gemma's annoyance, drunk out of his mind. He silently filled out the paperwork and handled over the crumbled bills. When Tara came out the back, her face full of tears and Jax holding her hand, Gemma felt the anger rising again. Tara gave Jax a peck on the lips and wordlessly walked out of the station with her father, the look of shame bringing out more tears. Jax shoved his hands in his pockets and walked out of the station without muttering a thank you to either Unser or Gemma.

Gemma stormed out and started yelling at her son. He lit a cigarette and got in her car not bothering to smart talk her or charm her for the first time in his life. He silently smoked, the worry radiating out of him in waves.

When they got to their home, he excused himself and said he was tired that he just wanted to sleep.

So she let him go and she smoke a cigarette and took a shower. When she went back to check up on her son, she saw that his room was empty.

She grunted out of frustration.

 _Tara Fucking Knowles._

 ** _Jax at age 17, part 4_**

Another night, another arrest.

It seemed that her son and his girlfriend had a knack for getting into trouble together.

As she filled out the paperwork at the station, Unser gave her a brief rundown and she heard the laughter coming out of the back. Apparently, the couple was happily drunk.

Unser didn't bother calling Derek this time around and Gemma bailed them both out. The couple sang stupid songs as she rode them back to the Teller-Morrow residence. She watched them through the rearview mirror and a part of her loved seeing her son so happy and in love. But she was a reasonable person and she knew that Tara was more of a hindrance than anything else. A girl that smart could only cloud her son's judgment.

When they arrived at Teller-Morrow residence, she fed them and dispatched them to bed. She pointed out the guest room to Tara but she knew it wouldn't be put to use.

Clay was in Tacoma so she had nothing better to do that tended to her plants which she did while she smoked a joint. It was past midnight when she walked to her room and she tried to ignore the sounds of the headboard banging against the wall of Jax's room.

She fell into a deep sleep after a quick shower. The next morning, she woke up early enough to make breakfast and by the time Jax and Tara came down, it was time for her to go to the garage.

She took her last sip of coffee as she watched Jax stealing a piece of bacon of Tara's plate. She hid the small smile as she watched Tara break a piece of her toast and feed it to her son.

She bid her goodbyes and told Tara to cover up the hickeys much to Tara's embarrassment.

 ** _Jax at age 17, part 5_**

Unser's cousin was dying of cancer so he left for Fresno a few weeks ago. Some douchebag from Oakland was covering for him. Usually that wouldn't bother her but that douche wanted to whip his dick out and show everyone who was boss.

She warned Jax to be careful but like always he didn't listen.

So when she filling out the paperwork for THEIR third arrest, Gemma was surprised to see Derek Knowles storming into the station.

That night wasn't a good night for the drunk since he walked in demanding that his daughter get released immediately. He slammed some crumbled up bills and the douche whose name was Stark or something like that asked the town drunk to calm down. Derek just screamed more obscenities and then turned to Gemma. He blamed her son for his daughter's fall from grace.

When the teens came out the back, he grabbed his daughter and dragged her out of the station.

Jax moved to go after them but Gemma grabbed his arm and advised him against it. She glared at the douche for a bit and then walked out of the precinct with Jax.

They rode out to the club where a party was raging. She hung out a bit with Clay, sitting on his lap while he smoked a cigar and joked around with the members of his club. Jax sat by Opie, silently drinking a beer.

Halfway through the night, she and Clay took a croweater to the back and by the time they came out, Jax was drunk and being dragged to one of the dorm rooms by Opie.

By the morning she had forgotten everything about the arrest. Clay and the club had gone to Stockton to handle a shipment with the Niners. The day was pretty uneventful considering the life.

Around dinnertime, she got another call from the precinct, this time from Unser himself, who was back briefly to check up on his wife. He was heading over to the Knowles residence. Apparently, Jax got into it with Derek. She grunted in frustration and got into her car and drove over.

When she approached the deplorable neighborhood where the Knowles residence was located, she wasn't surprised to see the cop cars out front. What surprised her were the two ambulances parked nearby. She abruptly parked her car and jumped out just as Derek was being brought out in a gurney, his face badly beaten.

She briefly thanked whatever God was above that Jax was still seventeen and couldn't go to prison for the type of beating Derek received.

She rushed to the front of the house and was stopped by a young cop, who clearly didn't know who she was. She yelled for her son and he still wouldn't let her through. It wasn't until Unser came out and dismissed the amateur that Gemma settled down a bit.

Unser pulled her aside and gave her that sad look that always pissed her off. She told him to spit it out and he shook his head and told her that it was bad. He tried to get a few words out but Gemma being Gemma pushed him to the side and stomped up the steps to the Knowles residence.

As soon as she walked in, she noted how the house was a disaster. There was glass everywhere and furniture pieces were all out of place.

She saw the paramedics and cops forming a semi-circle towards the end of the living room and she pushed her way through. Down on the floor, Jax had his arm around Tara and he kept whispering words to her as the young girl sobbed. Gemma couldn't see her face given that that Tara's hair was covering it. She did note how the young girl was hugging her knees tight to her chest slowly rocking herself back and forth. There was a paramedic crouched down next to her waiting for God knows what.

Gemma crouched in front of the girl and Jax looked startled to see her. She quickly noted the shiner on his face and his bloody knuckles. She gently moved some of the hair from Tara's face and she felt a few tears burning in her eyes.

Derek fucking Knowles did quite the number on his only daughter. From what Gemma could see, the girl had a black eye and maybe a broken cheek. Her lips were so swollen that Gemma could bet that the girl wouldn't be able to eat solid food for about two weeks.

Gemma muttered a few words of encouragement. Eventually she and Jax got Tara to stand up and the paramedic tried to pounce on her but a glare from Gemma put that all to a halt. All three walked slowly to the ambulance and Gemma noticed how one of her wrist had a funny angle to it.

When they finally reached the ambulance, the annoying paramedic immediately checked Tara and it was decided that she needed to be taken to the emergency room for further testing and a thorough check-up.

Unser pointed out that Jax needed to be taken to the station for assault and Tara's pleads for Jax made the chief reconsider. He agreed to talk to Jax in the morning, the young girl's hysterics making him curse the complexities of his job. Not everything was so black and white when you were a cop, he said to Gemma.

Gemma followed the ambulance to the hospital but she wasn't allowed into the exam room due to patient privacy. Her son was in there though but she let it go. After all there wasn't an inch of Tara's body he hadn't seen.

She called Clay from one of the hospital phones and explained the situation. He wanted to come over right away but she told him not to; she might not be able to keep the girl away from her son so she had to go with the second option. Gemma had to bring Tara close—very close if she wanted her son to rule the club one day.

 ** _Jax at age 18, part 1_**

It was his birthday.

Gemma took a shot of tequila and watched as her son sat on his brand new Harley, the new patch looking fantastic in his kutte. Gemma did a good job sewing it into place. Tara was there too. Since that night at the hospital, she had made it her business to keep the brunette close to her.

Gemma pushed her great feelings of dislike to the side and allowed for the girl to practically move in with them. The day after the assault, Gemma went to the Knowles residence and packed a few of the girls belongings; not that there were much. It was obvious that the Knowles were struggling to get by. Unser had advised her to stay away from that house but Derek wasn't stupid enough to press charges against the future King of Samcro, she told him. And she was right. The drunk didn't press charges and allowed for his daughter to practically move in with the Teller-Morrow clan.

It was a few months later and it was Jax's birthday and he was happier than she ever seen him.

Gemma looked at her son for one last minute as he laughed with Tara, Opie, and Donna. Gemma smirked and walked around, mingling with the guests. She was Queen after all and she had a role to play.

A few hours later, she was pretty drunk and she wanted a few words with her son. She wanted to tell him she was proud of what he was becoming.

She asked around and she saw that his bike was still in the lot. It was Chibs who told her that he saw Jax, Tara, and Happy walking towards the back. She pushed around and started opening doors. She was drunk enough for everything to be hazy. A few rooms had bikers fucking croweaters or sweet butts or both. Some doors, she left open, not caring if others saw what was going on in many of the rooms. Gemma opened the final door and she gasped when she saw that was going on.

Tara was in her jeans and bra, standing looking at her back through a standup mirror they had stolen from one of the other rooms. Jax was also lacking a shirt and she saw an outline of the reaper on his back. A permanent home for the Reaper, she briefly thought. But her eyes went back to Tara who had turned and was looking straight at Gemma, a smirk on her lips.

Happy picked up the small book bag that she knew carried his tattoo supplies. He wordlessly walked out of the room and left her standing there with her son and the gash that was stealing him away from her. She slayed a bit on her feet and Tara walked over to where Jax stood. He pulled her close, placing his hand on her ass and she saw the tattoo. Gemma knew the tattoo well, having it placed right above her heart. She looked at her son and he asked her if there was anything she needed. Through her drunken haze, she noted that her son and Tara looked pretty sober so that meant that she couldn't dismiss the tattoo as a drunken mistake.

Jax asked again and she shook her head, swallowing back her tears. Tara whispered something in his ear that put a happy smile on Jax's face. Jax walked over to where Gemma was standing and gave her a brief kiss on one of her cheeks. He then gently pushed her out of the room, saying he needed some alone time with his Old Lady. After he shut the door and locked it, she stood on the opposite end for a while. Long enough to hear the giggling and laughter on the other side.

The clubhouse was a mad house that night and some might even say that was the night she started going mad. The realization that Jax had long ago replaced her as the number one woman in his life finally hitting Gemma like a ton of bricks. So, she stood outside the door, in shock for a long time. It was when sounds of the moaning and grunting started that she snapped out of her haze and started walking back to the main room of the clubhouse.

She ignored everyone and everything else and got in her car.

For the first time since Tommy died, she was at lost as to what to do.

She lost her other baby.

 ** _Jax at age 18, part 2_**

They must have thought she was stupid or something.

Jax rarely spent nights at their house anymore, opting to stay in the room he claimed as his at the clubhouse. And of course, each time he slept at the clubhouse, Tara was there as well.

Gemma thought that by bringing Tara closer that she would have control of the situation. But she was highly mistaken. Quite the opposite happened actually. Tara was more controlling of Jax and to Gemma's surprise, Tara was actually a spitfire underneath all the studious nature.

She had lost count how many times members of the club had to pull the brunette away from some innocent croweater, who was trying to do her job. Croweaters had to satisfy club members and according to Tig, not one had touched her son in years. Not since Jax and Tara became a couple. So each time one even looked at Jax, Tara went a bit crazy, hitting and punching any croweater she noticed was getting too close to Jax.

And Jax loved it. Gemma saw it in his eyes each time Tara unleashed on some poor croweater or even sweet butt. He loved Tara's possessiveness over him. But if Tara was possessive then Jax was another animal. He made it clear that all men had to stay clear of his Old Lady. He even punched Kozik on the face once just for saying some smart remark about how hot his girlfriend was. The past couple of months have proven to Gemma that the couple of more solid than ever.

But for the past couple of days, Tara and Jax were acting strange and jumpy, especially Tara. Every time Gemma tried to engage her in conversation, Tara made some excuse that she needed to do something or another. Gemma grew suspicious of their behavior, so one day when Tara was in school and Jax was out with the club, she went into the dorm room and started looking for answers. And she got them, all right.

Tara thought she was so clever by putting them inside a black bag inside the trash bag of the bathroom garbage container. But Gemma opened the black bag and found so many pregnancy tests that Gemma thought it was a bit excessive. And she picked one up and saw the positive sign on it. She stared at it for a bit and put it back were it was along with the black garbage bag.

She made sure the room look the same as it did before she walked in and stroll right back out without a care of the world.

So she was going to be a fucking grandmother. This was not in the plan—at least not right now.

 ** _Jax at age 18, part 3_**

Donna finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

It's been weeks since Gemma found out about Tara's pregnancy and yet Tara was as skinny as ever. So either Tara killed her grandbaby or she miscarried. Gemma looked across the room and saw Tara standing by Jax. In the last couple weeks, Tara had become withdrawn. So as Tara stood by her son, Gemma noted how sad she looked. At times, Tara looked at Donna with a sort of envy especially when Donna had her bundle of joy in her arms.

So, Tara miscarried, Gemma concluded.

Midway through the party, Tara walked out, not that anyone noticed. But Gemma did; Gemma always noticed everything.

She quietly slipped out of the party and saw Tara standing in the Winston's backyard facing away from the party. Gemma saw Tara's shoulders shake and she heard a few sobs. Gemma shook her head and walked back into the party.

Tara Knowles didn't have the stones to be an Old Lady. She was crying over a miscarriage. Gemma buried her youngest son and she wasn't falling apart.

 ** _Jax at age 19, part 1_**

That bitch destroyed him.

Gemma opened the door to her house and Opie was literally carrying her son to bed. He was so drunk that he couldn't even control his motor skills. When Opie left, she slammed the door shut and stormed to Jax's room.

She was going to yell for whatever it was worth. No stupid bitch would bring her son down to his knees. But when she walked into his room, she saw him in bed and he was crying. She couldn't even remember when was the last time she saw Jax cry. It was probably before he even started kindergarten. Jax didn't even cry when Tommy or John died. Yet he was crying because Tara Knowles left for San Diego.

She walked further into the room and put his head on her lap. She started stroking his head and her hatred for Tara quadrupled.

But at the same time, she felt happy. She looked down at her son's face and as his tears rolled down to her lap, she was finally happy Tara fucking Knowles wasn't part of the picture. Not anymore.

And she was back to being number one in Jax's life. She was number one.

 ** _Years Later_**

She was perfect—at least for Gemma's standards.

Wendy was a former dancer from somewhere in New Jersey who thought she would make it big out West. Of course along her travels, Wendy became acquainted with drugs and alcohol and one year after leaving New Jersey, she was dancing with a thong on, in a shoddy club in Las Vegas. One of the Las Vegas club members noticed her and pretty soon she was getting screwed doggie style by club members in Nevada and then California. That's how she met Jax. She was there one night for a good time. That one time turned to several and pretty soon, Gemma saw her opportunity.

Gemma didn't care for Wendy's past but apparently she held Jax's interest long enough. So, Gemma influenced her son and pushed Wendy and now, they were married.

Gemma watched as the needle hit Wendy's arm. The crow was a privilege and she made sure Wendy knew that. She also made sure to inform the young princess that drugs would not be tolerated in her family. Wendy nodded her head enthusiastically and swore she had been clean for weeks. She even claimed to love her son deeply and Gemma believed her. Too bad she knew that Wendy didn't really register in her son's radar, least of all in his heart.

Happy wasn't doing this tat, which disappointed Gemma a bit. And Jax didn't know about it either. But this would be good for their marriage. Wendy had to show to the world that she was Jax Teller's Old Lady and eventually she would be Queen. Gemma would sure that Wendy would be an exceptional Queen.

She smiled as she watched Wendy handle the needle pretty well. She nodded her head in approval.

 ** _A Few Hours Later_**

Jackson was furious. He was yelling at Wendy in the middle of the lot and she just coward refusing to even look at him.

Gemma pursed her lips in disappointment. A true Queen wouldn't even shiver if King yelled at her. No, a Queen would stand up for what she believed in. A Queen took down the pawns and protected the King.

Jax was done yelling. He walked past Gemma and into the clubhouse and Wendy crumbled even more.

Gemma rolled her eyes and walked over to her daughter-in-law. She pulled her to the side and told Wendy to suck it up. Jax would get over his anger over the tattoo. He just didn't know that Wendy was the best choice…at least not yet. At least that's what Gemma hoped as she turned to look at the closed clubhouse door.

 ** _Jax at age 29, part 1_**

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

Tara was back and Jax was over the fucking moon with her return.

She saw it in the way he moved and interacted with others. Jax after Tara left was impulsive and angry. He was not interested in anything else but the club, which was what Gemma wanted as Queen as Samcro.

But as a mother, she saw the devastation Tara's departure caused in her son's spirit and if Gemma were to be honest, it broke her heart to see her son so sad. She knew he slept with countless women and even married one of those women. But no one could bring a smile to her son's face like Tara Knowles did when they were teens.

And now, she was back and Jax was so fucking elated. Seemed like he had short-term memory as to what that stupid bitch did to him when she left. But Gemma didn't forget.

So, one day she picked up Wendy from Jax's house and took her out for a day of pampering. Wendy was beginning to show and Jax was still living at the clubhouse. Throughout the day, Gemma encouraged Wendy to visit Jax at the clubhouse after they finished with their girls' day out. Gemma told Wendy to repair her marriage. She advised that the baby needed both his parents together. But most importantly, the baby needed his grandma; she made sure to point that out too.

Gemma had planned the day perfectly. So when, she pulled up to the supermarket with her daughter-in-law at her heels, she was happy to see Tara Knowles, shopping for groceries. Gemma made sure to cross paths with her and gleefully introduced Wendy to Tara. Gemma watched in satisfaction as the brunette's heart broke as her eyes wandered over Wendy and paused over the bump. Tara politely excused herself and continued moving as if the news didn't impact her, but it did. Gemma saw it in her eyes.

Afterwards, she took Wendy to the clubhouse, and Jax wasn't there.

He did come a few hours later and he was in a horrid mood. His mood seemed to worsen once his eyes landed on Wendy, who looked exceptionally pretty that day.

Instead of greeting his wife and mother, Jax walked with purpose to the clubhouse and came out a few minutes later, a manila envelop in his hands.

He walked into the office and told Wendy he wanted to make the divorce official that he had signed the papers. He asked her to sign and to send him the medical bills. He then looked at Gemma and told her to make sure Rosen got the papers after Wendy signed them. He strolled right back out without even bothering to look back.

Wendy burst into tears and Gemma had to close her mouth since it hung down in shock.

 ** _Jax at age 29, part 2_**

Her grandson almost died and it had to be Tara Knowles who saved him, thought an utterly frustrated Gemma.

Prior to Tara saving Abel, Gemma had a tough time keeping Jax focused on what was important. Now, Jax worshiped the doctor and it was nearly impossible to keep him solely focus on club business.

Gemma lit a cigarette and watched as her son nurse another beer, a small smile on his face. She noted how a couple of croweaters tried to get his attention and he gently dismissed them all.

Tara had spent the night two days ago. Gemma noted the stupid grin Jackson had when he came out of his dorm the day after. That's why Gemma patiently waited for the good old doctor to emerge from the dorm. It wasn't shocking that Tara reached for the coffee. What was shocking was seeing Tara break into tears soon after Gemma had a few words with her. Tara was a lot of things but one who burst into tears was not one of them.

Something was going on between those two.

That's another thing that was frustrating her. Jackson was keeping secrets again. So not only was he head over heels in love with a runner, he was also keeping secrets with that runner.

Gemma took another drag of her cigarette. Jackson stood and said goodbye to the boys. He then got onto his bike and rode off, no doubt to his precious Tara.

Gemma scoffed and pursed her lips. Her plan with Wendy failed. Wendy was a weak bitch that did not have the stones to be the woman Jackson needed her to be.

Gemma felt the frustration radiating out of her in waves.

The most frustrating thing about the whole situation was the fact that for the first time, she felt gratitude for Tara Knowles—she saved her grandson and brought her son back to life.

 ** _A Few Weeks Later_**

Donna had been dead for a couple of weeks now.

Opie had yet to return and his family was barely hanging on by a thread.

Clay was stressed over the Niners and his guilt from Donna's death.

The club was still in shock about what happened to poor Donna.

Wendy was long gone. That weak bitch proved to be everything Gemma didn't want in a daughter in law.

And then there was Jackson.

Jackson and Tara.

While things were hanging in suspension, her son was playing house with Mary fucking Poppins.

Gemma watched as Tara blew raspberries in Abel's stomach, making the baby squeal out of delight.

Gemma moved her head to the side and watch as Tara interacted with Abel. Tara was obviously in love with her grandson. Tara had that look in her face that she has seen countless times in Old Ladies.

She scoffed making Tara look up with questioning eyes.

Gemma just shook her head and walked to the kitchen.

Tara wanted a baby.

Gemma sighed as she walked into the kitchen.

Gemma looked around and was surprise to see the house in order. Wendy was a slob. Tara was neat. Gemma nodded in approval.

 ** _Jax at age 30, part 1_**

Those monsters had ripped her apart. Inside and out.

Gemma picked up the Bible as she sat in Jax's living room.

She read a bit and stopped when Abel started crying for a bottle.

When he was fed and changed, he quickly fell asleep, so she went back to reading.

There was a party in Luanne's studio. Jax had the bright idea of getting the club involved in porn.

Usually, she would had something to say but now…

Those men ripped her apart. And she didn't know how to move past it.

 ** _Jax at age 30, part 2_**

Another nightmare. She jolted awake and saw that Clay wasn't in the bed next to her. His side felt cold.

He never came home.

Gemma got up from her bed and walked into her kitchen. She lit a joint and grabbed her cell.

She thought of dialing Unser but he was sicker than usual and he would just come over and coddle her like he always did. He thought because he had known her for so long that he had the right to hover over her and baby her.

She could go down to the clubhouse and walk in on her husband probably fucking so pop tart but that wouldn't do anyone any good.

So she strolled down her contact list and called Tara.

The doctor picked up after two rings. Gemma heard her son whining in the background about it being late but Tara quiet him down with a few words.

Tara told Gemma she was going to pay her a visit and Gemma tried to stop her but Tara proved herself to be quite the stubborn woman.

So a few minutes later, Tara showed up in her front door and made Gemma tea.

They sat for hours talking. Tara kept refilling Gemma's mug every few hours and for the first time in a long time, Gemma didn't feel so alone.

Around 8, Jax stopped by with Abel. Gemma watched from her seat how Tara took Abel from Jax's arms. The couple talked for a few minutes by the door and Gemma saw the love between them. For the first time, she really saw Jax and Tara.

She saw how they were extraordinary together.

And for the first time, she realized she loved Tara too.

 ** _Jax at age 30, part 3_**

Ireland was horrid. It rained too much and everything was so dreary.

Gemma sat in Clay's lap as she watched Jax flirting with his own sister.

Fucking John Teller was a weak sack of shit. Getting the Irish gash pregnant while their baby boy was dying from his heart condition.

Gemma stroked Clay's hair as her eyes followed Jax around the lot.

His shoulders were heavy. She could sense his desperation to find Abel. She could also sense that he was missing Tara. Her son was an idiot for doing what he did to Tara. Her poor future daughter-in-law, found Jax with that porn gash. If only he knew that Tara was carrying his son. Gemma shook her head. Cheating was part of the lifestyle. She knew and she accepted it. But what Jax did with Ima was fucked up in whole different level. She would take care of the porn gash when she arrived back to Charming.

But first, she needed to handle another Irish gash, before she had three-headed grandbabies.

So Gemma stood from Clay's lap and walked over to where Trinity stood alone, with a cigarette. Gemma did what Gemma always did… told that stupid Irish whore to stay away from Jax. Too bad she couldn't tell Trinity the reason why.

 ** _Jax at age 30, part 4_**

They were going to kill her boy.

The club that she loved so much was going to kill her boy.

She told Jax not to make the deal with Stahl. She told him to stay away from the poisonous bitch.

But as much as he was her son, he was also John Teller's son. And when John Teller's son made his mind up about something, he stuck by it, no matter the consequences.

Gemma lay in her bed with that stupid bracelet the sheriff's department put on her ankle. Tara walked in with Abel and she asked Gemma if she wanted to spend time with him.

Gemma agreed wholeheartedly and asked Tara to stay with her but Tara declined. She needed time to be by herself around Jax's things.

Gemma watched as Tara walked away, her hand in her belly.

Tara was holding the second prince of Samcro. Gemma had to make sure Tara's head was alright when things calmed down.

Maybe she'll ask her to move in once they got Jax's body from Stockton.

The new prospect walked in and gave her a letter from Jax.

A few minutes later, Gemma smiled as she finished her son's letter.

Jax was her son after all.

 ** _Jax in Stockton_**

Gemma was struggling and so was Tara.

Tara was not only an exceptional doctor, but a great mother, and Old Lady too.

As her belly grew bigger, Gemma couldn't help but to notice the parallels between Tara and herself back when she was pregnant with Thomas.

John was doing his second bid in jail when she found out she was pregnant with Thomas. She remembers telling John while he was behind bars. He was happy but he missed all of it. He missed the delivery and missed when the doctors told her baby boy was sick.

By the time John got out, Thomas was one and wasn't doing so well. That was the beginning of the end for them.

When Thomas died, the compassionate side of Gemma died too.

It took decades later, for her to get that compassion back. Well, she didn't get it back. She learned how to be compassionate from Tara.

Tara, who didn't abandon her when Zobel's men ripped Gemma apart, was the one who taught Gemma about compassion.

Tara, who held her hand all those nights when Gemma was feeling confused and hurt, was the one who taught Gemma about compassion.

Tara, who didn't turn her back on Jackson, when he was being the biggest asshole, was the one who taught Gemma about compassion.

Tara, who didn't run when those cuffs were put on Jax's wrists, who decided to be an Old Lady and mother to Abel, was the one who taught Gemma about compassion.

So, the only way Gemma could ever repay Tara was by teaching her about the world. Nearly, everyday, they sat and talked and Gemma pointed out the rules of the boys club.

And every Saturday, Tara drove to Stockton with Abel and was the calm to Jax's inner storm.

And each Saturday, Gemma was thankful Tara was still around.

 ** _Jax at age 31, part 1_**

Jax and Tara were engaged and instead of all of them celebrating, it was absolute chaos.

Gemma knew about the letters. Tara knew that Gemma knew about the letters. What Tara didn't know was that Clay also knew about the letters.

Abel ran around the house as Thomas napped in his nursery.

Gemma bit her lower lip and thought about what her next move had to be.

Piney was threatening Clay. That wouldn't end in good results. Both men were proud men who lived by a very strict code.

And Jax was slowly pulling away from the club. Jax thought Gemma couldn't tell but Gemma always knew what her son was thinking before he even knew what he was thinking.

Jax was all about family and Tara and the club was becoming secondary to it all.

That would also end disastrously. The club had to be strong so the family life could be solid. That was the rule of thumb. That was the code.

Abel squealed and Gemma got up from the couch to investigate.

She walked to the source of the noise and saw that Thomas was up. Abel was standing by his brother's crib and Gemma leaned against the door. She watched as the boys interacted and felt a small piece of happiness in her heart.

 ** _Jax at age 31, part 2_**

Piney was dead, Clay was in a hospital room and Opie was gone.

And Jax was sitting at the head of the table with Tara by his side. She saw Tara's arm snake around Jax's torso and Gemma felt anger.

Blind raging anger.

She was supposed to be at the head of the table with her son. It was suppose to be her.

Jax was supposed to be hers and hers alone.

 ** _Jax at age 32, part 1_**

Nero was a kind man.

Gemma watched as he made last minute preparations for Jax and Tara's wedding.

Nero had a quality to him that reminded her of John. Nero was a natural born leader. Those around him respected him and value his word.

Tara came out of the room in the back and she witnessed as her son married the woman who he had loved for most of his life.

As much as she hated the position she was in, she couldn't help but feel glad that her son finally got one of the things he always wanted—Tara as his wife.

So, she smiled and held her tears because it would be a long day.

 ** _Jax at age 32, part 2_**

She was lost.

She was no longer Queen, her marriage was over, and Jax and Tara have pushed her away.

She was lost.

So she drank and smoked and let the anger fester inside her like a cancer.

Everything was falling apart and Tara had everything Gemma has worked so hard to obtain.

Gemma took another gulp of whiskey.

 _Fucking Tara Knowles._

 ** _Jax at age 33, part 1_**

Their marriage was barely hanging on from a thread.

Gemma watched as Jax and Tara moved around one another wordlessly.

Tara was cold and unresponsive to anyone and everything but the boys. Tara wouldn't even talk about the new baby with her.

Jax was too caught up in the club and in that old madam.

Gemma smiled as Abel handed her a toy.

She was back in the folds and she would be damned if she would let anyone push her out again. She would be damned.

 ** _Jax at age 33, part 2_**

That bitch tried to push her out again by faking a miscarriage.

Gemma smirked as she lit a joint.

But Tara was no Gemma and her stupid plan was discovered less than 24 hours after executed.

Jax now knew that the only woman he could really count on is his mother. The original Queen. The only true Queen.

Tara had to go. Mommy has to move away. Or she will have to pass away.

 ** _Jax at age 33, part 3_**

She took her fucking boys. She took her grandsons. That traitorous bitch took her grandsons away from her.

Gemma slammed the breaks as soon as she got to her driveway. Clay was fucking dead and now that bitch took her grandsons.

She stomped inside her house and grabbed the nearest bottle of Jack. She drank and drank until she couldn't see straight.

She needed Nero but Nero was with Jax.

But Tara Knowles would pay for it all.

 ** _The Next Afternoon_**

She has lost everything because of this bitch.

Jax killed Clay because Clay killed John. Jax wouldn't have found out about it if it weren't for those letters Tara found. He also killed him because of Piney and because of Tara's hand. It could all be led back to fucking Tara Knowles.

Her son was going to jail because Tara ratted on the club. Tara broke the cardinal rule of the MC world and ratted. And she took her grandsons with her too.

Now Gemma didn't have anything left.

Mommy had to die.

So when Tara walked in, Gemma knew what she had to do.

When Tara was finally under water, all Gemma felt was relief when she put the carving fork through her head.

That's what Gemma felt. Complete and utter relief.

Finally Tara Knowles was gone.

Tara was gone.

And now Gemma was back on top again.

Gemma was Queen once more.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hi everyone!_

Sorry for taking some time to update. The holidays are always busy for me. So here are some updates. I already have three chapters done for _As Tears Go By_. I just have to do some massive editing. I am hoping to post a chapter by the end of the week.

As for this chapter, I decided to focus on Mr. Wayne Unser. I find him to be one of the most intriguing characters of the story. I truly believe that his unwavering love for Gemma was his biggest flaw. I truly believe that he was always some buffer between everything that occurred with Gemma. So, as I was writing this chapter, I had so many different ideas that I literally had to split this chapter into two parts. I have to write the second part because I truly believe it will get into the darkness that was Gemma's character and Unser's point of view. The good news is that I already have started the other two chapters that will follow this one. One will focus heavily on Thomas and it will be AU, obviously. But it will tie in nicely with Abel's chapter. It will also highlight the beauty of Jax's love for Tara and vice versa. So, although it might be in Thomas's POV, I will make sure that it will be mostly of our beloved couple. The other chapter I have is solely Jax and Tara and here is a little hint... a little bit of naughtiness comes a long way ;). I'm hoping once I finish those two chapters, I will return to the second part of Unser's story.

So, you know the deal. The more reviews the better I get at writing. And the winter laziness is kicking in so please R&R so I remain motivated :)

XOXO

 _Don't Know Why I Love You [Part 1]_

"Go home, Wayne," Jax whispered his eyes bright with unshed tears.

Jax has always been a complicated man. Always battling with the man he wanted to be and the man he was born to be.

There was a time when Jax could have been both but Jax's plans got screwed among the way. Wayne looked at Gemma.

She was the one who screwed over her own son bring darkness and tragedy to their feet. But she wasn't always like that. He remembers her before she was Queen of Samcro. He remembers who she was before it all. He remembers because it was during that time that he fell madly in love with Gemma.

But time was cruel and he never had his chance. She always chose the excitement of the MC world over him. Wayne Unser became the buffer between the law and Samcro, often blurring the lines between both worlds. Well, if he were to be honest, he was the buffer for many things, including Jax and Tara and Jax and Gemma. He saw and knew both sides and now it was time to make a choice. The lines between right and wrong are no longer blurred.

They were clearer now than ever.

 _Gemma Moves to Charming_

It was a hot summer day in the mid-sixties when Gemma and her family moved to Charming. Many residents would say that that summer was the beginning of Gemma's reign over the small town. Others would dispute that statement; they would argue that it was when the bikes rolled in, with the Gemma as the matriarch that everything began. Still, most would agree that that summer way was the beginning of Gemma's hold over Wayne.

Wayne always looked older than what he was; bad genes, his cheating, bastard of a father use to say to anyone who would listen. But the truth in the matter was that Wayne and Gemma were not that far apart in age. Actually, he was just two years older than her.

Wayne's mother was the typical housewife who depended on her husband's income to make things work. And his father worked in the mill making scraps thus his family always struggled for money. Practically everyone in Charming struggled at that time. As other cities and towns in California flourished, Charming was a forgotten place for those who just wanted to remain stagnant in life. Wayne never fit in and vowed to leave the place as soon as he turned eighteen. And for him to leave, he needed money so he got a job as the paperboy when he turned twelve.

He remembers riding all throughout Charming, delivering the newspaper when he first saw the reverend unloading his family from his station wagon. The reverend was very fair, his skin pale from lack of sun and his hair dirty blonde. He looked tired but Wayne noted the excitement in his electric blue eyes. Wayne stopped and looked on as the mother and two kids got off the car.

The mother was dressed in a severe black dress with a white collar and black pantyhose. She had a rosary hanging from her neck and her hair was pulled back in a very tight bun. The little boy's hair was so blonde it looked almost white in the sunlight. He also looked sickly and fragile. As soon as he got off the station wagon, the mother rushed to his side and held his hand. Wayne saw the fear in her eyes. Like she was afraid her baby boy would keel over or something just by walking.

But it was the girl who caught his eye. Her hair was dark as night just like her eyes. She looked around and when her eyes landed on Wayne, she held his stare, defiant even at nine years old. As the family walked to their new home, the girl stayed behind and looked at Wayne, daring him to do something, her lips pursed in a scowl.

Wayne knew he had to resume with his route so he continued riding. As he rode past the house, he felt the girl's eyes on him.

He was afraid to look back, something about her making his heart beat uncontrollably in his chest like never before.

He heard a woman yell out "Gemma!" and he turned around.

He expected the girl to be long gone but his eyes soon noted how she was standing in the same spot, her arms crossed in front of her chest and the scowl still present on her face.

 _Unser in Charming's United Church_

His mother didn't have much. She was after all a housewife in the 1960s with no formal education. She could barely read if Wayne had to be honest with anyone.

So like many people that did not have much, his mother found refuge in church and religion. So when she heard there was a new reverend in town, she rushed to go to the first service. She put on her best clothes, which was an old summer dress that was five years old and faded and she made Wayne dress in his only pair of slacks and nice shirt.

It was a very hot summer day and Wayne whined the whole time they walked to the church because of the heat. His mother just kept hushing him and reminded him to be nice and polite.

It was even hotter inside the church and Wayne tried to locate the girl, whose name was probably Gemma, his young mind concluded. When the reverend stood in the podium, he took the time to introduce himself. Nathaniel Madock was his name and he lived in Oregon all of his life. He served as an infantryman in occupied France in World War II and the horrors he saw there made him want to be a reverend. He loved to garden and his family was his pride and joy. He then asked his wife and kids to come up to the altar and he introduced them all.

Rose was the wife and she was wearing another severe black dress with long sleeves. Wayne was impressed that she did not have a bead of sweat on her face. Next to her was Nathaniel Junior and he was wearing a little black suit, which made him look paler than he was before. He looked like he was a very sick kid. Reverend Nathaniel or Nate, like he said he rather be called, informed the congregation that Nate Jr. was five and that he suffered from a defective heart. Rev. Nate thanked the lord for keeping his baby boy alive. Then Rev. Nate turned to the girl and he proudly announced that his little girl, Gemma, also loved to garden and that she would be turning ten in November. Reverend Nate pointed out that God was kind to his family since Gemma also suffered from a defective heart and she was as healthy as any child could be. Everyone in the congregation clapped and Rose gave them all a tight smile whereas Nate Jr. looked at the floor and Gemma still had the scowl on her face.

Wayne listened on to Rev. Nate but Wayne's eyes always wandered to where was Gemma sitting.

After the service, he and his mom made the line to meet the Madock family. Wayne shook hands with the reverend and then his wife, Mrs. Madock, who looked at him and his mother disapprovingly, the distaste clear in her eyes. Wayne said hi to Nate Jr. who gave him a shy smile. When he got to Gemma, she still had the scowl and for someone who was nine, she was fairly angry, thought Wayne. The reverend invited them to their home for dinner, probably feeling pity for them and their poverty, which was evident by the clothes they were wearing.

 _Dinner at the Madock's_

All throughout the dinner, his mother was nervous, obviously feeling out of place. His father refused to go and his mother made some bullshit excuse that his father suffered from migraines. In all probability, he was probably with his bar buddies in Stockton.

When dinner was done, the adults excused the kids except for Nate Jr. who had to remain by Rose's side at all times.

Gemma and Wayne went to the yard. Rose yelled out to Gemma to make sure she didn't sit on the grass. When her mother went inside, Gemma rolled her eyes and walked to the swing set in the yard. She sat and glared at Wayne. For the hour they were in the yard, Gemma barely spoke to him.

When it was time to go, Wayne looked back at Gemma who sat on the swing. But instead of a scowl, she gave Wayne a sad smile.

 _Gemma and Unser become friends_

Everyone in Charming knew one another. It was a fact of life that everyone just accepted.

So when school started, Wayne wasn't surprised to see Gemma on his school bus route. He wasn't even surprised that they would be going to the same school since at the time the elementary school and middle school were all in the same building.

They weren't in the same grade but they were going to the same place. He watched as she got on the bus and sat on the back of the bus, the scowl back on her face. No one sat next to Gemma; her dark vides scaring even the mature middle school hippies.

A few days past and pretty soon, rumors started that the new girl thought herself to be better than anyone. As quiet as Charming was, its residents could be vicious once rumors started. Gemma just walked with her head held up not quivering to the hush tones and snickers.

A month into the new school year, Wayne noticed that the nine year old was not on the bus to go back home. He hoped off and looked around until he found her, sitting by the bleachers looking into the horizon.

Wayne sat next to her quietly. It was the first time he noticed the big scar on her chest.

When Gemma was ready, he walked her back home, passing by his house first to tell his mom where he would be going. His mom offered them fresh baked cookies and milk and Gemma loved every bite. The Unsers might have been poor but they were humble and proud of what they had.

So that became their thing. They would walk back home together from school and stop by his house for his mother's baked goods and milk. Afterwards, he would walk Gemma to her house. A few times, he stayed at the Madock's to keep Nate Jr. some company given that Rose wouldn't allow him to go to school due to his heart condition. Those times he stayed over, Rose would make them pray the whole rosary and Gemma hated every second of it. Wayne saw it on her face.

He noticed that although Rev. Nate was the breadwinner, much like his father, it was Rose who made the rules. And she had a lot of rules. Gemma had to be home no later than six and if she were, she would be grounded for weeks. She made them pray to the rosary over and over again. Black and dark hues were the colors of choice. No one laughed inside the house and the family barely even spoke inside the home. The most important rule was the Nate Jr. always had to be near his mother no exceptions allowed.

The only time he saw Gemma smile was whenever she was in the garden with her father and brother, who also visibly relaxed once their hands touched fresh soil. Rose, however, would hover over all of them until she thought Nate Jr. had enough excitement for one day which typical meant the little boy was back inside the house within thirty minutes of them gardening.

As time went on, Gemma spent more time with the Unsers, preferring the humble home rather than the stifling home of the Madocks.

 _November 18_ _th_

Gemma didn't have many special moments in her childhood. In fact, Rose's sole focus was on her only son except on November 18th. November 18th was the only day that was special for Gemma because it was her birthday. On November 18th, Gemma had the attention of both parents and she loved it. That's what she told Wayne, right before her tenth birthday.

So it was ironic, that the only special day Gemma had in the whole calendar soon became a day of sorrow for the Madock family.

Gemma loved her little brother. She tried to make his life as happy as possible often taking him outside when she was gardening with her father.

But on the eve before her tenth birthday, Nate Jr. fell ill. Rose and Rev. Nate rushed to take their son to Stockton which was where the nearest metropolitan hospital was. The Unsers took in Gemma for the night. Wayne had to sleep in the couch while Gemma had his room. He was still asleep when the phone rang early the next morning. His mother was already up, trying to make a special birthday breakfast for Gemma.

His mother went upstairs to wake Gemma. As soon as Gemma came down, still in her pajamas, she picked up the phone. Wayne saw the heartbreak on her face when she was informed her brother had died around 6am in the morning of an apparent heart attack. Wayne didn't even know little kids could have heart attacks.

So, instead of having a special birthday breakfast or a special day, Gemma had to deal with her brother's untimely death and her parents sorrow. November 18th was no longer her special day.

 _Gemma being Gemma, part 1_

Most kids would be devastated after a sibling's death. But Gemma wasn't like most kids.

Rose was stricter than ever and Gemma was more defiant than ever. She broke curfew and refused to go to church service, even though she was ten years old. The older Gemma grew, the more difficult it became for Rose to contain and control her rebellious daughter. Rev. Nate did not have neither the heart nor energy to get in between both mother and daughter, so he let them be, instead focusing on his congregation.

Gemma spent most of her free time at the Unsers, sometimes even sneaking in and sleeping next to Wayne on his bed. She mastered sneaking back out to her house right before dawn just so she wouldn't be caught. Gemma also formed a tight bond with his mother, who taught Gemma how to cook and bake much to Gemma's delight.

The first time Wayne scored pot and cigarettes in Stockton was because Gemma asked him to. He was sixteen and had just gotten his license. Wayne knew he shouldn't have bought cigarettes or pot for a fourteen year old but he loved Gemma. She was an outcast like him and his best friend. But unlike Wayne, who had grown and accepted Charming for what it was, Gemma still refused to put roots down.

His mother once tried to talk to him about his feelings for Gemma and he laughed at her. Told her Gemma was his best friend and that's as far as his feelings got.

One day, Gemma asked him to drive her out to Stockton and he did. He thought she wanted to go to the mall or something but Gemma just wanted to walk around Stockton's rough areas. Wayne wanted to go back to safe Charming but Gemma was intrigued by what she saw.

He watched silently as Gemma gathered the attention of some unsavory guys. He wanted to pull her away but Gemma loved the attention. She even got the phone numbers of a few guys.

When they drove back to Charming, Gemma thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheeks. Wayne felt his heart thump in his chest but he ignored it.

So for a few weeks, they drove down to Stockton every Saturday and hung out. One day, Gemma asked him to drop her off at the mall, that she had lady things to do and Wayne didn't think twice about it. They agreed on a time that he would return for her.

He drove to Oakland to see one of his cousins. When he went back to the mall in Stockton, he waited for Gemma and she didn't show up. One hour went by and then two. Right when he thought he should call the police, he saw her come out of some guy's car and he felt the fury in his chest. She strolled with purpose where Wayne sat in his beat up car. She hopped in and told him that it was time to return to Charming. He wanted to yell but she just scowled at him and told him to stay quiet. He could smell the cigarettes on her clothes.

When they got to Charming, she asked if she could take a shower at his house, which he begrudgingly agreed to.

Months past and they continued with their Stockton trips. Sometimes, Gemma would spend time with him but most times, she went into the mall and he would wait for her in the parking lot. He would watch her exit the mall, thinking that he had left. But he would stay there and watch as she climbed into the same car every time.

One day, he decided to be brave and he followed the car. At the time, Gemma was about to be fifteen and he watched as the car parked in some isolated area in the rough part of Stockton. Wayne was smart enough to stay far enough so they wouldn't notice he had followed them. He saw Gemma climb out of the front and climb out to the back. The guy that followed was a few years older than Wayne. Probably eighteen or something.

Wayne wasn't stupid and he knew what would happen on the back seat of that car. He drove away feeling the heaviness in his heart.

 _Teenage Unser and Gemma_

He was seventeen when finally admitted to himself his feelings for Gemma.

Gemma was wilder than ever, asking him to take her to Stockton nearly every day after school. Sometimes, she even convinced him to skip school all together.

She introduced him to the people she was hanging out with; people from the other side of the law who loved to drink and smoke. Wayne always felt out of place whenever he went to those house parties. But he had to be there for Gemma. He was scared that something would happen to her one day. So he sat and sipped beer as he watched her shine. It was during one of those parties that he first heard her sing. She did have a marvelous voice. On their way back to Charming, she confessed she wanted to be a singer and tour the world. She held his hand as she said that.

Right before, he started his final school year in Charming High, he discovered that his mother was in love with another man. Gemma told him. She knew because the other man was her father. Wayne was shocked but Gemma wasn't; blamed Rose for her father's unhappiness. Gemma also knew her father would never leave Rose—called him a righteous man. Gemma turned sixteen that year. She was more beautiful than ever and Wayne hoped to confess his feelings right before Christmas.

But life had a way of throwing curveballs. Right on the day of her birthday, Rose dropped the bombshell that they were moving back to Oregon to their family home. She had had Nate Jr.'s body moved to a cemetery there.

Gemma cried and begged her father to let them stay in Charming but Rev. Nate told her it was for the best. He looked at Wayne's mother as he said it.

The night before Gemma was scheduled to leave Charming she snuck into his room with a huge duffle bag. She begged Wayne to take her to Stockton, which he did, no questions asked.

When she got out of the car, she gave him a brief kiss on the lips and thanked him and promised him to call him as soon as she got near a phone. She ran off into the other awaiting car and Wayne watched as the love of his life drove away.

 _Wayne and Vietnam_

Gemma was sixteen when she ran away and Wayne was eighteen. Gemma didn't keep her promise of calling him and months went by.

He didn't apply to college because his family couldn't afford it so he did the second best thing—he joined the army to leave Charming.

It was the last year of the war and Vietnam was brutal and bloody and he hated the chaos of it. He thought of Gemma often but tried to focus on not getting killed. While he sat in the jungle he craved the calm and stability of Charming. And before the war ended, he knew where he was returning to. He lived for a few months in an army base in Germany and he hated the food and everything about Germany. He was severely homesick. It was then he decided that he would move on with his life and stop pinning after a girl that was long gone.

 _Wayne and the Uniform_

He came out of the war with heavy emotional scars but he moved forward. He married an old girlfriend, Delia, even though his father disapproved. Delia was black and came from the very poor section of Charming. But Wayne didn't care. They found a cute little house and that was that.

When Delia got pregnant with their first kid, he had just finished his first year as a cop in Charming. It was a steady job with good benefits. That same year, his dad died and Wayne didn't really care. He had other things on his mind at the point. He liked how crisp the uniform felt on his body and how it made people look at him with respect. He no longer was the kid of parents that were barely making ends meet. He was his own man.

Two months after Delia gave birth, Gemma returned, with a big belly and a horde of bikers. Wayne watched from Floyd's shop as they rode through town, Gemma sitting behind a man with long brown hair and excellent physique. Wayne felt the old pang of jealousy.

He didn't see her after that for a while. He had heard that the bikers had purchased an old abandoned lot and were turning it into some sort of garage. His mother asked him if he sought her out and he said no. She didn't bother to call him once she left so why would he bother to reach out to her now that she returned. One day, after dinner, he heard a knock on the door and there was Gemma, all proud and beautiful with her big bad biker standing next to her.

The biker's name was John Teller and Wayne noted how much older John looked than he and Gemma. Gemma was nineteen soon to be twenty, Wayne was twenty-two. John was well past his thirties and Wayne felt sicken that the man had taken advantage of such a young girl.

Delia invited the MC couple in and Wayne felt the pit of his stomach turn as he watched John's possessiveness over Gemma. Delia made them feel welcomed and asked all the appropriate questions. John confessed to being a Vietnam vet too, although, he had served in the earlier component of the war.

At some point in the night, Gemma asked Wayne to take a walk with her which he had no option but to agree to. In the walk, she apologized for her radio silence and promised she was back in Charming to stay. Said she wanted somewhere safe for her little boy to grow up in. She also said that she would need his help in getting everything set up. The MC world was filled with strict rules and codes that most people deemed inappropriate but that John would keep Charming safe from the outside world which was filling up with very bad people. She promised him that much.

She gave him a brief kiss on the lips and hugged him tight. Whispered that she missed him and Wayne silently wrapped his arms around her growing figure.

 _Wayne and the MC_

As time went on, Wayne just accepted Samcro as part of Charming. They did keep Charming safe and cozy. John Teller might have been a biker but he was quite the intelligent man. John was well read and kept up with current events; he also knew the name of every single resident in Charming, making him even more charismatic to almost everyone who crossed paths with him.

Jax Teller was also cute as a button and had a way of charming anyone who crossed his path. He was like his father in that way.

Of course, the eighties hit Charming hard and even Wayne was struggling to get by. He was about to lose his house, when John came by and handed him a bag filled with cash; told Wayne to take care of business that it wouldn't be fair if his daughters were left homeless.

Wayne looked at the money in shock and then at John as he rode off to his new, fancy home that he and Gemma had purchased. They had a second baby on the way and Gemma wanted the best for her boys. Apparently, the garage was doing well economically.

Wayne did pay off his mortgage for a few months with the money John gave him. But he knew that the money came with strings attached.

A few months later, Thomas Wayne Teller was born and Wayne was touched that his old friend thought of him when naming her kid. But Thomas was as sickly as Nate Jr., maybe even more so according to the fancy doctors in Charming's new hospital, ironically names St. Thomas. The day Thomas was born, Gemma turned into a weird version of Rose. Thomas rarely left her side from that point forward.

Within six months, Wayne's theory was confirmed when John asked for a favor. Wayne knew that the money came with strings attached. At the time, he was pretty high up within Charming PD and he was calling some shots. He kept his guys in uniform busy one night while the MC handled some business in the borders of Charming. Wayne felt like shit afterwards but Gemma gave him a pretty smile and a brief kiss on the lips and everything was forgotten.

That Christmas, his mother died and Gemma cried harder than he did.

As time went on, new residents moved in and some died out. One of the most shocking deaths was of Madison Knowles, the pretty woman who moved to Charming from San Diego, when she married Derek Knowles, who was a Charming native. Wayne was there when they took her body out of the bloodied bathtub. He tried to shield Tara, Madison's daughter from the gritty scene but it was the girl who discovered her mother. Tara was just nine and it broke his heart to see the motherless girl stand outside with an oversized cop's jacket sheltering her from the cold as the coroner took the body out of the house.

 _Getting into Bed with the Frenemies_

The only thing that moved forward in Charming was time. Everything else pretty much stayed the same. Reagan's stupid economic plans were ravaging Charming whole so John came up with a plan to bring some income to Wayne's household.

Wayne didn't want to agree to it but Gemma again flashed him a pretty smile and he agreed. John put up the cash up front and bought a bunch of trucks that would belong to Wayne—Unser Trucking, John called it.

The company was to transport goods in and out of Charming with the MCs blessing, of course. Business was good and the money did his family good. Wayne was also able to provide some jobs to some folks that were in desperate need of income. It was then that he really started turning his face each time Samcro broke the law. John Teller took care of Wayne in his time of need so he had to repay him the only way he could—by protecting the MC.

Just when things were moving along, Thomas died shattering Gemma's heart in the process.

As he watched his best friend struggle with the death of her kid, Wayne became resentful of John, who pretty much abandoned her for months at no end. Gemma was strong but she was still a young mother and she needed all the help she could get. Losing one son was not easy. Being Jax's mother was also difficult given that the kid had a knack for getting into trouble with his best friend, Opie.

The months after Thomas's death were hard on Gemma and Wayne noted two things. Firstly, she was leaning a lot on Clay Morrow, John's best friend. Wayne tried to dismiss the feelings of discomfort whenever he saw them together but the signs where there for anyone that wanted to see them. The second thing he noticed was that Gemma became this ferocious mother to Jax. At this point, she had eclipsed Rose when it came to her overbearing mothering skills.

There were times when he pitied Jackson, thinking that the kid probably felt suffocated having Gemma as a mother.

 _John Teller's Death_

Wayne found it weird that one day Gemma asked him to take a stroll with her in Charming Gardens, away from the watchful eyes of Charming's residents.

Of course he should have known it was for a favor. A favor that had him stop in his tracks as soon as Gemma asked for it.

She told him that her marriage to John was over. He had failed her right when she needed him the most. Even admitted that John had a new girl in Ireland that was keeping him pretty busy. Gemma also admitted to falling in love with Clay. That she wanted to be with him but that John refused to sign divorce papers.

Gemma said that John was acting reckless and that his decisions were going to bring chaos into Charming unless they did something about it. Gemma confessed that Samcro was selling guns for the IRA. And that John wanted to get out of the deal and that the IRA was not happy with the decision. Gemma claimed that the IRA would take revenge on the residents of Charming. Wayne believed her even though a tiny voice in his head told him not to.

So in that November, a few weeks before Gemma's birthday, Wayne responded to the call of an accident on the Freeway. He knew it was John Teller who got hit by a semi. He knew and yet he altered the report to reflect what Gemma said it should say.

Wayne felt guilty as shit during the funeral especially after seeing how heartbroken Jax was.

But it was his job to keep Charming safe. And if Gemma was right, John was only going to bring chaos.

 _Blurred Lines_

One of the things he hated about his job was being the good cop who had to turn a blind eye to the bad shit that happened in Charming—and he wasn't referring to his dealings with Samcro.

He knew Derek from when they were kids. Both were in Sunday school together and were in the same little league in elementary school. But as Wayne and Derek grew older, their paths rarely crossed. Wayne was a loner with his sole friend being Gemma. Derek was good looking and athletic and played for the varsity teams.

After Gemma left, Wayne tried to repair a few old friendships. Derek was kind enough to be one of the people Wayne made amends with. When Wayne came back from Vietnam, Derek had returned from college in San Diego where he met his wife, Madison Knowles, a beautiful brunette with a thirst for the world.

As time went on, things got hard for the young couple, especially when little Tara was born. Having a college education didn't guarantee much in Charming and Derek was forced to take a job at the mill. Madison worked in a daycare center just so she could contribute to the household income—but that wasn't enough for the free-spirited Madison.

Wayne sometimes would catch up with Derek, who was pretty miserable in his marriage but didn't want to break up the home for Tara's sake. Madison wanted more of Derek and Derek didn't have more to give so their marriage reached an unbreakable impasse. Wayne didn't know how bad it was until Madison ended her life, leaving behind an innocent little miniature version of herself and a guilt ridden Derek.

So after Madison's death, Wayne took it upon himself to check out the Knowles residence once in a while. Derek had fallen trap to the comforts of alcohol whereas Tara pretty much kept to herself, sheltering her young soul from any more potential heartbreak.

As time when on, the whispers got louder but Wayne chose to ignore them. Wayne knew what were the implications but whenever he saw Tara, she was polite and withdrawal and Wayne never had the guts to ask if the rumors were true. Apparently, Derek was financially struggling more than ever due to his drinking. And in his drunkenness, he took out his frustrations on his young daughter. It was hard to accept the truth; Derek after all was a decent guy who got the bad end of the stick. Derek just needed to find his footing—that's what Wayne would say to himself each time he noted Tara wearing long sleeves whenever it was over 90 degrees outside.

 _Pretty Young Thing_

In all the years he known Gemma, he had never seen her being insecure about where she stood on Earth. In fact, to Wayne, Gemma was one of the most confident and fearless people he knew. So he was astounded to note the insecurity and fear in her eyes, the first time Jax brought Tara to a Charming gathering.

Wayne had heard whispers around town about Jax and Tara but he didn't pay much mind to it. Gemma had once mentioned that Jax got around and that he had a lot of girlfriends.

So when the annual Taste of Charming event occurred, when Jax was sixteen, Wayne wasn't surprised to see him there. He wasn't even surprised when Jax showed up with Tara. What surprised him was the brief look of fear that crossed Gemma's face when she saw her son wrapped up in the pretty young thing that was Tara.

Wayne remembers looking at Gemma in surprised and she quickly put on that infamous scowl. Jax and Tara took their time making their way to the booth where he stood with Gemma. In fact, by the time they reached the both, Gemma was steaming, her eyes throwing daggers at poor Tara.

Tara was as polite as ever when she greet Wayne and Gemma. Wayne was pleasantly surprise to see Jax draped his arm protectively around Tara after their greetings almost as a warning to his mother. Gemma was tough but at the same time her weak spot was her son. Therefore, she was forced to be falsely polite, her cold smile and eyes giving her true feelings away.

Jax and Tara drifted away and Wayne watched Gemma.

The scowl never left her face and her mood, which was jovial prior to Tara arriving nosedived.

Wayne dismissed the encountered and made his rounds among the Charming residents. He was to be the new chief once his boss retired.

Before leaving, Wayne saw Jax and Tara off to the side of the festival lying on a plaid blanket. Tara was trying to read, an impossible task for her as Jax kept whispering things in her ear. Before getting in his parole car, Wayne saw the love in Jax's eyes as he placed a loving kiss in Tara's lips. When he saw that, his eyes looked for Gemma, a habit that he was never able to break. He frown when he saw the fear in her eyes once again.

Jax and Tara, part 1

His marriage with Delia was on the rocks but they continued trying to make it work for the kids. One of the reasons for their struggle was Wayne's increase involvement with Samcro.

With John gone, Clay wanted the club to become more involved with the Irish. Gemma told him that one afternoon as they drank whiskey in her dining room. Wayne expressed him concern but Gemma reassured him it would be good for business and Charming.

Unser Trucking took more deals out of Charming and Wayne had more money than he ever had. He felt financially secured and he wanted more. It's true what they say, with money comes more greed. And Wayne wanted more so he gladly took in the business with the club.

Clay was happy, Wayne was happy—Gemma wasn't. Jax was "distracted" according to Gemma. Obviously, Gemma was referring to Tara and Jax's involvement with her.

To Wayne, Jax was being a typical teenager with a girlfriend. He saw them around town being kids in love and he tried to point that out to Gemma, who wouldn't listen. Gemma was too stubborn to see what was right in front of her. Jax was happy but Gemma always wanted Jax to be all about Samcro. Tara was not part of that equation.

Once in a while Wayne would go to Samcro's family gatherings. One night, he went to a dinner at the lot. It was actually Gemma and Clay's engagement get together. Delia and his girls opted out. He sat and conversed with Clay and Gemma as he watched the crow eaters and sweet butts serve the members of the club. As time went on, Gemma became increasingly agitated, Wayne knowing the reason for her ire. Jax wasn't there and Wayne would bet his top rocker that Jax was with his girlfriend. It looked bad. The new King had a new Queen and Prince Charming was nowhere to be found.

Around 10pm, Gemma pulled him aside and asked him to search for her son. As Samcro's matriarch, she couldn't leave to do it herself especially since it was her engagement dinner. Wayne agreed and took his patrol around Charming.

He checked the Knowles Residence first but quickly noted that all the lights were off. Wayne drove around and around, hitting all the spots he had seen them before. He had one spot left to check so he drove to Charming Cemetery. He did find them there, by John's grave sight. He walked quietly and stood far away so the couple wouldn't notice him but close enough to see what was going on.

Tara was sitting with her legs stretched out in front of her and Jax's head was on her lap. They were talking and Tara was stroking Jax's hair. Wayne's heart broke a bit when he noticed the tears in Gemma's son cheeks.

Wayne backed away and got back in his patrol car. He thought of going back to the lot to inform Gemma of where her son was but he thought better of it. He own Jax at least one night away from it all. Wayne couldn't bring John back but at least he could let Jax have Tara.

 _Initial Fear_

Less than two months after getting engaged, Gemma married Clay. He admired her beauty as she walked down the aisle in a long black dress. Mid-way through her walk, he noted how Jax looked to the side, where Tara sat and gave her a smile that never left his face even when he handed off his mother to Clay. As Gemma married the new President of Samcro, Jax looked to the audience and Wayne knew where Jax's eyes were. Although Gemma had a smile on her face, Wayne knew Gemma and Gemma's smile was not genuine. A couple of times, Wayne saw Gemma turn to look at the crowd too, her eyes shooting daggers at someone in the audience—that someone being Tara.

After the ceremony, Wayne mingled with the guests. Not even an hour into the party, which was at Charming Gardens, Wayne saw Jax and Tara stroll off the grounds, hand in hand. He didn't think much of it and continued to converse with Bobby.

When it was time for Gemma to dance with Jax, he was nowhere to be found. Gemma and Clay decided to skip that part and dance to an old rock song for their first song as a married couple. Wayne felt the familiar pang in his heart as he watched Gemma enjoy her first dance with her new husband.

Afterwards, Gemma used the excuse that she needed to change her dress and she left her own party for about an hour. When she came back, she asked Wayne to dance with her and he did. He told her she looked beautiful and Gemma scoffed. She told him that she found Jax at her house, having sex with Tara. She pointed out that her own son skipped her reception to get laid. Wayne pointed out that it might not be an easy day for Jax. Gemma married Clay less than a year after John's death. Gemma just made a snarky comment about Wayne's sensitive nature, which hurt him a bit.

Jax never returned to the reception. Right before she rode off with Clay, Gemma went on and on about Jax never returning to her party.

Wayne looked into his best friends' eyes and for the first time admitted to himself that Gemma was slightly obsessed with Jax. That was the first time he felt a little bit of fear for Tara's wellbeing when it concerned Gemma Teller-Morrow.

 _Keeping the Balance_

Gemma first told Wayne of her plans right on the morning of Jax's seventeenth birthday. The next day, Wayne was getting a haircut at Floyd's when he saw Jax riding on his used bike with a kutte on his back.

Wayne shook his head disapprovingly but decided to mind his business when it came to that.

As the weeks went by, he noticed the bruises on the kids' face. He also noticed the kid not being in school during school hours. By the end of spring, he got word that Jax had dropped out.

One day, he decided to visit Gemma in the lot and she gleefully told him Jax and Tara were a thing of the past.

Two weeks later, two of his deputies had Jax arrested for beating a kid. When Wayne got to the precinct, he was told that the same kid had taken out Tara out to the movies. Wayne shook his head as he picked up the phone to call Gemma. He knew that Gemma's meddling would just start a shit show with Jax. The shit show happened when Gemma showed up and he had to tell her that the kid's parents might press charges. By law, Wayne had to keep Jax overnight for assault and battery. Gemma screamed for what it was worth but for the first time in a long time, Wayne dug his heels and kept Jax in the cell. Around midnight, he went out back and saw the kid lying in the cot, staring at the ceiling, his jaw strained. He asked Jax if he was hungry but Jax just wanted to make his phone call.

Wayne told him, that he had already called Gemma and Jax stated he didn't want to talk to his mother. Wayne then knew whom the call was designated for.

Wayne tried not to listen in to the conversation but from what he got, it got heated quickly. When Jax hung up, Wayne followed him to his holding cell. Jax just sat in the cot his face on his hands.

Before leaving for the night, Wayne checked in on Jax and he noted how the young boy still had his face on his hands and he didn't answer to Wayne's gently probing.

When he came into the station, the next morning, his deputy informed him that the kid's parents had dropped the chargers and Wayne knew Samcro was involved. The Prince was untouchable after all.

He called Gemma to inform her of the dropped charges. She promised to be there as soon as she got ready. Wayne was nice to enough to make coffee for himself and Jax and let out the young man from the holding cell. Jax gave him a brief thanks and walked out of the station, opting not to wait for his mother to pick him up.

Of course Gemma was pissed when she arrived and noted that Jax wasn't in the precinct. Wayne tried not to care that Gemma was angry but he did. He watched as she stomped away to her shiny car.

Later that night, he groaned when he got the call from his deputies on call. He apologized to a clearly annoyed Delia and got dressed. As he drove to the precinct, he felt his annoyance levels increase the closer he got to the station. Fucking Prince Charming and his girl.

He got the story from the deputies. Apparently, Prince Charming was taking his girlfriend for a very public ride in the middle of Charming Gardens. Wayne cut off one of his deputies when he started describing how they found the teenagers by the rose bushes, Tara spread like an eagle with Jax in between her legs, pounding away. That was just an image Wayne did not want in his head.

He called Gemma and Derek before checking up on the teenagers. When he moved to the back, he noted how Jax was standing by the bars, looking at a clearly upset Tara. Wayne asked if they were ok and Tara looked up, tears streaming down her eyes. Wayne felt the pang of guilt and decided to wait for the parents by his office.

Of course Gemma came in, guns blazing. She paid for the bail and Wayne asked one of his deputies to get Jax out of the hole.

Almost immediately, Jax demanded that Gemma pay for Tara's bail much to Gemma's annoyance. He also asked Wayne to not call Derek. A little bit too late for that; Wayne noted how Jax paled when he was informed that Derek was on his way. Jax ignored Gemma's command to leave the station and jogged back to where the cells were. Prince Charming didn't move from there until Derek arrived for his daughter.

When Wayne saw the shame in Tara's face when his deputy released her from her cell, he instantly regretted calling his old friend. As drunk as Derek was, he saw the darkness in his eyes when he saw his daughter. Jax tried to go after Tara but Gemma stopped him. For the first time in his life, Wayne's annoyance towards Gemma meddling shown through.

Wayne felt the unease settle in his stomach.

 _Blue and Reds Lights; Black and Blues_

One of the few family members he actually liked was dying of cancer—the fucking family plague. So for the first time in a long time, Wayne left Charming to spend sometime with his cousin. In those days, he saw the difference between Fresno and Charming. The poverty of Fresno made him long for Charming's stability.

Two weeks into his visit, he missed Charming too much so he left his cousin, promising to return as soon as he checked on his family.

Of course as soon as he stepped foot in his house, he got a call from the station, stating that Prince Charming had attacked Derek in his own home. Wayne rushed to the scene and was happy to see that his deputies had neutralized the situation as best as they could. Derek was sprawled on the floor of his living room, blood covering his face. His deputies were waiting to arrest Jax, who was sitting by Tara. Wayne felt the sadness as soon as he saw her battered face. He hung his head in shame for not standing up for the young girl who was dealt a hard hand in life. The paramedics arrived soon after and they checked on Derek. Wayne made a brief exit to the kitchen, where he called Gemma and told her about Jax's attack towards Derek Knowles.

Wayne walked back into the living room and he watched as they loaded Derek into the stretcher. Tara had wrapped her arms to her knees and was slowing rocking herself back and forth. Jax was whispering things to her, reassuring her everything would be ok as a paramedic crouched near by waiting to assess Tara.

Not long after, he heard Gemma's shrill voice and he hated that he called her over. He fucking hated it. He looked at the multiple bruises in Tara's arms and shook his head as he walked outside. Again, he failed to protect the young girl from her biggest enemies.

 _Permanent Marks_

It was past midnight when Delia woke him from his deep slumber. Apparently, Gemma was waiting for him outside and was very intoxicated. He apologized to Delia, who looked at him with so much loathing that he cussed Gemma under his breath as he walked towards the front of his house.

Gemma was highly intoxicated. He could smell the Jack and the weed coming out of her pores. He asked her what was wrong as he climbed into her car. She burst into tears and went on and on about how Tara had gotten the crow tattoo. Wayne looked at Gemma with disarray and just shook his head. Tara got the tattoo; a permanent mark in her body. Just like Gemma left a permanent mark in his heart.

 _Wayne helps Tara_

In the years that he had known Tara, never had she asked him for help. Not when she her mother died not when she became Derek's favorite punching bag. So it was shocking when the young girl approached him for some money. She begged him to let her borrow some cash and begged him not to tell anyone in Samcro. At first, he didn't understand her pleads but he honored them.

It wasn't until about a month later, when things came into perspective. He and about every other citizen in Charming were shocked to hear that Tara Knowles had left Charming for college. Wayne went to the Teller-Morrow garage and as he parked the patrol car, he watched Gemma from his window. She was writing something down and had a look of utter happiness on her face.

Poor Tara. She never stood a chance against Gemma.


	7. Chapter 7

_2 Become 1_

As Abel suckled at the nipple, his eyes fluttering shut, Tara couldn't help but smile at the baby boy in her arms.

She hummed a lullaby as Abel slowly stopped sucking on the bottle and fell into a peaceful sleep. She gently pulled the bottle from his mouth and continued humming for another twenty minutes, content to share such beautiful, silent moments with the baby that captured her heart the moment he was born.

Tara gave him a brief kiss on the forehead and stood, gently placing the baby back in his crib.

She walked out of the room and into the kitchen, Jax's shirt and boxers protecting her from the chilly night. It was past midnight and her stomach rumbled in hunger as she washed Abel's bottle.

After she finished, she dried her hands on an old dishtowel and opened the refrigerator. Taking out some cold cuts, Tara shut the fridge with her foot and walked to the nearest counter. Making herself a sandwich, Tara takes a hearty bite and moans as soon as the first bite hits her stomach.

"Can I have some?"

Jax was leaning against the kitchen doorway, his arms crossed in front of him. Tara smiled after she swallowed another bite.

"You are naked," she said as Jax smirked and strolled towards her.

"You are wearing my clothes," he wrapped his arms around her and placed his chin on her shoulder.

"I was cold," she closed her eyes as she took another bite, moaning in the process for his benefit more than hers.

She felt him hardening slightly behind her.

"And hungry," she said as she wiggled her ass a little bit.

Now it was his time to moan.

"You are not going to give me some?," he whispered in her ear making her shiver. "I'm hungry too."

Tara placed her half eaten sandwich near his mouth. He took a hearty bite.

"You like?" Tara leaned back and placed her head on his shoulder, looking into his eyes.

He swallowed and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. "I like." He placed his lips over hers and she eagerly returned the kiss.

She broke the kiss and smiled before taking another bite of her almost finished sandwich.

"You sure are hungry."

Tara nodded as she swallowed. "I didn't have dinner tonight. You have kept me pretty busy, Teller."

Jax nuzzled her neck and took what remained of her sandwich and ate it in one bite. "You were the one who took advantaged of me in that bathroom," he said after swallowing.

Tara tensed. "That bitch got under my skin."

Jax sighed. "She is just a porn star, babe. Nothing has happen between us nor will it ever happen." Jax turned her around. "Tara, you have to trust me when I say that you are the only one I want. You are the only person I need, babe." He took her hand and placed a kiss on her palm. "Both Abel and I need you."

Tara looked into Jax's eyes and gave him a small smile. "Jax, we need to talk about Abel," she whispered as she thought of the small boy sleeping in his crib.

Jax tilted his head. "What about him?"

Tara pulled away from him and walked towards the living room.

She heard Jax walk into the laundry room and less than a minute later, he joined her in the living room, freshly laundered sweatpants riding low on his hips.

"What's up, babe? What's the worry I am getting?" Jax stood in front of her, his hands on his hips.

Tara crossed her arms. "There is something I never told you," she started. She paused before starting. "Every once in a while, I kept in touch with Donna. I asked her to never tell you that she had my contact info but she did. Honestly, we didn't talk often. She'll call me some Christmases or sometimes for my birthday."

"Well, she never said anything to me. I thought you wanted a clean break from Charming." Jax didn't hide the resentment in his voice.

"I did but my heart couldn't fully let go of us. So, before leaving I asked Donna to give me updates once in a while." Tara looked down at the floor. "I wanted to know you were ok," she whispered.

"Tara…" Jax started walking over to her and she shook her head.

"Please let me finish," she paused. "You know, I still remember when she called me to tell me you married Wendy. I remember how it virtually destroyed me, Jax. I spent a whole weekend with countless bottles of Jack Daniels. Got so drunk, I actually reminded myself of my Dad. And for a moment in time, I hated you. I hated you for moving on when I couldn't. The first couple of months after I left, I could barely get out of bed. I couldn't stop thinking about you. You occupied every thought and every moment. Even when I was drowning myself with schoolwork and then actual work, you were there. But part of me also had this hope that one day, you and I would cross paths and that everything would be just like when we were teens. I desired it and dreamed of it as stupid as that sounds." She looked up at him and her green eyes were covered with unshed tears. "So that call from Donna was quite the wakeup call for me."

Jax walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her. "Babe, I never loved her. I was trying to fill the hole you left behind. You have to believe me when I say that." He kissed the top of her head.

Tara hesitated before wrapping her arms around his waist. "I know that Jax. Now, I know that but it destroyed me. A few months after I found out about Wendy, Kohn came into the hospital. Came to visit one of his buddies that was injured on the job. I initially told him I wasn't interested but after a while I was like fuck it. You had moved on, I should do the same."

Jax tensed but listened on.

"He wasn't a monster at first. Was attentive and considerate but as the months went by, I saw the madness in his eyes. When I broke it off, he slapped me so hard, he left a bruise on my cheek." Tara pulled away and looked into Jax's eyes. "That was the first time I went to the cops and tried to get a restraining order. Of course, the cops didn't believe me. The bruise wasn't evidence enough. Jax, you also have to know, that by the end of that week, I found out I was pregnant. I aborted it a couple of days later but he found out. He went on a rampage." Tara shook her head. "He got into my apartment and beat me unconscious. When I came around, he was on top of me…" Tara wiped a few tears from her face. "He was raping me. I tried to fight him off but he had gagged me and I lived in a rough part of Chicago. A woman screaming isn't much of a shocker to anyone in the neighborhood."

Tara saw the heartbreak and fury in his eyes.

"I thought you should know about all of that. The other day, I asked you for full disclosure. And you deserve the same from me. Especially now, that Abel is here."

Jax placed his hands gently on her face. "I wish that bastard was alive so I could fucking gut him like the scum he was. Tara, all of that wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault I got married to Wendy or that Kohn did what he did. Babe, you are innocent in all of this."

"I know that Jax. I know all of that. When I was on that table getting it removed, I kept thinking, how terrible of a person I must be. Killing an innocent baby just because I wanted nothing to do with the father. I felt so scared and alone on that table but I kept telling myself that it was for the best. And I continue to I tell myself that each time I think back on what I did. But then, I look at Abel and I think how can I love him like I do and was so willing to kill my own baby? Can I be a mother to your son?"

Jax looked into her eyes. "Tara, when Wendy told me she was pregnant, I only had one thought—how I wished it was you. Every day since the day I knew you were the one for me I wished for you to be the mother of my children. God, back when we were eighteen and I knocked you up, I was scared at first but then so happy. I know I didn't tell you then but I wanted that kid because I knew you were its mother. I know we lost it but there wasn't a day I didn't live without that regret of knowing that we could had had a child together. Even when you were in San Diego, I wished that kid was alive because it meant that we would forever be tied to one another. After all the years of crippling loneliness, Wendy was there at a very vulnerable time for me. You were gone and Opie was serving time in Chino. I was just tired of not having anything to show for my life except my kutte. I thought Wendy would fix it all."

Jax sighed and sat on the loveseat. He motioned her over and Tara cuddled next to him. He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. She leaned her head on his bare chest. He started stroking her head.

"How did you meet her?" she asked, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach.

Tara noted the long pause. "You sure you want to hear this?"

She nodded and waited for Jax to continue.

"Wendy was croweater that came from New Jersey. Well, she wasn't a croweater at first. She was actually a dancer. I think she told me once she her area of specialty was modern dancing or some crap like that. She didn't get into any good schools or any dance company so she thought she could make out big in Vegas. From what I heard, she was sucking dick and snorting coke less than a year after getting to Vegas. Soon after that she was dancing in a strip club. That's when one of the members from the Vegas charter noticed her. He took her under his wing and pretty soon she was being passed around from clubhouse to clubhouse until she landed with Samcro."

Tara remained silent for a moment or so. "What drew you to her?"

Jax also remained silent for a bit. "I dunno. I guess she was everything you were not. Wendy is such a fragile person. Barely has a backbone. Anyone who is affiliated with the club could tell her to jump and she will ask how high, no questions asked. When I met her, I just wanted to fix what was broken. I didn't know she was an addict. She was quite adept in hiding it. I think being in a semi-relationship with me kept her clean for a bit. Chasing me down was a bigger high than the actual coke and crank. She also liked the status that being with me brought to her."

"So why didn't you try and make it work. Fix what was broken in your relationship?" Tara tried to hide the bit of jealousy she was feeling.

"Simple. She wasn't you. I tried, babe. I tried so fucking hard but she couldn't measure to you…No one could. Wendy was just there happy to fulfill this ideal of what a good Old Lady should be. She followed every ridiculous command given by Gemma. Followed me around like a puppy. I guess what initially drew me to her eventually made me have a sort of disgust with her. Her fragility…" Jax paused collecting his thoughts.

"Her fragility made her run to drugs as soon as shit went south. I never knew what I was coming home to. I didn't know if me going on a run would be the cause for her sticking a needle in her arm and drinking two bottles of Jack in one night. Or if it was because Gemma disapproved of something she did. Too many times I came home to find her passed out, a needle sticking out of one of her veins or with vomit all over the place, empty bottles of booze everywhere. I hated that she couldn't stick up for anything not even her own self-respect and self-worth. Too many times she would hide behind me out of shame for what she did prior to arriving to Charming."

"You mean when she serviced other men as a croweater?" Tara looked up to his face.

He looked down at her and placed a soft kiss on her nose. "Yeah. Before we got together, I heard some stuff."

Tara rose one of her eyebrows.

"Tara, I wasn't a saint those years you were gone. So I couldn't judge her for what she did prior to us being together. It's part of the life. She was a croweater and in order to achieve that status she had to start from somewhere."

Tara gave him a dirty look. "You know, Jackson, the way you are normalizing how women are treated by your brothers is disturbing." She pulled away and sat up. "I mean these women have mothers, fathers, brothers…"

Jax pulled her back to his side and tighten his hold over her. "I know it sounds fucked up but, babe, that's the reality of it. And it's not like we force them to do anything. We don't put a gun on their heads and demand for them to be on our beck and call. These women want to do it. They like the status that the club brings them."

Tara shook her head. "It's fucked up. Imagine if I was one of those girls. I would have been passed around more than a collection plate during mass."

Jax frown. "See, but you wouldn't stand of it. I think you would rather die than let a club member bend you over and fuck you in the ass just cause he said so."

"But what if…" Tara began.

"Tara, I don't want to imagine you in that situation," Jax cut her off, his voice stern.

Tara pushed herself away from him and cocked her head to the side.

Jax pulled her towards him. He placed a kiss on her lips before continuing. "I don't want to picture you with another man. I just don't."

"Your double standards astound me sometimes, Jackson." Tara climbed onto his lap and Jax put his arms around her.

"I can't stand thinking you with another man. To me, you only belong with me…" he paused for a second, "me and Abel. You belong to both of us."

"Well, aren't I lucky," she responded in a teasing voice. She cuddled into his chest and Jax tighten his hold on her. "So, tell me more about your relationship with Wendy."

"Honestly Tara, there isn't much to tell. She was just there for a short period of time. I was lost and lonely and I thought she would be a temporary fix to what I thought would be a permanent problem. I never thought you would come back. And I knew you are the only one for me. I never loved Wendy or any other woman. Wendy was just there. She made my nights a little bit less lonely."

Tara remained silent.

"I'm sorry for Jax, for hurting you so much," she whispered, her voice breaking a bit in the end.

"Don't be, babe. I didn't get it then but when you came back and saved Abel, I knew you made the right choice. You saved my kid."

Tara smiled as she thought of the little boy sleeping a few rooms away from them. "I love him so much, Jax. Like if he was my own."

"I know, babe. And he loves you too," whispered Jax. "And I love you, Tara. Always have and always will."

She looked up at him and he smiled. She gently pulled his face towards her and she kissed him. Kissed him with all she had. Within ten minutes, she was back in their bedroom, Jax's clothes thrown all over the room as the couple passionate satisfied each other's need.

Tara watched with immense satisfaction as Jax's eyes rolled to the back of his head as she wrapped her lips in his girth.

They tried to keep it as quiet as possible. At one point Jax had to put his hand over Tara's mouth to muffle her screams. By the time the sun started rising, both were deeply satisfied emotionally, physically but most importantly spiritually.

A few weeks later, the same morning that Abel got kidnapped by Cameron, Tara locked the door to the dorm room bathroom and took a pregnancy test. When it came out positive, Tara thought back on the night her baby was conceived and she smiled as tears rolled down her cheeks.


	8. Chapter 8

Hola! So, I think I am doing pretty well as of late. I am updating more often!

Good news all around... I have about ten different scenarios swimming in my head for this story. So expect many more chapters to come. I have stated before that these one shots are much easier to write than a chapter to a continuos story thus why they are coming fast and furious. I have so many different ideas I want to explore from so many different characters. I still have to finish the Thomas chapter which has been difficult to complete given that there wasn't much on his character in the series. Yes he was Jax's and Tara's son but that's about it. So everything else I have to make up as I go. I did leave some hints in the Abel chapter as to what I picture Thomas to be like but again it has been difficult to put it down in a Word document.

There is also two more chapters coming from Unser's POV. One a completion to the previous Unser chapter, the other I am not going to say yet but it will be beautiful and heartbreaking. I also want to write one in Opie's POV and even Nero. But of course, there are going to be a few written that will from the POVs of Jax and Tara. :)

Now, as for As Tears Go By, I am hoping to put up a new chapter by the end of the week. I have a few chapters done but I have to edit like a madwoman. The good news is that I have the whole story outlined. I know exactly how it is going to end and what will happen in between. What is slowing me down is that I could naturally write from Tara's POV. She comes to me organically. Jax...not so much. LOL. But its fun to write from both their POVs. So, you all know the drill; ten reviews or more. Your reviews motivate me to post faster! :)

XOXO

Chapter 9

 _Once Upon a Dream_

She always hated the parties at the clubhouse. Always hated the half naked women rubbing on men who proudly wore the kutte with the Reaper on it. She hated how foolishly stupid the men became when drunk. Most of the men forgot about the girlfriends and wives sitting at home, taking care of the children while they sat there, drinking tequila and rum while these croweaters and their wannabes bent over backwards to satisfy every whim of the men with the kuttes.

She slowly sipped on her drink, wishing to make a hastily exit but knowing her role as an Old Lady. She had to sit and endure because it was her duty as Gemma reminded her a few days ago.

She rolled her eyes as Tig grabbed two different girls, who were probably twenty years younger than him. She held back the bile as one of them rapidly sunk to her knees and quickly started unbuckling his belt. She stood before the croweater took out his cock and walked towards the kitchen swearing to leave within the next half an hour. She walked into the kitchen where a bunch of croweaters hung around whispering vicious things about the bride.

"I heard that there was an orgy once in the clubhouse in San Bernardino and that she fucked every club member, hang around, and sweet butt in sight," whispered one that looked like a younger version of Pamela Anderson, tits and all.

"I also heard that as part of her initiation, she had to partake in a running train. Swallowed more cum in those hours than the rest of the girls there," said another one with the worse dye job in Charming history.

"She is so disgusting. Do you think Jax knows about her little…" the Pam Anderson look-a-like put one of her fingers under her nose and sniffed, "problem?" The girls giggled and Donna cleared her throat, making her presence known.

"Hi Donna," Ms. Pamela Anderson wannabe said in an annoyingly perky voice. "How are you liking the reception?"

Donna slammed her half empty glass in the counter top and grabbed the nearest alcohol bottle, not caring what was in it. "It's fine."

"Can you believe Jax married HER? I mean she is quite the hot mess."

Donna turned around to see Miss Horrible Dye Job giggling.

"The only hot mess here is your hair, croweater. You were just talking about an Old Lady. Not just any Old Lady but the Old Lady of the future King of Samcro. I bet Jax wouldn't take it too kindly if he knew how you were just talking about his wife."

Donna saw the fear cross the croweaters eyes.

She stepped towards the Ms. Pamela Anderson look alike and threw the drink on her face.

"Next time you disrespect an Old Lady, I'll make sure that you'll be sucking dick in Oakland's main street instead of Samcro's clubhouse."

She turned around and stomped out of there her sudden anger confusing her. She didn't know Wendy and didn't particular like her too much.

Donna made it as far as the main room before she turned around. Now it was Bobby who had his pants around his ankle and Donna swore that she never seen such a disturbing sight.

Donna knew she couldn't go back to the kitchen where the croweaters were probably nursing each other's pride. The dorm rooms were also out of the question. She could hear the grunts and the exaggerated screams coming out of them.

Donna sighed as she started climbing the built in ladder to the roof. She would wait out the carnal acts going on around the clubhouse. After all, drunk men tended to finish fast.

She continued climbing, leaving behind the madness that was the Samcro clubhouse.

The fresh air felt nice. Donna always loved the fall in Charming, where the summer heat didn't strife her and the dropped temperatures of the winter didn't make her shiver. She thought of Opie, all alone in Chino while he served the remaining two years of his sentence. She missed him terribly. Her kids were growing up without their father and she without her husband. It was in moments like these that she resented the club for taking her husband away from her young family.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Donna turned and saw Jax sitting a bottle of Tennessee's finest in his hand.

She walked towards him and sat next to him. He offered her the bottle and she gladly took it and took a big gulp. She shuddered as the booze burned her esophagus.

"What are you doing up here? Why aren't you enjoying your reception?"

Jax grabbed the bottle and took a swing. "Enjoying it from above."

Donna stared out into the lot and saw Wendy standing slightly behind Gemma who was entertaining a few members from the Rogue River charter. Wendy was wearing quite the revealing white dress, her tits almost spilling out of the dress. She had a navy blue garter around one of her thighs. Her make up was over the top and she probably had sprayed a whole bottle of hair spray in her hair to make it so big. To any outsider, Wendy looked like a confident newlywed. To Donna, she looked like a scared, overly done croweater who just won the biggest meal ticket in the club's history.

"I never thought this would be your wedding."

"Me either," answered Jax as he passed her the bottle.

"Well, cheers to you Teller; you picked a winner." Donna took another big gulp of Jack.

"What do you mean by that?" Jax glanced over to Donna.

Donna swallowed. "Seriously Jax, what were you thinking marrying that?" Donna pointed at Wendy who was now wandering around the lot looking completely out of place and nervous.

Jax scoffed and pulled a cigarette packet from his kutte. He lit up before answering. "What do you expect me to do, Donna?"

Donna looked over at him. "Seriously Jackson. Sometimes you are an absolute ass."

"What did I say?"

Donna turned her body so she could look Jax straight in the eyes. Jax did the same thing, their knees touching. She took the bottle of whiskey from his hand and placed it on the floor next to them.

"Why did you marry Wendy? And don't fucking bullshit me, Jax. I have known you for far too long for you to give me the reasons that you gave to every fucking else. Do you truly love her?"

Jax looked into Donna's eyes, his eyes glassy from all the alcohol he had consumed. Donna could even detect the faint smell of weed that clung to his clothes.

"Like I said before—what else is there for me to do, Donna? Gemma has made it perfectly cleared that it is time that another heir is produced. Got to do what Mommy Dearest demands." Jax tried to make his voice sound light but Donna noted the sad undertones.

"Why did you marry her?" Donna blinked.

Jax sighed and took a drag of his cigarette. "You can't let shit go, can you?"

"Part of my endless charm. Now answer the fucking question."

"Look at her Donna. Take a good look at her and tell me what do you see."

Donna turned her face and located Wendy in the lot. It wasn't a difficult task given she was the only one wearing white in a mass of black.

This time she had a few croweaters surrounding her. Ironically, the same croweaters that were talking shit in the kitchen were among the crowd. Wendy still looked uncomfortable as her eyes darted around the lot probably looking for Jax.

"She reminds me of a little bird stuck in a nest looking for her Momma," said Donna without thinking.

"That's her. So broken and lost. Always eager to please, Gemma and club members alike."

Donna turned to look at Jax. He had that faraway look he always got once in a while.

Donna waited for him to come back to Earth. After a few minutes of absolute silence between them, Donna probed him. "Jax…"

He snapped out of it and took another drag of his nearly burnt out cigarette.

"So, you married her because she was lost?"

"No, I married her because she needs someone. I need for someone to need me."

A light bulb went off in Donna's head. "Aw, it all makes sense now."

Jax looked into her eyes and Donna saw the hopelessness there.

"Have you heard from her?"

Donna noted how Jax tried to make his voice sound as hard as steel, however, she has known Jax for far too long not to note the small ray of hope in his eyes. And it was that hope that made her almost break that promise she made such a long time ago.

But she thought back on the years when she was a naïve teenager in love with a badass biker with a heart of gold. Opie was her everything back when she was seventeen. Just like Jax was Tara's everything. All four of them were so hopeless in love with one another and Jax and Tara were even there when she and Opie decided to elope. It was them four against the world but the grim realities of Charming soon settled in after Donna and Tara graduated high school.

Jax and Opie were deep in Samcro business barely spending any time with their significant others. Before graduating from high school, Donna found herself pregnant with her Ellie and that was it for her. She and Opie got married in an in prompt trip to Las Vegas and the rest was history. The same night she got married with Opie, Donna swore that Jax and Tara would soon walk down the aisle while Tara cooked her own bun in the oven. A few weeks later, Tara confessed that she was also pregnant. She made Donna swear that she wouldn't even tell Opie about the pregnancy. Donna was excited to know that two of her best friends were going to be parents just like Opie and she.

Unfortunately, life had a way of screwing you once in a while and she clearly remembers the day Tara called her, the panic clear on her voice, asking Donna to meet her at the hospital. Donna held Tara's hand as the doctor performed a D&C after the miscarriage. Jax was away on club business and by the time he returned to Charming, the damage was done. Donna saw how Tara hid behind her shell becoming ferociously independent. She didn't need Donna or Opie anymore. And Tara especially didn't need Jax; not after he left her alone when she lost their baby to attend to club business.

As time went on, Donna had her baby girl and she became too engulf in being a mother that she really didn't keep tabs on Tara. So imagine her shock when Tara showed up to the small house Opie had purchased and told Donna she was moving to San Diego in less than a week. Tara gave Donna the number and address as to where she was going to stay in a folded piece of paper and made her promise never to tell Jax.

It was that day that Tara broke down in tears, telling Donna about all the countless abuse she had to grow up with in her own home. Donna knew Derek was a shit father but she never knew the extent of the emotional, physical, and verbal abuse Tara was subjected to. Tara made it very clear that she didn't just want to be an Old Lady to Samcro's future king. She was too smart for that. She had too much ambition for that title. Plus, she refused to become Gemma 2.0, who Tara resented for her constant meddling. Donna was stunned and felt betrayed by Tara. It was suppose to be all four of them against the world. Donna politely asked Tara to leave after expressing her feelings of betrayal. How dare she break the bond that all of them shared for her own selfish reasons?

After Tara left, Donna nursed Ellie and broke down crying as her daughter suckled on her nipple. The tears didn't surprise her; Tara was after all one of her best friends and she was throwing everything away for some asinine dream of being a doctor. But for some reason that Donna didn't understand, she tucked away the address right before Opie arrived home and never told her husband that she knew exactly where Tara was after her departure. Donna saw the devastation Tara's departure caused in Jax but never once did she utter where Tara was.

About year after Tara left, Opie was arrested on serious charges. Donna's family at that point cut off all communications with her. As her father pointed out, Donna knew she was marrying a criminal. Gemma and the rest of the Old Ladies just shrugged it off and told her to sit tight that it was part of the life. Donna remembers feeling overwhelmed at nights when Ellie refused to go to bed. It was just she and her daughter and no one offered her the solace she needed during those long weeks that Opie was inside. One night, Ellie had a really bad fever and Donna was overwhelmed with everything that was going on. The kid was screaming her head off and Donna broke down crying. In the midst of her sobbing she looked for the piece of paper she had hidden away and dialed the number of the one person who would understand her woes.

That night Tara managed to calm Donna down and even gave her some pointers as to what to do about Ellie. She remained on the phone the whole time while Donna settled Ellie down and afterwards she and Donna had a strained conversation. But there was one thing that stood out from that conversation—Tara sounded at peace. As she described college life in San Diego, Donna felt a small hint of jealously. But then she remembered that Donna had something Tara didn't—a family.

They didn't speak for a while and Opie's chargers were dropped on a technicality. Life went back to what it was and by the end of that year Donna was pregnant again with Kenny.

Time passed and Jax went down a spiral. A few times Opie brought Jax home, drunk out of his mind ready to pass out. It was during those nights when Donna had to clean puke out of her carpet that the resentment towards Tara would creep in like a silent cancer. She cussed her old friend for shattering Jax's whole life leaving him a shadow of the man he was before.

Then right before Mother's Day, Opie got arrested again and this time the charges stuck. This time her resent moved towards Samcro and as time went on the resentment grew to hate. She hated the fact that her kids had to wear hand-me-downs because she couldn't afford to buy them new clothes. Donna also had to beg her father for money, something that ate away at her soul given the smug looked he gave her each time she asked for money. The worst part was seeing her kids grow up without their father. School made cards were thrown in the garbage and Father's Day was spent at home, where they remained locked away from the world outside.

As her debt as a single mother blew out of proportion Clay and his men grew rich with the illegal activities that Samcro partook in. She noted how Gemma exchanged her cars every 18 months, each time her car becoming even more luxurious than the previous one. The icing on the cake was during Gemma's and Clay's ten year anniversary, were Clay upgraded Gemma's engagement ring to one huge rock. Donna didn't even have rings yet alone an engagement one. Donna had to sit through the whole festivities while she watched the happy couples play family around her.

That was the day that she finally understood the curse that came with being married to a club member. The club took and took and took until you didn't have anything left but heartache and disappointment and a broken family. That night she called Tara on a whim and tried to bridge the gap that she had wedged between them.

But too many years had passed between them speaking and Tara was different. Donna could hear it on her voice. No longer was Tara a motherless teenager from Charming's worst parts that had an edge to her. Tara was on her way to become a top-notch surgeon thus she had become refined and soft spoken. Tara informed Donna that she had been accepted to one of the best medical schools in the country; she was going to move to Chicago to follow her dreams. In passing Tara asked about Jax's wellbeing and Donna knew she couldn't tell him that Tara was moving even further away. He was already broken enough. Tara was kind enough to give Donna her cell phone but it was clear that the two did not have anything in common except a shared history. Tara asked Donna to call her once in a while just to catch up. Donna said she would but she knew what Tara was really asking for—she wanted to hear that Jax was ok.

When they hung up the phone, Donna sat at her kitchen table and broke down crying. She tried to keep the hysterics as quiet as possible. She finally saw what Tara saw back when they were two teens in love with bikers. The big difference being that Tara chose to leave before the club doomed her and Donna chose to stay in Charming to rot.

"Donna…"

Donna snapped out of her thoughts.

"No, Jax. I haven't heard anything from Tara."

Jax nodded and looked away to the lot. "According to Piney, her Old Man told him that she moved away to the Midwest. Got into medical school." Jax picked up the bottle from the floor and took a big drink. "I guess some people can't have it all."

Donna flinched as the bitterness bled over to his voice. "Is that why you married her? To get over Tara?"

Jax scoff and took another gulp of Jack Daniels. "There is no getting over Tara," he answered sincerely.

Donna sighed. "I miss her sometimes. Specially now that Op is in Chino."

"Lucky you." Jax turned so he faced the lot.

"What do you mean?"

"You miss her sometimes. I miss her every fucking day."

Donna moved closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder.

"I know what you mean. I miss him every fucking day too."

Jax wrapped his arm around Donna and both watched as the party raged on the sadness settling deep in their hearts.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note:** God, I am terrible. I have four chapters partly written for this story and I decided to write this one in a span of two days.

I haven't been able to write as much as I usually do for two reasons. One, my muse was completely gone for about six weeks. Two, I have had a lot of different changes going on in my life. New job, new responsibilities, etc.

Now, this story is completely different from the others. It's a complete AU and deals with characters from a different T.V. show. I am a huge Homeland fan and in that show there is a character by the name of Peter Quinn. In my opinion, Tara Knowles and Peter Quinn were two characters that deserved much more than what they got in their perspective T.V. shows. For those, who haven't watch Homeland, Peter Quinn is a total badass. If Jackson Teller and Peter Quinn would get into a fictional fight, I would put my money on Peter ;)

As I was writing this story, I noted that it was getting too long, so I am dividing this story into two or three parts. So please enjoy part 1!

Please R&R.

XOXO

 **Completely AU**

 _You Lost Me_

Tara sat on the park bench not noticing the people walking past her. Her eyes were glazed over, her mind too far away for her own good. Her body felt exhausted, almost not her own but her mind was sharp as ever, constantly replaying the last couple of weeks inside her head.

Yesterday was the last straw for her. Catching Jax with that dried up whore was the straw that broke the camel's back. After the brief but painful confrontation in front of the brothel, Tara drove off, choking up in her own tears. Jax, of course called non-stop until Tara just turned off her cell. She couldn't fathom what he had to say to her at this point. What excuses he would come up with in order to normalize the fact that he cheated on her again, not caring what it would do to her.

Because she chose to let him back in her life, she lost her career and was facing a lengthy prison sentence if convicted. Everything she worked for down the drain. She cried some, drank some and in the end, she turned on her phone and dialed a number she thought she would never dial again.

Back when she first moved to San Diego, she was so heartbroken that she isolated herself from everyone. She didn't make friends and just worked her ass off to keep her scholarship. In her sophomore year, she took a language class to fill one her general requirements needed for graduation. When she went to sign up for her class, she hoped for Spanish, given that she had taken a few semesters in Charming. Instead, she got Arabic since all the easy language classes were filled to capacity.

Two weeks into the class, she was ready to burst out crying in the library when she couldn't comprehend what the hell was going on. Never had she failed at anything, at least academically speaking. Tara remembers taking a few deep breaths and closing her eyes trying to calm herself into studying grammar rules and Arabic letters. When a dark shadow loomed over, she opened her eyes and saw a tall dark haired guy standing near her, blocking the harsh library lights. He had a serious, stoic look to him and his eyes were so piercing blue that something about them made Tara uneasy.

"Need help with that?" he asked in a quiet but firm voice.

He didn't wait for her answer and just sat down in front of her and proceeded to explain two weeks' worth of lessons in a span of a few hours. He spoke quietly but confidently, obviously knowing what he was talking about. When they went over all her notes, Tara profusely thanked the guy and he just shrugged his shoulders and stood, walking away without even revealing his name to her.

A few days later, Tara aced her first test in Arabic. She looked around campus for the guy but never ran into him until a few weeks later, when she decided to join her lab partner in a bar crawl.

She was a bit tipsy by the time she got to the last bar and there he was—the mysterious Arabic tutor serving drinks to drunk college students, his face as serious as ever. Embolden by the few drinks she had in her system, Tara pushed her way through the crowd and planted herself right in front of him across the bar. He looked into her eyes and proceeded to pour her a generous amount of Jameson not once saying a word. Tara sat there sipping on her drink while he worked, pouring drinks for their peers. Not once did he utter a word to Tara. But Tara wasn't going to leave until she at least knew his name.

By the time closing came, Tara had pretty much sobered up. Her lab partner had left her there to go screw some guy.

She waited for him to clean up and close up the bar. His co-workers waved good-bye to her and they silently walked out of the bar.

She asked him his name and he admitted it was Peter Quinn. He revealed he was an orphan from Baltimore who was double majoring in International Studies and Arabic. That night was the beginning of five wonderful but painful years.

Tara closed her eyes and leaned her head back a bit, letting the hot Californian sun burn her skin a little bit. She thought back on her relationship with Peter; the man that Jax knew nothing about.

After that night at the bar, she and Peter became pretty much inseparable, embarking in a deep and fruitful relationship. Peter was the opposite of Jax. Whereas Jax was chaos and openness incarnate, Peter had a calm and mysterious demeanor to him that at times made Tara wonder if she knew the man who she was slowly letting into her heart. When they both graduated, they agreed to a long distance relationship with Tara moving to Chicago and Peter moving to Washington D.C. to work for a government agency. Tara was so focused on medical school, that she missed the signs early on.

Peter would travel to and from D.C to Chicago nearly every weekend. Tara visited his apartment a few times in a year but it was always him making the trips to see her.

Tara tried to talk to him about work but Peter, ever the mystery, would give her very vague answers claiming that he wasn't allowed to talk about what he did for a living. She did notice that he had become incredibly withdrawn talking less and less with each visit and releasing all of his frustrations inside her body each time they made love.

Pretty soon Tara was at wits end and gave him an ultimatum. Either he talked about what was bugging him or their relationship would be over as much as it would break her heart.

Peter just gave her one of those long measured looks that made her feel incredibly exposed. She silently waited for him to say something, anything. Of course in typical Peter fashion, he stood up and walked out of her apartment without muttering a word. Tara assumed the relationship was over.

A week later, he called her and asked her to fly into D.C. so they could talk. Tara reluctantly agreed and she was happy when she saw him standing silently in Dulles Airport, waiting for her arrival. That night he took her to the Lincoln Memorial and they sat huddled against the freezing D.C. winter, a few flimsy blankets keeping them a bit warm. Peter confessed that he had been recruited by the C.I.A. shortly before he met her in the library and that his work dealt with the Middle East. That was all he was allowed to say given that they weren't married. He did admit that his work was classified and that Tara could never reveal what his true occupation was.

That night, she felt closer to him than she ever had. He didn't open up about his work but he did open up about his nightmarish childhood in Baltimore. Tara realized that Peter was much more damaged than anyone else she had met. Peter didn't have much growing up so he took solace in his silence and intellect—very much like her.

The next year was a blessing for their relationship. Their silence was not awkward; they took comfort in one another. They had become each other's everything and it wasn't long before words like marriage and kids were being thrown around casually. For the first time in a long time she was happy—truly happy.

Then 9/11 happened and things changed.

Peter was consumed by his work and catching the men responsible for destroying the lives of so many American people. His weekly visits became monthly visits and pretty soon, they rarely saw one another.

One day, she arrived home after a grueling day in school to find Peter waiting for her in their Chicago apartment. He informed her he was going to the Middle East to complete some sort of mission and that he didn't know when he would be back. He asked Tara to wait for him and against her better judgment she agreed because she did love him and they had shared so much.

One month went by, then two, and then three. She didn't know whom to call because Peter didn't have family and he didn't even tell her where he was going. He didn't even leave behind a number where she could reach him.

One spring morning she woke up and there he was, lying next to her, looking gaunt and exhausted, his cheekbones sunken in. She was happy to see him and let him sleep for a while. When he woke up, they spent the day in bed enjoying each other's company. She was tempted to ask about his trip and when she was about to form the words, Peter shook his head and asked her not to.

He stayed with her for about a month, the longest they had spent together since her move to Chicago. She even introduced him to a few friends she had made during her time in Chicago.

Before he went back to D.C., he confessed he had to return to the Middle East for an extended period of time. But before he left he wanted to take the next step. He proposed to her a few days before he was scheduled back to D.C. It was a beautiful proposal and Tara agreed because she truly loved Peter.

This time, she got a few little notes here and there that Peter would send to D.C. Someone in the C.I.A. was in charge of forwarding them to her. A whole six months passed before she saw Peter again. He had changed. He was harsher in his words and demeanor. When he told her he was going back to the Middle East for a third time, Tara knew it was over between them. She couldn't live not knowing what was going on in his life and not knowing if she would ever receive his body in a coffin.

When she ended things with Peter, she felt her heartbreak but it didn't hurt as much as when she left Jax behind in Charming. When she left Jax, she had nothing. When she broke it off with Peter she had a bubbling career. Something was something at least.

Peter went back to D.C. and she didn't hear from him. Once in a while she would email or text him a Happy Holiday or a Happy Birthday or even a Hey, how are you? He never responded to them. She respected his boundaries and silence but once in a while she would miss him. His quiet presence was a comfort for her for so long.

Time moved on and she became a doctor. She sent two invites out for her graduation from medical school—one to her dad and one to Peter. Her father claimed he couldn't afford making the trip to Chicago. Peter didn't even bother responding to the RSVP. But when she was walking across the stage to receive her diploma, she caught of glimpse of a dark-haired man in a baseball hat, his arms crossed in from of him, a small smile on his lips. She knew it was Peter even though he probably left soon after she got her diploma.

Him showing up meant the world to her and she missed him terribly. But she had to move on to bigger and better things—saving lives of tiny humans.

When she started her relationship with Kohn, she thought of Peter and Jax and how both of them treated her differently than Kohn. Jax's love was all consuming and kind. Peter's was patient and always present. Kohn just wanted to possess every part of her and it scared her. How possessive he became in such a short span. It was when Kohn became violent that she knew she couldn't stay in Chicago. She had two choices—Charming or Washington D.C. but Charming was calling her name louder so she moved there.

The day she moved to Charming, she thought of Peter again but pushed him to the back of her mind. He was part of her past and he wouldn't be able to help her in her predicament with Kohn.

Things happened fast and pretty soon she was back in Jax's arms. So consumed she was with Jax, Abel, and the club that she didn't think of her ex. As much as she loved Peter, her love for him couldn't match her love for Jax. That's why she took care of his child from another woman, waited for him while he did time, had his second child and even married him. Jax was her whole goddamn world back when she was a teen and she made the mistake of making him her whole world a second time around.

Now, here she was sitting in a park bench, alone and more lost than she had been.

In the years since her breakup with Peter, she had emailed him, texted him and even wrote him letters that she sent through the mail but not once did she ever call him.

So after catching her husband with a prostitute, she drove aimlessly for hours. When she turned her phone back on, she heard one voicemail out of the many that Jax left in her inbox. He begged her to come home and Tara just choked back her tears. She needed someone who she knew would be on her side.

She called the old, familiar number, not hoping for much. There was a possibility that he had changed his number. There was also the possibility that he would be in the middle of the Middle East doing some crazy mission for Uncle Sam. She was pleasantly surprised when he answered the phone after the first ring. She said his name once and broke out crying hysterically. She sobbed and sobbed and Peter remained silent on the other line. When she was finally able to calm down a bit, he told her to not turn off her phone that he would catch a flight to California. Tara whispered a thank you and he hung up. He was a man of very few words.

So there she sat in the park, waiting on God knows what. Jax kept calling but she didn't answer the phone. She thought about checking into a hotel room but she and Jax had joint accounts and he would know exactly where to find her if she used her credit cards. She missed her boys but she needed some distance from it all.

She sat mulling in the park bench for about another hour, when she felt someone sit next to her. She turned her head and there he was—Peter, in the flesh, looking as handsome as ever with his serious face.

"Peter..." her lips trembled as she grabbed him hand. "How did you find me?"

"NSA," he answered simply. "I tracked your phone."

Tara nodded and Peter stood, pulling her up. "Come with me," he said quietly. They walked hand in hand to his rental car. Tara's heart was pounding against her chest and she felt the sweat accumulate in her hands.

Peter opened the door for her and waited until she got into the car before closing the door shut. He walked around and gracefully climbed into the car. Right when Tara was buckling her seatbelt on, her phone rang. Jax's picture showed up in her screen. Peter took the phone and threw it out of his car window, shattering the device to pieces.

"No more of that," he said as he pulled out of his parking place.

"Where are we going?" she asked timidly.

"Hotel room. You need food and a shower."

Only Peter would know what she needed before she even knew herself.

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Tara put her fork down. She couldn't even remember when the last time she had a good meal. Peter stood by the window, looking out into the street, the sunlight reflecting beautifully on his face.

Tara secured the terrycloth robe tighter around her waist and walked towards where he stood.

She stood opposite him and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Thank you for coming," she started off saying.

Peter clenched his jaw. "You need to leave him."

Leave it to Peter to get straight to the point.

"You don't know what is happening," responded Tara. "We haven't spoken in years."

"I know enough," Peter turned to look at her. "He has essentially destroyed everything you have worked for. You career is gone, your reputation in the medical field is in shambles, you have two kids that I am guessing are in a very unstable environment. Most importantly, he has broken you."

Tara felt her chin quiver and she looked away into the busy Stockton street.

"I love him, Peter," she whispered as a few tears stream down her face.

"How about you love those kids and yourself first?"

Tara turned and watched as Peter walked into the bedroom. She followed him shortly afterwards and she lay next to him on the bed. They turned to face one another, their knees touching, hers bear because of the robe and his fully clothed in slacks.

"I could make it all go away," he whispered removing the hair that had fallen into her eyes.

"How?" she whispered back. "Everything is ruined. I am stuck."

Peter gave her a sad smile. "Do you trust me?"

Tara looked into his eyes. They remained silent for a while. Tara thought back on all the tears shed, all the frustrations, all the insecurities she has had to live with for the past couple of years. All the deeply rooted unhappiness she has had to live with since moving to Charming. Everyone she hoped would help her get out of the deep hole she was in, bailed on her. Betrayed her as soon as Jax, Gemma, and the club turned up the heat.

Tara nodded. "Yes, I trust you. You are the only person left."

"Then, Tara, you have to do exactly what I say. I'll fix this but you have to trust that everything I do is for your own good."

"One thing though."

"What?"

"My boys don't suffer."

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They stayed holed up in the suite for two whole days. Tara slept long hours and Peter just mostly talked on the phone, quietly, away from her. She often wondered what he was doing and she asked him a couple of times. He would just say that she needed to trust him.

She missed her babies so badly that a couple of times she caught herself reaching for the hotel room phone. But a measured look from Peter would make her place the phone back in its cradle.

On the second day, Tara woke up to an empty hotel suite. She ordered room service and ate in silence. She was tired of the suite and was getting a bit of cabin fever. Besides the maid and the two men who brought up room services, she had not seen a soul besides Peter. When her thoughts turned dark, she kept reminding herself she could have been in a prison cell, rotting away. At least in the hotel, she had fancy meals and a robe so soft that she would be sadden to depart from it.

Right as she was finishing her meal, Peter walked in, shopping bags in hand.

"I brought you some clothes," he placed the bags on an empty seat next to her. "Get dressed, we are going to Charming."

He turned and made his way out of the suite, without giving her a chance to respond to his request.

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As Peter pulled up at her house in Charming, Tara couldn't stop her hands from shaking. She noticed Gemma's SUV parked in her driveway.

Peter parked the car across the street.

"When we go in there, grab the most important things out of that house. Birth certificates, passports, the boys and anything with high sentimental value. Leave all clothes and toys. Those things are replaceable."

Tara nodded.

"I'm doing the right thing?" she asked mostly to herself than to Peter.

"Fuck yea, you are. Let's go." Peter opened the car door. Tara also opened hers and together they walked towards the small house that she once felt proud to call home.

Tara took a deep breath before opening the door to her house. She didn't know what Peter's plan was but she had a feeling it would rock Charming to its core.

Tara walked in and she immediately heard the sound of the TV blaring in the living room. She made her way to the kitchen where Gemma sat smoking pot, the table messy with dishes that boys used for their lunch.

Gemma looked up.

"You done with your temper tantrum?" Gemma put out the joint and looked past Tara. She frowned. "My son knows you tapping a new dick?"

Tara rolled her eyes and turned around to walk out of the kitchen.

Peter grabbed her arm before she made her exit. "Remember, only important shit. We got about fifteen minutes before the shit hits the fan," he said quietly enough so just Tara heard him.

She heard the kitchen chair scrap against the linoleum and she walked to the back of the house, where the bedrooms were.

"Abel?" she called out and like she expected, her son came running out of his room.

"Mommy!" he yelled out in excitement and jumped into her outstretched arms.

Tara rained his face with kisses and she hugged him tight to her. "I missed you, buddy," she whispered into his ear as she fought back tears.

"Where were you, Mommy?"

Tara put Abel down to the door. "I had to take care of some things," she whispered. She pulled him closer to her until their faces were inches apart. "Listen buddy, I need you to go to your room and you could grab one toy. You, Tommy and I are going on a big adventure with one of Mommy's old friends. But I need you to be quiet, ok?"

Abel nodded. "But Wendy is there," he whispered back, one of his index fingers pointing to Thomas's room.

Tara looked past Abel briefly. She was surprised that Wendy didn't come out when Abel yelled as soon as his little eyes laid eyes on Tara.

"Ok, go grab your toy and meet me in my room. I am going to get some things and then we are getting Tommy. Ok?"

Abel nodded and ran to his room.

Tara hurried to the master bedroom and quickly grabbed one of her bigger purses from the closet. She quickly filled the purse with some of the contexts of the small safely box she and Jax had in their closet. That included about 30,000 dollars Jax had put in there in case of an emergency, her mother's jewelry and all important documents that pertained to her and the boys, including birth certificates, her marriage license, and social security cards.

Tara shut the safe and walked to her bed stand and placed her wedding rings on top. She was done with all the bullshit.

Just as she was placing the rings down, Abel walked in, with a teddy bear that Opie had given him when Jax was in Stockton doing time.

"Is this ok?" he asked timidly and Tara nodded, thinking of her old friend who was killed trying to protect the same club that had killed his wife and father.

"Let's go get your brother," she grabbed his tiny hand and crossed the hall to where Thomas sat in his crib. Wendy was sleeping in the futon where she and Jax sat so many nights staring at their baby boy.

Tara swallowed her anger as she picked up her son as Abel waited by the door clutching his bear. Thomas giggled and kicked his feet in excitement as Tara grabbed his pacifier and threw it inside her purse along with some diapers and baby wipes.

Tara thanked the heavens that Wendy didn't wake up in the midst of her taking Thomas out of the room. Right before she made her exit, she looked at Jax's ex-wife and noticed the fading track marks in her arms.

Tara shook her head and grabbed Abel's hand. Just as she was making way to the living room she heard the roaring of the bikes and she locked eyes with Peter, who stood silently.

He nodded his head and she talked hurriedly next to him.

"You really think my son would let you walk out of her with his sons while you go and play house with another dick?"

Tara counted to ten and just glared at Gemma. Within seconds, Jax stormed into the house, Chibs, Tig, Bobby, and Happy following close by.

Jax looked at Tara and the boys, his eyes quickly assessing the situation. His eyes soon landed on Peter, who just stared back, silently without any emotions on his face.

"Where the fuck have you been?" asked Jax, his eyes still on Peter, a snarl on his face.

"Don't answer that." Peter reached into his slacks and pulled out a cell. He dialed one number and placed the phone in his ear. "Come in. Tell Max to deliver the package in five minutes." He hung up the phone and placed the cell back in his pants.

"Who the fuck are you?" Jax looked at Peter, his face getting redder by the second.

"He is an old friend of mine," responded Tara, pulling Abel tighter against her side. Tara looked at Peter. He had a blank look on his face so Tara decided to continue. "We went to school together." Knowing Jax's temper Tara kept it as vague as possible.

"Have you fucked him?"

"Of course she has," Gemma walked and stood by her son. "Look at how cozy they look."

She didn't even get a chance to respond. In his anger, Jax stormed into the house not bothering to tell one of his brothers to close the door. Their door was wide open and a tall, thin, balding man walked in silently. Peter nodded at him and he crouched down to be at eye level with Abel.

"Hi. You must be Abel. My name is Peter and I am an old friend of your Mommy."

Abel hid a bit behind Tara. Thomas started to get a bit fussy, sensing the tension in the room. Tara started bouncing the baby a bit in order to calm his nerves.

"I know you must be a bit confused Abel but I a promise you that I am trying to help your Mommy. Now, you see this man here?" Peter pointed at the man who had just walked in. Abel looked at the man and then at Peter.

"This man is a friend of mine. His name is Virgil and he is going to take you and your brother out of the house for a little bit, while I talk to your Dad and grandma. Ok?"

Abel looked up at Tara and Tara looked at Peter.

"Trust me," he mouthed at her.

She nodded. "Abel, I need you to go with Virgil and I see you in a little bit. I need you to watch over your brother for me, ok?"

Peter stood and reached for Thomas.

"Fuck no, you aren't going anywhere with my sons." Jax started walking towards them and Peter held out his hand. Jax started reaching behind him, for his hidden piece and Tara felt her heart start hammering against her chest.

"Jackson, I suggest you don't act in a rash manner in front of the children," Peter said in an eerily controlled voice. "Ms. Patterson should be here shortly to discuss some arrangements. I don't think it would be wise for you to have a gun in your hands as she makes her entrance especially since you are in federal release."

Everyone in the room froze.

Jax looked at Tara. "You ratted?"

Tara handed Thomas to Peter and she crouched down to Abel's level. "Buddy, remember what I said to you?"

Abel whispered a yes.

"I need you to go with the nice man. I'll see you soon. I promise, baby." By the time she stood, Virgil had Thomas in his hands. She handed over her purse and Abel's hand.

"His pacifier is in the purse. I put some diapers in there as well."

Virgil nodded at her then at Peter. He quietly walked out of the house with her boys.

Tara waited until the boys were out of earshot.

"I never ratted you out. If I didn't rat you out while I spent a week in jail…" she trailed off.

"Then how does he know about Patterson and the federal release?" bit off Tig.

"Your criminal records are public record," Peter answered. "And so is all the pending charges against Tara. It doesn't take a genius to connect the dots. Now, listen carefully because I am only going to say this once. Tara and the boys are coming with me. You are no longer allowed to have any sort of contact with Tara. It will be like if they never existed. After today, her whereabouts will be a mystery to everyone in this room. If you try to find her, there would be massive repercussions not only for you, Jackson, but for everyone you hold dear, including the washed up woman standing next to you who you refer to as mother."

Tara's mouth hung open, as did Gemma's.

Jax started to talk when there was a brief knock on the door. ADA Patterson and Sheriff Roosevelt walked in.

Patterson and Roosevelt looked around.

"Is something going on?" Roosevelt placed one hand in his holster.

"ADA Patterson, my name is Peter and I am an old friend of Tara's." Peter started without preamble. "I am just informing Samcro and its associates that Tara and her sons will be accompanying me out of Charming. As of this morning, your superiors were informed that all charges against Tara were to be dropped immediately. It would be wise that your office, ADA Patterson, start pursuing more worthy criminal cases. It is a shame that you have wasted so much of California's resources in persecuting an innocent woman of involuntary manslaughter."

"Excuse me but who are you?" asked an incredulous Patterson. "And who do you think you are giving me orders about what cases to persecute?"

"About five minutes ago an associate of mine delivered some files to your office. In those files, you will find some interesting things especially pictures taken about two years ago in Ireland."

Tara looked at Peter. In fact, everyone in the room was looking at Peter.

"Why would I care about some pictures taken in Ireland?" Patterson asked.

"You are up for reelection in a couple of months. Let's just say it would look good if you take down the Irish Kings, real members of the IRA. And it would also look good to the public if you take down all known associates, especially if known associates also supplied the gun used in a massive school shootout that killed many innocent children."

"Peter!"

"Tara," he looked at her. "This has to be done. If not for you, do it for them."

Tara started shaking her head in shock.

"ADA Patterson, my guy delivered a gold mine. Use it to your discretion. Just know that your boss also received an electronic version of those same files. Your boss also signed off in all charges being dropped for Tara. As of this moment, you are to forget that Tara Knowles existed. What happened to that nurse was tragic but there isn't much to do at this point. Let bygones be bygones. Also, you will sign off in Tara's medical record being expunge."

"Stop right there," Patterson interrupted Peter.

"There is nothing to stop. Everything is already done. She and I are walking out of here and I never want to encounter any one of you again. Neither does Tara for that fact. She is now free from it all. If any one of you in this room dare try to track her down please know that there is a nuclear option in place."

Peter looked at Jackson. "And you are a piece of shit. For years, I envied you. You had it all and you threw it all away for a fucking piece of leather. You have your club but you lost your family."

Jax reached for his piece but Peter was faster. Out of nowhere, Peter pulled out a gun with a silencer and pointed it straight at Jax.

"Give me a fucking reason and I will," Peter said in his quiet voice.

"Oh my God," whispered Patterson.

"Put the gun down," commanded Roosevelt his gun pointing at Peter. "Put down the gun, now or I will shoot."

"Why don't we all put our toys away."

And older man strolled into the house. He had a neatly trimmed beard and one expensive suit on. "You too Peter. Put it away. That is a direct order."

Peter lowered his gun but Roosevelt still had his pointed at Peter.

The man looked at Roosevelt. "If you don't want to be stripped off that badge, Sheriff, I suggest you put it away."

"Who the fuck are you?" cried out Gemma, whose nerves were clearly shot.

"Call me Dar," said the man with a sinister smile. "Now, let's wrap this up. Peter, I need you back home."

"Oh shit," whispered Roosevelt as he quickly put his gun away.

"That's right," smiled Dar. "Oh shit, it is."

"Who the fuck are you?" Now it was Tig's turn to ask as he assessed the man who had walked into the Teller household like he owned it.

"Dar Adal," responded Patterson. "One of the big guys in the C.I.A."

Dar smiled. "You must be Tyne Patterson. I just had a fantastic lunch with the Governor and your boss. When Peter first reached out to me asking me for a small favor, I couldn't help it and I did a little bit of digging myself. Usually, my guys don't indulge in local disputes between bikers and associates but it's quite the fascinating situation you have here in Charming. A biker kingdom with ties to an international terrorist organization. Now, the Governor is quite excited to get the ball rolling on this one. Things like these usually stall a bit but it so happens it's an election year." Dar sighed dramatically as he looked around the room. "The things politicians will do to get elected." He shook his head and turned to look at Peter and Tara. "Peter, please wrap this up. You are needed elsewhere. Miss Knowles, I am guessing I will be seeing you around. And for the rest of you who are part of a criminal organization, I hope the justice system works its wonders." And just like he strolled in, he strolled out, whistling _Heigh Ho_ , on his way out.

Tara looked at Peter. "What the hell just happened?"

Peter placed his gun in the back of his pants. "That is my boss. And like he said, the Governor is now directly involved in the mess that Samcro's involvement with the Real IRA has brought to some communities in Northern California. Now, the club will be presented with a deal. Although, I would love it if everyone in this room wearing a leather kutte would spend the rest of their lives behind bars, the fact in the matter is that you all will be offered a sweet deal considering everything Samcro is directly involved with. My suggestion is that you take it. It won't get sweeter than that."

Tara turned and looked at Jax who looked absolutely floored.

"I need to speak to Jax, privately."

"Tara…"

"No, Peter. I owe the father of my sons at least five minutes. Please wait for me outside. I am coming. I promise."

Peter's stoic face came back on full force and he walked out with Patterson following suit.

Roosevelt addressed the guys of Samcro. "I don't want anything to pop off out there. This guy works for Dar Adal. That is one guy you don't want to fuck with. I need your word that nothing is going to go down."

Jax's eyes remained on Tara.

It was Chibs who eventually agreed to keep the peace.

Gemma crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Whatever you need to say to my son, you are saying it in front of me. I am not going to let you twist him up more than you already have."

"Gemma, just get the fuck out," responded Tara.

"You piece of…"

"Gemma, leave." Jax clenched his jaw, making his final demand known.

Tara watched the Roosevelt and the members of Samcro filed out of the house with Tig and Happy giving her the dirtiest of looks. Gemma lingered back a bit but eventually she stomped out of the house, slamming the door shut.

"Why?" asked Jax.

Tara felt the wave of emotions hit her at once. All the anger, sadness, rushed in overwhelming her.

"When I first came here, I was so scared. Not because of the Kohn thing but because of you. Back when we were kids, I loved you so much Jax. So, so much that I was willing to give it all up for you. Then, I left and was so crippled with such sadness and loneliness that I could barely get out of bed. I just went through the motions of life because I really wanted to be a doctor. I wanted to be something more than an Old Lady to you and the daughter of the town drunk." Tara took a deep sigh.

"I got lost in school and one day I needed help in a class. Peter was there to help me. And he was there for five years being an amazing friend and lover. You asked earlier if I had fucked him and the answer is yes. Peter was my fiancé at one point. We would have probably gotten married if it weren't for his commitment working for the C.I.A."

She let that sink in for a bit.

"So all these years, you have been fucking lying to my face."

Tara shook her head. "No, no. I loved Peter but deep down, I loved you so much more. I never gave myself to him like I did to you. That's why I was so scared when I came back. I walked away when I was nineteen out of desperation but if you would have asked me, I would have come back— for you. I would have stayed in Charming for you. All I ever did was for you. I never married Peter and I so easily walked away from him, without a second thought. Not really caring the damage I was doing to him. When I came back, I knew I couldn't walk away for a second time."

"Yet you are doing now?"

"I am only doing it because you gave me two boys that I love more than I love us. I can't have them growing up like this." Tara shook her head. "I love you, Jax and I am sorry it came to this but it is time that I look past what I want and do what my boys need me to do. And if you ever loved me like you said you did, you would understand this. I know you probably hate me right now but I can't anymore. I can't keep putting my sons' fate in your hands." Her voice broke at the end.

"Please don't do this, Tara," Jax walked to where she was standing and grabbed her face. "I love you. I have only loved you. I will leave right now if that is what you want. I will walk away from it all."

Tara felt a few tears roll down her eyes. "It's too late now. You say all these beautiful words, Jackson, but the truth is that I don't trust you anymore. I stopped trusting you the day you allowed me to walk out the door in handcuffs. And the fact that you turned to a prostitute the minute things got hard between us, was the nail the closed the coffin. And I am guessing that wasn't the first time you visited her bedroom. God… I cannot even imagine how many whores you have cheated on me with." Tara gently removed his hands from her face. "I cannot continue to live with a man who doesn't even value what's in front of him."

A low sobbed escaped his lips and Tara wiped the tears from her eyes. "Peter said that they are going to offer you a nice deal. I trust him. Take the deal. Do the time and make something out of yourself. When the boys are old enough I will tell them about you. If they choose to come and see you, then it is on them, not me. All I know is that I have to get them out of here before it's too late for all of us. Before the club or your mother kills me and ruins the chance of normalcy they deserve."

Tara backs away and leaves Jax standing in the living room, a dazed look on his face.

She opens the door quickly and rushed out. Everyone was standing around the lawn, looking at her like if she were a creature that had emerged out of space. Peter was leaning on the car, engine running, his legs stretched out in front of him.

Tara jogged to where he was standing.

"Where are the boys?"

"Virgil has them somewhere safe. I already checked up on them. You ready?"

Tara looked back at the house. "Let's go before he comes out."

Peter nodded and opened the passenger door for her. She quickly climbed in and closed the door.

"YOU FUCKING B…"

Gemma's harsh words were cut off when Peter slammed his door shut.

He took the car out of Parking and peeled out of this spot. Tara turned around and saw Jax running out of the house.

She heard him scream her name and he started running after car. Peter looked at the rearview mirror and stepped on the gas.

The last image Tara had of Jax was him had collapsing on the floor watching her get smaller and smaller in the horizon.

When she couldn't see him anymore, she burst into tears. Her life in Charming was really over.

But instead of feeling sadness for all that was lost, she felt free. She was finally free.

 _To be continued…_

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	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Here is the second installment of the Tara/Peter/Jackson story. For this AU, Tara's hand is completely healed.

What happens now that Tara is finally free from all the chains that tied her to Charming? Or is she truly free?

Part two!

Please R&R

XOXO

 _Chasing Cars_

 _A few months after her departure from Charming in Landstuhl, Germany_

Tara closed the book and took a deep a sigh. She was beyond exhausted but she needed to pass the national exam so she could start a new residency in Landstuhl Regional Medical Center as a trauma surgeon.

After leaving Charming, Peter flew her and the boys to Washington D.C., where they didn't stay long. Within two weeks, he had flown them to Berlin, Germany, where he had to be stationed temporarily as per order from Dar. Tara didn't know what mission Peter was working on but she knew it dealt with him traveling to Syria for a long period of time once the details were ironed out.

While Peter was working on the top-secret mission, he aided Tara in legally changing her last name from Knowles to Prescott, her maternal grandmother's surname. She also made the hard decision to change the boys last name too so they wouldn't be easily found by anyone in Charming.

Peter called in more favors and Tara was offered a position in Landstuhl Regional just as long as she changed specialties. Her area of expertise with babies were not needed in the biggest hospital where soldiers of the U.S. military went after being injured in the Middle East. They needed trauma and orthopedic surgeons so Tara decided on trauma surgery. Peter told her than many soldiers and marines died when brought to Landstuhl Regional due to their injuries and that trauma surgeons were always needed to alleviate the hard work that members of the staff already did.

Tara rubbed her sore neck and decided to check on the boys. It was past 3 in the morning as she padded her way through the large three-bedroom apartment.

Tara slowly opened the door to the boys' room and noted how both were peacefully sleeping in their respective twin beds. She smiled as she looked on.

Initially, Abel had a hard time adjusting. He often asked and cried for Jax. There were times when Tara cried with him as she explained that they couldn't stay in Charming. She tried to explain to him that a lot of bad things were happening in Charming and that it wasn't safe for them. She promised Abel a few times that when things got better that they would one day return to see his dad. By the time they moved to Landstuhl, Abel had adjusted a bit to Peter's presence, which was a massive relief for Tara. She didn't want her son to think that she was replacing Jax with Peter in anyway.

Tara quickly enrolled Abel in a bilingual kindergarten class and luckily, Abel started picking up some words in German rather quickly. Abel always thrived in structured environments and German schools were incredibly structured.

Thomas was too small to notice any massive changes. He was just context being held and receiving as much attention as possible. He was the star toddler in his daycare center at Landstuhl Regional.

It was hard at first but at least she knew she had nothing major to worry about. Peter was still with her in Landstuhl and the boys were slowly acclimating to Germany and its culture. She, on the other hand, was another story.

As much as she tried not to, Tara kept tabs on things in Charming. When she first arrived in D.C., she emailed Margaret and Ally and asked them not to reach out to her unless there was a massive emergency that she had to be absolutely made aware of. Other than that, she asked them not to email her or reach out. She didn't want anyone tracking her down in any sort of way.

But she still found herself reading the online newspapers of Charming, Oakland, and Stockton. She did it often for the first few weeks. She knew that Jax and the club were sentenced to ten to fifteen years in prison for gun running and the school massacre. Many people were demanding life in prison but given massive cooperation with the DA, the sentences were drastically reduced. That was the sweet deal Peter was referring to; Peter had arranged so that Samcro did minimal time for their crimes. Not once did the members of the club have to testify or provide evidence against the Real IRA. The files Peter gave Patterson were proof enough. The Irish Kings were also caught somewhere in Oregon. One of them died in a shoot out with the FBI. The other two were in maximum prisons, awaiting trial.

She cried when she read about Jax's sentence. That day she didn't get up from bed, the guilt consuming her whole. Peter took a day off and took the boys out. In retrospect, it was a very wise move by Peter. By the end of that day, Abel had completely opened up to him. It was hearing her boys laugh with Peter than made her get up from bed. She watched them from the doorway of their Berlin apartment and she smiled when she saw Peter smile. He didn't smile often but when he did, he lit up the whole room. Peter and the boys didn't notice her for a while but eventually Peter looked up and gave her a smile. She smiled back and it was then and there that she knew that she did the right thing. Watching her boys be carefree and happy made her pain worth it.

Tara closed the door to the boys' room and gently made her way to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

Right as she was turning on the stove, she heard the front door open and Peter walked in. He shut the door quickly and placed his keys gently on the table next to the door.

"Hey, want some tea?" Tara asked, as she walked towards their kitchen table were her books were taking up all the space.

"Just need a shower," he responded, looking exhausted. "I need to be back in the office by 8."

Tara nodded. "Go take a shower. I'll bring you some food and tea."

Peter muttered thanks and walked to his room.

When they first arrived to Germany, people in their apartment building thought they were married. Tara felt awkward each time someone commented that they made a beautiful family. Both, she and Peter were brunettes and Abel was a blonde. She felt the eyes assessing all four of them each time they walked somewhere together. Thomas had dark hair but it was getting lighter and pretty soon she would have two boys who were identical to Jackson Teller. Peter never mentioned Jax and Tara knew he preferred to keep it that way. At first she was worried that Peter would innately reject her boys because of who their father was but that wasn't the case at all. In fact, in the few months they have all been living together, Peter seemed to relish in the presence of the boys. He laughed more, was silly, and didn't seem to carry the weight of the world on his shoulder.

She eventually got to officially meet and interact with Virgil Piotrowski and his younger brother Max, who was the one who delivered the files to Patterson's office. When they arrived to Berlin, Virgil was the one who had found them a small apartment in the heart of Berlin. He was the one who handed Peter the keys and installed the surveillance system.

Virgil was like the sarcastic brother you want to punch on the face once in a while. He was quick in wit and didn't back down in an argument. She should know cause they had a few when it came to social issues and politics. But as annoying as he was at times, Virgil was incredibly loyal and highly resourceful. From what Tara could deduce, Virgil did a lot of surveillance and intelligence gathering and was a vital member of Peter's team. Virgil kept Peter safe in the Middle East so deep down she was thankful for everything he did.

But it was Max who she felt was a sort of kindred spirit. He wasn't as vocal as his brother and Tara suspected he was in the autistic spectrum. Max was also always in front of a computer or some gadget working on something or another. The few times when he didn't have an electronic device in front of him, Max had trouble blending in and was just overall awkward in his demeanor. But Tara didn't judge him for that. Instead, she felt overprotective of him and often invited him to dinner so he would be with people and not so isolated in the electronic world. Abel and Max became fast friends and Tara caught them a couple of times playing on Max's laptop.

Max also gave her some documents that he had hacked from Oakland and Stockton PD. In these documents, it showed that Unser had covered a lot for Samcro and that the FBI were planning to nail Samcro and Unser for obstruction of justice, gunrunning, money laundering, national terrorism and a shit load of other chargers prior to her calling Peter. In fact, if it weren't for Peter's deal with the Governor and DA, Jax would have spent the rest of his life in jail.

The same night she read the files given to her by Max, Tara swore to move on. She had two boys to consider and it was pointless to cry over spilled milk. Jax and Samcro made their bed; they had to live with the consequences of their actions.

They didn't last in Berlin long. Peter had told her that Berlin was just temporary that the brunt of his work was based in the Middle East and Landstuhl. So two months after moving to Germany, Peter announced that he had rented them out a massive apartment near the military hospital.

Tara loved Landstuhl. It had that old European city charm that she always loved. It was a tiny, with its own castle and most of its citizens either worked for the Landstuhl Regional or did something to support it. There were also a lot of expats living there so she was able to speak English without anything getting lost in translation.

The teapot fizzled and Tara turned it off. She poured herself and Peter a mug and placed them in a serving tray she had bought earlier that month. She also grabbed the food she prepared for Peter and gently placed it on the tray, careful not to spill. Tara grabbed the tray and walked to the master bedroom. Peter had left the door open so she walked in and placed the tray in his bureau.

Just as she was lying down on his bed with her back against the headboard, Peter walked out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Cereal?" he asked as he peered into the tray.

"Cheerios are high in fiber. It's good for the heart," Tara hid her small smile as she took a sip of her tea.

Peter just shook his head as he opened one of his dresser drawers and took out PJ bottoms. He dropped the towel and Tara blushed as she took a glimpse of his ass.

"Peter!"

He turned his head and looked at her. "You have seen my dick before." He turned back and pulled up the pants before Tara could even think of what to respond. He grabbed the bowl of cereal and tea and made his way to his bed. He sat down with his back leaning against the headboard and placed the tea on the night table.

"Can you stay and sleep in one of these days?" she asked as he chewed on his cereal.

He shook his head and swallowed. "No, I am departing soon."

"When?"

"Can't tell you," he responded as he shoved a spoonful of Cheerios into his mouth.

"Why Syria?" Tara took another sip of her tea.

Peter shrugged his shoulders and continued eating. Tara knew that that was as far as she was going to get. Peter was sure to never give any details of his missions to anyone.

"The boys will miss you."

Peter looked at her. "Keep them busy. Make sure they don't notice I am gone much."

"That will be virtually impossible. You have become part of their routine. Abel is going to ask where you are. What should I tell him?"

Peter placed the bowl of half eaten cereal in his bed stand. "Tara, you need to make sure they stay busy. Tell them I went on a business trip or that I went to visit a friend or that I went on vacation. It is important that they don't notice me being gone. Not only on this mission but in all missions."

"Why?"

Peter sighed. "Cause one day, I could return in a body bag."

Tara remained silent for a while. "I always thought you were in intelligence gathering."

"That's one part of what I do. But look where I am going. They don't like Americans too much in the Middle East."

"How about you quit?"

Peter chuckled. "I can't quit. I am owned."

"The C.I.A does not own you."

"I wasn't referring to the C.I.A."

Tara sensed the conversation was over by his demeanor. She sipped her tea and looked down to her legs.

"I am going to miss having you round."

"You'll get used to it." Peter slid down the bed and yawned. He reached over his night table and turned off his light, making the room pitch black.

Tara placed her tea on the night table next to her and slid down the bed too. "How will I know if something happens to you?"

"You'll know."

"But how?"

She heard Peter sigh and she reached over to where he laid and placed her hand on his bare chest. She felt him place one of his hands over hers.

"You'll know, Tara. Dar will personally deliver you a stack of letters addressed to you."

"A stack of letters?"

"Yes. Before we go on a mission, we are instructed to write a letter. A goodbye letter sort of thing."

Tara swallowed the knot in her throat. She couldn't imagine living in a world, where Peter Quinn didn't exist. "And I am getting a stack?"

"I have written you one each time I have gone on a mission. You are the only person I know who would care if something happens to me."

Tara scooted over to his side of the bed and placed her head on his chest. "Well, now you have three," she whispered, closing her eyes and letting some tears fall onto his chest. "Come back to me and the boys."

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Peter was gone for eight months.

He actually left that same morning that Tara asked him to make it out alive for her and the boys.

When she woke up that morning, he was gone and had left a note on the nightstand saying, " _I will be back. Take care of yourself and the boys_."

She bit back some of her tears and rose from bed before Abel woke up. She and Peter never shared a bed since her departure from Charming and she didn't want to answer some uncomfortable questions as to why she was sleeping in Peter's room when she had her own.

That morning, she told Abel that Peter went on a business trip and that he would be back as soon as he was done.

Abel didn't ask any questions and just took her word for it. She did follow Peter's advice and kept the boys as busy as possible, signing Abel to after school programs and clubs. By the time Abel would get home, he would just eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed, barely having time to think of Peter.

Tara passed her exam and started her second residency as a trauma surgeon at Landstuhl Regional. She thought she knew trauma well enough from when she was an intern and resident at Chicago Presbyterian but she was highly mistaken. In Chicago, the most severe thing she ever dealt with was gunshot wounds. In Landstuhl Regional, she had to operate on soldiers that had limps blown off or some other grave injuries. They usually brought the soldiers to Landstuhl Regional as soon as they were stabilized enough to make it to Germany from the desert. Her first case dealt with a soldier that had shrapnel stuck in his cranium after an explosion. There was blood and brain matter everywhere and Tara swore she had to swallow her vomit a couple of times. She and the team worked so hard to save the young man's life but he died shortly after surgery.

That night after the boys went to sleep, she cried for the soldier. She swore she would throw herself into her work, saving as many lives as possible. These men and women needed someone to fight for them in the OR and she swore she would be their soldier when she had that scalpel in her hands. We all live on borrowed time and it was important to seize the day because no one knows when it will be their last.

When she wasn't in the OR, she was with her boys, making sure they knew they had someone there to always count on. She kept them as busy as she could making sure that they minimally thought of the massive absence in their apartment—Peter. As much as she missed Peter, she also missed Virgil and Max, who had disappeared the same day Peter left.

She tried not to get lonely but sometimes when she couldn't sleep, she would go to Peter's room and lie on his bed, the smell of him lulling her to sleep.

Then one night, she woke up after a fitful sleep and saw him sitting in the chair in his room, watching her, a glass of what looked to be brandy in his hand. He looked thin. Very thin in fact; and he had this gaunt look on his face like a person who had seen too much. She sat up and motioned him to join her in his bed. He drank the remainder of what was in his glass and removed his shoes. He laid down next to her and Tara pulled him towards her until his head was on her chest. She stroked his head and it was like a damn exploded. In all the years she had known Peter, never had she ever seen him cry.

The weeks after, Tara took it upon herself to sleep in the same bed as Peter. Not there was something sexually happening between them. He came back with PTSD although he didn't want to admit it. The first couple of days after his return, she always ended up sleeping in her bed but eventually she would be woken up by the screams. It was when he felt her next to him that Peter would go back to sleep. Never did they talk about his dreams or what he saw in Syria. He did mention that Dar was ordered by the head of the C.I.A. to allow Peter some time to see a psychiatrist.

As much as she tried to help him, it was the boys that were his balm. Abel and Thomas were ecstatic to see that Peter had returned from his business trip. Abel always wanted to be with him and Peter happily obliged letting the boys chase away whatever demons were plaguing him.

Tara knew they were all in a slippery slope but she couldn't help it. As just the boys were helping Peter heal his wounds, Peter was healing hers.

A few weeks after Peter's return, Tara got an email from Margaret that only had two sentences. _Wendy is dead. Thought you should know_.

She tried to feel sadness for the woman who birthed her son but truthfully she felt more relief than anything else. She googled Wendy's name and found out that she had died in a fire. Apparently, she left her stove on overnight and her apartment caught on fire. Deep down, Tara knew that Wendy was probably still using and was probably high as a kite when she turned on her stove.

Tara promised herself that she wouldn't google anything else that had to do with Charming—and she kept that promise.

Her ties to Charming were over. She had to worry about what was in front of her, not behind.

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She turned 40 on a Thursday and she was touched that Peter and her boys threw her a small party with Virgil, Max, and a few of her co-workers.

Peter knew that she had had a rough month, so he bought them tickets to go to Nice and Cannes for a whole week.

They were all due for a small vacation and she was happy to leave Germany for a while.

.

Nice and Cannes were absolutely beautiful. The beaches were amazing and she had fun watching her boys run around in the sand, baking in the sun. Peter was conscious enough to get them suites with three bedrooms but honestly, they didn't use the third one. It was all for appearances so the boys wouldn't get confused.

On their last night in Southern France, Tara had had enough. It had been two years since she left Charming.

Before lying down next to him, she stripped herself of the small nightgown she had on as he watched. She slid under the covers and Peter must have asked her 100 times if she was sure. At one point she just jumped on top of him and asked, "do you want this yes or no?" She felt that he did.

She didn't know that with that question, she had unleashed a beast.

Their lovemaking was intense and pleasurable. They tried to keep it as quiet as possible but she knows they slipped a couple of times. Good thing the boys were heavy sleepers.

They didn't sleep that night. It had been two years since she had last had sex and it wasn't exactly the best sex she had had. She remembered the tears that slipped down her cheeks while Jax just fucked her, barely even looking at her. It was all robotic and heartbreaking.

So, she made up for lost time. And Peter delivered and then some. Before catching their flight back to Germany, Peter gave her a look. A look that was basically asking her what they were.

Tara smiled and held out her hand. He looked at it and then he grabbed it too. They walked into the airport holding hands, the boys skipping in front of them.

Thomas was too young to know something significant had happen; Abel wasn't. He had just turned seven and was quite the inquisitive boy. While they waited for their plane, he bluntly asked, "are you my new Daddy?" and Peter froze.

Tara smiled and told Abel that Peter was her best friend in the world and that sometimes best friends develop feelings for one another. She didn't use the words in love because she didn't know if she was in love with Peter. Plus, she felt her love for Jax simmering in the background. Always there and never truly gone.

Peter made them all very happy but she should have known that that happiness would be short lived. A few months after their trip to the southern France, Peter got another order to go somewhere in the Middle East. Dar delivered the message himself, showing up at their apartment like he owned it. As Dar spoke, Tara swore she never disliked someone as much as Dar. It was a huge possibility that her dislike for him surpassed her dislike for Gemma.

After he was gone, Tara begged Peter not to go but like he said, "I serve at the pleasure of the United States."

His devotion to the C.I.A. mirrored Jax's devotion to Samcro and she hated it.

When he left, she was furious. She didn't leave Charming and Jax for another country just so she could have the same worries she did with Jax when it came to Peter. And she sensed that whatever Peter was doing was 100 times more dangerous than Jax.

The weeks went by and she buried herself in her work and children. Then one day, right after she got out of an intensive surgery, she got a call that Abel had collapsed in school that an ambulance was on its way to Landstuhl Regional.

Tara tried not to panic but she did. By the time the ambulance pulled into the Emergency Room bay, she was a fucking mess.

Within thirty minutes the doctors on Abel's case found out that he had a severe heart murmur and that he needed emergency surgery that couldn't be done in Landstuhl. The hospital agreed to fly Abel to J.W. Goether University Hospital in Frankfurt in a helicopter. Tara asked one of the doctors to watch Thomas and she agreed. Before the helicopter flew out of Landstuhl Regional, she sent a quick email to Max hoping that he would see it and communicate to Peter that her son was about to have open heart surgery in Frankfurt. At the moment, she really hated the C.I.A. for keeping him away for her.

The surgery was long and never had she felt so alone, waiting for news about her son in that cold waiting room. She even went to the chapel at the hospital and said some Old Catholic prayer her mom use to make her say when she was young. Tara couldn't explain if it was her desperation or her fear but she did something she swore she wouldn't do. She emailed Ally and asked her to contact Jax.

 _Tell him Abel is having heart surgery. We are ok._

She hit send before she changed her mind. She rationalized that Jax had the right to know. Abel was after all his son.

In the end, the surgery turned out well and she camped out in Abel's room for a day. He was still asleep when she felt her eyes closed out of pure exhaustion. She didn't know how long she was asleep for. She started waking up when she heard Thomas's giggle and Abel's soft voice. Tara woke with a start and saw that Abel was awake, Thomas sitting next to him. Hovering over both was Peter, his arms crossed in front of him, looking at her boys with love. Tara stood and walked over where her sons were sitting. When she reached Peter's side he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she just placed her head on his shoulder. She smiled as she watched her boys' fuss over Abel's scar and how cool it looked.

Abel was in the hospital for a little bit over a week. Tara and Peter would alternate between who stayed with him overnight. One morning, as she was walking into Abel's room, Thomas walking beside her, she heard Abel say the word _stiefvater_ to a nurse who was changing his IV. Peter was sleeping in a chair by Abel's bed. The nurse smiled at her and then looked at Peter with admiration prior to leaving the room.

She didn't mention anything to Peter when he woke up and she didn't correct Abel either. It had been almost three years since she departed Charming and she knew that at this point her boys viewed Germany and everything in it as their home. The same night Abel was discharged, Tara asked Peter what happen to his mission. He shrugged his shoulders and simply said, "some things are much more important than a mission," and he went back to flipping through the hotel's room service menu.

That night, when the boys were asleep, she and Peter made love slowly. As she stared into his eyes, she felt something within her shift. Something felt right and safe inside her. After they reached their peak, she whispered the words she had been holding inside for so long. Peter gave her one of his measured looks and then said them back. That night both of them slept peacefully and content.

Peter was the first person, besides herself, who put her sons before anything and anyone else. Before they left Frankfurt, Tara checked her email and saw many emails from Ally. She decided not to open them. She had a good thing going and she wasn't going to let Charming's bullshit ruin it.

With Peter impromptu trip to Germany, the mission went to shit. She knew because Peter had told her so. Plus, Virgil and Max visited Abel as soon as they arrived at Landstuhl.

She thought of the word _stiefvater_ and what it meant to Abel. A few weeks after Abel's discharge, Tara casually brought up the word marriage and Peter just remained silent.

She tried not to think too much of it but it did bug her a bit.

Time went on and Peter was able to stay with them for a long while. But she knew that the demon would soon land in their doorstep and he did. On Thomas's fourth birthday party while she was cutting his cake. Dar just leered at her and motioned for Peter to follow him outside.

That night, they had the worst fight ever. Peter ended up walking out of the apartment and Tara tried not to cry. Abel and Thomas slowly, one by one came to the living room.

"Where is _Papa_ going?" asked Thomas in his cute English that had a trance of a German accent. Tara froze and Abel was the one who broke the silence when he clearly responded, "he isn't our _Papa_." Tara watched as her oldest son walked out of the living room to his. She flinched when Abel slammed the door shut. Thomas looked at Tara with big watery eyes and Tara eased his worries. She promised him that Peter would come back.

Peter didn't come home for about a week although she called and texted him every single day.

Tara wanted to scream at him but she kept her composure. Thomas was too happy to see him to damper the mood. Abel was completely another story.

He became withdrawn towards everyone especially Peter.

Peter tried to alleviate Abel's hurt but Abel was a proud little boy and Peter had hurt him deeply by disappearing without an explanation.

One month passed and then two and things remained frosty between them. One night, Peter informed her that there was a gala that he had to attend and that he had RSVP'd for both. Tara frowned. She didn't know that the C.I.A. hosted parties.

That same Saturday, she dressed to the nine and she had to admit that Peter looked dapper in a tuxedo. The gala was hosted in the castle and she knew she was surrounded by very powerful people. She hung around Peter, who was as sullen and quiet as ever, the tension between them becoming unbearable.

An hour into the gala, a gorgeous blonde walked up to Peter and immediately gave him two kisses, one on each cheek. Tara was annoyed that Peter returned the greeting.

She introduced herself as Astrid from Berlin an old friend of Peter's. Ten minutes into Astrid and Peter's conversation, it was obvious that Astrid wasn't just an old friend. But an old friend did make an appearance within Tara—jealousy. The more Astrid and Peter talked, the angrier Tara became. It was obvious that Peter was comfortable with her and she knew too much about his personal and work life for Tara's comfort. In order to keep her anger at bay, she drank and drank until her vision became blurry.

By the end of the night she was ready to explode. She hated being virtually ignored and she didn't like this Astrid person who was all legs, blonde hair, and blue eyes.

If Peter sensed her anger, he didn't comment on it when they were making their way home. When they finally got to their apartment, Tara threw her clutch at Peter and he caught it effortlessly.

She yelled and screamed and asked him if he was cheating at her with that bitch Astrid.

Peter calmly put her clutch on top of the kitchen table and simply answered, "I am not your husband," and walked out of the apartment, leaving her alone.

Those words could mean a million different things to a million different people but Tara got what Peter was trying to say. She had left Charming four years ago and yet she was legally married to Jackson. Also, Peter wasn't Jackson, who used sex as an escape mechanism each and every time things got hard in life.

Tara knew that going after him would be pointless. Peter was a man who stood up for his convictions and didn't let anyone sway him when he made up his mind about something. It was now clear to her that her marriage to Jackson was bothering him. And if she were in his shoes, it would bother her too.

She sobered up a bit and thought about Jax. He had a few more years to his sentence. A few more years and he would be free to look for her and the kids if he chose to. Tara had a feeling he would. As shitty as a husband as he was, he was an amazing father to the boys when he wasn't distracted by club bullshit. That night, in the silence of her apartment, she fired up her laptop and checked her old email.

Ally had emailed her over 100 times since Abel's surgery. Tara took a deep breath and start reading the emails.

The emails weren't from Ally but from Jax. Apparently, Jax had hired Ally as one of his lawyers so he could have unfettered access to her. He took it upon himself to write letters, which he gave to Ally. Ally then scanned them and emailed them to her.

The first dozens of them were filled with worry. He wanted to know how his kids were. He was especially worried about Abel and his surgery.

Eventually that worry turned to anger. Anger for her silence; for leaving him when he needed her the most. For taking his sons away, the only thing he loved more than the club and her.

It was the letters filled with desperation that broke her heart the most.

 _Please, babe. Let me back in. I love you. You own every part of me._

She cried a bit when she read those words. If only he would have done things differently.

Put still, she stood her ground and didn't respond to Ally's emails. She had other things to focus on.

By the time the sun came up, she was completely sober and had showered and gotten ready for the day. The boys weren't due until later that night and she had to iron things out with Peter.

So, she walked all the way to Max's apartment and knocked on the door.

He opened within seconds, looking massively relieved. Tara nodded and walked in and waited for Max to walk out before marching to Max's spare bedroom.

There he was, passed out drunk, his dress shirt and pants all wrinkled.

It took a while to rouse him but she eventually did and got him to the bathroom just in time. Peter projected vomit into that toilet like she has never seen before. When he was finished, she left him in the bathroom so he could bathe.

She made cups of coffee and sat in Max's sole couch waiting for Peter to slowly emerge from the bathroom. He did about an hour later, looking like he had a wicked hangover.

She motioned for him to sit and he did, leaning back and resting his head against the couch. He closed his eyes and waited for her to speak.

"Do you want me to get divorced?"

"I can't tell you what to do."

Tara frowned at his clipped tone. "Peter, I need you to be more forth coming than that. What do you want?"

"Tara, you are a woman in your forties. You should know what you want to do for yourself not what you are willing to do in order to make another person happy."

Tara felt the frustration build up. She decided to change topics. "Who is Astrid?"

"Works for German intelligence. We often have had to collaborate together."

"Have you fucked her?"

Peter opened his eyes and turned his head to look at her. "As much as you might not want to believe this but my world didn't always revolve around you. I didn't sit and pine away for you in the years you were switching between fucking an ATF agent to fucking Prince Charming."

Tara recoiled at his remarks. She always tended to be the more reactionary one in the relationship but Peter had always been more lethal with his words.

She thought back to Jackson's words. Him begging her to let him in and for a minute, they sounded quite heavenly.

Tara went to stand, her pride too hurt to continue the conversation but Peter stopped her by grabbing her wrist. They stared at each other for a few moments and then she saw it. The pain he was in, feeling like he was second best to Jackson Teller. Within seconds, their mouths were fussed together and before long, they were fucking right there in Max's only couch. It was hard and rough but they both needed to unleash that anger that had been there for months.

After they were done, Peter carried her to Max's spare bedroom. This time their lovemaking was gentler and they talked a bit afterwards.

Peter admitted that he and Astrid had a sexual history but that they were just colleagues from different agencies that sometimes had to work together. Tara told him about the emails. Peter remained silent for a while.

"What do you want Tara?" he asked gently.

She cuddled closer to his side and whispered. "I want to be here. With you."

She asked him to leave the C.I.A. and he admitted he couldn't just yet. There was too much work to be done and he had certain skill sets that were needed to keep America safe. He didn't elaborate more than that.

They showered together and made love again. Right when they finished getting dressed, Max arrived with Virgil on his heels.

Before they left, Virgil looked at Max's couch.

"Max, get a new couch," he said that as he turned to look at Tara with a smirk on his face. Tara and Max started blushing. Peter just gave Virgil one of his looks. That just made Virgil burst out laughing.

By the time they both went to pick up the boys at their friends house, they were in an impasse.

At least Peter was kind enough to give her an estimate as to when he was suppose to depart.

She tried to live as happily as possible but Peter's departure for another mission loomed over their heads.

But then one day all of that changed. Abel collapsed again in his advance swimming class.

By the time he was flown to Frankfurt, he had a minor heart attack.

Tara used all her medical training to understand what was going on but like his cardiologist said, sometimes genetics outmaneuver advance science. Abel was officially diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and Tara cried when the doctors told her.

Abel was put on oxygen and everyone tried to keep his spirits up, especially Thomas. At times she watched in amazement as her boys stuck together. Their bond was unbreakable.

A team of cardiologist asked for Abel's familial medical records so to understand how grave his disease was. Tara looked at Peter who just nodded.

Max provided some encrypted cell phone and Tara called Ally and explained the situation.

Ally promised to go met with Jax the next day.

Tara waited anxiously. Right before she called California, Peter walked out of the room. Even Tara admitted that it was a lot to handle. She called Ally's cell and she picked up on the second ring.

"Hold on," she answered and Tara heard a bit of shuffling in the background.

"Tara?"

Tara swallowed. "Jax, I need your medical records, Gemma's, and your brother's. Abel is sick."

"What's wrong?"

"He was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I can't go into details of what it is, Jax, but its bad. Very bad," she chocked her tears. "The doctors think they may find something if they know about your family's history of heart conditions. So, please just get me those records as soon as you can. My son's life depends on it."

"Our son's life," Jax corrected. "He is mine too."

"Please Jax," she heard the desperation in her voice.

"Where would I send them? It's not like I have some address or know where you are."

"I am going to give you a number. It's an efax. Get those records and give them to Ally. As soon as she faxes it to that number it will go into a secured email address. I'll make sure his new doctors get the records."

"I want to see them," Jax stated.

"Jax, that is impossible. You are in prison in California and I am nowhere near you. Plus, its not like I could board a plane with a child who is basically in heart failure."

"Tara, I want to see my sons," she heard the steal in his voice.

She remained silent for a bit. "Send me the fucking records, Jackson. I am not asking at this point. I am telling you. My boy is in a fucking hospital bed, hooked to machines that are constantly monitoring his heart. Not to mention, the oxygen he is hooked on to. If those records are the best bet I have to fucking save his life, you better fucking send them over or I fucking swear…"

The phone was yanked from her hand and Tara turned around to see Peter placing it in his ear.

"I'll get you and your club out. Send the records and you'll be back in your precious town by the end of the year," Peter's voice was calm and collected.

Tara heard the heighten pitch of Jax's voice and she didn't know what he was saying. Peter clenched his jaw.

"Not my fucking problem. Just send the records."

Peter remained silent waiting for Jax to finish saying what he was saying. "No need for that. I could tell you exactly where I am. I am in Frankfurt standing in the cardiology ward in J.W. Goethe University Hospital. Anytime you want to find me, I could make it easy for you. You could try and gut me like a fish. I am sure you won't even get close. But right now it's not about me or you or even Tara. It's about Abel. And he needs your help at this point. Send the medical records and you and I could settle our score when its time."

Tara motioned for Peter to hand over the phone and he shook his head.

She heard the tone of Jax's voice. And Peter clenched his jaw again.

"I'll be in touch then."

Peter hung up the call and looked at Tara. "We will call again tomorrow around this time."

And they did call the next day. Well, Peter dialed and Tara stood next to him, her ear pressed as closely as possible to the cell as he held it to his.

Jax answered on the first ring.

"Babe?"

Peter immediately got an annoyed look on his face. "Peter. Were you able to get all the records?"

"Put Tara on, asshole."

"You get me."

"I WANT TO SPEAK TO MY FUCKING WIFE!"

Tara snatched the phone from Peter's hand. "Did you get them?"

She walked away from Peter.

"Babe, I need to see you. I need to see the boys. I need see what they look like, how they sound like. I need to know what are their favorite colors are and what are their favorite foods. I need to feel like their father, not some stranger. Please, babe."

"If I tell you, will you send them?"

"Tara, I know you think I am a son of a bitch, but I would never put by sons in danger. I will send the records regardless whether you tell me answers to my million questions or whether you let me see them."

Tara sighed and with her free hand she started massaging one side of her temples.

"They both look just like you did as a kid. Thomas's hair is just a bit darker. Like if his hair can't decide between blonde or brunette. Abel likes green, but not bright green. He likes the darker hues. Thomas is all about the color yellow. The brighter it is, the better in his opinion. The reason why he likes yellow so much is because he loves macaroni and cheese, which Abel hates. Abel's favorite food is currywurst with French fries. Currywurst is basically a long sausage that is seasoned with curry, mustard, and ketchup; he first had currywurst when we lived in Berlin. I'll email Ally some pictures so she could give them to you. Is there anything else?"

"Thank you," he whispered. She heard the cracking of his voice.

"Write down the efax number," she commanded and she turned to Peter and motioned him to walk over. When Jax said he was ready, she read off a number Peter had written down in a piece of paper.

"You couldn't get far enough, could you?"

"I could living in the middle of fucking Siberia and it still wouldn't be far enough," she was even surprised with how hard her voice sounded.

"Do you hate me?" Jax whispered.

Tara thought for a moment before answering. "No."

"Can you call me again? I need to know what happens. Please, babe? I fucking beg you."

"I'll keep you posted."

"Promise?"

"Yes. I must go now. My sons are waiting."

"Our sons," Jax corrected again. "And Tara?"

"Yes," she shoved her free hand into her sweaters' pocket. She had a feeling it was about to start shaking.

"I love you. I love you more than you will ever know."

Tara hung up the phone and returned it to Peter.

He looked at her, in his way that made her feel naked. After a few moments, he walked out, leaving her alone.

She waited a couple of minutes before she started crying.

 ** _To be continued…_**


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: Part 3 of the Tara/Peter/Jackson story!

This is turning out longer than what I expected but I don't see this going past two more other parts. I already started wrapping it up.

 _Photograph_

"Mommy, why is my hair yellow and Abel's hair yellow and you and Papa have brown hair?" Thomas looked at her with his big blue eyes, face full of wonder.

Tara looked at both her boys and knew it was time to have the conversation she always dreaded to have. She knew she couldn't go into details because of their young age and Abel's deteriorating health but she did explain the circumstances of how they got to Germany. She told them a PG, abridged version that sometimes didn't make sense to her own hears but was nevertheless, the truth.

She explained that she wasn't Abel's biological mother. How Wendy made herself and Abel sick by adopting unhealthy habits. Tara described the long surgery she partook in within hours of Abel being born. How her boss and mentor thought Abel was a lost cause. She looked at Abel while she said it and told him that deep down she knew he would survive. That from the minute he was born, she knew he was a survivor and fighter. Most importantly, she conveyed how much she loved him the moment she saw him, tiny and broken but full of life, gasping for air every breath he took.

She also talked about Jax and their intense love that never went away, even when she left Charming for a decade. She skipped the Kohn part but did admit that she and Jax started again a few months after Abel was born. Tara talked about the intensity of their love and how she lost herself in the chaos, leaving behind the mature doctor that worked hard to achieve her dreams.

She looked at her hands when she started describing how dangerous Samcro was and how one day both she and Abel were taken by bad people who desperately wanted to get revenge on Jackson. But at the end, he saved both of them right on time; Abel in Ireland and Tara in Charming.

Tara admitted that Jax had to do time in prison for some of the bad things he did while she was pregnant with Thomas. She explained to the boys about how when he got out, he tried to atone for missing so many milestones in his sons life. However, the club once again distracted him from what was in front of him. He allowed the club to consume him whole while she was alone with two small boys, with virtually no career and no friends. She even told them about the week she had to spend in jail because she tried to help out the club. It was when Jax broke his last promise to never hurt her that she had enough. Tara didn't tell them about Colette but she did say that he broke a big promise to her that made her cry and very sad.

Tara explained to the boys that she called Peter, an old boyfriend from college, who she knew would help her, no questions asked.

"You see, boys, Peter came and got us out, before anything else happened to me or to you guys. I was in a very bad place mentally and emotionally and if I would had stayed with your dad, I would had not made it."

"What do you mean?" Abel wheezed the words out.

She hated to see him struggling to ask a basic question.

She gave him a sad smile. "I think if I would had stayed, you and your brother wouldn't have had a mommy."

Thomas gasped and threw himself into her arms. She hugged him tight and Abel looked at her with his sad but tired eyes.

"It's ok, Tommy. We are ok. We are here and we are ok. Just as long as we have each other, we will be ok," said Abel and he reached out for one of Tara's hands. She gently took hold of it and placed a sweet kiss on his palm.

As the weeks went by, Abel's heart got weaker and weaker.

Tara asked for a medical leave from Landstuhl Regional and practically lived in Abel's hospital room. Peter tasked Virgil with finding them a temporary apartment near the hospital so they could be at walking distance from Abel while having a semi-home life for Thomas who was still too young to understand what was going on. Virgil delivered and then some when he also got Thomas into a daycare center near the hospital where the youngest Teller was always dropped off and picked up by Peter.

Tara tried to never let Thomas spend a night in the hospital but sometimes the boys didn't want to be separated. And the sicker Abel got, the more attached to Abel's hip Thomas became.

She did keep her word and communicated often with Jackson. They had agreed that she would call him twice a week with updates. They never talked about them but did talk about the boys especially Abel's health. She also sent him some school photographs which she felt was okay to do. Only once did he ask for some more personal photographs of the boys and she drew the line. She didn't feel comfortable letting him see that aspect of their personal life.

Peter knew about the calls but he kept quiet about them. She knew he hated Jax's omnipresence but at this point all she cared about was her boy.

Other than that, they were both coping with Abel's health. Peter split his time between Abel and Thomas effortlessly, making each boy feel special and wanted and most of all loved.

One night, Thomas fell asleep next to Abel in his hospital bed. She didn't have the heart to wake him so she moved the biggest chair as near as possible to Abel's bed. When she was done, she asked Peter to sit and when he did, she immediately climbed into his lap. He hugged her close and she started to sob as silently as possible.

Peter kept whispering reassuring words to her and at one point she looked up into his eyes and saw his own tears there.

That night both stayed awake, watching the boys sleep. Both she and Peter alternated between crying silently to just watching them until the sun rose and they both straighten themselves up for the boys.

Then out of the blue, Abel's doctor asked both for a private meeting and Peter called Virgil and Max to come and watch the boys.

It was a dreary, rainy April afternoon when Abel's doctor informed Tara and Peter that Abel needed a heart transplant or he wouldn't live much longer. The doctor admitted that Abel was high up on the list but that there were other kids in worse shape. Tara stood from the chair, walked a few feet and then collapsed to the floor, her cries of anguish echoing around the halls.

Peter just held her and she felt his tears on her face too.

This time it was Peter who called Ally's phone. Tara was there when he did it. She heard his voice break as he delivered the news to Jax.

After a few minutes, Peter held out the phone to her and simply stated, "he wants to talk to you."

Tara didn't even reach for the phone but Peter held it to her ear.

"Tara..." Jax cried. "Please, babe. I need to see him." Tara just nodded her head, still in shock and Peter put the phone back to his ear.

"Tomorrow."

Tomorrow arrived and Tara explained to Abel that his dad wanted to see him. Abel just blinked his eyes once. That was his yes. It took a lot for him to talk so it was down to blinking once for yes and two for no.

They Facetime Jax in Ally's phone and held the phone to Abel's face.

"Hi monster!" Tara heard the false cheeriness in his voice but she was content with him trying to make Abel feel better.

Jax did most of the talking. Abel muttered a few words here and there but at the end Abel was too tired.

Tara sat next to him and stroked the hair out of his eyes.

"Do you want to sleep?"

Abel nodded.

"We are going to say goodbye now, ok?"

Abel gave another feeble nod.

"Bye, monster," Jax whispered. Tara looked at the phone's screen and for the first time looked at Jax since she left Charming. His hair was cut short and so was his beard. He looked older and wiser, the prison blue making his shiny eyes look bluer. Tara took the phone from Peter's hand.

"We will call you again tomorrow."

"Thank you," said Jax. "Thank you so much."

Tara nodded and hung up the call.

"Thank you, Mommy," whispered Abel next to her.

That became their routine for two whole weeks.

Everyday at the exact time, Tara would call Jax and Jax got to speak to his eldest son.

Jackson lived for that hour where he got to look at Abel. Sometimes, Tara would make an appearance. Other times, Peter's low voice could be heard in the background. But overall, the adults tried to make feel Abel comfortable and loved.

Then one morning Abel stayed sleeping and Tara knew what it meant.

Without a transplant, he wouldn't make it past a few days. She studied that in medical school. That fact broke her and she cried nonstop by his bedside.

At one point, Peter disappeared but she didn't care. She held her baby boy's hand and refused to leave his side although doctors and nurses advised her that she needed rest too.

After day two of her camping out in his hospital room, she crashed and fell asleep, her head on his bed by his little tiny hand. Thomas was with Virgil and Max in their tiny Frankfurt apartment. Peter vanished. Maybe it was too much for him to handle.

It was around 2 in the morning when she was awoken by voices outside Abel's room. They were low enough she couldn't make out the words being said. She slowly stood and walked to the door. Peter was standing outside the door looking towards the nurses station. Tara turned and looked there too. Nothing was going on there but past the station were the elevators. She recognized Dar's form anywhere. They locked eyes as the elevator doors closed; he gave her a little smirk that made her skin crawl. She looked at Peter questionably and he just shook his head and walked into the room. He looked exhausted as he took the chair she had just stood up from. He grabbed Abel's hand and he didn't let it go until the sun came up.

Just before noon, Abel's doctor informed them that they had a heart. Tara nearly jumped into the woman's arms out of pure joy. They prepped Abel for surgery and Tara begged for the hospital to allow her to watch. Of course that wasn't allowed and she had to sit and wait out in the waiting room with Peter and Virgil. Max took Thomas back to Landstuhl so he could spend some time with his friends. Not once did anyone tell the young boy his brother was having life saving surgery. Peter stated it was too much for a five year old to handle. Tara agreed.

The surgery was longer than anyone expected but in the end Abel made it. Tara cried and cried in Peter's arms and he just held her tightly.

While Abel was in the recovery room, Tara emailed Ally and told her to run to Stockton as soon as she could.

Three hours later, Ally called Tara when she was in a private room with Jax.

"He got a heart!" Tara said happily. "He is going to be ok."

Jax cried for about ten whole minutes.

"As soon as you are with him, call me."

"He is in recovery and then he will be transferred to the CICU for a couple of days but as soon as I can, I'll call."

"He had the surgery already?"

Tara nodded and smile. "It was all so fast and they couldn't wait. I promise you, I'll call as soon as I can."

Jax nodded and cleared his throat. "Thank you for this, babe. Thank you for giving me a chance to be there."

"You are welcomed, Jax."

They stayed looking at one another for about a minute or two. It was Tara who eventually hung up the call.

Tara didn't call him for a few days. She couldn't given that she was too busy taking care of Abel. Eventually, she prearranged a phone call with Ally via email. The minute Jax saw his son, awake and sitting, he started crying. Tara just sat back and smiled as she watch Abel speak a few words, each day growing stronger.

Abel's doctors gave very strict instructions that had to be followed to the tee. Four weeks after the surgery, Abel was discharged home. They remained in Frankfurt for an additional three weeks, to make sure nothing went wrong with the heart.

Finally in mid-July, Peter rented a car and they drove back to Landstuhl.

When they got to their apartment, Virgil and Max had decorated the apartment with streamers and balloons. They even cut a cake and just had a great day celebrating the success of Abel's surgery. By the time night came, both boys were exhausted and fell asleep in their beds before their bed time. Virgil and Max left soon after. Tara cuddled next to Peter in their couch.

Both sat in a comfortable silence.

After a few minutes, it was Tara who broke the silence.

"Peter?"

He looked down to her.

Tara looked up and hugged him closer. "Thank you. For being there. For being you."

Peter gave her a small smile. "I love you, Tara. And I love them too."

"I know," she whispered. "I love you so much." She reached up and kissed him gently.

That night they didn't sleep.

In the morning while they all had breakfast, Peter suggested a short trip to the beach.

Tara was hesitant but he argued that the boys needed a break after the months they had had to endure. Tara reluctantly agreed after both boys expressed their desire to go to the beach.

Peter kept the details to the trip quiet. He claimed he wanted it to be a surprise for all of them.

One morning, she was woken up by Thomas who was excitedly jumping on her bed. He said that his Papa told him they were going on a vacation. Tara grabbed her phone and saw it was just barely past 5am.

"What the heck?," she muttered before asking Thomas to stop jumping on the bed.

She got up and walked to the living where Peter was crouched down, tying Abel's sneaker. Thomas ran to the room and jumped into Peter's back, still hollering about their vacation.

Peter smiled and told Tara to shower and get dressed.

"We have a very long ride ahead of us," he said. He stood and Thomas dangled from his back like a little monkey. Peter effortlessly switched Thomas from his back to his front and Peter started blowing raspberries into Thomas's tummy. Thomas squealed in laugher and Tara just shook her head as she made her way back to their room to shower and leave for their vacation.

The ride was long. Nine hours and twenty-four minutes long, to be exact.

Due to precautions, Peter opted not to fly them to their destination. He was worried about Abel's heart and what being on a plane could do to Abel, although more than two months had passed since the surgery.

After hour three Tara started to worry that they were leaving Germany. And as soon as they crossed those German borders into Switzerland, she almost had a meltdown. If there were to be an emergency with Abel, they would be too far from Frankfurt were his doctors were based. Peter reassured her that he spoke to Abel's medical team and they approved of the trip and even provided all the nearby hospitals en-route to their destination and one in their destination.

Tara calm down a bit after that but once in a while she would turn in her seat and look at Abel to see if she noted any shortness of breath, discoloration, among other things. At one point Abel, himself, asked her to stop as he played on his iPad. Thomas was still as happy as they go, excited to go to the beach.

After hour five, the boys got a bit cranky but Peter drove on telling them that once they reached their destination, it would be worth it.

They stopped here and there to use the restrooms and to eat. When they crossed into Italy, Tara smiled. Peter knew that she always wanted to go to Italy. It had been her dream since she was a little girl.

They arrived at the Italian Riviera close to four in the afternoon. Peter had rented them two villas, one for them and one for Virgil and Max, who were waiting for their arrival.

Tara looked at Peter dubiously and of course Virgil couldn't help himself with his inappropriate comments.

"Be thankful we are here for when you want to get laid."

Tara gave him a dirty look and Thomas asked, "what is laid?"

Virgil just laughed and grabbed some bags from the trunk which Peter had just opened.

They had a nice dinner, all six of them. The boys loved the food and she loved the wine. After dinner all six walked to the nearest beach with bottles of wine. Tara watched the sunset with Thomas on her lap, sucking his thumb and Abel sitting on the sand, his arms on his knees and Peter next to him, his arm throw around Abel's shoulder. It was the perfect moment which Virgil captured with his camera as Max watched on.

The next morning the boys and Peter woke up before she did and by the time she made her way to where they were in the nearest beach, they boys had a little tan going. They had also buried Max in the sand and were in the process of doing the same to Virgil.

She sat in the empty lounge chair next to Peter.

Tara smiled, "thanks for letting me sleep in."

"You are welcomed," he responded looking far into the horizon. "You think we could have one day to ourselves before we leave? I know it's a lot to ask for but I want to do something special. Just us."

Tara looked at him and felt her heart start beating faster. "Yes, of course."

The days went by. The boys got tanner and Tara burnt a little. She fell in love with Italy and it's food, customs, and overall leisure attitude. Three days before they left back to Germany, while Peter, Virgil, Max, and Thomas went into the town to explore, Tara placed a call to Ally's cell.

He picked up on the first ring.

"You look a bit red."

Tara smiled. "Yea, we came to Italy for a bit. A small little vacation for the boys."

Jax frown. "Must be nice."

Tara's smile waver a bit. "It is nice," she cleared her throat a bit. "I am going to get Abel."

"Do you think we could talk privately a bit afterwards," asked Jax, the frown still evident on his face.

Tara walked towards Abel's room. "Yes, that is fine."

Tara walked into Abel's room and handed her son the cell. "When you are done bring it back. I need to talk to him."

Tara walked right back out and decided that she needed a glass of wine.

The last week has been glorious for her. Months of exhaustion finally eased itself since Peter allowed for her to sleep in as much as she wanted. The boys were always more interested in playing by the beach, with Virgil and Max running after them. This allowed for Tara to decompress with lots of wine, sun, and a good book.

Peter. She thought of her boyfriend as she grabbed a glass and a bottle of wine. She went to the second floor deck of their villa had and sat in one of the many chairs that adorned it.

Peter was as attentive as ever, however, there was something off about his demeanor as of lately. Sometimes, she would turn to him and see him watch her boys with a deep sadness, like if he was memorizing every single thing about them. Tara reasoned that everything they had gone through with Abel had scared Peter a bit. And she saw how devoted he was to the boys and their happiness. So she knew, deep down that there wasn't anything Peter wouldn't do for Abel and Thomas since Peter considered them his own.

And then there was them. She knew that Peter was a bit peeved about hers and Abel's communication with Jax. In the past, she had reassured him that she was done with Jackson. That Charming was part of a very regrettable past. But then Abel got sick and she needed the Teller family's medical records. Things just snowballed from there. She had let Jax into Abel's life and she thought it would be cruel to suddenly yank him out of it especially since Abel was now emotionally invested in Jackson. Abel looked forwards to his bi-weekly FaceTime dates with his biological father.

Tara mentally told herself that Peter understood why she allowed Jax to talk to Abel. But maybe, she was wrong.

Tara took a sip of wine as she stared out into the ocean.

Why was she talking to Jax?

Truthfully speaking, she didn't have to dial Ally's number. Abel was old enough and more than capable enough to FaceTime his father. Did she enjoy seeing Jax, even if it was for two minutes? Did she still love him even though she knew she loved Peter?

Tara sighed.

Peter and Jackson. The two men who have had the most impact on her life. Both stood for two different things; two things she always wanted.

Jackson was an open book with her. She never had to ask him how he was feeling or what was going on because he always offered his whole self to her. The only exception was when it came to the club. Then it was always a guessing game of what was going on and how it would impact her life. Towards the end of their relationships, both as teenagers and as adults, it was Samcro that eventually ruined what they had. And Tara deeply resented that. She hated the fact that Jax prioritized Samcro and his mother over his own little family. And that didn't take into consideration the lies, the constant danger, Gemma, and the cheating.

Tara told a gulp of wine.

And Peter. He came to her like a knight in shining armor, getting her out of Charming right when she thought her life was pretty much over. And then he moved them to Germany, where for the first time in her life she felt truly safe. Germany opened so many doors for her career wise and also emotionally. For the first time, she truly allowed herself to make friends with her co-workers and neighbors. She didn't feel as isolated as she did in Charming, where everyone knew and feared Jax because of Samcro. In Landstuhl, she didn't have to worry that everything she did and said would be taken out of context and reported back to Peter.

And she loved the fact that she always felt safe. She didn't have to look over her shoulders to check if there was some disgruntled MC member from a rival club waiting for her behind the bushes.

But she hated the mystery behind Peter. She knew he worked for the CIA as an "intelligence officer," but she had a feeling there was more to it than what he led on. And then there were his long missions. She worried about what he was doing and if he would ever be killed doing whatever it was that he did for Dar. She hated how Peter felt that Dar owned him, like a master with his puppet. And as devoted as Peter was to her boys and to her, Tara knew that there was a guard up between Peter and the rest of the world. An impenetrable wall that not even her sons have been able to break.

Tara sat for a while, musing over her thoughts.

"Mommy?"

Abel was handing her the phone. He appeared out of nowhere.

She smiled at him. "Are you tired?"

Abel nodded.

"How about you go take a little nap before your brother comes? There are some cheese and crackers by the table. Eat something if you feel hungry."

Abel ran into the villa and Tara focused her attention on Jax, he looked surly.

"You wanted to talk?"

"According to Ally, I am going to be spending Christmas in my own home. Seems like your guy delivered. The whole club is being released due to good behavior."

"And that's a bad thing because?..."

"My sons. And you. I won't have a family to come home to."

Tara sighed. "Where is Ally?"

"She is right here, enjoying a good book."

"Can she hear our conversation?"

"No, babe. She has noise canceling headsets on. That was part of the deal between she and I."

"Okay." Tara took a sip of wine before continuing. "Jax, you are going to have your family there. You always told me the club was your family. I am sure Samcro will throw you a party that will rival your patch-in party. Gemma will get the best booze and the best girls. You have nothing to worry about."

"I don't want that. I want you and the boys back in Charming with me."

Tara shook her head. "I could tell you right now, Jackson Nathaniel, that will never happen. I am happy where I am. The boys are happy and safe. I am not going to bring them back to that cesspool."

Jax growled in frustration. "Tara, I get it. You have fucking punished me enough. I fucked up. I did my time. All I want is to get out and be with my family. I want to come home and watch my boys grow and make love to my wife. I want to..."

"Stop," said Tara. "Stop, right there. You don't get to do that. You don't get to make demands or have these hopes that include me and my boys. Not anymore. You had the chance. You could have had all of that and then some. But you made choices Jackson. You made them and now you have to live with the consequences..."

"You think I made the choice to be in here? In fucking prison? Your boyfriend put me here."

"No, you put yourself there when you decided to run guns and sell them. It is not his fault that a gun you sold killed a bunch of kids," Tara replied hotly.

Jax flinched and Tara saw the brief guilty etched on his face. "Why would you bring that up?"

"Cause it's the truth! You always do that. Deflect blame for your choices, Jackson. Abel was born sick because Wendy did drugs. Yes, she did but where were you to watch her? You are in Samcro because your Dad started the club and you had to continue his legacy. You are in that club by choice. No one forced you to carry the Reaper. You made a conscious decision, as an adult to join it. Just like you decided to continue gunning and selling guns for the Irish. Don't blame others for your mistakes. It's not fair and it's not fair especially to Peter. Especially after all he is done for me and the boys."

Jax remained silent for a while.

"Woooow," he said nodding his head. "So that's how you feel?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why haven't I seen Thomas?"

"What?" Tara took another sip of wine.

"Thomas. The son you and I created together. I have never spoken to him. I FaceTime with Abel twice a week and not once have I seen my youngest son. Why?"

"Because I don't deem it appropriate," Tara sat back on her chair.

"Why? He is equally my son just like Abel."

Tara scoffed. "You have barely spent anytime with him."

"Because I am fucking here!" yelled Jax, his anger spilling over.

"And the months before you got imprisoned?" Tara knew she was hitting below the belt but it felt good. It felt good to let out all the hurt she had inside her because of Jax.

Again Jax was lost for words.

"At the end of the day, Jax, you cannot demand anything from me anymore. You just simply can't. Thomas is too young to really comprehend what the fuck is going on half the time. How do you think he would feel if I suddenly start introducing you as his father? How confused his young little mind would be. Have you thought of that? Thomas is happy. He is healthy and smart and doing incredibly well in school. He knows of you but to him you are just a man he has never met. You are the before..." Tara trailed on and like a ton of bricks it hit her.

"I want to change that! I want us to be a family. We could make it work. You could come back and we could..."

Tara shook her head. "I'm not going back to California, Jackson. There is nothing left there."

"I am still here."

Tara shook her head. "You don't get it, do you? Let me ask you a question—once you get out, what are you going to do?"

"It's not like I could fucking leave the state or even the county. I will be in probation for five years. That's what Ally said."

"Another five years in Charming. What if you wouldn't be release on probation? What then?"

"What do you mean?"

Tara leaned forward. "Hypothetically speaking, if you could be released with no strings attached. If you didn't have to report to a parole officer or get random drug tests, what would you do?"

Jax remained silent for a while. "I don't know. Never thought about that."

"And what have you thought about? Just out of curiosity?"

"Getting my boys and you back."

Tara shook her head. "See that's the thing, Jax. You just thought of getting us back but getting us meant leaving Charming. Leaving all of that behind. And not once did you do that. Not once did you think of ways to get out of Samcro."

"Tara, they are my family too. I am still alive in here because they have been here, watching my back. I can't turn my back on them the minute I get the fuck out of this place. They need me too, just like my boys need their father."

Tara gave him a sad smile. "You are right, Jackson. The club will always need you. But you are wrong about the boys. They don't need you. You have made it perfectly clear to me that it doesn't matter the damage the club has done to you. You will always chose them over anyone, including your own flesh and blood."

"That's not what I meant..."

"Do you love me?" Tara interrupted.

Jax looked at her. "I love you, Tara. I love you so fucking much it hurts." He paused for a moment. "Do you love me?"

Tara gave him that exact same sad smile. "I will always love you, Jackson. You gave me my boys. You made me into the woman I am today. We haven't been in the same country for nearly six years but I know that I will always be grateful for all that you have given me."

"But..."

Tara looked up a bit to stop the tears from rolling down her eyes. She took a few moments to herself before speaking. "I just realized that I love you, Jax, but I am not in love with you. Not anymore. Not for a while. That in love part died when I finally realized what a curse it is to have you around. I never flourished around you. I was never my own woman. I didn't have friends or a life or anything until I left Charming. My mistake was letting the ghost of you follow me to San Diego and then Chicago. If I would had let go things would had been different. I mean, good thing I didn't in a sense because I came back and then saved Abel and then had Thomas but other than that, nothing else good happened to me. Not while I lived in Charming and not while I was with you."

"Tara..." started Jax, his eyes watery.

"No, Jackson. Don't say anything else. If you love me as much as you say you do, please do me a favor—let me go. Let me be free to be me. You could talk to Abel as much as you want until he decides otherwise but don't ask for me and don't ask for Thomas. Not until he is old enough to make the choice to speak with you. When we get back to Germany, I am going to speak to a lawyer. I think it's time you and I get divorced."

"So, this is it?"

Tara nodded her head. "Yes, this is it."

Jax was silent for a heartbeat or two. "I am not going to give up on my family. I don't care what I have to do but I'll fight tooth and nail for you and the boys. If I have to kill the whole fucking planet just to have you and the boys back, I will. I don't care. I love you and I know you love me too."

"Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want to go back to Charming. I don't want any of it back. I am happy here. I am my own woman here. I am finally who I am suppose to be."

"And hear what I am saying. You and I are meant to be. I will never give up on us. And I will fight. I don't care what I have to do but you and I will be together. Promise."

"And don't you see—your promises don't mean anything to me anymore," Tara felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Let me go, Jax. Please," she hated what she was feeling. The deep sorrow that was shaking up her whole soul.

Jax shook his head. "No, Tara Grace Knowles. I will never let you go. Even if it's the last thing I do on this Earth, I am going to get my family back. That, babe, I swear by."

Tara didn't have time to respond because Jax hung up the call after that.

 ** _To be continued…_**


	12. Chapter 12

Author's Note: I want to start of by thanking all who have given me so much positive feedback. I find it a bit entertaining to see the Team Jax versus the Team Peter comments. For those who have not seen _Homeland_ , I highly recommended it. Rupert Friend (the actor who plays Peter Quinn) does an extraordinary job in making you fall in love with the character of Peter Quinn. He is loyal, intelligent, resourceful, selfless, kindhearted and a total badass. Recently both Charlie and Rupert were in a late night show together and both those Brits did amazingly well.

Now this chapter is heavily Peter and Tara. Like I said in the previous chapter, I am hoping to wrap it up in the chapter that follows. Someone mentioned this should be its own story; a bit late for that. I have a clear ending in that organized madness that is my head. After ending this AU, I have to finish a bunch of chapters I started writing for this story. I have to finish the second part of Unser's chapter. I also have to finish the Thomas one, a Jax/Colette one and the Opie one. So expect a lot of updates in this story in the following weeks. If you guys have any characters you want me to write about, send me a message. I'll see if I could come up with something organically.

For _As Tears Go By_ , I have outlined the whole story and it took me weeks to do it. Now, it's a matter of me writing it down. I have two chapters completed in that one. It needs some heavy editing; as soon as I am done editing, the chapters will be posted. J

Please R&R. Give me at least 10 reviews!

XOXO.

 _Safest Place to Hide_

"Where are we going?" Tara asked excitedly.

Peter just smiled a bit, her favorite dimple making a presence. "You'll see when we get there."

Tara tried to pout but failed miserably as she and Peter started to laugh.

She leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes letting the crisp, Italian sun bake her skin more than what it already was. Although she did not want to, Tara thought back on the previous day.

After the tense conversation with Jax, Tara finished the bottle of wine and walked to Abel's room. Her son was fast asleep, his angelic face free from any stress. Against her better judgment Tara walked into the room, laid next to him and just watched him sleep for about twenty minutes before succumbing to sleep herself.

By the time she woke up from her nap, the sun was setting and Abel's side of the bed was cold. She stretched and walked to the living/kitchen area, where Peter sat with the boys, playing Monopoly. When he noticed her, he asked her to pack a bag for the morning, since they would be making a small trip, just the two of them for a day and half.

They were due back in Germany in a few days and Tara gladly took the opportunity to spend some quality with Peter. She knew the boys were safe with Virgil and Max. Plus, she gave specific and specific instructions to all of them in case something happened while she and Peter were gone on their daycation.

"Are we almost there?" asked Tara.

"You sound like one of the boys."

She leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's nice that you rented out this convertible."

Peter hummed and continued driving. She placed some kisses on his neck.

"You are sure frisky today," he smiled as he made a sharp turn on a curve.

"It's not often we are alone. Plus, I don't know—you seem a bit distant this past few days."

Peter briefly looked at her and focused back on the road. "Just had a lot on my mind, Tara."

"Was it too much for you? Everything that happened with Abel?"

She dreaded his answer. For the past few weeks, she feared that Abel's condition would scare the shit out of him.

Peter shook his head. "No, it wasn't. I love him. I love Thomas. I love you too."

Tara smiled and kissed him once more on the cheek before settling back on the passenger seat.

They stayed in a comfortable silence for about another twenty minutes.

"Can I get a hint, at least?"

"No."

Tara pouted and Peter just laughed as he slid his sunglasses down his eyes.

808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080

Monaco was beautiful.

Tara looked out to the ocean from their private ocean-side mansion, a glass of very exquisite wine on her hand. The sun was dipping low in the horizon. She smiled as she thought back on her nearly perfect day with Peter.

 _A few hours earlier..._

Monaco was a little over two hours from where the boys were so the drive wasn't too long. As soon as Peter parked the car in the massive driveway of the mansion, a butler came out and proceeded to introduce himself as Carlo. He swore he would take care of their very small bag and Peter proceeded to scoop her up in his arms, right there in the driveway, causing Tara to yelp. He carried her to the master bedroom, bridal style. She laughed the whole way there, teasingly asking him to put her down, which he didn't.

By the time they arrived to the bedroom, Carlo, close on their heels, Tara was flushed red and still laughing. Peter gently placed her back on her feet just as Carlo placed their bag on the floor and gently shut the door behind him.

"This place is beautiful," she smiled as she went out to the balcony and looked out to see a massive pool and the ocean past it.

"Yea, it is. It's one of my favorite places in the world," Peter came behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

"And how did you acquire the keys to this splendid mansion?"

Peter sighed. "Let's just say I saved a very wealthy man from a very precocious situation. Since then, all of his properties have been made to my disposal whenever I want access to them. "

Tara leaned back. "Will I ever really know what you do?"

Peter kissed her head. "Maybe one day."

She turned in his arm and draped her arms around his neck. "Always shrouded in mystery, Mr. Quinn. I hate that I don't know some aspects of your life."

"Tara, you know me better than anyone in this Earth."

"Even more than Dar?"

Peter tensed and stood very straight. His 6'1'' frame looked taller than it was, he was standing so straight. "To Dar, I am just a piece in his chess game; dispensable and replaceable. He knows nothing about me."

Tara tilted her head to the side. "Seems like you don't like him much. I thought you worshipped him."

"You are very wrong about that," he dropped his arms from her waist. "Maybe when I was younger, I admired his tenacity and devotion a bit. Now…" He got a far away look on his face and looked past Tara to the water.

"Hey, hey…" she placed her hands on his face and forced him to look into her eyes. "No more of that. I want you to be here with me, present. Just us. No kids, no Virgil, no Max, no Dar, and no CIA."

Peter placed his hands on her face. "Just us?"

Tara nodded and placed a small kiss on his lips. "Just us."

Peter smiled and grabbed her hand. He walked them back into the bedroom and shut the doors that led to the balcony. "How about we go and explore Monte Carlo? There are some great places we could go see."

"How about we go in a bit. There are other things I want to do first," Tara stepped back a few steps and slowly took off her green summer dress, letting it pool down her sandaled feet.

Peter started unbuttoning his shirt. "I like the sound of that."

After their lovemaking, they both took a quick shower and dressed for a day out about town. They strolled around the capital's beautiful streets hand in hand, enjoying the great weather. Peter took her to his favorite restaurant for lunch and she enjoyed the best meal of her life.

In the afternoon, they walked near the palace and then near the luxurious shops where the rich were shopping for the latest fashions. At one point, he insisted that they make a stop in Alexander McQueen's store. Tara felt uncomfortable the moment she stepped inside but Peter asked her to try on some dresses for a special dinner they were having. After he said that, Tara felt her heart pound a bit and just nodded her head.

Peter asked her to surprise him and he left her alone in the store, with one of his credit cards left behind with the lady assigned to assist her.

The dresses were beautiful but too expensive. She felt uncomfortable trying on some of the more expensive pieces that were worth as much as someone's salary, back in the states. In the end, she settled for one of the cheaper summer dresses that cost a few thousand dollars. She had never owned something so expensive and she felt her face flush red as her "personal assistant" swiped Peter's credit card. Right as the lady was zipping up the garment bag, Peter strolled into the store.

"Ready to go," he asked, his hands in his shorts pockets.

Tara nodded as he took the garment bag from the lady.

"Let's go back to the mansion," he said as they walked out of the store. "Carlo was instructed to start dinner."

"Peter, that dress was very expensive. Let me pay you back for it."

He held onto her hand as he navigated them back to the mansion, which was about a 40 minutes stroll from where they were.

"No, need. I have money."

Tara pursed her lips in discomfort.

"Listen, Tara. My job has granted me some luxuries," he said in a low voice. "I never really had to pay for anything, so I have a lot of money saved up. Me buying you a dress as a gift is not a big deal to me."

"How about the trip to Nice, Cannes, Italian Riviera and now here. You have paid for all of it. Plus the apartment in Germany."

"I don't pay for anything in Landstuhl."

Tara looked at him surprised. "How come?"

"Free housing," he briefly shrugged his shoulder. "One of the perks of being a chess piece, I guess."

Tara stopped walking. "You need to stop referring to yourself as a chess piece. You are so much more than that, Peter."

Peter stopped walking and sighed. "I'll try for your sake. It won't be easy though, Tara. It's how I always felt when it comes to what I do."

Tara felt her heart break a little for him. "Then why do you do it? You are worth so much more."

Peter looked away from her for a moment or so. "That is a long story. And I can't talk about it here. In a public setting."

"Will you tell me back in the mansion?"

Peter gave her his notorious long look. "I don't think you want to know." He started walking and Tara felt her heart start thumping against her chest.

She ran a bit to catch up to him. When they were walking side by side, she grabbed his free hand. "You won't scare me, you know. I have been through some bad shit, Peter. I could handle it."

He sighed and continued walking. "Maybe, I just don't want you to know. Have you thought of that?" He squeezed her hand tighter as he said it.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want you to see the monster I really am."

They walked silently for the rest of the way.

 _The Present_

Tara took a sip of the wine.

When they arrived to the mansion, Peter left her alone in the master bedroom so she could get ready. She thought of their small but very revealing chat prior to them arriving back to the mansion. Tara hated the fact that Peter thought so low of himself when it came to what he did for the CIA.

She decided to keep her make-up light and she used a curling iron that was in the master bathroom to do some lose curls.

She had to admit that the dress was beautiful and she looked amazing. When she strolled out to the pool area, Peter handed her some wine.

"You look stunning," he whispered. He gave her a light kiss.

She looked at the table setting that Carlo had arranged. It was beautiful. And the food was amazing. Right when they finished eating, Carlo and some staff cleared the table. Peter then asked Carlo to take the night off since they would neither need his services nor that of the rest of the staff.

When Carlo left, Peter briefly left her alone as she walked to the far side of the pool, where the ocean was clearly visible.

She felt his presence behind her.

"Are you just going to stare?" she turned side ways and looked at Peter, who was leaning against one of the many French doors that led to the pool area.

"I am just trying to memorize this moment," he pushed back against the door and started walking towards her, the light breeze making the side of his white shirt flap against it. When he reached her, he took the glass of wine and took a sip before walking to a near by table and settling it down. He walked back towards her and took her hands.

"Want to dance?" he asked, a boyish shyness to his voice.

"There isn't any music playing," Tara smiled.

He pulled her into his arms and slowly started dancing in circles with her.

 _It seems like yesterday when I said "I do"_

 _And after all this time my heart still burns for you_

 _If you don't know by now that you're my only one_

 _Take a look inside me and watch my heartstrings come undone_

He sang gently in her ear.

 _I know I promised you forever_

 _Is there no stronger word I can use_

 _To reassure you when the storm is raging outside_

 _You're my safest place to hide._

Tara felt a tear slip down her cheek.

 _Can you see me, here I am_

 _I need you like I needed you then_

 _When I feel like giving up_

 _I climb inside your heart I still find_

 _You're my safest place to hide._

Peter wrapped the arm around her waist tighter, pulling her closer to him.

 _Can you see me, here I am_

 _I need you like I needed you then_

 _When I feel like giving up_

 _I climb inside your heart I still find_

 _You're my safest place to hide_

Tara kissed the tear rolled down his cheek as they swayed to the song he was singing.

 _You see colors no one else can see_

 _In every breath you hear a symphony_

 _You understand me like nobody can_

 _I feel like my soul unfolding like a flower blooming_

"Peter, marry me, please," she whispered.

Peter stopped swaying them and remained silent for a few heartbeats.

"You are already married," he answered gently.

"I asked him for a divorce yesterday. I am done with him, Peter. I mean it. I just want us. I want you and our boys to be a family."

Peter groaned and pulled away. "This is not what I wanted our night to look like," he said lowly enough that Tara had to strain to hear him.

She felt her heart drop to the floor.

"I thought you wanted that," she couldn't mask the hurt in her voice. "I-I- thought you were going to propose…" Tara stammered.

"There is nothing I want more, Tara..."

"But?"

Peter sighed and walked away a few feet from her and stared out into the ocean. "I am going away again."

Tara frowned. "Tell him you can't go! Tell him you have a family now."

Peter turned and looked at her. "I have to go."

Tara felt the burst of anger erupt inside. "What the fuck, Peter. You are seriously choosing a government agency and Dar Adal over our little family?"

Peter clenched his jaw. "I am not choosing the agency over you. I have to go, Tara."

She walked to where he was and pushed him with all her might. He stumbled a few steps back. "Fuck you. Is that why you brought me? To kiss my ass before you pick up and leave?" She felt the angry tears spill down her cheeks.

Peter grabbed her by her upper arms. "I have to go. It's part of the deal. I don't want to but I have to. It was either a mission or he would had died." He yelled in her face. Peter's face dropped.

Tara remained quiet for a moment.

"What deal?"

Peter dropped his hands. "Abel. You don't know what it did to me to see him slowly dying. I couldn't let it happen. He needed a heart. So I asked Dar for one."

Tara felt her mouth drop a bit. "You got Abel his heart?"

Peter nodded. "With a condition. Dar has been planning this mission for months. He needed his best man to go and make sure it gets pulled off. Abel's heart for my service."

"Oh God..." whispered Tara.

Peter looked away briefly. "I brought you here because I wanted to remember this night. I wanted to hold to something good before I go. Spending nearly two weeks with you and the boys," he paused and looked back at her. "It's what I need before I go."

"Then don't go! Tell Dar no. What is he going to do? He can't rib the heart from Abel's chest. It's already there. And how did he even get it?"

"Dar is probably going to be the head of the C.I.A. That's what he has been working for all his adult life. Being the most powerful and feared man from the United States. He has pull all over the world. If he wants ten different organs from anywhere in the world, he is going to get it, no questions asked. And no, he won't rib the heart from Abel's chest. But if I don't go, he will find a way to get what is due to him. And I cannot live with that sword hanging over my head."

Tara felt the goose bumps spread across her body.

"He would hurt us, wouldn't he?"

The shadow crossed Peter's eyes and that was enough answer for her.

Tara shook her head. "I don't get it. He couldn't be that heartless."

Peter chuckled a bit, the humor and happiness completely gone from his face. "Do you seriously think that any of us have a heart? Or a soul? Tara, we are fucking monsters. Every single one of us."

Tara walked towards him. "You aren't a monster, Peter. The fact that you saved my son proves it. You acted selflessly in a moment..."

"Just stop." Peter turned away from her. The walls were coming up fast and she needed to stop them before it was too late.

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon."

"Where are you going?"

Peter shook his head and she knew he wouldn't tell her. She wiped the few tears that fell from her face. "So Virgil and Max knew about this too."

He turned and the expression on his face said it all.

"Please tell me they are going with you."

Again, he shook his head before answering. "They don't even know I am going."

"Who is going to watch your back?" whispered Tara. "They keep you safe, you told me that once."

"This is a different mission."

"What does that mean?"

He looked down to the floor and took a shaky breath. "I wanted this night to be magically and beautiful. In a few days, I am going to be walking into a living hell, Tara. I am going to be living it for God knows how long and I needed one last memory. One last good thing to happen to me before..."

"Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye?" Tara lips trembled.

"Cause I feel like this might be it for me. I have escaped karma too many times. Tara, I am not a good person. A good person wouldn't have done half the shit I have done in the name of America."

"What the fuck does that even mean?" she screamed out, her frustrations boiling over. "You need to stop saying that. Fuck, Peter. For once just be fucking straight with me. I am not a fucking delicate flower that cannot handle the truth. For once, tell me who the fuck you are and why does Dar have you in such a tight leash?"

Peter walked towards her until they were inches apart. "You want the truth, Tara Knowles? Here it is. My father was a fucking pimp who beat the shit out of my mother nearly every single day right before he made her go suck dick for a few dollars. My mother was so hooked on drugs that she didn't give two fucks about what happened to me. At one point I was so malnourished that I was hospitalized for weeks. Still Baltimore had too many kids in the system so they left me there with them. When I turned twelve, I fucking ran away. Living in the fucking streets was better than being in that hellhole. By fourteen, I had done a stint in juve for pickpocketing. At sixteen, I got caught again for grand theft auto and I swore I would do anything not to go back to juve. Then comes a man, who needed a young kid to do something for him. Some undercover type of mission. He promised me a lot of money if I delivered. Promised to seal my records. A month later, I am flying to Hong Kong, with a new identity and persona. My mission, to fuck a paymaster to get information for the CIA."

Tara looked at him horrified.

"For five months, I had to sleep with this paymaster, who was about twenty years older than me. She liked them young and pretty. And when she felt like it, she would borrow me out to her friends. When I got Dar what he wanted, he was pleased and offered me another deal. When I turned eighteen, he sponsored me. Was the youngest guy in the agency. He knew I had to blend in with the crowd so he had one of his guys' falsified academic records. That's how I got to San Diego. The summer before I started college, I fucking studied my ass off to catch up for years I missed in school. That's what Dar wanted—me isolated from the world while he mold me into his perfect little protégé. Then I met you and all his plans almost went to shit. His guys are supposed to be cut off from everything. No emotions, no friends, no family. Made the job easier..."

"And what is this job you are speaking of?" Tara whispered.

"You are a smart woman, Tara. You could put two and two together," he looked deeply into her eyes. "Why do you think I didn't like it when you visited D.C? I wasn't in some fucking office in Langley reading intelligence reports. I was training and learning certain skills needed in Dar's line of work."

Tara didn't know what to say for a few minutes. "Peter, I need you to say it. Just say it, please."

He nodded. "I was trained to be a Black Operative for the CIA, Tara. I am a trained Black Ops. Those missions I go to... I don't gather information. I don't need to. When I leave, it's to execute orders given by the heads of the CIA."

"Orders?" repeated Tara.

"Kill orders to be exact," he whispered. "I kill for hire on behalf of the United States."

Tara started walking backwards, shaking her head in disbelief.

At one point, she turned and ran into the mansion, barely making it to the master bathroom. After she threw up her dinner, she slid down to the floor and started crying.

She cried for a long while until she had nothing left. She took off the beautiful summer dress and decided that she needed a long shower to clear her thoughts.

As she stood inside the shower stall, she thought back on the past six years. How drastically her life changed from when she was in Charming. She stayed under the shower spray until the water turned icy cold.

When she finished changing into fresh clothes, she walked to the pool area searching for Peter. He was sitting in one of the lounge areas, looking at the clear pool water, the lights reflecting beautifully on his haunted face.

She walked quiet to where he was and sat next to him.

They stayed silent for a long time both looking at the pool water.

"How many?"

"I don't know."

"Peter, please. Just tell me."

"I really don't know, Tara," his voice broke a little in the end. "At one point I was just a fucking robot, checking off names on a kill list."

"Why Black Ops? Why didn't you do anything else? Like intelligence gathering or something."

Peter sighed. "Did you know that Virgil went to the Hill School? Then Yale."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Peter ignored the question. "Max has Asperger's and still he managed to get into MIT and graduate second in his class."

Tara looked him questionably.

"All those intelligence gathering people have a pedigree. I'm just a street kid from Baltimore who was lucky that he was offered a chance to go to a state school on the West coast. Like I said before, I was dispensable to Dar. A soldier what would follow all orders, no questions asked. A soldier that no one would fucking miss if he went missing or died doing a job. By the time you came, it was too late. Things were in motion."

"And after me?"

"You changed everything, Tara, the first time you came around. For the first time in my life, I had hope that something good could happen to me. Those years in San Diego were my happiest at the point. But then you moved to Chicago to complete med school and I was expected to move to D.C.," he paused.

"When I arrived to Washington, a black SUV was waiting for me. Took me directly to training camp in Virginia. Didn't even have a chance to eat dinner."

"Why didn't you tell him you didn't want to do it?"

"Cause, he saved me Tara. I know this sounds fucked up, but if Dar wouldn't have stepped in back when I was sixteen, I would probably be dead right now. Or maybe hooked on drugs or rotting away in a cell. I felt like I owed that dirty old man," he said sadly. "And I truly didn't have anyone so I thought fuck it, might as well be useful somehow."

"You had me!"

Peter turned and looked at her. "No I didn't, Tara. His ghost was always there. I only had part of you."

Tara lowered her glaze.

"What would have happened if we wouldn't had broken up?"

"Who knows? Maybe I would have left the agency. Just maybe we would've married with kids of our own. Maybe I would be dead. But I am glad we ended things when we did."

Tara looked at Peter.

"You had to go back to him, Tara. You needed to see what was there. You needed to see what was truly under that first love and passion. You had to live it again to really decide what you wanted for yourself and grow into your own person. Back when we were first together, you had one foot in and one foot out. And I desperately wanted all of you but I knew I couldn't compete with the history you and Jackson shared. With that intense love that no one could ever measure to. That's why I let you go. So you could find your own true happiness without me being in the way."

"And now?" Tara said as she wiped her tears from her face.

"Now, it's not so simple. I don't only love you anymore. I truly believe that I love those boys more than I love you. You have to understand that I didn't know what love was until I fell in love with you. But it was that love that essentially drove me to remain in the agency. When you broke up with me, you took the little hope I had in me with you. I closed myself off to everything and everyone. That's how I became the best at what I do. Dar referred to me as the best headhunter in the game. "

Tara scoffed. "That sounds familiar."

"Don't compare me to him. He had chances to walk away and he chose not to."

"He only knows the MC world just like you know the CIA! It's almost the exact same thing, Peter. At least he was honest enough to tell me most of the fucked up things he did." Tara took a deep breath.

"Peter, I love you. I really do. I want to marry you for fuck sakes. But each time you leave to these missions, I am petrified. Scared that something could happen to you. And I hate the secrets. I fucking hate not knowing where you are and what the fuck you are doing." Tara placed her hands over her eyes to press the tears back. After a few seconds, she let them drop. "What do I with all of this?"

"I can't answer that for you, Tara. You have to decide what you want to do with all that I have told you."

"Will it ever end?"

Peter swallowed. "Sort of. I told Dar that if I make it out of this one, that it would be my last one. I can't leave the agency but they could use my expertise in other fields. I could work in an embassy anywhere in the world or do intelligence analyzing or gathering."

"Was he receptive to the idea?"

"He has no choice at this point. I am not getting any younger. Plus, I am tired of it. I want to come home every day being proud of the work I do. I cannot bare my conscious anymore. I don't want to be a monster. I just want to be a man who wakes up next to the woman he loves and make breakfast to two little boys who makes his life a bit brighter."

Tara swallowed back her tears.

"Tara, I am not perfect. I have done a lot of bad shit. I come with a lot of baggage but know that you and the boys have made my life so much better. You have made my life worth living."

Tara stood and sat in his lap. "Promise me you are going to come back. Promise me that Peter."

"It doesn't bother you that I have killed people?"

"I have killed people too, directly and indirectly. When you are done with this mission, you will repent for the kills. I don't know how but you will do it. And when you come back, it will be a desk job. No more going away on dangerous missions. Promise me, Peter."

He grabbed her face. "I, Peter Quinn, promise thee, Tara Knowles, to come back from my last Black Ops mission and will take on a 9-5. I promise, no more dangerous missions."

"What else?" whispered Tara.

Peter looked deeply into her eyes. "I am coming back, Tara. I am coming back and I will marry you. I promise."

 ** _To Be Continued…_**


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note:

Hi everyone! Sorry for the long delay but this was a monster of a chapter to write and it took me days to do so. Then it took longer to edit it.

This is by far the longest chapter I have ever written. It was so long, I had to break it into two different parts. So expect one last chapter and then an semi-epilogue. I cannot write much here but there will be a few sentences written at the bottom of this chapter. Please take the change to read them.

Please review and respond. The more the merrier!

xoxo

 _Stay With Me_ _  
_  
"Mommy, when is Papa coming back?"

Tara gave her youngest son a sad smile as she continued fixing his talent show costume.

"I don't know sweetheart."

"But he has been gone for a while!"

Tara swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "I know, Toms, but Peter is in a business trip. He promised us that as soon as he was finished he would catch the first plane back here to be with us."

Thomas nodded and started playing with one of the buttons in his costume.

"Mommy, how come I don't talk to Abel's Dad too?"

Tara sighed and sat on the floor. She put away the thread and needle inside her kit and closed it. "Honey, Jackson is biologically your father too. I just feel like you are too young to understand everything."

"But I am almost six!"

"Yes, you are." Tara paused and looked into her youngest son's eyes. "Toms, the reason why I haven't allowed you to talk to Jackson is because I didn't want to confuse you. You were very young when we left Charming. So young that you don't even remember what Jackson looks like. I never thought you or your brother would ever talk to Jackson again. But Abel got sick and we needed his help."

"Abel says he rides a motorcycle!"

"Yes, he does have his motorcycle. Toms, I am going to ask you a question and I need you to think really hard before you answer. Ok?"

Thomas nodded his head. "Ok, Mommy."

"Would you like to talk to him?"

Thomas bit his lip and remained quiet for a bit. "Would Papa be mad?"

Tara shook her head. "No, no, sweetheart. When he comes back I'll explain to him that I gave you a choice and that you made it. Plus, I know you love your Papa very much and he knows it too."

"I miss Papa."

Tara smiled. "I miss him a lot too."

"Mommy, why aren't you and Papa married?" Thomas sat on the floor in front of her, his legs crossed.

"You are filled with question today, aren't you?" She messed up his hair a bit with her hand for good measure. "The reason why Peter and I aren't married is because technically speaking I am still married to Jackson. We got married a few months after you were born."

"Did you wear a big, white dress like in the movies?"

"No, Toms. We got married in less than five minutes in someone's business in jeans."

"That doesn't sound very nice."

Tara sighed. "At the moment, all I wanted was to be his wife, so it didn't matter that I didn't have the big fancy dress."

"Why didn't you divorce him? Otto's parents are divorced."

"I asked him for one when we were in Italy. It took me a while to do it but I did. He refuses to sign the papers."

"Oh," Thomas put his chin on one of his hands, looking very much like a mini version of the Thinking Man.

Tara waited patiently for him to continue.

"Mommy, can I have two Papas? Peter here and Jackson over there?"

Tara cleared her throat. "You could have anything you want, Toms. If you want two Papas, then by all means you can. You just have to explain to both that it's something you want and that both should respect your decision."

Thomas nodded and stood up. "Ok, then. I want to talk to Jackson and tell him that Peter is my Papa. And that he could be my Papa too. And they both have to be nice to each other."

Tara smiled and opened her arms up for her youngest son. Thomas went in and hugged her tight.

"Mommy, you said I could have anything I want?"

"That's right, Toms."

"Can I have extra cookies for dinner?"

Tara started laughing and hugged her son tighter to her.

These are the moments she lived for—her and her boys.

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With each passing day, Tara missed Peter more and more.

As summer ended, the fall came and brought out beauty all throughout Landstuhl.

Thomas had his cute talent show, singing old boy band pop songs with his Boy Scouts mates. Abel, Max, and Virgin all laughed until their sides hurt. Tara was made sure to take as many pictures as she possibly could.

Shortly after their small talk, Thomas joined Abel in Facetiming Jax. Tara made sure to keep herself occupied while they had their little chats. Multiple times both Abel and Thomas delivered the same message to Tara— Jax wanted to speak to her. Tara made sure to politely decline. As time went on her frustrations with Jax increased since he kept returning the divorce request without any signatures attached. Jax's message was clear as day to her. He wasn't going anywhere.

Right before Halloween, Abel excitedly told her that his father was back in Charming. Tara smiled at him and told him she was glad for Jax. And she was. She just hoped that he made different decisions in life for the sakes of the kids.

The fall soon ended and in came the cold weather of winter. For Christmas she got the boys new I-pads, a game consul and new bikes. Max and Virgil bought them new laptops and Tara got a bit drunk. That night, after the boys went to bed, she cried in Max's shoulder, missing Peter more than ever. He had never missed Christmas since they moved to Germany.

Virgil fixed her up some coffee and told her to hold her chin up. She looked at the brothers who had become her own and hugged them both tight before they left.

She stood up all night, wrapped in one of Peter's old sweaters watching the snowfall late into the morning.

By the time the boys woke up, she had made some pancakes for them and they went sleighing with Virgil and Max soon after breakfast.

For New Years, Landstuhl Regional hosted a party for its staff. Tara originally passed on the invite but Virgil insisted that it would do her some good to get out.

Max agreed to stay with the boys and Virgil agreed to be her date for night.

She had to admit that Virgil looked handsome in a black suit. They had a good time, drinking and dancing with her co-workers. When the countdown began, she became melancholic and Virgil wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. He gave her a kiss on the cheek once the New Year rang and both watch the fireworks over the castle, Tara's head on his shoulder.

Right as the party was unwinding down she saw a familiar face on the edge of the crowd. Her heart dropped.

She felt like things were in slow motion as she walked towards him. She felt Virgil walking behind her.

Once she reached him, he gave Virgil a nod and looked her right in her eyes.

"May we go speak somewhere privately," he said in his smooth voice.

Tara just walked past him, not waiting to see if he followed. Once they reached a private office, Dar shut the door as soon as he and she were alone. Before Dar closed the door, she met Virgil's eyes and saw the sadness in them.

Dar stared at her for a long time, his hands in his pockets.

Tara felt her lower lip quiver but refused to break the silence.

"Tara, this morning, I got notice that my team was ambushed by hostile firepower. I will not go into details but my sources are saying that there aren't any survivors."

Dar reached into an inner pocket of his black coat. He pulled a small batch of letters and handed them over to her.

"Peter asked me to deliver this to you in case of his demise," he cleared his throat. He blinked his eyes a few times.

"This is entirely your fault," whispered Tara as she clutched the letters close to her chest.

Dar looked at her for a bit. "I know you feel that way now but as time moves on you might feel differently." Dar walked to the nearest window and looked out. "I came from a country that was killing mothers and children for sport. I watched my own mother get raped by a bunch of rebels before they slit her throat in front of me."

Tara turned to look at him. "I thought you were American."

Dar shook his head. "No, I come from the Middle East. When I was young enough to run away from the hellhole that was my country, I did. I was recruited as a spy by the CIA. When I delivered critical intelligence that benefited the US, I was given a passport and visa. I left without looking back once. Promised that if I could help it, I would save some other kid from living and seeing the horrors I saw. Story sounds familiar, eh?" He turned around and looked at Tara.

"When I found Peter, I saw myself in him. I realized that he had a similar shit life like I did when I lived in Lebanon. I needed someone young and street smart to complete a missions for me in Hong Kong. I offered him a way out and he delivered. Delivered and then some. As a reward, I gave him other opportunities. I gave him a new name and new start. He became Peter Quinn, my most trusted and loyal soldier in the field. He did things for his country that most people wouldn't have the balls to do."

"He hated what he did!" shouted Tara. "He hated what you did to him!"

"But he loved his country. In the times he felt he had nothing, he had his love for America and what America stands for. Peter was an honorable man. He did what he needed to do to make sure Americans would wake up in their warm beds without much to worry about." He walked to where she was standing and touched her shoulder. "I know you hate me but know that I truly cared for Peter. He was not just a simple old soldier to me." Again he started blinking rapidly.

"My people are arranging a memorial in Langley. Knowing what I know, we are most likely will never get a body. But we will put a star up in his honor. If you wish, I will arrange for you and your sons to be there for the memorial. Virgil and Max are also welcomed to come. Afterwards, he will get a tombstone in Arlington."

"What I am supposed to tell them?" Tara whispered bowing her head.

Dar tilted her chin upwards. "Tell them that Peter died a hero. Protecting and serving his country; he served the greater good. And when they are old enough, tell them what he did for Abel. Tell them he didn't have much growing up but that they made his life worth living in the end." Dar gave her a pensive look. "Peter was lucky to at least get a chance at love. Not many have been that fortunate."

Dar turned away and walked out of the room letting the door shut close.

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It was a cold January day when they landed in Washington D.C.

The boys took the news of Peter's death hard especially Thomas.

All throughout the memorial, she comforted her boys, who cried silently for the man who had become their rock in the hardest and darkest of times.

After the service, she knew she couldn't return to Landstuhl. Landstuhl was where all her hopes and dreams with Peter where and she couldn't return to the place where she envisioned her eventual happy ending.

She told Virgil and Max of her plans to relocate stateside and both agreed with the move. What surprised Tara was that both brothers agreed to move back as well, to whichever city or town Tara decided. Tara declined letting the brothers know it wasn't fair that they were leaving everything behind for her.

Max just shrugged his shoulders and simply stated. "We are family." Tara cried a bit and she nodded.

Virgil recommended Alexandria, Virgina, which wasn't too far away from D.C. And like always, Virgil delivered finding them a nice house that would comfortably house her and boys for a reasonable price. After making sure they were settled in, Virgil and Max left to Landstuhl to pack all their belongings, including Tara's and the boys and ship them to the Alexandria. Tara expressed her immense gratitude; she knew she didn't have the strength to pack their apartment in Landstuhl.

Three weeks after the memorial, Tara got a call from a man claiming to be Peter's lawyer. Apparently, he had left a substantial amount of money for the boys in a trust that they would have access to as soon as they turned twenty-five.

Time moved on slowly for her. She got the boys into one of the best private schools in D.C. while she worked her ass off MedStar Georgetown University Hospital as a trauma surgeon. She tried to dull the pain of Peter's death by working and spending as much time as possible with her sons. However, there were moments that the pain became too much for her to bear. Like when Thomas lost his two front teeth in an ice skating accident. Or when Abel got into his first fight in school. She reacted like a typical mother, however, deep down she knew Peter would have handled the situations differently. Peter was more than a father figure to the boys—he was her most loyal friend and most trusted partner. She tried not to fall into a deep depression for her sons' sake but towards the end of winter, she felt like her heart was bursting from holding it all in.

One day, Virgil and Max decided to take the boys away on a small all boys weekend trip to Connecticut. It was a foggy Saturday morning in April when the boys left. Even though it was early in the morning, Tara opened a bottle of bourdon she had purchased the night before and poured herself a glass. She carried the bottle and glass with her to her favorite couch that she had placed in her home office. She took a couple of sips before settling the glass down in the table next to the couch. Tara took a couple of breaths before grabbing the first of Peter's letters and opened it quickly before she lost her courage. Her hands trembled as she unfolded the piece of paper.

She felt the tears dwell in her eyes as she started reading Peter's last letter to her.

 _Tara-_ __

 _I guess I'm done and our little family didn't happen. I'm not one for words but they are coming now._ __

 _I don't believe in fate, or destiny or horoscopes but I can't say I'm not surprised things turned out this way. I always felt there was something kinda pulling me back to darkness, does that make sense? But I wasn't allowed a real life or a real love - that was for normal people. And I was never normal._ __

 _With you and the boys I thought, ah maybe, just maybe but I know now that was a false glimmer. I'm used to those, they happen all the time in the desert but this one got to me. And here's the thing, this death, this end of me is exactly what should've happened. In the past, I wanted the darkness, I fuckin' asked for it. But then you came back with those two boys. And I saw light for the first time. I ended up loving them more than I had ever loved anyone and anything, even you._ __

 _I'm sorry I failed. Sorry I didn't come back to you like I promised. Sorry I left them behind. I am truly sorry. In the end, darkness won._ __

 _It has me now so tell Dar not to put a star on the wall for me, tell Virgil not say some dumb speech. And you, Tara, my only true love... just think of me as a light on the headlands, a beacon steering you clear of the rocks._ __

 _I love you._ __

 _Yours, for always now,_

 _Peter*_

Tara folded the letter as tears streamed down her face. She took the glass of bourdon and drank the whole thing in one gulp. She let the amber liquid burn her esophagus. When the burning subsided, she poured herself another glass. Tara drank that whole glass before grabbing another letter from the pile.

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She spent all Saturday drinking herself to oblivion, rereading Peter's letters over and over again until the words were too blurry for her to read.

Eventually, she stood from the couch in wobbly legs and walked around the house. She cried on and off for hours. She drank as much alcohol as she could find which was not that much to begin with. For the first time since Peter's death, she allowed herself to mourn. The boys weren't there for her to be strong for.

Midway through her mourning, she kept hearing a cellphone ring but she initially ignored it. Nonetheless, the person calling was persistent. The cell rang and rang until Tara got so annoyed that she stumbled throughout the house in search of the offending device.

Finally, she found the phone, on the second floor of their new house, in Abel's room.

She picked up knowing exactly who it was.

"What!?" she slurred.

"Babe?"

"I'm not your, babe. I stopped being your babe a long time ago," she screamed into the phone.

Jax paused. "Tara, you sound drunk."

"So?" She sat in Abel's bed. "What is it to you what I am anymore?"

Jax was silent for a bit. "It's Saturday. The boys and I always talk on Saturdays."

"They aren't here. Virgil and Max took them away for the weekend." She was about to press the end button.

"Tara, can we talk? For two minutes, please?"

"There is nothing I have to say to you Jackson, in fact…"

"Tara," Jax sighed. "You need someone to talk to. You rarely drink and the fact that you are drunk says a lot, babe."

Tara scoffed. "I am no longer your concern, Jackson. I would like to hang up now so I could continue." She slurred her words making them sound like one jumbled sentence.

"What exactly are you doing?"

"Drinking my fucking pain away," Tara laid down on Abel's soft pillow.

"I heard about what happened," Jax said softly. "Abel told me. I know you might not believe me, Tara, but I am truly sorry for your loss."

"You don't have to lie, Jax. I know you are probably fucking ecstatic that he died."

"No, I am not. As much as I resented him for taking you away from me, I cannot deny what he did for the boys." Jax cleared his throat. "He raised them right. He was there when I couldn't be and he kept you guys safe. I will be forever grateful for that at least. And his death has really devastated them."

"Imagine what it has done to me?" she whispered as she felt the tears slip from her eyes. "He promised me he would come back. He promised that we would be a family. That's all I ever wanted, Jackson—a fucking family. I never had a family and I wanted one so desperately."

"I know, babe. And I am so sorry this happened to you."

Tara sobbed gently for a few minutes. When the tears finally subsided, Tara wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"I should go," she whispered as she sat up. "The boys should be back tomorrow night."

"No, wait."

Tara waited silently.

"You really loved him, uh."

"Jax, we haven't been together for seven years."

"I know. I just had this hope, that, you know, after prison, you would be there waiting."

"And what exactly did you expect, Jackson? For me to remain the loyal, compliant wife, after all I went through in Charming with you, the club, and Gemma? Your own mother threated me with death if I moved away with the boys. I nearly lost my career, my life, my sanity…" she trailed off and remained silent for a bit. "That's why I love Peter so much, Jackson. He saved me from my own doom. He was there when I needed someone in my corner. Everyone before him had let me down one-way or another. You, your club, Gemma, Margaret, Ally, Unser; even my own parents failed me." Tara shook her head. "That's why I could never go back. I hate California and what it almost did to me. I hated the person I became due to the immense love I felt for you. You nearly destroyed me."

"I'm so sorry, Tara," whispered Jax. "I'm so sorry for everything. For not leaving when I had the chance. For putting Samcro before our love and our family…I am so sorry for everything."

Tara sighed. She rubbed one side of her temples as she felt a migraine coursing its way through her head. "I appreciate your apologies, Jackson, but it's a little bit too late now. The damage between us is done. As I said before, you are more than welcomed to have access to the boys just as long as they don't step foot in California. If one day you want to see them, speak to your parole officer and we could arrange a meeting in a nearby state. Samcro or any Sons from other charters cannot be present. That also includes Gemma, Nero, and any other whore you have stashed away."

Tara stood and swayed a bit. She waited for his smart remark and was pleasantly surprised when she just heard an "ok" from Jax.

She started walking to her room. "Ok, I am letting you go now."

"Will you really come this way if I agree to those terms?"

"Perhaps… I'll bring Virgil and Max with me. So I'll know if you break any of the terms. I truly mean it Jackson, no Sons, no Gemma, and no madams…" Tara started walking to her room.

"You'll never forgive me for that?"

"Yea, sure… As soon I erase the image of that whore riding you from my memory." Tara scoffed. "What the hell where you thinking when you cheated on me with that dried up whore?" Tara slammed the door to her room. "Wasn't I good enough for you?"

"You faked a miscarriage and wanted a divorce," said a clearly frustrated Jax. "Tara, I made some mistakes but I am trying here. I am trying to be a better man."

"Yea, I heard that all before."

"What do you want from me, Tara? I did my time, I haven't slept with anyone since that time with Colette, and I am trying to be there for the boys. What else can I do to prove to you that I am trying?"

"Jackson, if you are still asking, then you really are dense or just refuse to see what is in front of you. You could try all you want but at the end of the day it doesn't change that you are still part of the thing that brings the most poison to your life. And until you are part of that, I refuse to let my boys get anywhere near it in a long-term capacity. My boys won't be part of that. You refused to save yourself but I'll be damn if my boys follow that road. Now, I must go. I am tired and I really want to spend this day by myself, grieving the loss of my best friend and lover. Call the boys tomorrow."

Tara didn't wait for him to respond. She hit the end button and turned off the phone.

She placed the phone in her nightstand and crawled into bed, letting the grief take over her body once more.

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By the time the boys came back from the Connecticut trip, Tara had straighten herself out.

She put away Peter's letters and promised herself to keep his memory alive in her heart. She also promised herself that the boys would not forget the importance of him. As time moved on, she let the wound she felt with Peter's demise heal. The boys played a big part in that. For Mother's Day, the boys present her with a framed photo of their trip to Italy. She didn't know that Max captured such a beautiful moment. Peter had his arm around Abel's shoulder while Thomas sat in her lap sucking his thumb, the sunset reflecting beautifully on their faces. She cried a little bit but was overall thankful for the gift. She made sure to put the picture up in the mantel on top of the fireplace in the den.

Jax tried to get Tara to talk to her via the boys but honestly, her mind and heart wasn't in it.

As summer approached, she knew she had to come into an agreement with Jackson in regards to the boys. So, on a Friday night before school ended, she asked Max to take the boys bowling.

When they left, Tara sat in her favorite couch in her office and dialed a number she had memorized a long time ago.

It rang a few times before he picked up.

"Hello?" he sounded surprised.

"I think it is time you and I have a serious conversation about the boys," Tara said without preamble and straight to the point.

"Hold on," he said.

Tara heard the background music and she knew he was at the clubhouse. She waited as he navigated to somewhere quieter.

She heard a door shut.

"I'm back," he said.

"As I was saying, it is time you and I come to an agreement in regards to the boys. Abel just turned twelve and he has expressed interested in spending some time with you."

"Tara, it's not like you have given me much say in their lives. You have been calling all the shots."

"As I should, don't you think?" Tara pursed her lips.

Jax sighed. "I don't want to argue. Just get to the point."

Tara felt a little sting but she pushed her emotions aside. "Two days after the Fourth of July, I will be traveling to Cave Junction, Oregon. I am taking the boys in a hiking trip around the area. We will be there for a week. I suggest you get Ally to speak to your parole officer, or whatever. I have written a letter on behalf of the boys stating that they would like to reconnect with you, with the condition that the meeting point is not in California. My lawyer will contact Ally within the next couple of days."

"And what if I am not granted permission to leave state lines? I miss out completely?"

"Jackson, we will cross that bridge if we come to it. Now, for other stipulations—no club, no Gemma, no women around my children. Just you. Am I clear?"

"Yes."

"Good. I will be in touch."

"Tara?"

"Yes?"

"I just wanted to ask—how are you doing? Last time we spoke, you weren't in a good state of mind."

Tara took a deep breath. "I am ok, Jackson. I am just taking it one day at a time. I am focused on my career and boys."

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but, it will be nice to see you too."

Tara paused. "Jax, let's just focus on what's best for the boys. I'll be in touch." She pressed the end button.

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It took a few weeks to get it all sorted but Ally and Tara's lawyer delivered. A judge and Jax's parole officer took some of Tara's demands into consideration and in the end Tara had to give in. Jax couldn't leave state lines so they all agreed to meet in Crescent City, California. Jax agreed to have an escort from the sheriff's department accompany him on the trip. He also agreed that club members or associates were not to be present.

They made arrangements to meet the last week of July in Crescent City. Virgil was against the idea and gave Tara hell for it. Max respected her decision on behalf of the boys but he made sure to fly a week earlier than her in order to make sure the beach house she rented would be "boogie proof." When he said that Tara didn't know whether to hug him or roll her eyes.

The boys were excited, more Abel than Thomas. Thomas had no recollection of his time with Jax so he was just excited to go to California on a family vacation. Abel, on the other hand, was over the moon with happiness. The night before the departure, Tara watched as her eldest son packed his bag and she felt some guilt for keeping him away from someone who was so obviously important to him. She knew deep down she was being incredibly strict however, her safety and that of her boys was much more important than hurt feelings and Jax.

Virgil drove them first thing in the morning to Dulles. The plan was for all of them to fly out to California, however, while they waited on line to check in, Virgil's phone started going off. Tara looked at him questionably and he stepped away from the line to answer the device. As they got closer to the counter, Tara looked around for Virgil and he was nowhere to be found. She made sure to check herself and the boys into their flight. Afterwards, she stood by the security check line. She sighed in relief when she saw Virgil walking towards her.

"What's going on?" she asked as he tucked his phone in his shorts.

"I can't go. Something came up." He looked around before looking back at her. "Max is going to catch a flight back to Germany. I am going to meet him there."

Tara tilted her head. "What happened?"

Virgil shook his head. "Can't discuss that. Work stuff. Confidential." He hugged her. "Be careful over there. Don't let him suck you back in." He pulled away from her and ruffled each of the boys' hair before bidding them goodbye and walking out of the airport.

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Tara parked the rental in a local diner. The boys were unusually quiet. She cleared her throat.

"You guys ready?"

Thomas nodded and Abel mumbled a yea.

She got out of the car and waited for them by the door. She held Thomas's hand as she opened the door to the diner.

She looked around briefly before making eye contact with him. Jax stood, immediately shoving his hands in his jean pockets a sign of his discomfort. Tara looked down at Thomas and he was looking at Jax with interest. She then looked at Abel, who also had his hands shoved in his jean pockets just like Jax. Tara sighed and started walking towards where Jax stood.

Jax looked at his boys and she saw the tears in his eyes.

He crouched down and opened his arms. Tara swallowed the knot in her throat when Abel ran to him and hugged him. She swore to herself that she wouldn't cry. Jax and Abel hugged for a bit and eventually Jax pulled away from Abel to look at Thomas. Thomas shyly hid behind Tara legs. Tara gently prompted her youngest son to go greet Jax.

Thomas hesitantly walked towards Jax. When Thomas wrapped his arm around Jax's neck, the waterworks started in Jax. He kissed Thomas's head over and over again, silently crying as he held his youngest son tight to his chest.

Tara heard a few awws around her when Abel joined his brother in Jackson's arms.

After a few minutes, Jax pulled away from the boys and stood. He wiped his face and looked at Tara.

"Thank you for this," he whispered as the boys climbed into the booth.

Tara nodded. "You are welcomed," she whispered back as she tried to calm her beating heart.

Tara turned and slid into the booth next to Thomas. Jax sat next to Abel and in front of her.

The infamous kutte was missing from his body. He had on a tight white t-shirt and before he sat, she noted that he no longer wore the bagging jeans he was known for. His jeans were fitted and he had on grey new balance sneakers, another change from his usual pristine white ones. His hair was cropped short, with a light fade on the side. Jax also had gotten rid of his rings and just wore the wedding one that she had slid into his ring finger so many years ago. When she finished her quick assessment of him, Tara looked back to his face and noted how he just staring at her as the boys talked around them.

The waitress came by and took their order. Jax talked with the boys while they ate. Tara remained mostly quiet, letting them enjoy their time. At one point she looked around the diner, and noted Jax's companion in the trip. She gave him a brief smile and Roosevelt just raised his coffee mug in salute.

They enjoyed their meal and when the check came, Jax paid. They agreed to take a drive to the nearest park. Tara allowed for the boys to leave in Roosevelt's car with Jax and she followed them in her rental.

She hung back with Roosevelt once they reached the park. She and Roosevelt caught up a bit and she was happy to hear that he had remarried and had a second kid on the way. She watched as Jax played touch football with the boys, looking like a normal father spending time with his kids.

They remained in the park all afternoon and not once did she interrupt Jax's time with the boys, respecting the privacy between all three.

According to Roosevelt, Samcro's stink in prison changed Charming for the better. The town flourished given Hale and Oswald's investments in various businesses and properties. Condominiums were built in the outskirts of Charming, bring in a new middle class. That same middle class loved investing into local shops and businesses thus resulting in the overall thrive of the town. The prosperity that manifested itself changed the power dynamic in Charming. Samcro no longer had much power in the town. People no longer feared the men in kuttes. Tara smiled when she heard that both Charming Gardens and Charming High were renamed. David Hale Gardens and David Hale High sounded much better to her. She was glad that her old friend got some recognition for his bravery in the small town that claimed his life way too soon.

As dusk approached, the adults agreed to have dinner in small restaurant near the park. When they arrived at the restaurant, Tara asked for two different tables—one for her and Roosevelt and one for Jax and the boys.

She had a pleasant dinner with Roosevelt. From the laughter coming from the tables that the boys occupied she knew that the boys were also having a good time.

After dinner, Tara got the boys into the car. She and Jax agreed to meet early the next morning in the same park that they had spent the afternoon in. The plan was for all of them to head to Jedediah Smith Redwoods State Park in the morning for a day of hiking and exploring.

Roosevelt got into his car and the boys patiently waited in Tara's.

Jax shoved his hands into his jeans pockets.

"Thanks again for this. They are great kids."

Tara looked at her boys who were both playing in their I-pads. She smiled as she looked on.

"Yea, they are quite extraordinary." She looked back at Jax and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You were great with them today."

He nodded. "I tried. There is so much I missed in their lives because of all the shit that happened." He rubbed one of his hands across his face. "Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks. How much I missed because of all the crap I did in the past. If only I had taken a different road. If only I would have had the balls to walk away from it all, I would have been there for my kids."

"Well Jax, they love you and they want you to be part of their lives. I am sure that if you make an effort, things could be different."

Jax sighed and turned to look at the boys. "You think that they will ever forgive me? You know, for not being there?"

Tara looked at the boys. "I don't know, Jackson. I don't know how your absence will manifest itself in the future but I could tell you that at the moment, they do not harbor any resentment towards you. Just be there for them, Jax, and you'll be fine."

Jax looked at her. "Is it a possibility for you to move closer?"

"No," Tara said firmly. "I meant it when I said that I wouldn't move back to California. Plus, the boys are doing well in Washington D.C. They are in one of the top private schools there getting one hell of education. I already uprooted them from Germany. I won't do it again in less than a year."

"Right."

Tara noted the hardness in his eyes.

"Jax, I don't want to fight. Let this be about the boys and what is best for them. Okay?"

"Okay," he shoved his hands back into his jeans pockets. "See you tomorrow."

Tara nodded and walked to her side of the car. As she drove away, she looked at Jax through the rearview mirror and saw him standing by Roosevelt's car, a look of sadness still on his face.

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As the days went by, the boys became comfortable with Jax's and Roosevelt's presence. Jax kept his word and not once was Samcro mentioned. In four days, all of them explored two national parks that were part of the Redwoods and they also spent a day at the beach.

On the fourth day, Tara agreed to cook dinner for all of them and Roosevelt was kind enough to help her out. She loved the little beach house that she had rented out. All of them had a nice dinner. The adults indulged with food and wine. Well, in the case of Jax, he opted to having beer.

It was a pleasant night considering all that had transpired in the past year. Tara even allowed for the boys to stay past their bedtime so they could take a walk with Jax along the beach.

She and Roosevelt sat in the deck sharing a bottle of wine. They both opened up about their heartbreaks. Roosevelt admitted that although he loved his new wife, his heart still yearned for Rita and their unborn child.

Tara opened up about Peter and what he did for her and the boys. It felt like she and Roosevelt were talking for hours but when she looked at her watch, she noted that Jax and the boys had only been gone for an hour. She looked at the horizon and saw all three of them laying down on the sand looking at the sky. She saw Thomas's small finger pointing at something in the sky, their voices too far for her to hear with the waves crashing nearby.

She continued her conversation with Roosevelt opening another bottle of wine in the process.

By the time Jax made his way back to the house, Thomas was sleeping in his arms and Abel was rubbing his eyes.

Tara insisted that both boys needed a quick bath to take out all the sand they had accumulated throughout the night.

Roosevelt helped Tara tidy up the kitchen while Jax help the boys get ready for bed.

As she was wiping down the counter, Roosevelt loaded the dishwasher.

"He has changed a lot."

Tara looked up. "Excuse me?"

Roosevelt motioned with his head to the section of the house where Jax was with the boys. "Prison. It humbled him a lot. That cockiness and rest assure attitude that he owned Charming is gone. He is more pensive and is a bit of a loner."

Tara went back to wiping down the counter. "Well, that's good for him I guess."

"Humor me for a bit," Roosevelt walked to where she was and took the rag out of her hand. Tara straightened up and looked at him.

"What if he's change? What if not having you or the boys has shifted something inside the man? What if he is ready to finally leave Samcro? What would be in store for him if he leaves the club and Charming behind?"

Tara placed on of her hands in her hip. "What are you getting at, Eli?"

"What I am getting at is that he is not the same man who you ran away from seven years ago, Tara. He is different. Losing you and the boys awoke something up inside Jackson. I am not one to condone bad shit or bad guys but he isn't a bad man. He was just born into a bad environment filled with bad people." Roosevelt paused. "Look, I am not stupid here. I know how much he loves the club but I know he loves those boys much more. I was there when the judge delivered the decision as to him coming here. I saw how Jax stood in court and asked for all of your requirements to be met, even the one where no one associated with Samcro or the Sons be allowed anywhere near you or the boys. You should have seen Gemma's reaction to Jax siding with you. She thought that he would cave under her pressure but he didn't. I just think that Jax needs that final push and he would walk away from it. He needs to know that there will be something waiting for him on the outside of the club and Charming."

Tara tilted her head and remained silent for a long time. She gave props to Roosevelt; not once did he filch away from her cold stare.

"Is something going on?"

Jax walked in and looked at both Roosevelt and Tara, a look of confusion on his face.

"No. Not at all, Teller; everything is peachy here." Roosevelt turned on the dishwasher. "We have had too much to drink. Can I crash in one of the spare rooms, Tara?"

Tara frowned, knowing immediately what his angle was. "We can't have an officer of the law drive to his hotel room drunk, can we?" Tara's voice was laced with sarcasm. "There is a spare room down the hall from the boys' room."

Tara turned away and walked out into the deck. She heard Jax's footsteps behind her. He slid the door close just Tara sat on one of the chairs.

Jax sat across from her.

"We have a lot to talk about," he started off. She noted the hardness in his voice.

"The only thing you and I have to discuss is the boys so unless this is about the boys, you and I have nothing to talk about." Tara crossed her arms in front of her for good measure.

"Bullshit and you know it." Jax leaned forward. "For seven years, I sat behind a cell dreaming of this. Dreaming of how this conversation would play out."

"What are you going to say, Jackson? That I betrayed you? That I took away the most important people away from you? Are you going to blame me for doing time?"

"Tara, you walked away. You took everything away in a blink of an eye not caring how that shit would fuck me up."

"Are you fucking serious, Jackson? Are you fucking serious?" She leaned forward. "I was about to go to prison. I was about to have my boys taken away from me by your mother. I was isolated from the world. My career was over due to the charges I was facing. And on top of that, I catch you with another woman when you swore to me that you would never cheat me again after that porn slut. So let me get this straight—I am the bad guy here?" Tara scoffed.

"We could have worked it out…"

"When? When would you and I have worked out our marital problems? While I was in prison doing a five to eight year stink for accessory to murder? Or maybe, we would have worked it out after you had you filled with Colette? Please clarify, when you and I were going to work out our joke of a marriage. Please let me know, when you were going to put me and our boys before the club. I would love to know when, Jackson, because clearly I am missing something here."

Tara saw the anger cross Jax's face.

"I have been so angry at you for leaving. For breaking my heart again like when we were kids. The difference this time is that you took my kids. You robbed me from the chance of being a father and husband."

"Can you blame me? You broke every promise you made, Jackson. From the promise to leave Charming to the fucking vow you made not to stick your dick in someone else." Tara felt her face getting red, the frustrations and anger she had pushed down over the years finally coming to the surface. "You have the audacity to say I robbed you of the chance of being a father but you had no problem letting me take the heat for that nurses' murder. I was being robbed of my freedom, my happiness, and my kids and what were you doing? Riding your motorcycle, selling guns to gangbangers and fucking whores." Tara stood and wiped the angry tears that were streaming down her face. "You are a fucking hypocrite and a piece of shit, that's what you are."

She walked away from him, down the stairs to where the beach was. She kicked off her flip-flops and started walking towards the shore.

"Tara, wait."

She continued walking until she was far away from the house. She felt his hands grab her arm and she pushed it away.

"Don't touch me, Jackson." She turned and looked at him. "You and your world nearly destroy me and all you care about is the anger you felt while sitting in a cell for the crimes you committed. How dare you blame me for that? How dare you?"

"If you wouldn't have called him, I wouldn't have gone to jail!" His face started getting red.

"Thank God, I called him. Wish I would have done it sooner."

Jax flinched.

"Let me tell you something, Jackson. The FBI was going to nail Samcro for a shitload of charges. I saw the file myself. Consider yourself lucky, you didn't spend the rest of your life behind bars. If it weren't for the deal Peter cut for you, you'll still be sitting behind bars."

She turned away from him and stared out into the dark beach.

They remained quiet for a long time, the wind blowing softly between them.

"It didn't mean anything," she heard him whisper. "It was just meaningless sex. I felt stuck and alone and here was this woman giving me the attention I wanted from you. So, I just went for it. The first time, I didn't think you would ever find out."

Tara turned and looked at him, the disgust clear on her face. "You slept with her more than once?"

Jax nodded. "I had sex with Colette twice. Once while you were in county, the second time when you caught us."

"Why did you do it the second time?"

"Tara…" he jammed his hands into his jeans looking ashamed.

"I need to hear it. Jackson, please…" she felt her voice break. "For once, please just tell me the truth."

"When Ally told me you wanted to divorce me and leave with the kids, something broke in me. I barely survived it when you left when we were nineteen. I didn't know what to do with the fact that you wanted to leave for the second time with our kids. So I slept with Colette to hurt you. I wanted you feel what I was feeling inside—hurt, anger, and betrayal."

Tara burst into tears. She covered her face and sobbed into her hands, feeling the rawness of his words in her core.

"Tara, please stop crying."

She felt him get closer.

"Please, babe. I cannot bear it."

She felt his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off.

Tara removed her hands from her face and let him see the hurt in her face.

"I am the mother of your children, Jax. Why would you want to hurt the person you swore you loved so much?"

"I am not perfect, babe. I am just telling you how I felt at the time. As angry as I have been for all that went down, one thing is undeniable—I still love you so fucking much. Tara, I can't go on without you guys beside me. My life is so empty. Every day I wake up yearning to have you beside me. I yearn to watch the boys grow with each passing day." Jax looked up to the sky and she saw the moisture in his eyes.

"I am so sorry, Tara," he looked down at her. He moved closer and wiped the tears from her face. "I am so sorry I hurt you. I am so sorry that I broke every promise I ever made you. I am so sorry that I missed so much. I am just simply sorry," he whispered.

Tara sobbed and Jax pulled her close to his body, hugging her tight. Tara relented and wrapped her arms around his waist. She buried her head on his chest and let the tears fall, all the hurt and anger finally leaving her body after years of resentment.

They remained like that for a while, both crying for everything lost, the breeze blowing gently against them as the waves added to the sound of the night.

When the tears subsided, Tara turned her head and looked out to the water, Jax's body heat keeping her warm. Jax held her tightly and he placed his chin on top of her head.

"I missed you, babe. All this time, I missed you and the boys and us. For a while there, I thought I would never see you again. You could believe anything you want about me but ever question my love for you."

Tara looked up and met Jax's eyes. He leaned down and gently grazed his lips with hers.

Tara stood on her tippy toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jax deepen the kiss slipping his tongue in her mouth.

They made out for about a minute before Tara placed her hand on his chest, pulling back.

Jax moaned when he felt her lips leave his.

"Tara," he opened his eyes and kept her pressed to his body. She felt his hardness and she blushed a bit.

"We need to stop, Jax," she said as she pushed herself away from his arms.

"Why?"

"Cause, we have more stuff to talk about and resolve. Also, if I sleep to you it's because we are both horny and haven't had sex in a while. It's not right. Not with all the crap that is still lingering."

Jax groaned.

"You are killing me, Knowles. I was looking forward to be buried deep in that pussy."

Tara rolled her eyes.

"We have to talk, Jackson. Your cheating habit is just the tip of the iceberg."

"Ok, we could talk." He looked deeply into her eyes. "Let's talk about Peter."

"Can we go for a walk? If I am going to talk about him with you, I need my head to be clear of lust and that comes with it."

Tara started walking and Jax soon was walking side by side with her.

"What do you want to know?" she asked as they walked further and further away from the house, the waves crashing slowly near them.

"Why Peter? I know you mentioned that he was a boyfriend you had in college."

"Peter, in many ways, always arrived to my life when I needed him the most. When I first met him I was struggling with Arabic class and he helped me study. When he was done helping me, he just walked away. I guess that's what intrigued me the most about him; his silent confidence and his mystery was something I was innately drawn to."

She paused.

"I called him the morning after I caught you with that whore. I was desperate. I just needed to feel like I had someone in my corner. Everyone had bailed and I knew, deep down, that Peter, no matter how devastated he was from our breakup would never bail on me. He was that selfless and kind. You know, when I graduated from medical school, I sent out two invitations—one for my Dad and one for Peter. I never expected for any of them to show up. Peter did. Even though I had broken his heart, he was there because he knew I didn't have anyone else.

After we left Charming, we stayed briefly in Washington D.C. and then he moved us to Germany. He took care of the boys and me those initial months. I can't recall how many nights I cried myself to sleep in his arms, missing you and wishing things were different. Eventually, those feelings of deep gratitude evolved into something deeper."

Tara looked at Jax as they walked. "I waited for a while before initiating anything with him." Tara cleared her throat.

"We were on vacation in France. One night, I just knew I wanted more. I wanted him wholeheartedly, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It wasn't just the sex or the financial security that made me stay. He was literally my best friend and my biggest cheerleader. He also had my back, no questions asked. Fuck, he didn't have to accept the boys and yet, sometimes I would look at them together and think that Peter knew them better than I did. Not once did he treat them like they weren't his own."

Tara wiped the tears from her face with her hand.

"Right before he left for his last mission, he took us to the Italian Riviera. We had the best time there. Virgil and Max came too. It was like one last family vacation before all went to shit."

"You loved him?"

Tara looked at Jax again.

"Yea, I did. And before you ask, I still love him deeply even though he is dead. But now it is all gone. He is never coming back and all I could do is keep his memory alive. I could also respect his wishes. He wouldn't want me to put the boys in danger. Not after all we went through to make sure they have a safe and healthy life."

"You mean Abel?"

Tara nodded. "Jax, there is something you should know." She stopped walking and turned to face him. "When Abel got sick, Peter made a deal with Dar. One last mission on behalf of the C.I.A. Dar got Abel a heart so Peter had to go on the mission in return."

Jax let out a shaky breath. "Are you saying that my son is alive because Peter agreed to risk his life for a heart?"

Tara nodded. "Yea," she whispered. "Our son is alive because essentially Peter sacrificed his life for him."

Tara started walking again and she wrapped her arms herself. A few minutes later, Jax caught up with her. She looked briefly at him and noted the redness in his eyes.

They continued walking for a while in absolute silence.

"I would had done the same thing for him. For both my sons."

"I know."

"I'm sorry you lost him."

Tara looked at Jax.

"Thank you, Jackson."

He nodded and wrapped one of his arms around her shoulders. Tara paused briefly but then she wrapped her arm around his waist.

"How are we going to do it? Parent two kids when we live in two opposite ends of the country?"

"Well, I could bring them to the West Coast a few times a year. Some holidays here and there."

"Why not all of them?"

Tara shook her head. "Virgil would have a heart attack. He didn't even want this trip to happen."

Jax frowned. "Why does he have a say of what happens to our sons?"

Tara stopped walking, prompting him to stop too.

"Jax, its not just us anymore. Virgil and Max are very integral to the boys. Very much so and you must accept that. I know you haven't officially met them but trust me when I say that both only have the boys best interest in their heart."

Jax sighed. "Tara, I miss my sons. I just want to be part of their lives. I want to make decisions and be there to be a parent."

"And I understand that but you also must understand that you were gone from their lives for a substantial amount of time. We can't have you come to their lives full speed. I truly believe that baby steps are essential in these circumstances."

Jax crossed his arms in front of him.

"And long term? What's the plan for the long term?"

"Jax, I really need you to respect the fact that I don't want Samcro to be part of their lives. I don't want my kids to be exposed to that world. I don't want them to join the club as soon as they turn eighteen. I want them to be law-abiding citizens that respect the law. I especially do not want Gemma to spew her hatred. I don't her to poison them against everything that isn't the club. I don't want Abel and Thomas to follow your footsteps. I don't want them to share your fate, Jax."

"And what do you believe is my fate?" He clenched his jaw.

"You are destined to be in Samcro, Jackson. I told you that the same night my hand got smashed. Charming and Gemma will never let you leave with your own free will. According to Roosevelt, Samcro is a shell of what it used to be yet you remain in Charming. I can't understand why you are still there and honestly, I don't want to make excuses for your choices either. I know you love the club and the guys. I understand Samcro is all you have ever known but what has Samcro given you in return except heartbreak and disappointment? How can you still stand by something that has taken so much from you?"

Tara bit her lower lip and start walking back to the house with Jax walking side by side with her.

"What if I leave? What if I walk away from it?"

"Truthfully, you have been saying that for years, Jax. At this point, if you wanted to get out, you would have done so by now."

"Maybe I didn't want to be left without anything. You live across the country, Tara. I never thought I would see my kids. Samcro was just there so I stayed. But now that I know I have sliver of a chance, I'll leave it if it means that I might have you back. I'll leave it if it means I get my boys in the long run."

Tara stopped walking and turned to face him.

"You really think is that simple?"

Jax grabbed her face. "It is babe. I told you a hundred times and I will tell you a hundred more. I love you and I love the kids more than I love anyone and anything. This time I mean it. I'll leave it all behind for you guys."

"And Gemma?"

Jax shrugged his shoulders. "She'll just have to deal with it."

Tara shook her head. "Gemma isn't someone who is dealt with. And you are a fool if you think so."

"I need you to trust me in this, babe. You need to trust that I will do what is right for you and the boys."

He kissed her lips briefly and then went to hug her.

Tara hesitantly wrapped her arms around him. They stayed wrapped in each other for a while.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"Are you sure we cannot have sex?"

Tara laughed and pulled away from Jax. "You will never change will you, Teller? No sex."

Jax winked and they started walking back to the beach house.

Unbeknownst to them, someone else was present, watching the old high school sweethearts' retreat into the horizon.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Note: Peter's letter is a combination of my own words and the words written by the fantastic actor, Rupert Friend, for his character in Homeland.


	14. Chapter 14

Hi everyone! It's been a crazy few weeks. I have a new job which has required so much more of my attention that my previous one. So here is the latest chapter. There will be one more last, final chapter to the Jax/Tara/Peter AU which will be a mini Epilogue. Then, I will be posting a chapter on Opie, Thomas, John, Unser, maybe Colette/Ima. I am also working on a young Jax/Tara chapter... So many chapters. I also want to use the fall/winter to really work on As Tears Go By. So expect some updates on that one...

Please R&R!

XOXO.

 _Private Eyes_

Tara put down her fork as she took her last bite of French toast. She chewed silently as she watched the men and boys interact happily with one another. Roosevelt and Abel were discussing the differences between Marvel and DC super heroes and their super powers. Thomas was sitting on Jax's lap watching his cartoons in his I-pad while Jax wisely asked questions once in a while in order to remain engaged with Thomas.

She stood and started cleaning the table.

"You know guys, it is our last full day here. You guys should go and get ready to spend the day with Jackson." Tara started piling the dishes inside the sink.

Abel and Thomas excused themselves and ran to their rooms.

"What are your plans for today?"

Tara sat back down with a new cup of coffee.

"There is this fair going on in the middle of town. Thought about going there and spending the day playing games, eating sweets, you know, the works." Jax had a teasing gleam in his eyes.

"Great. I'll make sure to schedule an appointment with the boys' dentist."

"You aren't going to join us, Tara?" Roosevelt leaned back in his chair.

Tara shook her. "I need a break from all the testosterone. I'll stay here, relax a bit and start packing. We have an early flight to catch tomorrow back to D.C."

Jax remained silent. Tara noted the sadness in his eyes.

Roosevelt cleared his throat. "I am going to get ready too. See you two in a bit."

He stood and walked out of the kitchen.

"Jax, you'll see them soon enough."

"I know. It's hard, though. Knowing that I have limited time with them."

Tara looked at Jax pensively.

"Did you mean it? About leaving Samcro?"

Jax nodded. "I'll get started as soon as I arrive to Charming. There are a couple of things I have to sort out but I should be in the clear in a couple of months."

"What type of things?" Tara asked before taking a sip of coffee.

Jax again shook his head. "When it comes to the club, the less you know the better. You have been free of it for a while now. Makes no sense to bring you back in the fold. There is also the fact that I have to sell my shares of _Diosa_ and the house. I have some cash at hand but not enough to move out of Charming to a new place."

"Where would you move?" Tara placed her mug on the table in front of her.

"I don't know. I actually kind of like it here. Maybe I'll relocate here until I could officially move out of California," Jax shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe I could move back East once I am off parole. Be closer to you, guys. Maybe you and I could work things out and be that family I promised you we would be."

Tara wrapped her hands around the mug and leaned forward. "Jax, I need to make something very clear to you. I love you dearly as the father of my children, however, I don't know if we will ever get back to how we were."

Jax leaned forward. "I understand that. And I truly believe you believe that. But babe, I know that deep down, that intense love we shared all our lives is there. That deep, consuming love that allowed us to have two sons, is in there. I know it. I felt it on the beach when you returned my kisses with fervent passion. I feel it right now just by sitting across from you. You and I are written in the stars or some shit, babe. I know it. I believe it. And if takes me a hundred of years, I am going to make you believe it too. I know you love me."

He leaned back with a satisfying smirk as Tara felt the blush spread across her cheeks.

She cleared her throat. "At the moment, what I may or may not feel is not important. The boys are. Their wellbeing is what we both should focus on."

"Nice segue. And believe it or not, I agree. Which brings me to my next question—when will I see them again?"

"I have to see what their school schedule is like first. We will coordinate from there."

Jax nodded and grabbed her cup of coffee. He took a sip and cringed. "You always liked your coffee too bitter."

Tara took the mug back and took a sip. "It's perfect. I could never understand how you could drink yours when you pour one pound of sugar in it." She smiled as she took another sip.

Jax grabbed one of her hands. "Why don't you come with us? We could spend the day at the fair, eating cotton candy and riding stupid rides. I could even win you a teddy bear and kiss you at the top of the Ferris wheel."

Tara shook her head and gently remove her hands from Jax's. "No, I am going to stay. You should spend your time with them. Enjoy some quality daddy and sons time. You guys need that before we leave. Plus, it will be nice for me to spend some time on my own. Read a bit, pack the bags…" Tara looked around the kitchen. "Plus, this mess needs to be cleaned up."

Jax nodded and crossed his arms in front of him.

They talked for a few minutes running though the day's itinerary. Before long the boys came tumbling in, Roosevelt at their heels.

Tara bid them goodbye and watched from the beach house door as they all piled into her car rental.

She waved goodbye, a small smile on her face, gently closing the door when she after watching the car get smaller and smaller in the horizon.

Tara spent the morning cleaning after the mess in the kitchen and packing up the luggage she brought all the way from the East.

After picking up after the boys, Tara decided that she deserved a long bath, with some bath salts, a good book, and a glass of wine.

She was ten minutes into her bath when she heard the doorbell ring. Tara sighed and got up from the tub. She put her robe on and muttered to herself as went to open the door.

"What did you forget…" the words died on her lips as soon as she saw who was on the other side of the door.

Gemma took off her sunglasses and pushed her way into the beach house.

"Get out," Tara opened the door wide and pointed to the outside. "Get out before I call the cops."

Gemma scoffed and continued walking to the living room area.

Tara slammed the door shut and followed after her. "I mean it, Gemma. Get the fuck out or I'll make sure to call the police."

"You would call them, wouldn't you?" Gemma looked around the living room and joined kitchen.

"It's amazing what money could buy. That's what you always wanted, right?" Gemma looked right at Tara. "A nice cushioned life, filled with fancy beach houses and private schools for the boys."

Tara crossed her arms in front of her. "No, what I wanted was for my boys to live a healthy and carefree life. I didn't want to look over my shoulder every time I walked out of my own home. I didn't care about the money. I cared about my sons' safety and wellbeing."

"You knew what you were getting into when you got with Jax. You knew what the life was about so don't act all righteous and holy when in fact your hands are as dirt as mine."

Tara scoffed. "Gemma Teller-Morrow daring to compare another to herself. There is no one in this Earth like you. You are so desperate to live in that cesspool and in the past that you don't care about the damages it does to the people you so call love. Your fucking son spent years in jail…"

"Because you ratted!"

"I didn't rat! The Feds were onto Samcro long before I left Charming. Anyway, I am not having this discussion with you. I already spoke to Jax about it and if you have any opinions as to what occurred, you could take those opinions and shove them up your ass for all I care. Now, I am not going to ask you again. Leave now or I will call the cops. You are trespassing into private property and not once were you asked inside." Tara stepped closer to Gemma. "And if I find out you were anywhere near my sons, I swear I will fucking kill you with my bare hands, you old, dried up cunt."

Tara saw the shock in Gemma's eyes. Before Gemma opened her mouth, Tara grabbed her arm and started dragging her to the front door.

"GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS-OFF ME," Gemma tried to shrug Tara's grip from her arm.

Tara opened the front door and shoved Gemma out, making her stumble a few steps given her 5-inch boot heels.

Tara slammed the door shut before Gemma dare utter a word.

Tara locked the door and made her way to the bathroom where the water to her hot bath had turned cold. She groaned and unclogged the tub, letting the tubs and water run down the drain. She rinsed the tub as soon as it was empty and started filling it with fresh, hot water and bath salts. Tara started humming an old song, when she felt goosebumps raise in her arms.

Tara straighten up and as she turned something hard hit on the side of her head. Tara fell to the floor, barely missing the edge of the tub. Tara blinked a couple of times and grabbed the side of her head. She felt the warm blood in her hand.

She looked up and saw Gemma standing over her, the flying pan Tara used to fry the boys' eggs in Gemma's hand.

"You forgot to lock those beautiful French doors that lead to the beach." Gemma crouched down to be at eye level with Tara. "You stole years from my son by sending him to prison. Not to mention the years he spent wrapped around your fucking finger back when you two were kids. And then there are the years he spent waiting for you to return to Charming, like a fucking dog waiting for his master. You ruined him. You ruined what JT, Clay, and I built for him. And to top it off, you also took away my boys…my grandsons who are the rightful heirs to Samcro. You fucking bitch, thinking you were better than anyone." Gemma grabbed Tara's hair from the top of her head. "The truth is, you aren't shit. You are just a fucking nuisance that used what was in between her legs to entrap my son."

Tara felt her strength start coming up a bit and she pushed against Gemma. Gemma dropped the flying pan and punched Tara hard in the stomach. The air left her lungs just as Gemma pulled hard on the hair on top of Tara's head. Before she knew it, Tara's whole face was right inside the hot water she was going to use to bathe. She screamed, the bubbles of her screaming pushing to the surface of the water. She tried to push against Gemma but Gemma pushed her down harder.

Tara watched her life flash before her eyes. She felt a heaviness settle in her stomach as her lungs screamed for air. Tara tried to push with all her might and Gemma just pushed her further into the water until half of Tara's body was submerged into the tub.

Right as she had resigned herself to her own demise, she saw the water darken from pink to red in a matter of seconds. She noticed that Gemma's hand had grown slack on top of her head. Tara pushed against Gemma one more time and she was surprised when her head came above water. She started to cough and she bucked Gemma from on top of her.

If Tara wouldn't had been coughing so much, she would had screamed her head off. Gemma fell to the floor and blood was gushing out of two bullet wounds on her chest. Blood started coming out of Gemma's mouth and Tara knew that at least one of the bullets had punctured a lung. Gemma was choking in her own blood and Tara watched in horror as she gulped air. She crawled to Gemma and placed her hands in one of the bullet holes.

Tara looked up and saw Dar standing by the door, a gun with a silencer drawn, pointing at Gemma.

"Call 911," Tara gasped, her own voice sounding strange to her own ears.

Dar looked at her and gave her a small smirk. He placed his gun inside the holster that his blazer was covering and took out a cell from his dress pants'. She looked down to Gemma and watched as life slipped out of her mother-in-law's eyes.

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Both Gemma and Tara were transported to the nearest hospital where Gemma was pronounced dead at 1:54pm.

Tara was checked out for her injuries and the doctor insisted that she stay overnight. Apparently, she had a concussion and she had swallowed a bit of water so the doctors were concern about secondary drowning.

A little after three, Jax walked in, all red-eyed and looking distraught. He sat by her bed and just placed his head on her bed and started bawling like a child. Tara stroked his head and waited for him to release all the pain he was feeling.

When he stopped crying, he sat up and looked at Tara. "I am so sorry my chosen family has caused you so much pain," he whispered.

Tara felt the tears form in her eyes.

"Babe, you need to leave California as soon as you are cleared by the doctors. You need to get away from me and my shit. I am just poison. I am doomed for the life my parents bestowed on me and I will be damned if my sons have the same fate."

"Jax…"

Jax shook his head. "No, Tara. No. My own mother nearly killed you. I could try and get out of Samcro but we both know that is an uphill battle. And I have made too many enemies to ever feel safe in this world. I cannot let anything else happen to you or the boys. Get as far away from this state as possible and don't come back. Please, Tara. Do it for them."

Tara felt a few tears slipped down her eyes. She wiped them with one of her hands.

"What should I tell the boys?"

Jax grabbed one of her hands. "You tell them the truth. That I am not a good man. That I made a lot of mistakes that in the end cost me a life with them. That I will be spending probably the rest of my life paying for those mistakes and that me being as far away as possible is the only option we have to keep them safe. And tell them, that one day, when it is safe, they will see me again but until then, it's best if we all stay away from one another."

Tara sobbed a bit and pulled Jax in for a hug. He stood and wrapped his arms around her.

She felt a few of his tears soak her hospital gown. "I love you, babe. Never forget that. Please go back to D.C. and be happy. Be the mother I know you can be. Keep our boys' safe."

Tara nodded her head.

Jax pulled away and wiped the tears from her face. He placed a lingering on her lips and walked out of her hospital room, letting the door shut gently behind him and on their relationship.

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By the time evening came in, she was desperate to see her boys and she wasn't disappointed when the boys ran in. They both jumped on her bed and hugged her tightly, Thomas a blubbering mess. She tried to comfort her sons as much as possible. She was so wrapped up in her boys, she missed the third person that had walked into the room.

"Oh, Max! You're back!" she cried.

He nodded at her, his lips trembling. "You got hurt."

Tara nodded. "It could have been much worse."

She silently thanked the higher ups for giving her another chance at life with her boys.

"Mom, Jax is gone," Abel looked at her with sad eyes.

"I know, sweetheart. He needs to go make arrangements for his mother's funeral."

Abel shook his head. "No, he isn't. I heard him tell the police that he didn't want to claim her."

Tara sighed. "Jax and his mother had a very long and complicated relationship. When you are older, I'll explain it to you."

"He said we can't see him for a while," Thomas said, his voice sounding very small.

"No, baby. Jax believes its best that we don't see him for a while. He is part of a very dangerous world and he cannot guarantee our safety here in California. That was one of the reasons why I moved you guys to Germany. It was very unsafe for us here. And after what happened today, it is safe to say, that it is still very unsafe for us here."

"That's why, we are leaving tomorrow afternoon," Max said.

Tara gave him a confused look.

"The doctors haven't cleared me yet."

"There will be doctors waiting for you on the tarmac in D.C."

Dar leaned against the door of her room.

"Maxwell, I have arranged for the hospital to grant us one of their VIP suites. The boys will have their dinner waiting there and two comfortable beds as well. One of my guards will escort all three of you upstairs. I have to have quite the important conversation with Ms. Knowles."

Tara glared a Dar for a bit and bid good night to her boys.

Dar sat in the chair closest to her and crossed his legs. The boys waved goodbye to her and Max gave her a small smile.

Tara and Dar looked at one another for a few minutes both accessing each other.

"Are we just going to quietly look at one another? Or do you have something to say?" Tara asked.

"You have never liked me much, have you?"

"Can you blame me? With everything that happened with Peter."

"I guess not," Dar smiled. "I don't believe in many things. My line of work doesn't allow for the luxury of belief or hope. Those two concepts cease to exist the moment you walk into a room where children have been slaughtered for sport or when you walk into a clinic where women have had their insides ripped apart because a whole brigade decided to rape and sodomize them."

Dar paused. "Life has a weird way of skewing things. Don't you agree?"

Tara gave him a puzzled look.

"I have one question for you, Tara. And after I ask it, please think hard before giving me an answer. A lot of things depend on it."

"Where is this going?" Tara asked, her curiosity peaking.

"Peter. What is he to you? And think hard before answering my question."

Tara thought back on her relationship with Peter and the pain of losing him came back tenfold. She felt her eyes water as she looked down at her hands.

"He was supposed to be my happily ever after. With him, I felt safe. I felt like everything would turn out alright, as bad as things got. He was my lifeline. My anchor. He was everything to us." Tara wiped the few tears that fell from her face.

"If he was everything for you, then why were you making out with your husband on the beach last night?"

"Were you spying on me?"

"So, to speak," answered Dar without shame. "Now answer my question."

"Excuse me but I don't need to answer any of your questions. What I do on my own time is my business and mine only. I am so sick of trying to live to the expectations of what everyone else wants me to be. I am me and I am human. I have the right to live my life as I see it fit. Peter is gone. You sealed his fate when you sent him to wherever he died. You ruined my happily ever after and deprived my sons of an amazing father figure."

"I find it humorous that you claim to love Peter so much yet you were so willing to rekindle a life with Jackson Teller."

"What is the point of all of this?" asked a very frustrated Tara. "Jackson is out of my life. Peter is also out of it. What is it your concern as to what happens to me?"

Dar leaned forward. "Like I mention previously, there are very few things I truly believe in. I believe in this country. That's why I have made sure to carefully invest certain attributes of myself to it. I have a keen eye for talent. And I invest on those talents ensuring that this country has the best men to carry out the jobs that need to be carried out. I might be a son of a bitch to you, but I am a son of a bitch that gets shit done for America. Very rarely do I get emotionally invested in anything that does not involve this country specially people. I cannot afford to given the high mortality rate of what I do for a living. However, there are always exceptions to the rules and for me that exception is Peter Quinn. Never had I cared for one of my guys like I do for him. When I received that call…" Dar stood and button his blazer. "I made sure to shed tears behind closed doors. I felt like I lost a son when I received the call that he had perished in such a horrific way."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, I need to make sure you are in this, Tara. I failed him once and I won't fail him again."

"Dar, you have lost me, completely."

"A little over a week ago, I received a call from our station in Kabul. They had received word that one of our men had survived the attack and had been in hiding for months with one of our assets. To keep a very long story short, my men were able to extract the survivor from unfriendly territory. Virgil and Max were integral in that part. That survivor is Peter. He should be on his way to Landstuhl with Virgil. Max and I came earlier to deliver the news together."

"What?" Tara blinked her eyes a few times. "Peter…"

"Is alive," Dar sat on Tara's bed. "He isn't himself, health wise. From what I am told, he is going to need a few months to recover fully from being in the middle of the desert for such long time with minimal food and water. And that's just the physical component of his recovery. God knows how long it will take for him to recovery emotionally and mentally."

Dar brushed some of her hair away her face.

"Now, Tara, I need you to understand something. Human life means very little to me. You were a witness to that. I have no remorse about killing that vermin that was your mother-in-law. I didn't kill her for your benefit. I killed her because I knew that Peter wouldn't want you dead. Do I believe you love Peter? Yes, I do. But not as much as he loves you. After all, he did the ultimate sacrifice to save your child. With all that said, keep in mind the following—if you hurt him, there will be consequences. Dire consequences. Am I making myself clear?"

"You don't need to threaten me, Dar Adal. I love him." Tara felt the tears roll down. "He really is alive?"

Dar tilted his head. "Yes, he is. I am deducing he is going to have a few demons he needs to work through. A private jet is waiting on a tarmac for us for when the doctors clear you. I could have him flown to D.C. if you wish. I thought it prudent to fly him to Landstuhl first so our doctors could properly access his health. God knows health care in the Middle East is shit enough."

Tara grabbed one of his hands. "Thank you."

Dar nodded. "Just out of curiosity—what's going to happen with Mr. Teller? It's clear to anyone standing in a ten-mile radius that you two have an extraordinary pull."

Tara shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not a fortune teller, Dar. I can't control or foresee the future. With that said, there is something I do have control over— my decisions. A few years ago, I decided to walk away from Charming and essentially Jackson and the what could have been. Today, it seems like we both mutually agree that me not being part of the life is what is best for the boys. Jax's world is too dangerous and anarchic. Part of me will always have a deep seeded love for him. However, there is also another part that will always resent him for all the shit he has put me through. All the lies, violence, cheating..." Tara looked away briefly. "I don't necessarily know if I could ever forgive him for his mistakes. Even if I were to move to California to be with him, a part of me would always be scared of a life unknown with him. I would be scared for my sons lives on a daily basis in addition to my own. I can't live like that. And I refuse to condemn my sons to that life as well. Jax didn't get out on time so now the life will always hold him hostage. My sons will live free and be free."

"It might not seem like it now but you are making the right decision for your sons. However, is it the optimal decision for you?"

Tara squeezed Dar's hand. "A mother's love is stronger than a mother's desire. I am choosing to leave just like I did that day you first laid eyes on me. I am choosing to give my sons the life I never had as a kid. And most importantly, Dar Adal, I am choosing to love Peter Quinn, the man who has proven over and over again that he would choose our family over anything else. He promised me he would come back and that's exactly what he did. He came back for our family."

Tara leaned back and watched as Dar gave her his first genuine smile and a nod of approval.


	15. Chapter 15

I hate it when my muse leaves me! I have written and deleted and rewritten this chapter like five times.

Now, finally I am happy with the product!

Ironically, I have two other chapters written but didn't publish them because I wanted to get this story out of the way first. This AU of Tara/Jax/Peter is completed and I will continue with the rest of my stories.

I also want to get back to _As Tears Go By_. Unfortunately, I lost about three chapters I wrote for that story so I will be starting them again sometime this week. Hopefully, my muse will continue to cooperate with me. Let me know what you guys think of this. Thank you for patiently waiting. I'll do the final editing of the other two chapters, so hopefully, they should be posted in the next few weeks.

XOXO.

Please R&R!

Epilogue 

He watched from afar, the rain soaking through his clothes. He shoved his hands inside his jackets' pockets and watched as the young man kneeled for a bit, probably saying his last farewells. The others had left a while ago. Jax took a few deep breaths and shivered as he took a few steps forward.

Jax swore that with every step he took, the rain just poured harder from the heavens. And with each step, his heart thumped faster against his chest. Jax knew the timing was off but better now than later. At least now, he still had some courage left inside him.

Jax stopped walking a few feet away from the young man and waited for him to stand from his kneeling position.

When he did, Jax cleared this throat and watched as Abel turned around, the rain making his black clothes stick to his skin.

Jax swallowed a few of his tears back as his eyes took in the sight of his eldest son, all grown and all man.

Abel, who looked exactly like Jax as a kid, now looked a bit different, the Teller genes taking over in other form. Jax swore under his breath when he noted how much Abel looked like Tommy, his brother that had died so many decades ago, before Samcro had time to pollute his innocent soul.

"Jackson," said Abel over the rain, his voice void of any emotion. Abel walked a few steps forward and extended his hand in front of him. "Thank you for coming."

Jax looked at the hand for a brief moment, the disappointment eclipsing the brief happiness he felt when he first laid eyes on his son.

Jax shook the hand that was extended in front of him and the small hope he had that Abel would embrace him disappeared as soon as Abel pull back his own hand and jammed them inside his pocket, a gesture so familiar to Jax.

"Shall we head to a pub? Or would you rather somewhere quieter, where you and I could speak candidly, mate?"

Jax noted that over the years Abel had acquired an English accent, which suited his very reserved and posh demeanor. Whereas Jax wore old, blue jeans he had found on sale a few years back and a white t-shirt and leather Black jacket, Abel was dressed in a very expensive looking Black suit that probably cost what Jax made in two months working as a mechanic.

"Somewhere warm would be nice. Doesn't matter where," responded Jax, also jamming his hands back into his jacket's pocket.

Abel nodded. "Oxford's has a club where it's member could take guests for a glass of bourbon or whiskey. It's not too far from here. I'll call and have them set aside a private study for us. Most people are on holiday so it shouldn't be too much of an inconvenience for them to accommodate us."

"You went to Oxford?"

Abel gave a curt nod. "Yes, but more of that later. Please follow me to my car. It is quite dreary today and I would like very much to warm up with a nice glass of bourbon and a fireplace."

Jax mumbled his approval and followed his son to his car which was a few minutes away. Jax was never impressed with luxury cars but he had to admit that the Aston Martin Abel drove was absolutely beautiful with its sleek black paint and leather seats.

Their whole walk to the car was silent as was the ride to the club. When they got to the Oxford Club, Jax had to take off his wet jacket and put on a fancy curtesy blazer. Jax found the whole thing ridiculous, but he put on the blazer as Abel watched stoically from the side.

Soon afterwards, they were seated in a private room, a bottle of bourbon in a table between them. The warmth of the fire soon warmed Jax's chilled body. He took a sip of bourbon and watched as his son silently looked at the fire, the stoicism still etched on Abel's face.

Jax set his glass on the table.

"I'm sorry."

Abel picked up his glass of bourbon and took a big gulp. "As am I."

"What exactly happened?"

"Cancer." Abel finished the bit of liquid that was left on the glass. "He overcame so much that life had thrown at him and in the end, bloody cancer fucked him over."

Jax nodded. "I owe him a lot."

Abel scoffed and poured himself another glass. "You got that right, lad. If it weren't for Peter I wouldn't be where I am now. Same goes for Thomas."

Jax flinched and braced himself for the storm that was coming.

"Abel, I wanted to be there. Every day, I hated that my choices took you guys away from me. You have to understand that my world wasn't safe for you or your brother. My own mother tried to kill the woman I love and I couldn't bear knowing that I could be the cause of anymore tragedies in my family's life."

"What kept you away for all these years. Last I heard, Samcro was a part of the past."

Jax picked up his glass and swirled the liquid around before taking a sip.

"Yes, Samcro disbanded a few years after you left California. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't carry on pretending to love the thing that destroyed my chance at happiness. The guys saw through me and eventually decided that they didn't want to follow a leader whose heart wasn't in it. A few of the guys went to other charters, the others stayed behind and helped me run the garage."

"Why didn't you come and look for us? It is obvious you knew where we were all along." Abel turned and looked at Jax with a bit of loathing.

"I couldn't. I wanted too so badly but I couldn't destroy what your mother had worked so hard to obtain."

"And what exactly is that, mate?"

"Happiness. Your mother was finally happy and in a good place. I couldn't just show up and destroy that. Not after all that shit I put Tara through. The hardest part for me was letting go. Letting you guys go so you could be happy and safe. Your mother sacrificed so much at first, for me and for our family. When the time came, I knew that my biggest sacrifice was to let you guys have the normal life I could never give you. That's the least I could have done for her after all the years of unhappiness I gave her."

Abel remained silent for a bit.

"How was it? After you left California? How did you all end up in England?"

Abel rubbed one of his hands over his face.

"It's quite the long story."

"We have time, don't we?"

Abel nodded briefly. "Dar flew us to Landstuhl. I still remember waiting for Peter in the tarmac petrified of how he was going to be like. I remember the plane landing and how Mum clutched our hands so tightly that it hurt a bit. How gaunt he looked when he was wheeled to us in a stretcher. You know those pictures of extremely malnourished people? How thin those people look, with their bones sticking to their ribs. He almost looked like that. He was so malnourished that he could barely walk." Abel took a sip of his bourbon. "Those few months were rough. Peter had to do a lot of rehab to fix what was physically damaged. That's not to mention how fucked up he was mentally. That took years to get under control."

Abel crossed one of his leg over the other. "When he was done with rehab, he was deemed too unstable to return to the field as an agent. Peter was granted early retirement from the C.I.A with full benefits and a great bonus for the perils he lived out in the Middle East throughout his career. Dar made sure that Peter got a few millions."

"What happened afterwards?"

"We moved out here. Peter was hired to work for a private security company as a consultant. Mum got a job as a surgeon in one of the hospitals here. They married in the Riviera. Thomas and I went to private school." Abel shrugged his shoulders. "Let's just say we lived a privileged life. Thomas is even friends with members of the royal family. He became acquainted with them after attending Eaton."

"Why does it seem like you weren't too thrilled about the life you grew up in?" asked Jax noting the unhappiness on his son's face.

"Because of you." Abel turned and looked at Jax straight in the eyes. "As incredible as Peter was as a father figure and as amazing as Mum is, there were times were your presence haunted every moment. I could remember how each Christmas, I wondered what you were doing; I wondered how you spent your holidays. Or when I graduated Oxford—I remember thinking, 'wish Jackson was here to see this.' I always had this small voice whispering, 'what would had happened if it was Jackson here instead of Peter,' and I felt like shit each time I thought that. Peter was a father to me and much more—he was also one of my best friends and confidant. I hated that I thought of you when in reality, I should have focused on the family Mum built with Peter. But at the same time, I can't hate you because I do remember the early days in Charming. I remember the garage and the afternoons you spent with us there in the playground as the mechanics worked on cars and in our house in Charming while Mum made breakfast. I remember that and much more."

"Do you remember the bad? I know you can't remember the Ireland kidnapping but you surely remember the explosion at the garage, the violence, me not being there most of the time…" Jax finished his glass of liquor and put the glass in the table between them. "Look Abel, the decisions I made for the club cost me in the long term. I fucked it up so badly that it cost me my family. I know my mistakes. I own up to them. But one thing I do not regret is how you guys turned out. Fuck, if Tara would had stayed in Charming, who knows what the fuck would had happened. She might have been thrown in jail on those bullshit charges. You and your brother would had gone significant time without a mother. Shit, I might have gotten one of you killed with all my club bullshit. I was waist deep in shit and you guys leaving Charming was my first wake-up call."

"It is so easy for you to play the martyr, isn't it?" Abel scoffed. "You know what is one thing Peter taught me well? He taught me what a true man should be. Coming back from the Middle East that last time changed something in Peter. And I am not talking about neither the physical nor emotional change. I am talking about this shift there was within Peter. This eerie psychological change that made it incredibly difficult for him to functional in what society would consider the normal, human stratosphere. It was so bad that he barely slept. Like he would literally sleep no more than four hours every single day, even on his death bed. He never said anything but I deduced he was afraid of the night…of the dark. Afraid that something would happen to him or us while it was dark outside. He was also scared of his own darkness. But regardless of his fears and traumas, he made sure to be there for us, as best as he could.

In the first couple of years, Mum thought it wise that we moved to the countryside so the chaos of the city wouldn't drive him to the brink of insanity, however, he refused. He knew the best schools were in the city, so he made sure that he and Mum built us this picturesque home in the center of the city. We were in walking distance to the best museums, parks, etc. We went to the best schools and had the best of everything. So much so, that during Christmases and birthdays, both Thomas and I never had to ask for anything. It would had probably been easier for him to walk away. To leave Mum to take care of us, away from his demons and his darkness. But every single day, he got up and made us breakfast and walked us to school and faced, head-on all the shit that was living inside his head. Never, once thought to abandon us or 'letting us go' just so he could feel better about himself."

"Abel, I am not trying to make excuses. I am just telling you the truth. My truth..." Jax sighed and leaned forward. "So many times, I have wished that I would had done things differently. Wished that I would had had the courage to walk away from the club when I had the chances."

Jax paused and waited for Abel to glance his way but he didn't. Abel continued looking into the fireplace, their clothes slowly drying in the heat of the room.

"Your grandmother…she had plans. I didn't understand it when I was younger but Gemma weaved her web so tightly… by the time I realized what she did it was too late. It was too late for me but it wasn't too late for you or your brother. For so long I selfishly held onto to my dreams of being a family that I didn't realize how I was sentencing you guys to a life of misery and death. When Gemma tried to kill Tara, it was the biggest fucking wakeup call. Seeing her laying on that hospital bed."

Jax wiped the tears that started falling. "I have loved her for so long and to nearly lose her to my mother's selfishness and obsession of me. It was more that I could bear as a man. I failed her over and over and over again. And I couldn't fail her again. Her freedom from Charming and my world was worth the decades of loneliness I lived through."

Jax sat back and stared at the fireplace, an immense sadness settling into his bones. Abel remained quiet for a long while. Once in a while, Abel would rise his glass of bourbon to his lips and take a sip but otherwise, the young man didn't utter a word for a long time.

"How did you know where we were?"

Jax closed his eyes. "Peter." Jax cleared his throat and opened his eyes. "He made it his business to send me updates on your wellbeing once a year. Usually around Christmas. A few months ago, he called me to tell me about his cancer."

Abel looked at Jax, surprised with what his biological father said. "Peter called you?"

Jax nodded. "Yes, he briefly told me that he didn't have much time to live. About a week ago, I received a package that was delivered to the garage. There was this letter," Jax reached into his pocket and took out his wallet. He took out a folded letter and handed it to Abel, "and a plane ticket. The package had detailed instructions as to where Peter would be buried and at what time was his funeral. His lawyers must have forwarded the package after his death. I was also instructed not to approach the family until after the burial."

Jax picked up his glass and took a sip. "At first, I figured that my presence here, on such a monumental day would be too much for you, your brother, and mother. I didn't want to come but then I figured that it was Peter's wish for me to be here and me being present is the least of what I could do given all that he has done."

Jax glanced at his son. "I dreaded approaching you. I stood back and watched the whole funeral and burial. I saw Tara and Thomas leaving. I thought you would had followed after them. But you stayed behind…it was like you were waiting…"

"As a matter of fact, yes, I was waiting, mate." Abel placed his glass on the table. "Dad wrote me a letter detailing his last wishes. Apparently, you being present in his funeral and burial was one of his last wishes. I was warned that you might make an appearance. I am actually surprised you showed up."

Jax bit his lip. "Abel, I know that it's difficult me being here after all these years. I know I will never measure up to what Peter means to you. Call this an old man's wishful thinking but I would like very much to be part of your life. You might consider this inappropriate considering you just buried the man who has essentially been your father for most of your life but I want to be there for you and your brother. I might not have a lot of years to live and I want to make my last years' walking this Earth count for something. I want to be there for my kids."

Again, Jax was met with absolute silence. He felt his eyes start to water after a while. He cleared his throat and stood.

"I guess your silence is your answer. I'll make my way back to California. Please extend my condolences to Thomas and Tara."

"Wait…" whispered Abel. "Just wait."

Jax looked at his son and noted the immense sadness in his eyes. Jax felt his heart drop to his stomach as he sat down.

"For over ten years, you were not present in my life. I have grown accustomed to not having you in my life. Now, you show up here, in England, asking to be part of my life. What do you expect, mate? For me to welcome you into my life with open arms, like the past decades didn't happen?"

Abel sighed.

"For so many years, I wished that you were part of my life. I desired it so wholeheartedly. But then time moved forward and I learned to live with your absence. I learned to accept that Peter was my Dad not you. And now, he is gone and you are here. It's…a lot to take in so, please, mate, give me some time to wrap my head around everything."

Jax wiped the tears that had fallen from his face.

"Yea, I understand."

Abel nodded. "Dad asked that I forgive you. He asked me to be the better man and to learn from both your mistakes and his. 'With forgiveness comes freedom. Freedom of the mind and the self,' he wrote. I cannot forgive you right now at this moment. It's too soon, however, maybe over time. Just maybe, I could meet you halfway."

For the first time in over a decade, a genuine smile spread across Jax's face as his eldest son clasp his hand on top of his—a small olive branch that Jax accepted wholeheartedly.

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Jax never returned to Charming. He got his lawyer to sell his part of the garage and the house and he moved to a small apartment in the outskirts of London.

London was expensive, much more so than anywhere in California, so he had to get a part time job working for a mechanic in the center of London.

It was hard work, considering his age, but he thrived knowing that his eldest son's office was a few blocks away. Jax was always pleasantly surprised when Abel would show up to have lunch with him. His favorite days were when Abel would show up during closing and he would give Jax a ride back to his apartment. At first, the rides were silent but as time moved forward, Abel was able to slowly open up to his father.

Jax learned that Abel worked in finance and was incredibly successful in his field. Thomas followed Tara's footsteps and became a neuro-surgeon. Abel didn't think it prudent to inform Tara or Thomas of his impromptu move to London. Jax respected Abel's boundaries and never attempted to reach out to neither his ex-wife or his youngest son.

Jax was proud of his sons. He was proud of the men they were becoming.

When he wasn't working, Jax took in London and the city life. Living in Charming had limited his exposure to the world tremendously so he made it his business to expose himself to as much culture as possible. He learned to love Indian food and Bollywood movies, the festive colors and spices becoming a part of his daily life.

He also eased his way into African food, which was a delight.

He tried to visit as many historical places as he could, the British Museum being his favorite go to place whenever he wanted to kill some time. Jax became such a present figure in the museum that one of the security guards recommended that Jax used his time to volunteer and give tours to American tourists. At first, he was hesitant, but one day he threw caution to the wind, and started providing tours for eager Americans.

It was in mid-October that he first encountered Thomas.

Jax had finished volunteering when he decided to grab a cup of tea and a sandwich before heading out to his apartment. He was waiting for his order when Thomas walked into the shop, a young blonde clinging to his arm. They were both having an animated conversation with one another, so much so, that the youngest Teller didn't even notice his Old Man.

Jax watched with longing as his son kissed the young woman on the forehead and placed his order.

He felt his heart constrict in his chest and next thing he knew he was falling head first into the ground.

A few hours later, he woke up, in a hospital room, hooked to what felt like a hundred machines. He had an oxygen mask and his hands felt clammy.

He felt a hand comb through his silver hair.

Opening his eyes slowly, he saw her looking down at him, tears shinning in her eyes.

"Tara," he whispered, his own eyes filling with tears.

"Ssshh," she said, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "Don't talk, Jax. You had a mild heart attack. Don't waste your energy." She squeezed one of his hands. "Abel told us everything. Thomas is waiting in his office with Abel. He is excited to see you."

"Thomas knows?"

Tara nodded. "He was the one who administered the rapid response. He brought you to the hospital where he works. If it weren't for him being at the coffee shop…" Tara swallowed back her tears. "Our son saved your life, Jax."

Jax felt a few tears roll down his cheek.

"It's alright. You are going to be ok, Jax. I reviewed your chart myself."

He squeezed her hand.

"You are so beautiful, Tara."

Tara smiled.

She gently moved aside his oxygen mask and placed the gentlest kiss on his lips.

She pulled back and put the oxygen mask back in its place.

"How about Peter? I thought…"

Tara shook her head. "I love Peter with all my heart, Jax. He was an extraordinary husband and father but now he is gone. And his last wish for me was for me to finally be happy. Fully happy with the man who captured my heart at sixteen years old. His last words to me were 'go fly free, my love. Go be with him.' I called the garage a few weeks after he died but I was told you were gone. You didn't leave an address and your cell was disconnected."

"He truly was an extraordinary man."

Tara nodded. "Yes, he was. And I will never forget all that he did for me and my sons. His selflessness and utter devotion to us…" Tara wiped a few tears from her face.

"All I could do now is honor his wishes as best as I can. You see, Jax, as much as I loved Peter, he always knew that part of my heart was with you. For years, I tried to convince him otherwise but he was no fool. He knew that even though we were happily married that part of me was always with you. He chose to live with that reality because he loved the boys more than he loved me. He couldn't bear being apart from them. He couldn't bear the thought of them growing up in a broken home like we were. So, he compromised part of himself to make sure they were happy. And for that I will forever be thankful towards him. But…"

Tara sighed. "…but now he is gone and I have to continue living and I'll be damn if I continue living one more day without you by my side."

Tara sat on the hospital bed, facing him, her once dark hair almost completely grey.

"I have known you for most of my life, Jackson Teller. We have grown together, grown apart…we have lived together and in completely different continents. The one thing that has remained true throughout the years is that I have been in love with you since I was sixteen. And no matter how many years have passed that deep love has not gone anywhere. I love you, Jackson Teller. I loved you then, I love you now, and will love you forever."

This time it was Jax who removed the oxygen mask. He reached for her face and kissed the woman who was destined to be his.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

 _The Women of Jackson Teller_

 **Ima Tate a.k.a. Ima Tite**

She wasn't raped or abused or neglected as a kid. Quite the contrary actually. She was a total Daddy's Girl from a town nearby Dallas, Texas.

Growing up, her Daddy was a sheriff who taught her how to shoot a gun at the age of three. She skinned her first haunt at age four, with her Daddy by her side beaming proudly. She loved climbing into his lap after he got home from work. He would read her the cartoon strips in the newspaper while her Momma tended to the kitchen and her siblings played outside. It was the perfect childhood, millions wished for.

A few weeks after turning five, her Daddy became a business partner with a local entrepreneur who had made a fortune in a few short years. At the time, she didn't understand what type of business they were part of but one year later, her Daddy was a millionaire moving her, Momma and her three siblings into a huge mansion. A year after that, he divorced her Momma and moved in Stepmom Number One who had platinum blonde hair and huge tits.

Ima didn't like Stepmom Number One. Like any kid, she preferred her Momma over any other woman but her Daddy made sure her Momma stayed away. Ima was heartbroken at first when her Momma didn't visit or call. Eventually she got used to it. Her Daddy was too busy with his business to deal with her. Stepmom Number One, was too busy tanning and raking up her credit card bill to pay Ima any mind. Her siblings were older so they didn't bother with her so, more often than not, she was left alone wandering around the mansion with nothing to do.

Her Daddy sent her to the best schools and made her join things like ballet and modern dancing so she could have the best life possible. Honestly, she was bored with it all. Everyone at her school was too perfect with the perfect family and the perfect life.

By the time she turned fifteen, Daddy was married to Stepmom Number Three, another platinum blonde with even bigger tits than her other two Stepmoms.

By then her siblings had moved out. All three had gone to state universities to make Daddy proud. All three had great apartments, amazing luxury cars and anything any young adult could want. Thus, Ima truly didn't have anyone left that could truly car for her.

Stepmom Number Three had a younger brother who was obnoxious and arrogant but he was cute in a jock type of way. He was the one who told Ima about the porn empire that her Daddy had built. Ima didn't believe it at first but then things started making sense. The sudden money, the opulent wealth, and the blonde Stepmoms with big tits who later she found out were former porn stars.

Initially, Ima was confused by her emotions. She wasn't repulsed by the fact that her Daddy was the Porn King of Dallas—she was thrilled. Sex was something elusive to her. She knew people were supposed to have it and apparently, most people enjoy it. But she wasn't part of the club yet and knowing that her Daddy was a big man in the porn world made her determine to be part of it.

So, one day, she cut class and had sex for the first time with Stepmom Number Three's brother while her Daddy was at the office and Stepmom Number Three was blowing his away money. The sex was terrible. His dick was too small and he came like in three minutes. She wasn't even turned on.

After that day, she made it her business to explore her sexuality as much as possible with as many people as possible. She became the school slut and she relished in that title. Early on, she learned that she could use sex to manipulate boys into doing whatever she wanted whenever she wanted. She stopped having any regards for her female peers and she actually laughed when a guy dumped his long-term girlfriend so he could finally have sex with Ima.

Her reputation reached the ears of some of her classmates Dads and other adults. When she turned seventeen, she had sex with her one of her teachers', afterschool, bent over his desk. He was her first older man and she nearly came knowing the possibility of being caught. They had an affair for months, each fuck bolder than the last. He introduced her to weed and blow and anal sex. For his birthday, she even fucked an old sex buddy in front of him while he jacked off.

She loved him in her own fucked up way. He kept her on her toes, plus she passed his class which was an A plus. But all good things must come to an end and for them the end was as bad as it could get.

One of Daddy's old buddies at the Sheriff's office caught them having sex in an empty parking lot. Her teacher was fucking her, fast and furious from behind when they got caught. Ima tried to get the old friend from arresting her beloved teacher. She begged which made him angrier. She actually cried when her Daddy arrived at the precinct.

The law in Texas is tough and ruthless and her teacher was stripped away from everything and was sent to prison for statutory rape.

Her Daddy was livid with her and disappointed. But she simply didn't give two fucks especially since her beloved teacher was sent to prison. But her Daddy being her Daddy, paid some of his old Sheriff's buddies to watch over her when she wasn't in school. Ironically, one of the Sheriff's was the same one who arrested her teacher. He was the hardest one to win over but she did. And she used her biggest weapon to reel them all in…her sexuality.

Her Daddy thought his Baby Girl was being projected by the law while he was in his office making money on women spreading their legs for the camera; he was dead wrong.

Days before her eighteen birthday, she made sure to point out she didn't want any parties or fan fair. It helped that her birthday fell on a Wednesday.

The day of her eighteenth birthday, she had a nice breakfast with Daddy, Stepmom Number Three and her stupid brother with a small dick.

She acted surprised when her Daddy presented her with a Mercedes Benz. She even made it her business to "drive" to school in her brand new white car.

In all actuality, she drove three blocks and parked her car and waited about an hour before going back home. By then everyone had gone their merry way to do whatever they needed to do for the day. She knew no one would be back before nightfall.

Ima celebrated her eighteen birthday the best way she could. She had five of her Daddy's old buddies come over. She had her first gangbang. She was thrilled when one of them brought a camera to film the whole thing. She loved every second of it, as dirty as it was. They all had an amazing time and afterwards, she stole the little memory card from the camera while some of the men slept off the activities, while two others showered.

A week later, she packed as much of her stuff as possible into the Mercedes Benz. She opened her Daddy's safety box and took stacks of cash from it and one of his pistols. Before leaving the Dallas city limits, she put the memory card inside an addressed envelope and went to a local post office. She laughed all the way out of Dallas. Daddy would probably have a heart attack seeing his sweet Baby Girl being fucked by the same men he trusted to keep her safe. But that was her payback for first taking her Momma away and then the teacher.

She knew he wouldn't do anything, at least legally. She was a consenting adult and he wouldn't be humiliated publicly if he would to have her arrested for stealing his cash from the safety box.

It took her about a week to get California.

She tried to make it as a model in L.A., but early on, she knew that her talents laid in her getting laid.

Within six months, she was having sex in front of a camera for money and she loved it. She was getting paid very well for doing so little.

Yes, it was nasty at times and degrading but in her mind, she had the upper hand. She was getting paid to do the one thing she loved to do.

But one day, she fell in love again with a porn producer. Again, things got ugly. He said he wasn't the jealous type but once in a while, he would slap her across the face when she looked like she was having "too much fun" during a shoot.

Those slaps turned into punches and then one day, he beat the shit out of her for "over-performing" during an anal shoot.

One of her cast mates, told her about her cousin, Luann, who had started her own porn company. Luann needed girls and she had protection from her husband's motorcycle club. Escaping to Northern California sounded great to Ima and she took the offer to leave. But before she left, she waited until her boyfriend fell asleep. She grabbed her Daddy's pistol and just shot once. The boyfriend was startled enough to jump out of bed and into the bathroom. She screamed that if he followed her anywhere that she would shoot his balls off. She laughed all the way until she was outside the L.A. city limits.

Working for Luann was nice. Luann was a genuinely nice lady who didn't know what to make of Ima at first. Within months, Ima was Luann's biggest draw and Ima knew that. With her sudden popularity in the porn world, Ima thought about branching out to a bigger porn company. Luann was nice but she would never be a Porn Queen. She didn't have enough vision for that.

The same week she started shopping around for other companies in Northern California, the Sons of Anarchy became Luann's business partners. As soon as she saw Jax, the Vice President of the club, she knew she had to bed him. He was hot and protective and from afar she knew he had a nice dick that could handle her sexual needs.

She didn't care that he had a girlfriend. Girlfriends were never a factor in Ima's world. Plus, the doctor looked like a stuck-up bitch and Ima loved bring down stuck up bitches and making their men one of her conquests. And Ima definitely didn't care when she was warned by the older porn stars and crow-eaters when it came to Jax and Tara. She didn't care that they were high school sweethearts and that she was like a walking goddess to the Biker Prince.

But Ima bit more than she could chew when it came to the Sons and Jackson Teller.

Yes, Jackson Teller was a great lay, and afterwards, she had a flutter of hope that she could possibly be his new Old Lady. That hope was quickly crushed when within a week of sleeping with her, Jax groveled his way back to Tara.

When he was away in prison, she did her thing, sleeping around in front of a camera. In reality, she was enchanted by the MC world and at first wanted to be part of it some way or somehow. She just needed her opportunity.

But she was abused too much, humiliated too much, and dismissed too much. The worse was when Jax slammed her face against the makeup table. Afterwards, she sobbed and sobbed and she finally understood what all those whispers were about… The whispers about Jax and Tara and their very unbreakable bond and love.

Sex in front of the camera became rare after Luann died, more so once the Sons took over completely. She had a feeling Jax had something to do with that. Instead, she went from fucking in front of a camera to fucking just to get paid. During those last few months, she tried not to see herself as a prostitute but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…

The worse was the punishment fucks she had to do for money. That was right before Lyla took over Samcro's porn business. The Armenian guys really did a number on Ima. There were times when she couldn't even walk out of the pain she was feeling in her vagina and anus.

When she went to the Emergency Room, the doctor on call suggested that retired from her line of business unless she wanted to face the possibility of reconstruction surgery in her vagina.

Again, Ima sobbed and sobbed and knew what she needed to do, even though she didn't want to do it.

She packed up her beat-up car. The days of driving a shiny, new Mercedes were long gone.

She drove past the _Welcome to Charming_ sign and was briefly annoyed when she held up by traffic.

After a while, she didn't care—she just wanted to get as far away from the small town as possible.

The traffic was slow to clear out but then she saw the hold up. A big truck apparently had struck someone down and from a distance she saw a man in cap be put into the back seat of a police cruiser. Helicopters flew overhead. Ima stuck out her head and she gasped when she saw the pool of blood that stretched on the pavement. There were bits of what looked like brain matter on the asphalt.

She slowly drove forward and she saw a beautiful, mangled blue motorcycle that looked oddly familiar. Ima suddenly remembered where she saw it—the clubhouse, just that it was a lighter shade of blue back when she first saw it. She shallowed the knot in her throat and turned on her radio to the local news.

She wiped the tears away, as she drove past the crime scene. By the time they were loading the body into the coroner's van, Ima just wanted to put as much distance between herself and Charming.

She allowed herself one last memory of Jackson Teller. It was right after they fucked the first time. He was smoking a joint and looking straight to the ceiling, not uttering a word to her. He looked troubled and beautiful. She knew her time was up and she was about to stand when he grabbed her wrist and asked her to spend the night. He even called her darling and gave her a nice smile. She felt her heart flutter and she quickly agreed. His smile was why they called him Prince Charming, she said, like a stupid school girl. That smile quickly disappeared and he put out the joint. He flipped her to her stomach and pretty soon was fucking her, wordlessly. When she tried to turn to face him, he pushed her face down and she turned to look at the wall in front of her. Right there, was an old picture of him sitting on his bike. He looked so young and carefree. The Doctor Bitch was there too, riding bitch, her arms around him.

Ima felt something unexplainable at the same moment. Maybe it was regret…maybe it was pity for the Good Old Doctor. She just shut her eyes and got lost in him. Within minutes, she was riding one intense orgasm and she swore to herself it was all worth it. The immense feeling that comes with being with Jackson Teller.

Now a few years later, she was sure she was riding past his mangled body. The Good Doctor was dead and so was Prince Charming.

As the sunset in the horizon, Ima knew that there was no such thing as Happily Ever After, especially in the small town of Charming.

All she wanted to do was get back to Dallas, where Daddy could one day forgive her. At least that's all she could hope for.

 **Colette Jane**

 _Sex was a tool. Sex was a way to survive. Sex was the only thing she knew._

 _She was born out of sex, she was born into sex. Sex was her way of life._

That was Colette Jane's mantra since she was sixteen years old. She said it to herself every single day since then without falter.

Her mother was a whore from Georgia. And so was her Grandma. It was all that the women of her family knew how to do since they lived in England. Family folklore was that one of her ancestors use to be King George III's favorite whore.

Colette's mother claimed that she didn't even know who Colette's biological father was but there were enough whispers around town of who it was. Apparently, Colette's mother used to sleep around with the son of a Senator. One day, she turned out pregnant and since abortion was illegal at the time, Colette's mother gave birth to another baby girl who would follow in her footsteps of getting paid for sex.

But Colette was different. She had a bigger view of life than the other women in her family. She wanted more…much more. Even as a kid she knew that she wouldn't stay in Georgia. Knew that no one could get anywhere in that small city where she was from.

When she was sixteen, Colette had sex for the first time. It wasn't her choice, really. One of her mother's johns wanted a newer, untouched fruit. Colette's mother figured that she might as well make a good buck out of her daughter's virginity—and she did. A few hundred bucks later, Colette was lying on her back, having sex with a smelly man from a trailer from three towns over. She didn't hate her mom for the sex…Shit, if Colette were to be honest with herself, she would had probably done the same thing if she were in the same predicament as her mother. All the bills were overdue and using crack had become her mother's favorite hobby.

Three months later, Colette bought a bus ticket to San Francisco, California and that was her end with Georgia. She never called or wrote and she didn't give a damn if her mother dropped dead.

The first couple of years were rough. It wasn't easy living on the streets especially during the Crack Epidemic. Half the time, she was scared that she would get killed by a john/junkie.

But she was making it on her own and that she was proud of.

Yes, she had her scares. Yes, a lot of the men just wanted to bust a quick nut and be on their merry way. But there were the few times when she had real gentlemen come to her for comfort. Early on she understood that sometimes, men just want to be heard and held. Pretty soon she had regular customers who paid her handsomely for her company and her body.

That's how she met Charles Barosky. He busted her picking up a client and instead of throwing her in a jail cell for prostitution, he became one of her clients. Throughout the years, they became more of frequent lovers—they formed an easy friendship and understanding.

As she grew older, the ladies on the street started turning to her for advice. She spent countless hours cleaning cuts, icing bruises, providing a warm plate of food for those girls who were going hungry.

It was Barosky who suggested that they go into business together. He was climbing up the police department ladder but he was an ambitious man who also came from the streets. He knew who he could trust, who he could buy.

The first couple of years, they worked off an old motel by the Bay Area. The motel owner turned a blind eye just as long as Barosky greased his palms.

Over the years, Colette had a few johns who were rough with her or one of the girls. But five years into the business venture with Barosky, she had her real taste of a crazy motherfucker. The guy beat her unconscious and afterwards, she was told that he did quite the number to her sexually as well. She woke up a few days after the assault in the local hospital, bleeding profusely from her vagina.

Barosky told her he would handle the investigation and, in her mind, she knew he would.

That night, she lay in the that hospital bed, crying silent tears. She promised herself that she would go into semi-retirement, only taking high end clients, who would not fuck her like she was a nameless whore that didn't matter to anyone.

Two weeks later, the police found the fucker—floating in a nearby bay, his dick shot off by a gun that was never found.

Barosky moved the business from the shoddy motel, to a three-bedroom rental. As the years passed, Colette collected girls and soon she had a booming business in Stockton. The house had plenty of rooms for a bunch of girls that had regular customers.

Colette was happy with how her life was going. Then Barosky came up with the idea of going legit and that was when her world was turned upside down by a MC and its blonde president.

Jax Teller was handsome, cocky, but most of all, sad.

In her line of business, Colette had to learn how to read men and Jax was a man who had seen his share of shit.

Maybe that was what initially drew her to him. Maybe, just if it was for a little bit, she wanted to quiet down his demons.

And the sex was great. For the first time in her life, she felt turned on for a man who was not expected to pay her. She wanted to sleep with him. She wanted to feel him on top of her. For the first time ever, she orgasmed because she completely let go. Not even with Barosky did she feel like that.

Colette looked forward to being around Jax. She liked how he made her feel safe and wanted.

She knew he had a wife; wives were part of the job. What she didn't expect was for the wife to have a pretty good right hook.

She waited for him to return after the wife punched her. Tara was her name; Jax yelled it enough times for Colette to catch it. She sat on the bed, her blue robe tightly wrapped around her. She saw the looks the girls were giving her as they walked by.

When he did come back for his kutte, the look on his face shut her up completely. He looked devastated and hurt.

She wanted to wrap her arms around him and make him forget everything but he just shook his head and walked away. But before he walked off, he threw a bunch of bills on her night table.

Colette swallowed back her tears and slammed the door shut.

A few days later, she heard about the killing. Jax was arrested for the murdered of his wife but she knew he wouldn't have killed her.

Time went on and she was tasked in helping Nero run the other Diosa.

She saw Jax after his release. When she hugged him, she felt him stiffen under her touch. She felt his mild repulsion and it hurt her a bit.

But she knew that his wife had just passed and the guilt of her death was probably eating him alive.

She hoped he would warm up to her eventually. Even Gemma said that he needed someone there to keep his head on straight.

She was thinking about him when the Asians arrived. She was wondering if he would join her on her new bed at Diosa North.

Sex was a great way to forget everything, even if it were for a few hours.

It was when she saw the first gun that she started to panic.

As the bullets rained upon her and the girls, her last thought was of the blonde biker, who for a few hours made her forget that she was just a whore who would be long forgotten once she was dead.

 **Wendy Case-Part One**

She wasn't supposed to get the happy ending. Far from it, actually.

Her life was shit from the moment she was born. Her mother was from a poor neighborhood in Newark, New Jersey, where drugs and crime ran rampant. She got knocked up at fifteen from a guy from the neighborhood and that was that—nine months later, Wendy was born on a stormy, winter day.

Her life was shit from day one. Her mother was one of those women who was never meant to be a mother. Her father was worse.

By the time Wendy was five, her father had knocked up three other women from the neighborhood and her mother was living off the government.

From a small age, Wendy was shy and quiet. She had to be in her mom's apartment in order to survive. Her mother had numerous male "friends" who loved to party and an active child was not welcomed in that atmosphere. The more invisible she was, the better, in her mother's eyes. As Wendy grew older, she also found that being invisible was the only way to be in order to avoid the male gaze of her mothers' companions. The older she grew, the more hellish her life became except for one person.

The one good thing about Wendy's childhood was her maternal grandmother. She nurtured and took care of Wendy when her own mother couldn't. It was her grandmother who took Wendy to school and who enrolled Wendy into her first dance class. When her mother's parties got too out of control, all Wendy had to do was call her grandma and her grandma would take the bus and pick Wendy up. Her beloved grandmother took Wendy in for weeks at an end, just to ensure that her granddaughter had a safe roof over her head.

Wendy thrived in her grandmother's care. But like all things in life, things turned to shit when her beloved grandma had a stroke when Wendy was eight. A few months later, she died in a nursing home, all alone, while Wendy was at school and her mom was too busy getting high and drunk with her friends.

By the time Wendy's grandma died, her mother had moved in one of her many lovers. It was that same lover who introduced Wendy to the world that her grandma had tried to shield her from. The lover introduced Wendy to beers and weed. A few years later, he also introduced his dick into her but that is another story.

By the time Wendy started middle school, she was already messing around with cocaine. She was part of the Newark underground world where drugs and sex were frequently exchanged.

The only good thing Wendy held onto with all her might was her dancing. She loved to dance and she travelled to New York City every weekend to take free classes at a studio that offered them for low income kids.

She thought she had enough talent to audition to some of the prestigious dance schools in New York City. She auditioned to so many schools and studios that by the time she turned eighteen she believed that there weren't any more to audition to in the whole city of New York.

So, when she graduated high school, she packed her shit, stole money from her mother while she was sleeping off another hangover, and left the Garden State.

With the money she stole she was able to buy a bus ticket to Miami. When she got there, she found a cheap motel and quickly found a job as a waitress.

When she wasn't working, she was looking for dancing gigs. She danced and danced and danced but never got anywhere. Her modern dancing lessons in New York City were worthless in Miami, where Latin-styled dancing was favored over anything. While auditioning for a gig, an old Cuban man who owned a nice nightclub suggested that she try her dancing in another city. He was honest enough to tell her that she would never make it big. That with every step she took, she looked tense and sad; like she had the weight of world on her shoulders. People watch dancers to forget their problems, not to be reminded of them, the old man said, as tears rolled down Wendy's cheeks. She took the hint that night and figured that Miami wasn't for her.

Wendy saved enough money to get her to New Orleans and there too legit dancing gigs never came. One day, desperate for an escape, she found the underworld that she ran away from in Jersey.

For weeks, she used cocaine and slept with random guys to forget what a failure she was as a dancer.

When New Orleans became too much, she made it to Las Vegas by hitchhiking her way across Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico and part of Arizona.

In Las Vegas, dancers were wanted at every corner. On a hot Thursday night, Wendy put on a sequin thong and danced with her tits out for a bunch of horny men to watch. Afterwards, she did so much blow, she woke up with dried up blood on her cheek.

For months, she danced for men and women in a nasty little strip club far away from the dazzling lights of the Casinos.

When the cocaine habit became too expensive, she switched to crank. Right before she stuck the first needle into her veins, she knew she was hitting rock bottom. But she did it anyways because it is not like she had much going for her. Plus, crank made the dancing easier.

It was a year to the day that she arrived in Las Vegas that she met Kenny. Kenny had beautiful brown hair and very dark eyes. He was sitting near the stage and he didn't cheer while she hung from the pole. His eyes did follow her everywhere after her number, while she mingle with the customers for extra cash. When Wendy finally approached him, she noted the leather kutte that adorned his torso and was immediately curious about it.

Three nights later, she was in a clubhouse a few miles from the Las Vegas strip dancing in a different pole for members of the Sons of Anarchy. And the men loved her. They cheered and hooted and for the first time she felt worthy.

When she was done with her number, Kenny threw her over his shoulder and showed her a good time in one of the clubhouse's many rooms.

Kenny became a good friend that would always seek her out whenever he was in Las Vegas for club business. He loved to party and he loved sex as much as he loved that club.

Wendy became a regular at the clubhouse and pretty soon she was being referred to as Kenny's Personal Sweet-Butt.

She liked Kenny. He had the best weed and was able to get pretty good crank for her from California. The other club member pretty much ignored her until one night, Kenny came to Las Vegas with another charter from Chicago.

The men from that charter were wild and loved to party harder than Wendy had ever partied before. Midway through the night, a very drunk Wendy got a proposition from Kenny. And of course, because he was Kenny, she accepted without thinking twice.

Wendy could barely remember what happened but she remembered enough to make her hang her head in shame afterwards. She remembered being on her knees as she serviced so many different men from both the Chicago and Las Vegas charter.

She remembered the snickering from the other ladies in the club while she was being passed around from men to men to men. A merry-go-round of men in kuttes, the Reaper sometimes staring back at her.

She wasn't the only woman in the club that night but she sure made an impression.

The next day she didn't know whether to be humiliated or sad. Kenny slapped her on her ass and told her she did a great job. He gave her a bunch of cash and enough crank to last her for weeks.

He went back to his charter that same day and promised to be back in a few weeks.

He never returned. He was shot down by a rival MC on his way back to Rouge River.

Maybe she was just use to it or maybe she loved the attention from the guys. She became a permanent fixture at the Las Vegas clubhouse.

There she met different MC members and took on so many lovers she lost track of who she bedded. She became the charters favorite croweater and like all croweaters she hoped to catch the attention of one of the members so she could become an Old Lady.

Her wish came true in the oddest of circumstances.

The mother charter was having a celebration and summon all the nearby charters. Wendy was asked to meet the Las Vegas charter in Charming, where she would show everyone what the Vegas charter was all about. The President even asked her to shoot up in places were the track marks couldn't be seen. Apparently, the mother charter had a big distaste towards hardcore drugs.

Wendy did as she was told and took a Greyhound to Charming, California with a few of the girls.

By the time she got to Charming, the party was raging.

Alcohol and weed was passed around freely and Wendy was surprised how nice everyone from Charming was. That night she found out that the heir apparent of the club had did a three-year stint for gun running. He had been recently released.

Jax Teller was beautiful from what Wendy saw. He had a beautiful blonde sitting on his lap the first time she saw him. He didn't even bother looking her way when she started dancing in Samcro's clubhouse pole.

The party went on for nearly a week and never had Wendy drank so much or danced so much or fucked so much. By the time the party was over, she just wanted a hot shower and a cup of coffee. So, she walked to the nearest and only diner in Charming, early in the morning and waited for her coffee. She had a wicked hangover and she just wanted to go back to Las Vegas to sleep it off. She didn't look up when the little bell in front of the diner rang.

She did look up when Jackson Teller sat in front of her. She was surprised to see him there. He made a comment that she looked like how he felt in the inside, although he didn't look one bit hungover.

They talked while they drank coffee and he was even kind enough to buy her breakfast.

He was incredibly charismatic and she felt herself swoon every time he smiled at her.

She was set to leave that same day. The Las Vegas MC had bought her and the rest of the croweaters a return ticket to Las Vegas, however, Jax asked her to stay for a couple of days.

She did.

They didn't sleep together for a while. They became friends that shared bottles of tequila and weed. They joked around and sometimes she hung around him while he worked on fixing cars and bikes brought to the shop. She woke up looking forward to seeing him strut around the clubhouse and garage.

Wendy knew that Samcro did not take kindly to hardcore drugs so she tried to stay away from crank as much as possible. Plus, Wendy admired the Old Ladies of Samcro and sought their approval. Those ladies didn't need drugs to cope with life.

Donna was a fierce mother, who was devoted to her children even though her husband was doing a long sentence at Chico. She heard about Jax's friendship with Opie Winston and she hoped to one day meet the Gentle Giant, as he was referred to by the other croweaters.

Luann was a devoted wife who was trying to make it big in the porn world so she and Otto could have a cushioned life once he released from Stockton Prison.

And Gemma was just fierce. She was the gatekeeper of everything Samcro and Wendy admire her for holding everything together. People in Charming respected and feared her—Wendy was in awe of Gemma Teller-Morrow.

Time passed slowly in Charming so Wendy took it upon herself to learn as much as possible about the small town. She heard about John Teller's death. About Thomas Teller's death. She even heard about Jax and his high school sweetheart and how devastated he was when she left town to go to college. She heard it all and then some. And Wendy soaked it all up like a sponge.

Within weeks, she secured her own little apartment and the Las Vegas MC was part of the past. She helped Gemma in the garage and cleaning the clubhouse and Wendy earned a small income that barely kept her afloat.

She offered to dance for the club during the many parties that were thrown there but Jax asked her not to.

At first, she didn't understand why he didn't want her to dance for the club but one night she understood. She was sitting down drinking a beer when Jax strolled over to her and motioned for her to follow him. Most of the club was already too drunk and high to pay them any mind.

He took her to his room and locked the door. She clearly remembered him sitting on his bed and when she went to take off her top he asked her not to. They sat next to one another silently and she grabbed his hand and held it for a while.

They didn't sleep together that night but every night for a few weeks, she would go to his room, late into the night and hold his hand or lay next to him, wordlessly giving him the comfort of her presence. For those few hours, two souls didn't feel so alone in that harsh life that was the MC world.

The first night they slept together, Wendy felt like everything had finally come together for her. He was so gentle and sweet. She looked at Jax's face as he moved above her. She desperately wanted for him to look at her but he just kept his eyes shut. When he finished, he whispered thanks and held her close to his body.

In the middle of the night, when he thought she had fallen asleep, she saw him turn to the picture right above his head. The picture where Tara's arms were wrapped around him while they both sat on his bike. She slept restlessly that night and by the time she woke up the next morning, Jax's side was cold.

His absence was a hard blow to her fragile ego.

That night, instead of going to the clubhouse, she went to Stockton and went on a three-day bender. It felt good to feel the crank coursing through her veins. It felt good to forget, even if it was for a little while.

Afterwards, she made her way back to Charming and took a few days to get herself together. But Gemma knew…Wendy saw it in her eyes and saw the disgust behind the glare.

She joined Jax's bed that night and if he noticed something, he remained silent about it. This time around, the sex was sloppy and drunk and the tenderness that was there before was gone. He wouldn't even face her while he fucked her insisting on entering her from behind. When he passed out, drunk, Wendy went to the bathroom and cried a little bit, her sobs muffled by the music playing at the clubhouse.

Wendy knew she was in love. She loved him deeply, flaws and all. She was a fool to believe that a man like him would ever love someone like her, she thought to herself. But she held on. She held on because she believed that maybe, one day, he would love her like she loved him.

That was what she told herself the first time he took another croweater to his room. She watched from the bar as a redhead rubbed herself all over him. She watched the cocky smile he gave her. It was the same smile he gave Wendy when they first met.

She drank herself silly that night. At one point, when most of the men were already screwing their way through the night, Wendy stumbled to the back where his bedroom was. She stood, listening to him fuck some other croweater, the tears streaming down her face. She stood right in front of his door until Bobby, who happened to be walking by, gently pushed her back to the clubhouse main room.

The next morning, she pretended nothing happen and continued fulfilling her duties as a croweater. As time went on, she still drank with Jax when he asked her to, however, her smiles and laugher were far in between. Her drug usage increased in small intervals. She made sure to shoot up in places hard to find. She made sure to hide as much as possible.

One day, out of the blue, Jax asked her what was on her mind, and she confessed her love for him. Wendy hated the desperation and sadness in her voice.

He just stared at her for a bit and lit up a cigarette. In a gentle voice, he told her that he wasn't capable of loving a woman…not anymore. She took note of the sadness in his eyes as he averted his eyes to look away from her. He squeezed her shoulder and walked away to his bike.

That night she did so much crank that it was a pure miracle she didn't die. But she did overdose.

She woke up a few days later, IVs hooked in her arm and a breathing tube down her throat.

When she was discharged, Gemma was waiting for her in her luxurious car. Wendy, wordlessly got in, and Gemma drove her to Promises Rehabilitation Center, where Wendy spent three months getting cleaned.

In rehab, she learned to stay away from triggers and those who could trigger her to use.

When she was done with rehab, she moved back to her small apartment and got job bagging groceries in Charming's only supermarket. She did well for about a month. One day, Jax strolled in to buy cigarettes and condoms. When he saw her, he smiled and gave her a hug. Told Wendy she looked good. Two days later, she was back in the clubhouse, in his bed, smoking weed and drinking whiskey after a good fuck.

And on and on the cycle went for a few months, until Gemma intervene.

Wendy was doing her second round at Promises when Gemma walked in like she owned the place. Gemma laid out the cards in the table—either Wendy got her shit together or she would lose Jax before she even got him.

Wendy completed her rehab and practically was attached to Gemma's hip the months after. Gemma gave Wendy tips on how to be an effective Old Lady. Gemma promised Wendy that when the time was right, Gemma would push Jax to Wendy's arms. Wendy remained hopeful until Jax got arrested for violating his parole; he had to finish his gun-running sentence.

And that's when Wendy went on a tailspin. She was in and out of St. Thomas due to frequent overdoses. Gemma stopped speaking to her for a while. Wendy wasn't welcomed in the clubhouse. It got so bad, she was sleeping with people for drugs.

It went on for months and months. Nights started bleeding into one another, none different from the last. An endless cycle of drugs and sex.

One night, while was recovering from another bender, she heard a knock on her apartment door and she almost didn't open. She knew her rent was so backed up they were about to evict her. When she heard his voice on the other side, she rushed to open the door.

There he was, her Jax, freshly released from Stockton, his hair and beard longer than usual. She felt her lower lip tremble as he walked into her apartment.

For hours, they sat and talked. By the time dawn came, he had asked her to get clean and she was happy to oblige. She rode on the back of his Dyna as they made their way to Promises.

She stayed there for nearly six months, longer than any of her previous stays. She got better, felt better and was ready to be a woman her grandma would be proud of.

The day of her release, Jax was waiting for her outside Promises. She jumped into his arms and he hugged her tightly for good measure. It felt great to be in the arms of the man she loved.

They rode out to Tahoe for the weekend. She was proud that she didn't take one sip of alcohol while he drank back shots and shots of tequila. In his drunk haze, he asked her to marry him and she happily accepted.

A few hours later, in their hotel room, she lay next to him, her head on his chest, and a new ring on her finger that verified that she belonged to him and him to her.

Her new status bothered the other croweaters. When Gemma and the guys were around they acted like everything was fine, however, when Wendy was alone, they made sure to remind Wendy of where she came from. She tried to brush it off. Jax was hers and hers alone. Wendy basked in her glory for a few months. They lived off the dorm room at first, but, Gemma intervened and Jax bought them a nice fixer upper.

Jax and the guys fixed it up as much as they could. Most of the time, it was the prospects that did the grunt work. What Jax couldn't fixed, Gemma made sure to hire the appropriate people to do the job.

Wendy actually cried the first night they moved into the house. She finally had her own home. She walked around long after the MC and the girls had left, the mess of the housewarming party momentarily forgotten.

Happy tears streamed down her face as she went from room to room to room, planning what pieces of furniture she needed to buy for which room.

Jax only had enough money to buy one bedroom set for the master bedroom, a dining table and two couches. He said that he would save up to furnish the rest of the house.

That night, she made herself look real nice for Jax. She bought a nice set from Victoria's Secret and lit some candles. Wendy anxiously waited for Jax to return from the clubhouse. After the housewarming party, Jax and the guys went back to clubhouse for church.

The hours trickled by and Wendy felt the loneliness grip her with such force, she felt like she could barely breathe right.

Eventually, she fell asleep, waiting for him. She should had known that being with Jax would be a constantly waiting game for her. Always waiting for him to show up—waiting for him to love her.

He never showed up. Wendy woke up the next morning to an empty bed and an empty house. A few days later, she overhead a croweater bragging that she slept with Jax the same night he had moved his wife into their new home.

Wendy tried so hard to brush it off. She tried to brush everything off but being Jax's wife didn't guarantee her anything. He rarely came home, choosing to crash at the clubhouse even though their house was only ten minutes away from the Teller-Morrow garage. He never told her anything about the club; not even when they were going out on runs.

Shortly after their first-year anniversary, Wendy got a call from a city hospital in New Jersey. Her mother was found dead in her apartment of an apparent overdose; the smell of a rotting corpse was what drove the landlord to investigate what had happened to Wendy's mom. She flew to New Jersey to take care of her mother's body and her belongings. If she were to be honest with herself, Wendy didn't want to leave Charming. She didn't want to leave Jax. Their marriage was barely hanging from a thread.

She was in New Jersey for less than a week. She had her mother's remains cremated and everything that wasn't trash was donated to Goodwill. She bought a plane ticket to California with the cash she got.

Jax didn't know she was returning—no one did. She showed up at the clubhouse in the middle of the night, the usual party still going. Most people were already passed out so no one paid her any attention. She made way to the back, to Jax's dorm room, hoping to give him a nice surprise.

She walked in on her husband also passed out with two women in the bed with him.

Wendy looked on for a few seconds and then gently shut the door.

By mid-morning, she had shot up twice and loved every second of it.

And it went on like that for a few weeks. Instead of hiding her usage, she embraced it, loving the feel of the drugs making its way through her veins.

She did drugs in Stockton, in Lodi, in her house in Charming. She simply didn't give a fuck.

Gemma stopped bothering with her. Jax as well. She lived in her own world until one day she crashed her car into a field right outside of Charming.

Unser got involved and the San Joaquin Sheriffs wanted to press charges.

Wendy didn't know how the club made most of it disappear, but, they did. Jax took her license and the new prospect had to drive her to Promises. She cried the whole way there. Jax couldn't even look at her while she packed her bags.

Promises was pretty much the same. The same merry-go-round that doesn't change.

She wanted to do better. She really did.

So, a few days before she was supposed to be released she made plans to move. She considered going back to New Jersey but she had to many demons there. Wendy deduced that the Midwest would be the perfect place for her. No demons, no drugs, no MC.

Those plans went to shit when it was Jax who picked her up from rehab.

He had the decency to not get drunk or high that night. Or that whole month actually. He came home to her every night. She was a fool to think that that would be permanent, but, she allowed herself to hope. She hoped that they would finally be a small family.

One night, he didn't come home. She figured he was busy with club stuff. But that night turned to one and then two. The loneliness and anxiety started eating her insides.

She didn't use. Wendy was proud that she was able to remain clean even though her husband could barely stand being in the same house with her.

Two months after her release from Promises, she found out she was pregnant. She knew the night of conception. Jax's condom had broken midway through and she had reassured him that she was on the Pill. At the time she didn't understand why she lied but she figured that her subconscious wanted something that would connect her to Jax forever.

She thought that he would be happy that she was giving him an heir. The future of SAMCRO was in her belly and instead of being ecstatic, Jax blew a fuse. Never in the years that she had known him had she seen him that angry. He packed up all his stuff from their house and moved permanently to the clubhouse.

Part of her was scared that she would relapse as soon as he walked out of the door. The only thing that stopped her was the tiny human inside of her.

She went to her appointments every month. She took her vitamins and pre-natals like her doctor told her. Wendy was good for the first few months.

Then everything went to shit.

Wendy found it odd that Gemma appeared out of the blue one Tuesday morning demanding to take Wendy to a hair stylist. Afterwards, Gemma took her to get a manicure and pedicure. She even took Wendy shopping for maternity clothes.

Odd, indeed it was.

When they made their way to the supermarket, Wendy was at lost for words. Never had Gemma been so nice to her.

Then it all made sense.

Tara was pretty in pictures; in person, she was astoundingly beautiful.

Gemma took pleasure in rubbing Wendy's pregnancy in Tara's face. She took pleasure in pointing out that Wendy was Jax's Old Lady. If it bothered Tara, Wendy wouldn't know—Jax's former love had an amazing poker face. Tara politely congratulated Wendy and when on her merry way, continuing her grocery shopping unfazed by the pregnant Wendy and the overbearing Gemma.

Afterwards, she and Gemma went back to the clubhouse. Gemma gave her a speech about being a good wife to the future King of Samcro and a good mother to her future grandson. Wendy expressed that she hoped that she had a baby girl to love like her grandma loved her. Gemma gave her a glare that shut the thought from Wendy's brain for the rest of her turbulent pregnancy.

When Jax arrived to the clubhouse, he was furious. She saw it in the way he walked and the way he looked at her.

A few minutes later, he served her with divorce papers.

And just like that, her world came crumbling down.

She tried so hard not to use. She fought the urges. She fought them for as long as she could but in the end the demon came to dance and she waltzed right back into his arms.

The few times she was sober, she felt like shit for poisoning her baby who she had named Abel in one of her lucid moments.

But the humiliation was too much. The pain was too much. All her life she was stepped on or used by those around her and she couldn't take it anymore. She even hated herself for bringing a child to the shit world that was hers.

Those were her thoughts right before she jammed the final needle into her favorite vein. She was nearly eight months pregnant and she hadn't seen Jax in about a month. Gemma had stopped coming by all together. She never did really register in anyone's mind.

As she felt the crank making its course through her veins, she thought of one last good memory.

She was about seven and she was dancing in the annual Christmas show that her dance company held every year. She knew her mother wouldn't be there but as she looked up, she saw the one person who mattered—her beloved grandma, clapping as Wendy lost herself in her dance.

As the memories flowed out of her, the crank flowed within her—and for a few minutes she was at peace.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 _The Assassination of Opie Winston_

"I got this…" he whispered looking into the eyes of the only person who really mattered anymore.

Why did he do it?

Well, it was quite simple. Sometimes the Reaper comes to collect and there ain't no point in fighting him. At the end of the day, the Reaper gets what it wants and it's just best to surrender to him peacefully.

From when he was a kid, he was taught to fight. Fight the system, fight the kids that teased him for being poor, or quiet, or a trailer trash. Fight rival MC members, or gang bangers, or for his family or brothers. The list was endless. And frankly, he was fucking tired of it.

So, as he was dragged to the room with the black prisoners waiting, he knew he had enough of it. He just wanted simplicity at its finest and there isn't anything as simple as death. With death everything would be over. All the fighting to hold on to his kids that each day hated him more and more. Or all the tears he had to fight back every day since Donna's death. Or all the anger he had to fight back since Piney died in the hands of Clay. All the constant battles he was fighting within. Nobody knew all the fights he had within himself that each day ate him alive a little more.

But as he surrendered to the beauty of death, he thought about the one person, who loved him deeply and truly. His one true brother-Jax.

His relationship with Jax was always simple. For a while, they were each other's true North but as time went on things changed. Life showed it true dark colors and he only had the club and Jax to tether him from chaos. Mary left, leaving Opie motherless with a drunk Daddy that was too busy with the club to take care of a young kid. So, Opie was truly raised by Gemma as a mother figure and Jax as the brother he didn't have biologically.

Opie could recall all the times he slept in Jax's childhood room, in a cot that Gemma found at the Salvation Army. Most kids would be ashamed of that, but not Opie. He had a roof over his head, clean clothes, and three hot meals placed in front of him every single day. Plus, there was Jax, who was always up for some good old mischief. And it was always like that for a while. Jax and Opie, playing pranks on people, riding their bikes up and down Jax's street or in the garage. At night, both boys stayed up late talking about their dreams for Samcro and what they would do once they had the gavel.

Then Thomas died and Opie knew that he really was the only brother Jax had. Opie made it his business to be there for him, a silent reassurance that everything would be okay at the end of the day. Thomas's death shocked everyone even, his father. By the time school started that year, Piney dragged Opie back to their cluttered filled house, although, Opie didn't want to. Jax's house was his home and deep down it was. But Piney saw the pain that John was in, losing a child, and he made a silent promise to be there for his own kid. And Piney wasn't a bad man. He was honorable and wise but he loved alcohol too much—Opie blamed Vietnam for that. But Opie had to give merit when it was due and Piney tried, at least.

Opie's house was in a dump of a neighborhood filled with the lower-class members of Charming. There weren't any trailers or projects or any of that but the houses were small and dilapidated. Most of the men in the neighborhood worked for the mill making chump change that they either gambled away or drank away. One man was Derek Knowles, the known town drunk, who lived a few doors down from Opie.

Opie didn't care too much for Derek but he felt drawn to his daughter, Tara, who had the same sad eyes that Opie probably had. One day, right before he turned sixteen, he heard some commotion coming from the Knowles small house and he didn't hesitate to go investigate unlike some of his neighbors that just didn't give two fucks. When he knocked on the door, poor Tara looked embarrassed. Opie looked past her and saw Derek passed out on the floor, a mess of vomit everywhere. Even at fifteen, he was huge, so Opie walked past Tara and carefully picked Derek from the floor. Tara led him to the master bedroom. Opie never told anyone about it. That night a friendship and bond started between them.

As time went on, things remained the same. But pretty soon the Reaper made an appearance in Charming in an unexpected way. John Teller died, devastating Jax. Pretty soon the Winston's home became Jax's safe haven. Jax's house had too many ghosts for him. Jax didn't know how to wrap his head around his hero and father dying. There was also the fact that a relationship between Gemma and Clay started to bloomed rapidly within months of John Teller dying. It was all too much for Jax. So Jax did want he did best-escape from his emotions and refused to deal with them. Pretty soon, Jax was the biggest whore in town. Swimming in pussy became his favorite past time and Opie just watched as his best friend slowly self-destructed.

Of course, the universe had a weird way to turn shit upside down once in a while. Opie was absolute floored when Jax and Tara became Jax and Tara. He wasn't the only one. Charming as a whole was shocked.

At first, he didn't understand it. He caught himself scratching either his head or beard every time he saw them together. But then one day, it clicked.

Tara wasn't like the girls Jax had had before. She didn't bow down to Prince Charming. She stood her ground and didn't take shit from anyone, especially Jax. And it was a bonus that she was whip smart and kept Jax on his toes. Jax always did like to escape from his reality and Tara was so far removed from the MC world, that Jax couldn't had made a better choice. Tara was everything Jax needed.

Opie witnessed his best friend flourish under Tara and was genuinely happy for his two friends. Opie was also glad to cover for them whenever they needed to escape the demons that chased them in Charming. Countless times he spent weekends alone in the cabin as Jax and Tara had small adventures in nearby cities or vice versa. Countless afternoons, he spent sitting inside his truck, smoking cigarettes, listening to old rock songs as Jax had his way with Tara inside the cabin. When the couple were done, Opie would just nod and drive them back to Charming. He tried to feel guilty each time he had to lie to Gemma's face but he simply couldn't. Jax was happy and that was more than enough for him.

One day, the club volunteered for one of those charities to raise money for a local church and that's where he met her—Donna.

His heart clenched as he thought of his now deceased wife.

She was the only light in his life for a while. When the club demanded more of him, he knew he would be ok because she would be there waiting for him.

Just like Jax had Tara, he had Donna. While Donna kept Opie grounded, he saw firsthand what loving a club member could do to an Old Lady.

Watching Tara evolved from a bookworm nerd to a fierce Future Old Lady was heartwarming but scary as fuck. At nineteen, he saw the boundaries Tara crossed for Jax and it scared him to see his friend, who he considered like a sister, lose her way. Of course, Jax loved it. His ride or die woman. With every fight Tara got into, more inflated Jax's ego became. Opie saw the pride in Jax's face after each horrible fight. Opie also noted how defeated Tara looked afterwards even though she won all the fights she fought for Jax.

Then, shit hit the fan when Tara tried to get Jax to leave Charming. He knew that Gemma would first kill Tara than let her only son leave her. And he feared for Tara's life at some points. Luckily for Tara, Jax was pretty much glued to her hip. At least when they were walking in their own two feet. Cause the rest of the time, it seemed like Jax was glued to another part of Tara's body. Towards the end of that summer, Opie swore he was going to lose his best friend to San Diego. But fate intervene and they lost two club members right before Tara was due to leave. For the sake of the club, Jax let love escape him when he decided to stay so the club wouldn't crumble. Opie didn't know whether to admire Jax's loyalty or slap him for letting Tara go.

The following years were hard. Hard in the sense that it was difficult to watch his best friend fall apart. Yes, Jax devoted himself to all things MC but he was empty on the inside.

Just as Jax was falling apart, his marriage was rock solid. Donna had two kids within two years of one another and Opie was as happy as he would ever be. Then he got caught blowing up shit for the club and he lost five years of his happiness because of it. In those five years, Jax got married to a junky, Piney became more dependent on booze, his kids grew without a father and Donna became a bitter Old Lady that couldn't make ends meet.

The club helped as much as it could but Donna was a proud woman and hated feeling like a charity case. And Opie hated feeling so helpless as he watched his wife, his Queen, rise two small children by herself with an income of a secretary in Charming's only veterinarian clinic.

Time moved slowly for him in Chino. When he finally got out, things weren't the same. Gone was the youthfulness of life in the MC world. Clay was tyrannical, Piney had pretty much given up his power and gave it to Jax, hoping that John Tellers' heir would make things right. Too bad that Jax was too busy fucking his way through California to really put JT's vision of the club into fruition... at least that's what Piney mumbled once while he held tightly to an empty bottle of Patrón.

The real challenge was Donna, who resented the fact that she was left alone to raise two young kids. That resentment towards him bled over to the club and soon Donna declared her immense hatred for the MC that took five happy years from her and her little family. In one of their most intense arguments, Donna admitted that Tara was right to run-away from Charming and Opie felt his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach. That night he swore he would put family first given that he didn't want to lose Donna like Jax lost Tara. He loved the club but he loved his family more.

So, he took a minimum paying job at the mill, chipping wood for pennies while he watched his brothers earn real money like real men do. He was miserable and everyone knew it. A couple of times he caught himself driving to the liquor store after work, the temptation of drinking his problems away becoming bigger and bigger. However, he swore he would never be like Piney, absent and a drunk so he drove away each and every time empty handed.

Life threw Jax a lifeline in two forms. One, Wendy got pregnant to everyone's but Jax's delight. A new heir to the Samcro throne. Opie told Jax that a baby was a blessing and Jax agreed. Jax wanted a baby just not with Wendy who desperately clung to her cheating husband in hopes of having a fairytale ending in the MC world.

Within five months of the baby announcement, Jax got his second lifeline when Tara surprisingly moved back to Charming. He found out when he went to visit his Old Man and found both them sitting in his childhood living room talking like old pals. Opie was shocked to see her. Nevertheless, as soon as the shock wore off, he grabbed his old friend and gave her one of his notorious bear hugs making her laugh in the process.

They chatted for a while. He was happy to hear that she was a successful surgeon. As Opie spoke to her, he kept thinking about his best friend and how he would react to Tara's return.

Jax was over the moon with Tara's return. Opie saw it in Jax's eyes after he delivered the news, the same day Opie found her catching up with Piney. Even though Jax swore that Opie was the one who broke the news, Opie had a feeling Jax already knew.

Just as things were looking up for Jax, they were looking dismal for Opie. The Winston's debt kept growing and growing, each day becoming less bearable for him as a man. So, he caved. He went back to the thing that held his lifeline—Samcro. He was back in the fold. He was earning. He had his family. Everything was falling into place when that blonde bitch took everything from him in a span of a week.

Stahl's lies caused Donna's death. And he didn't know how to come back from it. Holding Donna's lifeless body in the streets of Charming, bullet holes deep in her head broke something within him. That night, he died with her. His soul left Earth with hers and not even his children could bring him back from that despair.

He thought that killing Stahl would make it all better. He thought marrying Lyla would make it all better. But it didn't.

His life ended the day he buried his wife. He was just living on borrowed time, so to speak.

He meant what he said to Jax in the jail cell. Jax should had killed Clay when he had the chance. Jax should had taken the club on another road.

What is sad about the whole situation was that in a way, Opie projected his happiness into Jax. Seeing his best friend happy with two kids and the woman he loved all his life, meant a lot to Opie. At least Jax got his happy ending, thought Opie for a while.

But then shit started going south and it wasn't about the brotherhood or family—the club became about money and more money. Dead bodies started piling up and Opie simply couldn't wrap his head around it. Why would anyone want to be part of that anymore? And what was more disappointing was that his own best friend, the only person who he loved like his own flesh and blood was behind the cover up of all the bad shit that Clay initiated.

But unlike Opie, Jax still had a chance. It was too late for Opie. Jax, on the other hand, had everything going for him. He just needed to make it right.

That's why, when Opie whispered, "I got this," he felt at peace. Opie knew that Jax would honor his memory—Opie's last wish of setting the club in the right direction.

When the first blow came, Opie just thought of Donna.

It was an old memory but one that he held close to his heart. She had just given birth to Kenny and she was holding their newborn son as Opie brought Ellie to her hospital bed. He remembers sitting Ellie next to Donna. He watched as his whole world laying in that hospital bed. He remembers Donna laughing at something Ellie said, Kenny fast asleep in his mother's arms. He remembers joining them in that bed. He remembers gently kissing Donna's lips as Ellie crawled into his lap.

That's what he chose to remember as he felt his skull cave in. As the life drained out of his body, Opie thought about his beloved Donna and how happy that moment in the hospital was.

Opie smiled before the Reaper came for him once and for all.


End file.
